Category: Feline Ingenuity

Modern Box: The Magazine For Discerning Felines

modernboxmagazine

Buddy the Cat, publisher and editor-in-chief of the all-new Modern Box Magazine, seeks cats of considerable taste for the ultimate feline lifestyle publication. The editorial department seeks cats for the following positions: Investigative Eater, Box Reviewer, Keyboard Warmer, Leisure Editor. Must have at least three years’ experience sleeping, eating and lounging in a human home.

Dear Buddy: Did You Hear About The Dating Site For Cat People?

Dear Buddy,

Have you heard about the new dating site for humans who love cats? It’s called Tabby and launched this month. I hope my human finds a match with lots of kitties I can make friends with. I’ve always wanted siblings!

What about you? Are you excited? Maybe Big Buddy will match up with a nice woman who has lots of friendly cats!

Good luck!

Friendly in Fairview


Dear Friendly,

FAKE NEWS.

Buddy


Dear Buddy,

No, it’s true! The site is real! Aren’t you excited?

Friendly


Dear Friendly,

FAKE NEWS! There is no such dating site. Don’t go giving my human any ideas. He can date women WITHOUT cats. If he meets a human female with her own cats and they get married, that would mean I would have to share my territory — MY KINGDOM — with other cats.

That’s unacceptable.

Buddy


Dear Buddy,

Oh, come on, don’t be such a curmudgeon! I bet you’d be an awesome cat sibling. You’d have feline friends to play and snuggle with. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Friendly


Dear Friendly,

No, it would not be awesome. There is only one king, and that’s me. Buddy the King. I don’t share litter boxes, I don’t share sleeping spots and I sure as hell don’t share yums!

I trust you will keep news of this “dating site” a secret, or I will be forced to murder you.

Buddy


Dear Buddy,

I’m afraid you’ll have to murder a lot of people, because the word’s out and the site has already gotten lots of press. In fact, Big Buddy may have a profile there already. Haha!

Friendly


Dear Friendly,

I checked. Big Buddy does not have a profile on this Tabby site you speak of. However, one can never be too careful, which is why I’ve taken it upon myself to create a profile for him and make sure no woman on this Earth will ever contact him or agree to a coffee date.

Name: Big Buddy

Likes: Star Trek, speaking Klingon, learning to speak Cardassian, long walks on the Holodeck, deep conversations about astrometrics and the Bajoran-Dominion conflict during candlelight dinners while drinking Chateau Picard, running diagnostic tests on plasma induction manifolds.

My perfect match: A woman who loves Star Trek as much as I do and has always dreamed of a Star Trek-themed wedding. We will get married on a replica of the USS Enterprise 1701-D bridge and honeymoon on the pleasure planet Risa.

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What I look for in a woman: Fluent in Klingon, knowledgeable about subspace harmonics, Tachyon field theory and passionate about LCARS submenu design. Must be able to properly mix drinks with synthahol, but also enjoys Romulan ale on occasion.

What women will appreciate about me: I’m skilled in the art of Pon Farr, have been practicing Ambojitsu for 15 years and I’m in the process of remodeling the interior of my home to look like the crew deck of the USS Enterprise.

What do you think? Are there enough Star Trek references to ensure women on this app will be horrified and immediately swipe left? One can never be too careful. If there’s even a chance that a woman will respond, I must make the profile even more unpalatable. What else can I add? What if I say he’s a Bronie who loves Jersey Shore, or an otaku who has a waifu body pillow? Help me out here, my comfort depends on it!

Buddy

Humans Are Coming 4 Our Catnip & Temptations!!!

Return-Path: <buddy@littlebuddythecat.com>
X-SpamCatcher-Score: 1 [X]
Received: from [127.0.0.1] (HQ)
    by buddy.edu (BuddyMail Pro SMTP 4.1.8)

Message-ID: <buddy@littlebuddythecat.com>
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 2020 11:40:36 -0400
From: Buddy <buddy@littlebuddythecat.com>

humanscatnip

HERE IS THE LINK FOR PROOFS: https://www.foxnews.com/health/cat-drugs-fight-coronavirus-humans-study

Don't let the humans take our nip and our temps!
foxcatdrugs

Cat Is ‘Rehomed,’ Escapes and Walks 40 Miles Back To His People

I have a lot of questions and feelings about this story. Oh, the feels!

First of all, why did this UK couple, Neil and Leasa Payne, decide to rehome their three-year-old orange tabby named Garfield? The story doesn’t give a reason, saying only that they decided to “give” the cat to “new owners” on June 20 after their kids moved out.

If the cat was for their kids, why didn’t one of them take the little guy? And if he was a family pet, who just gives away a cat they’ve had for three years?

Garfield understandably didn’t like what was happening and left his would-be new home to travel 40 miles — over seven weeks — from North London to Bedfordshire.

That’s a serious hike over dangerous territory for cats, with lots of traffic and potential hazards from humans and other animals alike. Garfield wouldn’t have made it if he wasn’t resourceful, finding food and water during the long journey.

Neil Payne told the UK’s Daily Star he came home one day and was “gobsmacked” when he found Garfield sitting on the front doorstep.

“It’s unbelievable. He was staring at me, crying,” Payne said. “I didn’t think it was him at first. Leasa came to the door and called his name and he jumped up on her.”

Yeah, dude: Garfield was crying because he couldn’t believe you gave him away!

garfieldpayne
Garfield and the Paynes.

Payne told the newspaper he’s “going to give [Garfield] a second chance.”

“We can’t get rid of him now — he has proven that this is his forever home,” he said.

Garfield’s return is even more impressive since the Paynes claim he’s been an indoor-only cat. Not only did the brave feline have to make some serious adjustments to survive on the street, he must have some exceptional senses to make his way back over entirely unfamiliar territory.

The ginger furball’s story is yet more proof that cats have strong emotions and genuinely bond with their people, despite the persistent stereotype of feline aloofness and indifference to humans.

There are clearly details missing from this story, and I hope there were mitigating circumstances. If this incredible cat, who risked life and limb to get back to his humans, is stuck for the rest of his life with people who don’t appreciate him, that’s a shame.

I hope Garfield does indeed have a warm and comfortable forever home, and I hope the Paynes give him the love and affection he obviously wants and deserves. Good job, little dude.

 

Still Don’t Think Temptations Are Kitty Crack? Watch This

In my last post about Temptations, aka the kitty crack, I noted that Buddy had once gotten into one of those big tubs of the stuff and gorged himself before getting sick.

He’s not the only cat to do that, as I wrote at the time, but this cat takes cake: She’s able to pop the lid off and get at the cracktastic treats inside in less than 60 seconds:

And here’s a cat who has learned how to open his treat cabinet to get the Temptations inside:

These videos confirm I made the right call getting the little guy off the stuff.