Russia – Pain In The Bud

The Man With The Russian Bride: One Of The Most Bizarre Interviews I’ve Ever Conducted

He pitched his story to me as a scam men needed to be aware of, avoiding the words “mail order bride.”

I’m not quite sure how it came up in a Google News alert for cat-related stories, but I just found this article from Marie Claire, an excerpt from a book called Ungrateful Immigrant Daughter that details the way an American woman found out her mom was a Russian mail-order bride.

The woman’s response toward her mother is lacking in compassion, but I don’t know her family dynamics and the title of her book indicates she is at least aware of how she comes off. The one thing I do recognize is the longing to feel normal as the child of an immigrant in an America where normal is a form of social currency. Having the “weird parent” who talks funny, has a “strange” name and unfamiliar customs exposes you to all sorts of torture from other kids, who can be inventively cruel.

The story also reminds me of one of the most bizarre interviews I’d ever conducted during my time as a newspaper reporter.

The guy on the other end of the line pitched it to me as a story about how he was scammed by a foreign temptress, as something other American men should watch out for. I agreed to meet him and hear his story.

He was a mid-level bureaucrat in state government who invited me into a conference room during his lunch break. He was hygienically challenged with visible dandruff, heavy acne, a rumpled button-down shirt and the kind of tie worn by men who view professional sartorial standards as an unavoidable nuisance.

At one point during our conversation he dug a finger into his nose and retrieved a gummy piece of snot. I looked away, embarrassed, but it didn’t even seem to register in his mind.

I’m not sure exactly when I realized he was describing his experience with a mail-order bride, but I will never forget his heavy sigh as he reached into a pocket and retrieved a worn catalog featuring Russian women in their 30s and 40s.

I’d never seen anything like it. The best way I can describe it is somewhere between the print version of a dating site and a grocery store’s weekly circular, with photos of Ukrainian and Russian women dressed to the nines and wearing heavy makeup above their listed stats, requirements for a husband and parody-worthy relationship tropes: enjoying long walks on the beach, sunsets, that sort of thing.

A collage of photos featuring various women, each with a short description including their name, location, age, and personal interests or characteristics.

Collage of women from various locations, each with a brief description including name, age, and interests.

(Above: Not the actual catalog, but it was similar to this.)

“Here,” the man said, pushing the catalog across the table. “You can keep this for your story.”

He paused, took the catalog back, turned to the page featuring his ex-wife, then tore it out carefully before folding it reverently and slipping it into the front breast pocket of his shirt.

I didn’t know what to say as he sat there with a single tear running down his cheek and sniffled. The catalog sat there in front of me and I hesitated to touch it, remembering where this man’s finger had had been a few minutes earlier.

He explained how he had traveled to Moscow with a cohort of American men, then spent the first night on speed dates in a hotel ballroom with women who were desperate to get out of the country, chatting with them under the watchful eyes of burly men with names like Yuri and Artyom.

The second night was spent with a smaller group of women after each of the American men had narrowed down their choices, again chaperoned by taciturn Russian men. The third night was a date with each man’s final pick before agreements were made, contracts signed and the men returned home with a future delivery date for their new wives, as if they’d ordered them off Amazon.

It quickly became clear that the man I was speaking to did not view women as human beings and had little experience with them. He complained about infrequent sex, how much it was costing him to feed and clothe his new bride and her daughter, feeling disrespected, and the many ways in which his fantasy was demolished by reality.

It didn’t take long for his new Russian bride to split. A few months, if I recall. The man went to work one day, came home and found his wife and her daughter gone.

When I got back to the newsroom, my editor stopped me.

“How’d it go with the scam story?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him the depressing truth and said it just wasn’t particularly compelling or newsworthy. I spiked the potential story from my calendar, tossed the mail order bride catalog in a bin far from my desk when no one was looking, and made a beeline for the bathroom to scrub the hell out of my hands.

Cat Caught Smuggling Drugs Into Siberian Prison, Plus: Rapper Xhibitz Celebrates His Feline’s 20th

“Well, first of all, I love my cat. I take care of her,” the rapper says of his Thunder Cat.

Some of you may remember Xzibit (pronounced exhibit), if not from his music then his stint as the host of Pimp My Ride, a show in which X and a custom car garage would take people’s junkers and turn them into extravagant moving art pieces with unique and over-the-top features.

One memorable episode, for example, had the crew transform the interior of one car into an aquarium, with fish tanks built into the backs of seats and door panels, while others featured innovations like trunks that folded out to become fully-functional kitchens.

What people may not know is that Xzibit is also a dedicated cat dad, and we mean dedicated. He keeps Thunder Cat on a diet of healthy food, brings her for regular check-ups and IV infusions at the vet due to previous problems with dehydration-related illnesses, and gives her the attention she deserves as a living being.

“She’s seen it all,” he added. “And everybody’s asking how I’ve kept her alive for this long. Well first of all, I love my cat. I take care of her, and I look out.”

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The 51-year-old emcee, real name Alvin Nathaniel Joiner, said he was initially surprised when people expressed so much interest in Thunder Cat. He said he constantly gets correspondence from fans who love his cat. In an Instagram video, he held up a shirt with images of Thunder Cat sent to him by a fan.

“And yes,” he said, “I’ve worn this.”

Los Gatos bungles a delivery

The cat used to smuggle drugs into a maximum-security labor camp prison in Russia. Credit: FSIN/Russian government

A cat has been released and is free to go without charges after inmates tried to use the feline to smuggle drugs into their Russian prison, Russia’s Federal Penitentiary Service (FSIN in Russian) said.

The unimaginatively-named Penal Colony No. 17 is in Krasnoyarsk, a city of about 1.2 million, and it’s brutal. It’s a maximum-security labor camp mostly for foreign prisoners in a region of Siberia where the average temperature in winter is below zero.

Not the kind of place you ever want to find yourself, which is certainly one reason why the inmates are trying to dull their existence with drugs. Their courier was a black and white cat who caught the eye of a prison officer because it was wearing two home made collars.

Prison security called for a K9 unit to sniff at the white powder found inside the collars, and you know the rest. There’s no word on whether anyone inside or outside the prison has been hit with charges, but thankfully the cat was unharmed, deemed healthy and set free.

Some People Bestow An Absurd Number Of Nicknames On Their Cats

Pity the poor pets who must endure being called Shmubbles, Miss Hissy Cakes and Mr. Oo Oo Ah Ah.

In a viral Reddit thread, a user reveals she’s given her cat more than 20 nicknames, and a surprising number of fellow Redditors have weighed in with long lists of names they call their furry friends.

The original poster’s list is extensive: “Milo (his real name), Milosh, Baby, Mr Baby, Mr Meh, Mr Mrreh, Mr Moo, Mr Milo, Mr Handsome, Mr Eh Eh, Mr Oo Oo, Mr Oo Oo Ah Ah, Mr Baum Baum, Mr Grumpidy Bumpidy, Mr Ping, Mr Pink Pitty Pads, Mr Orange, Mr Punchy, Mr Puffy Pants, Mr Pretty Pants, Mr Princess”

“Valentina. AKA Tina, Valley Girl, Teenie, Teenie Weenie, Queenie Teenie Beanie, Tina Beana, Fluffer, Fluffercakes, Missy Hissy Cakes, Missy Floofy Pants, Felix, Felick, Felicky, Baby Girl, Mama’s Baby Girl.” another wrote.

Another: “Luna, which turns into Lu, Fluff, Fluff Bucket, Fluff Butt, Fuzz Butt, Fuzz face, or various meowing sounds.”

Most of the people who responded to the thread have handles that mark them as female, and I’m going to go ahead and assume the vast majority of the others are too.

You just can’t call your cat Shmubbles or Mr. Grumpidy Bumpidy and retain your man card. It is not possible.

Here at Casa de Buddy, we keep it simple: Bud or Buddy. I feel like if I just start freestyling names, little man is going to be confused.

Call me “Mr. Buddy Wuddy” and I’ll murder you, human.

Indeed, that’s the subject of Mollie Hunt’s Oct. 6 post, “What’s In A Name?”, which notes we should call our cats by their proper names for good, practical reasons: not confusing the little ones, getting them accustomed to responding to their names, and the peace of mind that comes with knowing they’ll respond in an emergency.

Research has repeatedly confirmed what we’ve all known anecdotally: domestic felines know their names and they even know the names of other cats they live with. They may not always deem a human worthy of a response, but they hear us and they know we’re calling for them.

I do call Bud other things, but they tend to be invented by my sleep-deprived brain when he insists on screeching in my ears or standing on my face to get me out of bed.

They’re not really nicknames so much as they’re insults, but don’t worry — no egos were bruised in the process. In the past I’ve thrown pillows at him for his relentless assaults on my sleep, and he seems to think that’s hilarious.

So yes, in the momentary anger of getting woken up for the fifth time in an hour, while he’s standing on my face and the tips of his back claws are digging into my cheek, I might mumble “Shut up, you furry little turdball!” or threaten to defenestrate him like an out-of-favor Russian oligarch.

But I dote on the little guy, function as his faithful servant, and try to give him his best life. I’ve also seriously considered constructing a throne for him. What’s a little “annoying little jerk” between friends? It all evens out!

What nicknames do you call your cats?
byu/Aged_Goodness1 incats

Wordless Wednesday: Awesome Photos Of Tigers Swimming!

For tigers, going for a dip on a hot day is pure bliss.

Most cats wouldn’t go near water if even if you lured them with a giant spread of catnip and Temptations on an inflatable table.

But tigers? They love it. Here are some shots of the world’s biggest cats taking a dip.

A Malayan tiger named Azul going for a swim at the Bronx Zoo. Credit: Julie Marsen Laher, Wildlife Conservation Society

Siberian tigers in a tub at a sanctuary in Russia. Credit: digger03/Flickr

Aasha was rescued from a traveling circus after an inspector found her sickly, suffering from ringworm and only 30 pounds at 8 months old. She’s flourished since she was brought to a sanctuary where she’s been given proper care, a good diet and a calm environment. Aasha is also pictured in the feature photo up top.

A tigress and her cubs cooling off in a river in India. Credit: Sandesh Kadur

Sundarban tigers are a subspecies of the Bengal who live in mangrove forests and are well-adapted to swimming. This Sundarban tiger was spotted on a wildlife tour in India. Credit: Soumyajit Nandy/Wikimedia Commons

This tiger cooled off on a hot day at the Dortmund Zoological Garden in Dortmund, Germany. Credit: Hans Stieglitz/Wikimedia Commons

Tigers Make A Triumphant Return To Russia’s Far East, Bringing Hope To The Species’ Future

For the first time, humans have successfully returned orphaned tiger cubs to the wild after raising them and training them to hunt.

For more than 50 years, tigers were absent from Russia’s Pri-Amur region.

Sparsely-populated, mountainous and blanketed in forest, the domain borders the heart of the Russian Far East, offering hundreds of thousands of contiguous square miles for the most robust sub-species of Earth’s most magnificent predator.

Here, tigers can roam without fear of conflict with local farmers, or roads that carve up habitat and pose a danger to animals trying to cross. Prey is abundant, and adaptations for surviving in the local terrain are coded into the tigers’ DNA.

Now that scientists have proven for the first time that tigers can be successfully reintroduced into such an environment, big cat advocates imagine Russia’s Far East as a haven for the large felids. It’s a place where tigers can thrive, mate, reproduce and change the outlook for their species, which has dwindled to only 4,000 or so remaining in the wild.

tigers in nature — Credit: Leon Aschemann/Pexels

The project to reintroduce Amur tigers to their native habitat is a cooperative Russian-American endeavor. The team started by building a tiger conservation center in the Amur oblast a decade ago.

The facility is built in a way that orphaned tigers can be raised and taught how to hunt without directly interacting with their human caretakers. That’s a crucial component, because tigers who see humans as potentially friendly or sources of food have drastically reduced chances of surviving in the wild, and are easier marks for poachers.

After 18 months, the cubs are brought to remote locations in Pri-Amur and released. Of the first group of orphan tigers released into the wild, 12 were able to survive on their own.

One gluttonous tiger failed: he crossed over the border into China and began eating domesticated animals, including 13 goats in what researchers called “a single event.”

The fattened tiger then retraced his steps to Pri-Amur, and when he didn’t show fear of humans, the team decided he had to go. They captured him and sent him to a zoo, where he gets all the free meals he wants and contributes to the captive breeding program helping his species maintain genetic diversity.

With 12 out of 13 tiger re-introductions successful, the program provides “a pathway for returning tigers to large parts of Asia where habitat still exists but where tigers have been lost,” said Viatcheslav V. Rozhnov, who leads the reintroduction project.

The successful reintroduction has also led to some surprising developments. Two of the cubs, Boris and Svetlaya, were unrelated but were rescued at about the same time and raised in the Russian orphanage for their species.

Using tracking devices they’d placed on the newly-released young tigers, the research team watched as Svetlaya settled into a home range and Boris made a beeline for her, “almost in a straight line,” crossing 200km (120 miles) of terrain to reunite.

The team’s hopes were confirmed six months later, when Svetlaya gave birth to a healthy litter of cubs, the first natural-born tigers to result from the reintroduction project.

Another tigress, Zolushka, also gave birth to a healthy litter when she was reintroduced in an area closer to a still-extant population of Amur tigers. The researchers believe the father was born wild in the region and was not part of the reintroduction program.

The wilderness in Pri-Amur and its environs is so vast, untouched and undesirable to human habitation that it could be home to generations of tigers, securing their future after so many decades of grim news for the iconic big cats.

“The grand vision is that this whole area would be connected,” Luke Hunter, executive director of the Wildlife Conservation Society’s Big Cats Program. “There’s lots of habitat that could be recolonized by tigers.”