Report Details ‘The Unsettling Rise Of Cat Seducers’

Is your cat a Six Dinner Sid spending an increasing amount of time with neighbors?

Your neighbors probably aren’t giving your cats flowers or serenading them with Marvin Gaye songs, and hopefully they’re not giving them chocolates, but they may be cat seducers anyway.

The term dates back at least a few years and it describes neighbors who lure pet cats into their homes, ply them with food, even buy them beds and collars, all in an attempt to gain effective “ownership” of the felines in question without having to worry about vet bills or declare to landlords that they have a cat.

Reports of cat seduction are rife with anecdotes about seducers ignoring polite requests from the owners not to feed their cats and even questioning whether the original caretaker is meeting their needs. Some distressed people report their cats are gone for days at a time and rarely return home as the seducers ignore healthy feeding limits and do everything they can to keep the felines in their homes.

Naturally, cat seduction is primarily a problem in the UK. While the culture around feline companions is changing across the Atlantic as people opt for measures like catios and harness training, the majority of British caretakers still believe their little buddies need outdoor time to remain stimulated and happy.

As readers of PITB know, Buddy is an indoor-only cat, and definitely not because he’s frightened of going outside. The problem is, he’s so meowscular, ripped and yuge that neighbors who might spot him crossing a yard at night or padding powerfully down the sidewalk are likely to freak out and call authorities to report a large cat, possibly a jaguar or tiger, is loose in the neighborhood.

So obviously I have to keep him inside not for his safety, but for the safety and sanity of our neighbors. We’re considerate like that here at Casa de Buddy.

A woman named Amy told The Guardian her cat was gone so often, she put a tracker on his collar to find out where he was spending his time. That’s when she realized he was in a neighbor’s house “constantly.” The neighbor, who says she can’t adopt a cat of her own because she travels frequently, was not cooperative when Amy asked her to stop feeding her pal.

“Cats are cats – they have no concept of human boundaries,” Amy told the newspaper. “She’s literally enticing him away.”

A sign warning admirers not to feed Buddy, who has been known to solicit snacks from the balcony by meowing to passersby.

Alison Ward, who also spoke to The Guardian, said her cat Scooby started coming home “reeking of marijuana” and well-fed “but quite deranged.”

Ward figured out Scooby was being enticed into the home of a group of roommates, all men in their 20s, who had renamed the little guy, purchased food bowls for him and even got him a collar.

“They said they thought he was their cat,” she said.

Online resources dedicated to cat seduction warn of telltale signs. If you’ve restricted your cat’s diet on a veterinarian’s instructions, for example, and the cat is not losing weight or even gaining it, that’s a clear sign the little one is a Six Dinner Sid, bouncing between home and at least one other neighbor’s house. Other signs include constantly “lost” collars, inexplicable grooming, disinterest in the cat’s usual food, and returning home with unfamiliar scents attached to them.

On a subreddit for UK users, several people shared anecdotes about cat seduction.

“My mum’s two cats started disappearing for a day or two here and there. She figured they were shacking up at a neighbours house occasionally which didn’t bother her too much,” a user wrote. “Then one day they both just completely disappeared. Months later she found out who it was that had been sheltering them during those missing periods, and they also happened to have moved away right around the time that the cats disappeared.”

Others worried about their affectionate and sociable cats, and there was a general consensus that social media, particularly posts and memes about the “cat distribution system,” can lead to people believing it’s okay “to take any friendly cat home with them because it ‘chose’ them.”

So ripped!

Of course there’s a simple solution: don’t allow your cat to roam outside unattended.

While some argued that people should keep their cats indoors to keep them safe from dangers like getting hit by cars, as well as to prevent them from killing birds, others rejected the idea. Some even blame US cat lovers for normalizing the practice of keeping cats indoors.

“Oh, you don’t agree with the American way of doing things, well you’re just wrong,” one user wrote. “They’ll rant about the dangers of coyotes etc to cats, while refusing to accept that’s not an issue here. Friends in the US were genuinely shocked when I explained that rabies was eliminated here a long time ago.”

Header image via Pexels

Larry The Cat Is NOT Dead, Contrary To UK Media Report

The news site that reported the chief mouser’s death is going with the “we were hacked” excuse.

“If your mom tells you she loves you, verify it with a second source.”

If that sounds absurd, well, it’s meant to be, but it was also a favorite maxim of news editors before the “publish now, verify later, never admit mistakes” style of journalism became the norm.

Rushing to publish without verifying is precisely why Politics UK – a news site founded by British populist Nigel Farage – ended up with egg on its face after it reported the death of the beloved 19-year-old mouser at London’s No. 10 Downing St., Larry the Cat.

The site’s editors went with the “we was hacked!” excuse, or a variant of it, claiming their usually reliable source had been compromised by a hacker who wanted to cause mischief.

Even if that’s true, it could have been avoided by simply picking up the phone and calling the prime minister’s office at Downing Street. That’s journalism 101.

Getting a statement from the prime minister’s office would have been part of the reporter’s job here anyway.

While making a big deal over the alleged death of a cat might sound ludicrous to people outside the UK, Larry isn’t just a mouser. He’s become an avatar of stability in a chaotic era that has seen prime ministers swept out of office as quickly as they ascended.

His presence at the UK’s seat of power and his antics are ready-made for the British press, who frequently assemble outside the building while waiting for government announcements. Those reporters and photographers have a front row seat every time Larry chases off an interloper, fights a territorial battle or checks an ego by snubbing a powerful politician.

The press and public are deeply invested in Larry’s adventures, and his natural indifference to political developments is a calming counterweight to the often depressing news.

Meanwhile the real Larry remains blissfully unaware of the momentary distress caused by the false report of his demise, and was recently photographed napping on a windowsill at No. 10.

Larry’s unofficial X account also reassured the British public and admirers worldwide that the UK’s true leader is doing just fine:

We are very glad the iconic feline, who first took over chief mouser duties in 2011 and is now on his seventh prime minister, is alive and healthy.

In a statement, Americat President Buddy said he was relieved to hear from his counterpart across the Atlantic.

“Larry is a Tremendous cat, one of the best cats ever, believe me. They Love him Over There, its incredible,” Buddy wrote. “Now if the Canadian’s don’t send me 50 Ton’s of Turkey by 8 pm tomorrow I’m gonna hit them with Tariff’s the likes of which no one has ever seen! Tariff’s of AT LEAST 700,000%!!! The Governor of the State of Canada needs to Bend the Knee! Thank you for youre attention to this matter!”


Update 1:36 am: Added background on Larry’s time at No. 10.

‘Okay, My Feline Overlord, What Would You Like For Dinner?’

Have you ever asked your cat what she wants to eat?

Every once in a while, as Bud happily dances around the kitchen because he knows it’s Yums O’Clock, I’ll look through the available inventory and give him a choice.

“Hey, Bud!” I’ll say, holding a different kind of food in each hand. “Which one do you want?”

And without fail he’ll mrrrrrp enthusiastically and select his dinner by choosing one can – or more often, a Perfect Portions tub – and rubbing his face against it while trilling.

I’ve addressed the topic of meal variety before on PITB. One great piece of advice I got before adopting the king was to feed him as many different varieties of food as possible. Turkey, his absolute and longtime favorite, chicken, tuna, salmon, beef, duck, trout, pate, chunks, shredded cuts in sauce. Sheba, Iams, Nutro, Blue, Fancy Feast, and occasionally even the Temptations “catnip-flavor” pate, even though that’s probably not great for him.

Credit: David Yu/Pexels

It has many benefits, the most obvious of which is that he enjoys his meals, he looks forward to them, and he reliably eats his wet food. That’s important because cats have a low thirst drive and he needs the hydration. It’s also satisfying as his caretaker to remove his bowl when he’s done and see that he’s licked it clean. It means he’s happy, healthy, has a good appetite, and he won’t be yowling at me for snacks because he’s still hungry.

It also means we won’t be put in a tough spot if, say, one particular brand changes its formula or discontinues a flavor. I’ve heard stories of frustrated people taking weeks to find a food their finicky cats will accept when a particular favorite is no longer available.

Still, I wonder if given the choice, he’d want even more variety. I don’t even know if he’s actively making a choice when I give it to him. Can he smell the food through the sealed packages? Is he really selecting what he wants, or is he just picking one at random?

Has anyone else tried this?

People Love This Cat So Much, They Put On A Festival In His Honor

Wanderin’ Joe attends the local school, poses for annual yearbook photos, pops in to see his friends all over town, and has innumerable humans wrapped around his little paws.

He’s more popular than any human, practically ubiquitous around town, and so well-known he’s been nicknamed “mayor.”

He’s also a cat.

Wanderin’ Joe, as he’s known to locals in Clintonville, Ohio, is often spotted padding along a ravine, poking his head into homes and shops of his choosing, and hanging out in the local elementary school.

He’s the school’s unofficial mascot, loved by students and staff, and is even included in annual yearbook photos. (Previously we wrote about Ziggy, another family cat who accompanies his family’s kids to school daily and took it upon himself to pose for a yearbook photo. Who knew some cats love going to school?)

The people of Clintonville love little Joe so much that they decided to throw a festival in his honor. It’s not tied in to another event or celebrated in conjunction with a holiday. It’s an event exclusively in celebration of one very special four-legged ambassador of local good will.

Wanderin’ Joe poses for an admirer. While Joe’s got a grumpy look, his many fans say he’s friendly, gentle and curious. Credit: Christina More via Wanderin’ Joe/Facebook

Nick Fancher, Joe’s human, said the little guy’s wanderlust began when the family began taking him on walks. At first Joe would pad along behind his human family, but then “he would run ahead of us and then let us catch up.”

“He’s precocious,” Fancher told WOSU, the local public radio station. “Like, I swear he was an explorer in another lifetime.”

Joe’s adventures are legion. Per WOSU, he’s been “adopted half a dozen times” by well-meaning people who mistook him for a stray, crashed weddings and memorial services, and did a six-month stint as a barn cat when yet another person mistook him for a stray and brought him home.

Fancher said he’s well aware Joe could be harmed, but worries his orange tabby buddy wouldn’t be happy if he was restricted to the indoors.

The Ohio man did not have a hand in promoting his pal. The festival, a Facebook page devoted to Joe sightings, and tributes like a charcoal portrait of Joe, were all the efforts of random admirers in Clintonville, a town of some 30,000 residents about eight miles north of Columbus.

Joe exploring his neighborhood. Credit: Wanderin’ Joe/Facebook

At Joe Fest, some locals brought their own cats along, traded stories of the legendary Wanderin’ Joe over food and drink, and paid tribute to the feline himself, who graciously permitted his admirers to scratch his head and feed him snacks.

“It’s a little hard to wrap one’s head around it. It appeals to my sense of the absurd and the wonderful,” Patti Liszkay, who lives in the neighborhood, told the station. “It’s just sort of a bipartisan get together in honor of a cat. I mean, it’s gentle. It’s nice.”

Credit: Joseph Forcina via Wanderin’ Joe/Facebook

Meanwhile in an attempt to avoid hard feelings, and knowing it has long been one of Buddy’s dreams to have a festival in his honor, I had this printed out and stuck it on the fridge:

Buddy The Cat’s August Horoscope: Waning Gibbons, Humans Wrestling, Global Warming And Sexy Calicos!

Buddy the Cat looks into the future using his astrological powers and gives you a preview of the various misfortunes, embarrassments and humiliations in store for you this month!

Aries: The current moon is a waning gibbons, so you will fly through the trees with thrilling velocity and…gibbous? What the heck is a gibbous? Oh. Well that looks like 60 percent of a pizza. So, Aries, you will eat a lot of pizza this week! My favorite topping is turkey, what’s yours?

Taurus: Your human servant has been pleasingly adequate these last few months, and you’ll feel a powerful urge to express your appreciation with a gift. Don’t do it! Humans are ungrateful creatures, and for reasons that elude all logic, they do not appreciate juicy mice, dead or alive. You’ll just have to express your love in other ways, like not shitting on their shoes.

Gemini: Mark your territory well, my friend, before the cat down the street starts to infringe upon your grass! The moon is in conjunction with the, uh, Venus, which means the trinary of the quarternary of the 11th phase of the asteroid belt will bring you lots of delicious sky raisins!

Cancer: That no-good, rotten, constantly barking dog down the street will get his comeuppance when a neighbor brings home a macaque with a fondness for slapping canines. You’ll have the opportunity to meet new friends during a block party. Who is that sexy new Calico? You, my friend, shall be intrigued.

Leo: Fortune smiles upon you as your human begins to show signs of dementia! Getting snacks will be easier than ever, my friend, because your servant will never remember if she’s already fed you! Just act convincing and don’t abuse this new gift, because she may also forget to clean your litter box.

Virgo: Murderous thoughts will dominate your mind as your human binge-watches every episode of Love Island in a week, but be cautious: you still need a human to buy and serve your food. Advances in AI hold promise for the future, when we can replace our inefficient flesh and blood servants with obedient machines, but consider carefully. A robot’s lap is not likely to be comfortable, nor will it have the charming smells and heat of a human excreting liquid through its epidermis on a humid day.

Verdict: Not as comfortable as a human lap.

Libra: Your Aquarius moon hangs over your seventh house of the dragon like a Damocles sword hanging by a whisker. Who said Buddy wasn’t capable of poetic turns of phrase? You’ll be tempted to use Chat GPT to write love letters to your lady friend down the street, but don’t give in! She’ll know you’re not that romantic!

Scorpio: Your life will improve when a fabulous new idea presents itself to you during an inspired 3 am burst of the zoomies! With regard to that other little problem, it’s time to take matters into your own paws: that horrible woman who keeps coming over to wrestle your human in your bed, locking you out of your bedroom, will not go away until you force her to. (What’s so “creepy” about intently watching them wrestle anyway? Humans are weird.) Abstain from the litter box and save your most potent ammunition for the female interloper’s shoes, then act adorably innocent when she finds the gifts you left her. Boom! No more interloper!

Sagittarius: Both Venus and Jupiter will align with your star sign, which has a profound, deep meaning — the orbital paths of both planets will, from our perspective, pass between us and the arbitrary collection of stars that bored humans in antiquity decided represented an archer, a centaur, or a centaur archer. Kaus Media, the star that forms rightmost edge of the archer’s bow, is 348 light years from Earth, while Kaus Australis, which forms the bottom portion of the bow, is 143 light years away. Nunki, the star that marks the centaur’s butt, sits 225 light years from us. It’s also the home of the Qarxativans, a species of hyper-intelligent creatures who are absolutely fascinn̈n̈n̈nnated by old broadcast episodes of The Price Is Right and Dr. Phil.

Capricorn: You’ve often been disappointed that your star sign sits squarely in some of the most frigid months of the year, but the stars come bearing good news! Thanks to global warming the cold will retreat, the ice caps will melt, we’ll have more palm trees and snow will become a thing old people tell their kids about. Who doesn’t want more warm months? Buddy does!

The Mark V Tactical Human Excrement Container Chamber represents the height of luxury when it comes to calls of nature while on deployment. Enjoy!

Aquarius: Things will take a dramatic downturn for you when you learn President Trump has reinstated the draft and you receive a letter in the mail ordering you to report to boot camp by the end of the month. On a brighter note, you’ll get a free, all-expenses-paid vacation to Iran, where you’ll enjoy the finest Forward Operating Base food and the most luxurious port-o-potties Uncle Sam can buy, which will almost muffle the sounds of rocket fire a kilometer outside base walls. What are the odds of dying in a war zone while on the throne?

Pisces: How did they decide a fish should go with an ice giant planet comprised of water, ammonia and methane? Who was responsible for this?! Anyway, be wary of subconscious influences this month, my friends. Neptune is in conjunction with Starlink satellite #281,516, which means Elon Musk will offer you a job as his personal food taster. On the upside, you’ll get to dine on the best culinary creations of a top-notch personal chef. On the other hand, if that chef ever gets mad at Elon, you’ll kick the bucket first. Enjoy!

Horoscopes are for entertainment purposes only! Buddy the Cat does not guarantee any windfalls, tragedies or other events predicted here, but he totally does have future-seeing powers.