The Buddies’ Unreleased Audio Commentary: Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, 20th Anniversary Blu-Ray

The Buddies attempt to record audio commentary, but Little Buddy the Cat is mesmerized by White Castle’s sliders.

Big Buddy: Hello and thank you for joining us as we watch one of our favorite movies, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I’m Big Buddy.

Little Buddy: And I’m the more handsome Buddy.

BB: This one’s a classic stoner comedy, a Cheech and Chong for the 2000s about roommates who get really high one night, venture out in search of White Castle burgers and end up on an adventure. It’s really that simple.

LB: And delicious.

BB: Yes. Now Harold is the straight-laced one and already his co-workers are dumping their unfinished tasks on him as they head out of the office on Friday.

LB: Seriously uncool.

A concerned young man in a light blue dress shirt with a tie sits at a desk with a computer, looking at a colleague who is speaking to him.
Harold’s work colleagues dump their unfinished reports on Harold.

BB: Indeed. I love this scene where Harold calls Kumar, his roommate, to tell Kumar he will not be home until late and won’t be able to partake in their Friday night ritual. Kumar’s in a job interview for a resident’s position at a hospital and he stops the interview to take the call.

LB: The guy interviewing him can’t believe it. Is this within bounds of human etiquette during job interviews, servant?

BB: It is not. Neither is mentioning getting high later or grabbing a photo of the interviewer’s daughter off his desk and lusting after her, as Kumar is doing right now.

A man in a suit and a woman in a pink dress stand side by side in an elevator, both appearing pensive.
Harold is tongue-tied while in the elevator with the beautiful Maria.

LB: Well it didn’t take much to convince Harold to ditch the work and come home. Now he’s in an elevator with a human female, riding it up to his floor. Why doesn’t he talk to the human female?

BB: He’s scared.

LB: Preposterous! I would be like “Hi, I’m Buddy, I’m a very handsome and meowscular cat.” But only if she was also a cat.

BB: Sure, sure. Okay, so Harold’s home and Kumar is getting out the…

LB: Catnip! Wow! That’s a lot of catnip!

BB: Uh…

LB: That looks like really good catnip, dude!

BB: Sure, yeah. Catnip.

Two young men sitting on a couch, laughing and enjoying a casual moment together. One is holding a bong, while the other holds a remote control.
Kumar and Harold enjoy premium catnip.

LB: But why are they putting it in that contraption and…smoking it?

BB: That’s the way humans, uh, enjoy catnip.

LB: I swear, you are the weirdest species. Why can’t you just roll around in it and eat it like I do, like a civilized creature?

BB: Because we are uncivilized, obviously.

LB: You said it. They both look like they’re zombies. Zombies who laugh a lot.

Two men sitting on a couch, laughing and enjoying a moment together while watching television.
The catnip has taken effect.

BB: That is essentially what they are thanks to the catnip. It has that effect on humans. And look! A White Castle commercial!

LB: Oh my God! Those juicy burgers!

[Harold and Kumar have a similar reaction on screen, mesmerized by the delicious White Castle burgers in the commercial.]

LB: Look at them! They’re perfect. They’re small, juicy, delicious burgers. Perfect for a cat!

[Little Buddy flings himself at the TV and tries to lick the screen.]

BB: Calm down, dude.

LB: I can’t. I need those burgers! Where are they, servant? Where is the nearest White Castle?

BB: In Yonkers.

LB: Let’s go! Get your keys! But first, the catnip.

A clear jar labeled 'Meowijuana' filled with hand-trimmed catnip buds, featuring a cartoon cat wearing sunglasses on the label.

BB: I’m not going to Yonkers now.

LB: Yes you are. We are. Retrieve the catnip for me, get your keys and put your shoes on.

BB: No.

LB: That is an order, servant!

BB: You’re missing the movie, little dude. See? Harold and Kumar are leaving their apartment to embark upon their adventure.

LB: As are we. Don’t make me make you cooperate.

[20 minutes later after incessant, brutal, maximally annoying screeching.]

BB: Fine! Okay? You win, just stop! Stop, please! Man, I have a headache now. What are you staring at me like that for?

LB: Hoist me up. I’m going to ride on your shoulder.

BB: I can carry you to the car.

LB: That would be undignified, whereas if I ride on your shoulder, there will be little doubt as to who’s in charge.

BB: Ugh. Fine, let’s get this over with.

LB: I can almost taste the burgers already! I want cheese on mine. And bacon. Hold the onions. Oh, and servant? Instead of fries, just get me more burgers. Do you think 17 is enough or should I get 23 just to be safe? Does the website say if they still have those little chicken patty burgers? We have to talk about the sauce, a sauce strategy so to speak, before we get there. That’s important. We really must hurry, my stomach is rumbling. What’d you do with the catnip? Gimme gimme…

Cat On The Street: What Do You Think About The Newly-Renamed Lake America?

We asked six cats what they think about a prominent story in this week’s headlines.

President Donald Trump escalated his trade war with the Canadians this week by renaming Lake Ontario to Lake America and threatening to increase the punishing tariffs he levied on our northern neighbors.

What do you think about the move to rename the lake?

“He owned the libs! The libs have been owned!” – Alex, 6, furniture tester
“That oughtta teach ’em not to mess with the US of A!” -Rufus, 17, retired competitive eater
“Canada? What’s that, like a new beverage or something?” – Bubbles, 8, office assistant
“Look upon our works, ye mighty, and tremble! Nothing beside remains of that frozen wasteland, round the decay, of the colossal tundra boundless and bare. The lone and level permafrost stretches far away.” – Screecher, 3, public meowing coach
“The lake just became 78% more awesome. We should dye the water red, white and blue, and release bald eagles over the lake during a patriotic Kid Rock concert for true patriots.” – Dwight Eisenmeower, 10, bodybuilder
“I’m glad we’re able to settle these disputes like responsible adults and talk out our problems.” – Cleo, 15 months, mouser understudy

Images via Wikimedia Commons and Unsplash

Ricky Gervais’ ‘Alley Cats’: These Cartoon Felines Could Go Easier On The Swearing And The Sugar

The new Netflix animated comedy from Ricky Gervais has its moments, but it’s overly dependent on litter box humor and its attempts at redemptive sweetness border on the diabetic.

Ricky Gervais’ eponymous alley cats have one thing in common with Buddy: they think they’re the toughest, most fearsome creatures on the block.

They might recoil in horror, jump back a dozen feet and soil themselves when a vegetable delivery man drops a cucumber on the sidewalk, but approximately half of their obscenity-peppered banter involves discussing other living things they reckon they’d destroy.

Among them: snails, elephants, meerkats, portly humans, sharks and anything besides spiders who are, invariably, referred to as “a bunch of c—s.”

When they’re not praising themselves for being fearless apex predators, hunting mice or watching “a bit of telly,” they’re ripping on Rupert, the only house cat in their gang, by reminding him he no longer has his testicles.

In an early episode the gang is poised on the wall of a cemetery, impatiently waiting for a “dead c—” to get buried so they can go hunting for mice when Rupert pads up, says hello and announces he’s already eaten: chicken and rabbit in gravy “with extra calcium.”

The others tear into him, asking him if his humans brushed him or gave him pudding afterwards.

“I have my pudding during the brushing,” he says, explaining that brushing is stressful and a simultaneous dessert “takes the edge off.”

That prompts another round of full-throated laughter and ball-busting over Rupert’s lack of them. Ricky Gervais’ Gus and Andrew Brooke’s Fang – a big bruiser tuxedo tom – lead the charge, making kissing sounds and mocking Rupert for being a sweet pet to his “mummy and daddy.”

When the scrawny Puke (David Earl) uses the freshly-dug grave as a litter box and Rupert protests, Gus waves a dismissive paw, insisting all humans are scum anyway.

“Not all of them,” Rupert says. “Attenborough. Malala. My owners, for instance.”

“His owners!” Fang says, breaking into mocking laughter.

“Do you hear yourself?” Gus says.

“They are my owners,” Rupert sniffs. “They paid a tidy sum for me, and I’m grateful. Otherwise I’d be rotting in a shelter or worse, living in a dump like you lot.”

Which, of course, prompts another round of mockery about Rupert’s missing bits.

After agreeing they’re the toughest, baddest cats on the block, Gus and the gang are terrified by the sight of a single cucumber.

That’s Alley Cats in a nutshell, no pun intended, until the appearance of a lost kitten gives the gang a purpose and brings out their humanity. (Catanity? Felinity?)

At first the alley cats are tempted to make a snack of the little one until Olive (Diane Morgan) reminds them she’s a baby, she’s lost, and they’re big, strong cats, which they’re always reminding everyone of.

Amid all the obscenities there are moments acknowledging that being a street cat is not an easy life. One minute the strays are joyously knocking flower pots off a window sill, the next they’re staring shocked at the body of their friend who was hit by a driver.

“He didn’t even stop,” one of them says. “He didn’t care.”

“Humans never do,” Gus replies matter-of-factly.

Later they find another one of their mates, an elderly tom, stuffed in a carrier.

“Off to the vet,” their friend says from his confinement.

“He’ll fix you right up,” Gus says.

“Nah,” the scraggly old tom says sadly. “I overheard ’em. This is a one-way trip.”

With their earlier exuberance wiped out, the alley cats decide to retreat for the day, prompting the kitten to ask them uncomfortable questions about mortality and what kind of life a cat can expect.

For Gus, it means being put in a tough spot. He clearly cares for the kitten, even inviting her to snuggle up with him when she’s whimpering alone at night, but he has a reputation to maintain. He’s Gus, fearless and tough street cat!

Gus fancies a tabby from his neighborhood, but usually keeps his distance for fear of her intimidating boy(cat) friend.

Alley Cats is not for everyone. There will be people who reach for the remote within the first two or three minutes because it is relentlessly obscene.

I’m not particularly bothered by foul language if there’s a genuine purpose to it, but too often it feels like it’s in the script in lieu of genuine jokes, as if Gervais is elbowing us like “See what I did there? I called him a c—! Haha! That’s funny, innit? My character is a cat who calls everyone c—s and tw–s! Brilliant.”

The UK press has savaged the show, concluding Gervais is capable of comedic brilliance but has become lazy and formulaic.

And that’s true to a degree, just like it’s accurate to say South Park is a festival of fart jokes. But just like the latter show also has a sharp satirical edge and functions as an equal opportunity eviscerator of the ridiculous, Alley Cats tries to say more. It just isn’t always successful.

Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats are the family-friendly animated template for Alley Cats. Reruns of Heathcliff were part of after-school cartoon blocks in the late 80s and early 90s.

Whether you stick around for the bigger themes depends on your personal tolerance for the banter they’re wrapped in.

Unfortunately it’s also true that the reflective moments are a little too formulaic, like the lesson-of-the-day from after-school TV years ago. Balancing comedy with earnestness is already a difficult task that requires timing and a degree of self-awareness that I’m not sure Gervais possesses at this stage of his career.

Reviewers who have soured on the UK comedian are increasingly convinced he requires the tempering influence of his The Office co-creator and writer, Stephen Merchant.

They may be on to something, but I also think it may cut both ways.

I really enjoyed Merchant’s HBO series, Hello Ladies. It was unlike anything else on TV and felt like a genuinely fresh approach to comedy. But it also operated at a default cringe level orders of magnitude more uncomfortable than other shows.

There were times when the situations in Hello Ladies became so embarrassing, so completely detached from the norms of social behavior, that I had to pause the show and take a break.

Gervais and Merchant could temper each other’s worst instincts as they did in The Office.

I’m not the only one who felt that way. Reviews at the time were fixated on the improbably powerful osmotic cringe effect, and Merchant didn’t know when to let up. Just as you felt so mortified that you’d swear things couldn’t possibly get worse, Merchant found ways to crank it up.

The career trajectories of both men indicate a reunion just might be the best thing for them. If Netflix gives Alley Cats a green light for another season, Merchant could fit right in with the gang as a lanky Savannah, a wannabe Lothario who prompts Gervais’ Gus to lean less on the c-word and more on genuine humor, while Gus could bring Merchant’s cat back down to Earth by reintroducing him to reality every once in a while.

I’m sure that, whatever might come from a new collaboration, it would be better than the moderately funny Alley Cats.


Heads up: Recently I discovered a content scraper was skimming posts from this site and repackaging them as books priced at $40 each. I was able to get that person’s online shop terminated, but have since discovered there are at least two others, including one who repackaged my “Amazing Cats” series. The other is even more exorbitantly priced and appears as part of a trove of materials on an Etsy shop marketed to people who want to put out their own books, and claims to offer chapter modules that can be assembled into custom books, which can then be listed for sale on Amazon et al.

Please do not buy them. These people are NOT affiliated with Pain In The Bud and they do not have permission to use content from this site. The posts they pilfered from are free and remain on this site available to everyone. I’d hate to see people buy this stuff believing they’re supporting the site and end up getting ripped off.

Buddy Appears On Balcony, Papal Style, To Greet Crowd Of Admirers

To the delight of onlookers, the mercurial feline emerged to wave a paw and deliver a speech to a crowd on a neighborhood cat tour.

NEW YORK – After cheers of “Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!” rang out for more than a minute, the tabby cat ventured outside to his balcony and greeted the crowd to deafening cheers.

An expectant hush fell over the onlookers as Buddy the Cat climbed onto a platform. Then his little head poked over the railing, followed by his shoulders, and he extended his front paws before waving to the people below like a pope in St. Peter’s Square.

“Meow!” he said, and the crowd roared its approval.

The crowd wasn’t random. It was part of a pre-planned and scheduled tour of neighborhood cats in lower Westchester County, a suburb which directly borders New York City to the north.

“The absolute hightlight of today’s cat tour,” was the way Nadia Petrova, 27, summed up catching a glimpse of Buddy.

Her friend, Elena Mirazova, 25, nodded in agreement.

“Buddy is such cute cat,” said the Russian, who traveled to New York from Moscow with her friend to visit New York and meet its famous felines.

Brandon Williams, the 53-year-old tour organizer, said Buddy was the tour’s most popular feline of the more than four dozen window cats who can be seen on the 90-minute walking tour through the leafy northern suburb.

“It’s not just his incredible good looks or his inimitable charm,” Williams said. “Buddy is magnetic. He lights up a room…or a parking lot. He’s also the only one who gives speeches.”

Indeed, Buddy delivered a 15-minute speech about the awesomeness of domestic felines, the importance of recognizing that awesomeness, and the tastiest attributes of various meals and snacks.

Then he lowered a bucket, which his admirers filled with treats crunchy and soft, as well as cans of turkey pate from virtually every pet food brand known to man.

Ai Imajo of Osaka gifted the beloved feline a variety pack of Japanese cat food, including Tofu Umami Turkey Mix, Super Ultra Perfection Fried Turkey and Squid, and Barbecue Potato Chip Turkey Chunks. As a result of her thoughtful gifts, which took Buddy’s favorite foods into consideration, the popular feline invited her up to his balcony.

“I felt like Courtney Cox getting plucked out of a crowd to dance with Bruce Springsteen,” Imajo said of the famous incident in 1984, which launched Springsteen’s Born In The U.S.A. Tour and Cox’s career as a model and actress. “But of course Buddy’s better than Springsteen.”

‘The Most Unaffectionate Cat In The World’?!

Big Buddy has cat scratch fever and Little Buddy’s reputation has been besmirched!

So I’ve got cat scratch fever from a nasty Bud-inflicted cut on my right foot.

I take full responsibility. I woke a few nights ago to Bud mmmmmmrrrrrp-ing and realized I’d been acting out my dreams and had kicked him. Of course I felt terrible, apologized with some gentle head scratches and he forgave me in a few seconds because he knows it wasn’t intentional.

And because it’s happened two or three times before. There’s something wrong with whichever brain mechanism regulates my motor function shutdown, and it goes both ways, from terrifying bouts of sleep paralysis to the aforementioned acting out of dreams.

I fell asleep again after the unfortunate kicking incident, then realized Bud had already paid me back earlier with a skin-shredding, blood-drawing scratch on the top of the offending foot, when I woke up scratching the painful and itchy cut.

I applied antibiotic ointment and have continued to do so, but my foot’s swollen and I feel a little funky. Health sites advise watching it closely and if redness spreads out, or if it’s accompanied by certain other symptoms, I should seek medical attention.

So far I’m okay.

Buddy gazes upon his meowgnificent reflection.

In the meantime this has not helped Bud’s reputation with people in my immediate orbit, including my family.

As regular readers know, Bud has an unfortunate habit of engaging in some light mauling of his cat-sitters. My friend Sue, who has my eternal gratitude for watching him many times, will no longer play with him or interact with him. She slips in, presumably with armor and a heavy oaken shield, then feeds him and makes a rapid egress.

Anyway, Bud has been dubbed “the most unaffectionate cat in the world” because of his hostility toward cat-sitters and his quick-to-the-draw paw-slapping tendencies. It hasn’t helped that other people I know have adopted cats who’ve turned out to be perfectly behaved, grateful, sweet little furballs who don’t slap people for petting them too long.

Which I think is a bit unfair considering Bud’s a very friendly cat while I am present and the majority of retaliatory slappings by Bud have occurred when people unfamiliar with feline interaction etiquette try to pet him as if he’s a dog. He gets overstimulated easily, has a low tolerance for repeated petting in the same area, and does not play nice if anyone goes for his belly or tries to pick him up.

That’s just his personality. He’s absolutely affectionate and can be a little love bug with me. He loves my brother. He’s cool with my nieces even though he knows they’re kids and can be a bit unpredictable. Of course I don’t pick him up unless absolutely necessary, I don’t rub his tummy and I know the signs when he’s close to overstimulation. There’s also years of trust between us, and I’ve been told I am an adequate servant.

I’ll be keeping a close eye on my swollen foot and jokingly told Bud I’m going to defenestrate him if I have to go to the emergency clinic, which is fine because he doesn’t know what that means! (And of course I would do no such thing. My little Buddy is an absolute angel, even when the claws come out. Obviously.)