Buddy the Cat – Pain In The Bud

Buddy The Cat’s ‘The Art Of Napping’ Debuts Atop NYT Bestseller List

The book received glowing reviews for its comprehensive approach to the world of slumber and promises something for every type of napper.

A new book on napping from the world’s most prolific snoozer has taken the sleep enthusiast community by storm.

“The Art of Napping: The History and Technique of Dozing Off” by Buddy the Cat bills itself as “the world’s most comprehensive guide to taking a siesta” and a “manual on how to commit yourself to a lifestyle of leisure and laziness.”

It includes an illustrated history of sleep science, from its superstition-mired origins to the highly specialized field of modern-day napology, following the rich sedentary traditions of various cultures.

“The chapter contrasting ancient Sumerian nap-walking with Syracusan Somnambulism is not only heavy with detail, it’ll put you to sleep almost immediately,” said Rusty LeFelino, chaircat of the Snooze Studies Department at the University of Catlanta.

“Nap on tatami mat under cherry blossoms” by Hirotaro Buddishida, 1646, is one of many historical depictions of shut-eye included in The Art of Napping.

Reviewers were equally effusive with their praise.

“Buddy the Cat dozes headfirst into the world of segmented slumber, documenting everything from Chicago-Style Snoozing to indigenous bedding techniques pioneered by the jaguars of the Pantanal,” reads a starred review in Publisher’s Weekly. “Whether you’re a weekend warrior who enjoys drooling on your couch during baseball games or a committed napper who swears by episodic DaVinci Sleep, there’s something for everyone in this beautifully bound volume.”

The New York-based feline spent more than a year researching and getting paws-on experience for the book. He visited the California headquarters of Google with its famous employee nap pods, spent a week sleeping under the stars with the pumas of the Pacific Northwest, and interviewed lucid dreamers to find out whether it’s possible to nap within a nap a la Inception.

“Buddy leaves no pillow unturned in his quest for the truth, with spectacularly stale prose that will have even the over-caffeinated yawning into the back of their paws,” a reviewer for Narcolepsy Daily wrote. “Get yourself a cozy blanket, curl up with Buddy and let the Z’s commence.”

Jungle Napping — Southern Siesta: The author spent several weeks in the Amazon napping with jaguars, jaguarundis and ocelots, an experience described in a yawn-inducing chapter of The Art of Napping.

Sleeping_cat — “The ability to nap anywhere at any time is the mark of a master snoozer,” Buddy writes in his new book. Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Buddy The Cat Offers The World Cuddles: ‘In These Times Of Strife, People Need Hugs’

“I’ve noticed everyone’s super stressed lately,” Buddy said. “People need hugs. I’m fluffy and adorable. It’s the perfect solution.”

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat announced the launch of a new program, Hugs From Buddy, to “help the humans calm down a little bit, because things have gotten crazy.”

The normally mercurial tabby cat, whose concerns are typically limited to his own gastronomical satisfaction with meals and snacks, said he had the idea for Hugs From Buddy after watching the movie Civil War with his human and seeing footage of police and students clashing on college campuses.

“The world is crazy right now,” Buddy told reporters at a press conference in Manhattan. “War in Ukraine, Haiti, Gaza and Syria. People punching strangers on the street for Youtube ‘pranks.’ Protesters and police clashing. People threatening to kill one another, banning books they haven’t even read, Karening each other in the grocery store, brawling on passenger flights. Even dogs, bless those simple-minded beings, seem stressed!”

Buddy the Handsome Cat — Buddy the Cat is offering hugs to anyone who needs them!

Buddy paused to address a bystander who was holding a pepperoni pizza.

“You gonna eat that? Here, give Buddy a slice, I’ll give you a hug,” he said, embracing the young woman before returning to the podium with a slice of pizza.

“Where was I?” he asked, chewing thoughtfully. “Oh! Right. The crazy, stressed out humans.”

He belched, then continued.

“I’m here today to offer myself up as the nation’s emotional support animal. If you’re in need of a hug or a snuggle, well, Little Buddy’s got you covered.”

Then he looked to the reporters, who were seated six or seven rows deep for the press conference.

“Look under your seats!” he said excitedly as the journalists mumbled in surprise, finding small gift-wrapped boxes there. “You, the young lady from CBS News! You get a hug! You, the angry guy from InfoWars! You get a hug! BBC, you get a hug too! You all get hugs!”

The press conference was supplemented with an announcement of a $20 million television ad buy publicizing the Hugs From Buddy program, as well as a new site where the angry and stressed can log on, request a hug from Buddy, and make travel arrangements to bring him to their cities.

Reaction to the announcement was mixed.

A panel on Real Time with Bill Mahar concluded Buddy was sincere, trying to be helpful, and “absolutely adorable.”

But in a statement issued later Friday, catnip cartel Los Gatos International accused the New York feline of “shameless self-promotion, which he will undoubtedly parlay into goodwill for his own catnip empire,” while former Fox News host Tucker Carlson declared Buddy a threat to national security.

“Buddy the Cat is a dangerous tiger in kitten’s clothing,” Carlson declared on his X show as a chyron scrolled below with the headline: “IS BUDDY THE CAT WORKING FOR TERRORISTS?”

Tucker Carlson: Buddy A Bad Guy? — Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson wasn’t convinced of the feline’s supposedly noble intentions.

“You might say Buddy the Cat is a danger to America, softening us up at precisely the time when we need to be tough to fight China, North Korea, Iran, the school board of Boise, Idaho, Taylor Swift, and the WNBA,” Carlson said, pounding a fist on his desk. “Up next, a conversation with Nick Fuentes. But first: Is Buddy the Cat a Chinese operative? Is he an agent of anti-American cat ladies who want us all to be hummus-eating vegans? Why does he ignore the beauty of the Moscow subway system? And is there any truth to the rumor that he’s working with the San-Ti from 3 Body Problem to help them invade Earth? Just asking questions here, folks. Nothing wrong with that.”

The Cat With The Mat

For the first time, the Budster has a patch of matted fur. Luckily, because this is a frequent problem for cats, there’s a lot of detailed advice out there about what to do.

Ruh roh!

In a first for him, Bud’s got a patch of matted fur. While it’s clear he understands I’m trying to help him, he’s not particularly keen on my efforts to comb it out.

He’ll tolerate limited brushing, but after a few attempts he pulls away. I don’t think it’s a sore spot in general. He hasn’t minded when I examined the area and he doesn’t pull away if I scratch his lower back, but his limited tolerance for the brush and his body language all say he’s uncomfortable with repeated attempts to clear the fur.

The mat is hard, like the bristles of a paint brush that hasn’t been cleaned properly. Bud’s white underfur is much more visible in the matted area as it sticks up.

After reading about matting in cats and the causes, I don’t think we’re dealing with fleas or an infection. I realize indoor cats can get fleas, but I very rarely see the little guy scratching himself and there’s no indication he’s in any general discomfort.

My best guess is that he’s, ahem, maybe still a little too much on the chubby side and can’t groom the area as he did when he was a younger, slimmer feline, before he moved down to Florida, joined the Del Boca Vista retirement community for cats and immersed himself in the exciting world of bocce.

As you can see, he doesn’t look chubby and his coat is otherwise very healthy.

Of course any talk of weight issues is very hush-hush around here. Officially, Buddy has the physique of an athletic tiger. Anyone who vocalizes doubts about that does so at their peril.

Right now my plan of attack is to get a fine metal comb specifically for jobs like this. I’ll try to remedy it with short brushing sessions and encouragement in the form of treats and praise for Bud being such a brave little guy.

If that doesn’t work, the next step would be a groomer or veterinarian. These things don’t resolve themselves, unfortunately, and the longer they’re allowed to persist, the worse the problem becomes.

To be continued…

Buddy Celebrates New Status As ‘Senior’ Kitty

Senior cats enjoy perks and membership in secret clubs, Buddy the Cat recently learned.

NEW YORK — Most don’t like to hear they’re entering their golden years, but Buddy the Cat welcomed the news this week as he approached his 10th birthday and was informed he’s now a “senior kitty.”

“That’s great!” he said, according to sources. “It’s about time I get some seniority around here!”

Sources say the gray tabby believes he’s been promoted in rank and has been anticipating the perks he believes his new seniority grants him, speculating that it will lead to more frequent catnip nights, better spots on the couch, more delicious meals and the ability to boss around other cats.

“I got a beautiful pamphlet from the AARC (American Association of Retired Cats) that says I’m entitled to early bird dinners and invited to bingo nights now that I’ve achieved senior cat rank!” Buddy enthusiastically told reporters. “It’s like having VIP access to events. There’s a whole world of secret gatherings and clubs I wasn’t previously aware of.”

Buddy the Senior Kitten — Buddy ponders his new seniority

Despite his years, Buddy retains his kitten-like enthusiasm and still sounds like a mewing baby, but says his seniority has afforded him a deeper appreciation for a slower pace of life with more naps and fewer outbreaks of the zooms, in which he ricochets around his domicile like a screeching pinball.

“As a senior feline I’m expected to maintain a certain decorum befitting my station,” he explained.

Although he’s pleased by his new status, Buddy said he hasn’t been thrilled with the social aspect.

“I imagined high-ranking cats would party and enjoy the fine things in life,” he said. “I mean, we’re OGs, right? Instead, they mostly complain about joint pain and watch Wheel of Fortune. It’s weird.”

Senior Cats — Senior cats have their own exclusive private club, the community center, where they host wild bingo parties and stay up until all hours, sometimes as late as 7

As of press time, Buddy said he was looking into investing in gold and was considering a stair lift system after watching several hundred commercials in which the devices were described as “essential.”

“As a matter of fact, I’m gonna buy my first gold bullion this afternoon,” he said, “after telling these kittens to get off my lawn!”

Eclipse 2024: Well, That Happened

Southern New York witnessed a partial eclipse while our neighbors to the north had an angle on a total block-out of the sun.

The much-hyped solar eclipse peaked at 3:25 pm today in the New York City area, where the angle afforded us a 90 percent obstructed view of our system’s star.

I spent those few minutes squinting through a pair of NASA-approved solar glasses, warnings from ophthalmologists echoing in my head.

Being able to gaze upon it directly was pretty cool, although I wonder how the humans of centuries past managed to study the phenomenon without blinding themselves.

I viewed the eclipse from Rye Town Park, a shoreline park adjacent to Rye Playland, a historic amusement park. A few hundred people had the same idea and the parking lot was as full as it gets on hot summer days when crowds head to the nearby beach. Some used solar glasses, some had homemade pinhole viewers, and a few people sat in their cars and smoked weed while waiting for peak viewing time. (The smell is ubiquitous since legalization.)

I spent more time looking at the nearby duck pond and its residents, mindful of warnings not to exceed three minutes of eclipse viewing time even with proper eyewear.

Several mated pairs of ducks waddled around, quietly quacking and seemingly unbothered by the solar phenomenon. It was darker than usual, although not as dark as one might expect given the amount of obstruction.

As for Bud, if he exhibited any strange behavior, I didn’t witness it. When I got home he was much more interested in the Chewy shipment and his brand new box:

Although he may appear to be a small cat in this photo, he asks me to remind readers to note the viewing angle, which makes his considerable meowscles look much smaller than they actually are. In reality he remains a terrifying beast, nearly indistinguishable from a tiger.

If you’re viewing today’s eclipse, stay safe and protect your eyes!

Top image via Pexels