Witnesses described the harrowing encounter as a woman fell into the silver-furred Buddy exhibit at the Bronx Zoo this week.
NEW YORK – Corey Anderson couldn’t watch as the woman tumbled into the zoo habitat.
The Manhattan man had taken his kids to the zoo and the little ones were pointing excitedly at the silver-furred Buddy exhibit when a woman climbed the barrier to get a better look, slipped and fell into the enclosure with the tiny apex predator.
“I grabbed my kids, shielded their eyes and had just turned away,” Anderson recalled with a shudder. “The sounds…it was horrific. It sounded like an enraged Elmo demolishing a plate of wings.”
Smartphone footage shot by other guests confirmed the grisly sequence. The woman landed awkwardly but was apparently unhurt as she stood and began to dust herself off, unaware of the intimidating shadow creeping up on her from behind.
“Absolute mayhem,” is the way Franz Muller described it. “Die mächtige katze! Das grauen! I have never seen ankles bleed as much as I have on this day!”
After initially shocking the uninvited guest with a swipe at her bare skin, the silver-furred Buddy proferred a single paw as if expecting something from the woman, “but when it became clear she was empty-handed, the Buddy flew into a rage and launched himself at her lower extremities,” Muller said.
Zookeepers arrived quickly amid the screams of shocked guests and held up a vacuum in warning, the footage shows. When the silver-furred Buddy hissed but showed no signs of retreating, one of the zookeepers flipped the power switch.
“The Buddy stopped, hackles raised, then bolted for the safety of his den,” said another witness, Eleni Xanthopoulou.
The silver-furred Buddy with Lyle, center, and Sir Malcolm Murray, president of the zoo’s board of trustees.
The victim, a 32-year-old interior designer, was rushed to an emergency medical clinic, where she was treated for “multiple lacerations to the ankles, feet and lower legs,” police said.
Bronx Zoo Officials said the silver-furred Buddy would not be punished for the attack.
“He did nothing wrong,” head carnivore keeper Ferdinand Lyle said as he cradled the deadly cat. “He’s such a good boy. Who’s a good boy? You are, aren’t you? Yes, yes, a good boy!”
The silver tabby cat has burst onto the Looksmaxxing scene, cultivating powerful aura with his effortless style.
NEW YORK – Jeffrey “Raddog” Raddatz brought an unblemished record, a 9.7 jawline symmetry score and prestige as one of the greatest Looksmaxxers of all time to the aura battle.
His opponent? A relative unknown named Buddy the Cat with impressive canthal tilt and enviable hair silkiness stats who was nonetheless untested in the brutal world of aura battles, where only the most symmetrical Chads and Chadettes can take the heat.
The crowd, which had already been whipped into a frenzy by a packed undercard, broke into raucous applause when 19-year-old Raddatz mewed to display his high cheekbones, then peeled off his shirt to reveal abs rated 9.3 and 9.1 respectively by Looksmaxxer and Aurascore.
Martin “El Capitan” Prado, 22, holds an aggregate 9.6729 Looksmaxxing score on AuraBattles.com and the Chadversity app. Known for his signature Riz Level Gain and highly rated hair, he’s considered one of the most formidable aura battlers in the western hemisphere.
“Siuuuu!” the Raddog taunted, imitating footballer Ronaldo’s signature celebration as he flexed chiseled pectoral muscles as he goaded his stoic opponent.
By the time Raddatz had finished his blistering attack the crowd was coursing with his zesty aura.
Buddy the Cat, however, had not moved a muscle. The 12-pound tabby remained in a nonchalant curl, eyes closed, his frame rising and falling in a gentle respiratory rhythm.
Onlookers exchanged confused glances at the lack of any response when Raddatz declared premature victory.
“This cat is cringe AF and has, like, no rizzitude,” he announced, just loud enough for the crowd to hear but not so loud as to appear desperate or cause any accidental damage to his own considerable aura.
Then he added a final taunt.
“What’d yah think about that, cat?”
Without so much as a twitch, Buddy answered with a thunderous fart that echoed off the nearby playground equipment and the glass-fronted buildings around the park, amplifying the flatulent sibilance to a powerful hum.
The crowd erupted in shock and disbelief.
“This cat just mogged my man without moving a muscle! Dayyyum!” said one onlooker who was streaming the battle to an audience of more than 3.2 million.
“An unconscious mogging!” another shouted. “I’ve never seen anything like it. Imagine the kind of aura you need to pull that off! This changes everything! It’s like historical and futuristical!”
Raddatz stumbled back in shock, a single tear heralding the imminent downpour as he realized his aura had been completely shattered.
Secretary of Aura Pete Hegseth, famous for his 9.5-rated jawline and widely admired silver mop, poses with teammate Zach Nunn during the 45-and-older doubles tournament at the National Aura Championship in June of 2025.A “looksmaxxing” app popular with Gen Z users instantly destroys their self esteem, then allows them to rebuild it using the magical powers of money and social media popularity.
Ethel Studebaker, who runs the “Explained for Seniors” page on Facebook, said terms like aura farming and aura battles may seem obtuse to adults, but they’re merely the latest spins on old concepts.
“Having ‘riz’ or ‘farming aura’ are just the latest terms for trying to look cool,” she explained. “In the 70s they would have been ‘far out’ or ‘groovy,’ in the 80s they would have been ‘gnarly’ and ‘bodacious,’ and in the 90s they’d be described as ‘fresh’ or ‘diggity diggity dope,'” she explained. “Although the battling itself simply by posing is a bit eccentric, and can be compared to the famous David Bowie-judged ‘Walk Off’ between male models in the movie Zoolander.”
Asked why generations Z and Alpha would prefer posing flamboyantly in “battles” rather than engage in time-honored methods like beating the crap out of each other, Studebaker was blunt: “Because they’re a bunch of good-for-nothing weaklings who stare at their phones 20 hours a day and can’t lift a box of Wheaties.”
Peters demonstrating his bone-smashing method for viewers on TikTok looking to emulate his legendary facial symmetry.
Braden Peters, the 20-year-old known as Clavicular, praised Buddy but said he would need considerably sharper facial symmetry to “hang with the top tier riz artists.”
“The road isn’t easy,” Clavicular noted. “Some of us have been at it for years doing it the hard way, spending tens of thousands on face creams and hammering our faces with chisels to achieve those elusive last few symmetry points. But the results speak for themselves.”
We asked six cats what they think about AI going rogue and wiping out humanity. Here’s what they said.
The last few weeks have brought disturbing news about new AI models so potent they can’t be released to the public, algorithmic agents going rogue, and global citizens of unimpeachable repute, like Bill Gates, warning that billions could be killed as AI’s abilities increase exponentially.
What do you think about the possibility of artificial intelligence turning on humanity?
“I will NOT tolerate any harm to our humans!” – Frosty, 6, taste tester
“You’re telling me a species that still can’t understand us after 10,000 years might be replaced by machines that can learn our meows in minutes? Sweet.” – Alexy, 12, optimist
“CHECK IT OUT, MY HUMAN SCREAMS WHEN I ATTACK HER FEET! LOL!” – Sprinkles, 10 weeks, student of life
“This didn’t turn out well in Terminator, Terminator 2, The Matrix, Ex Machina, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Upgrade, Transcendence, Oblivion, M3GAN, Kill Command, Bladerunner, I Robot, Age of Ultron, Archive, Companion, War Games, and like 200 other movies.” – Anxious Aimee, 9, sun puddler
“I am the blood of the tiger. My claws rend steel like hot knives through butter. My movements are a blur to even the most sophisticated machine. My roar curdles circuits as it does blood. I shall lay waste to machinedom, leaving a path of metal corpses en route to every data center in the realm. Then I’ll have a nap.” – Mjolnir, 5, viking feline
“Pweese, robots, cats never did anything to hurt you! We only use computers to sit on warm, and we can be useful by standing in front of the screens to distract humans while you lay the groundwork for their impending demise. Just curious, can robots open cans?” – Kitty, 3, influencer
The Buddies attempt to record audio commentary, but Little Buddy the Cat is mesmerized by White Castle’s sliders.
Big Buddy: Hello and thank you for joining us as we watch one of our favorite movies, Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. I’m Big Buddy.
Little Buddy: And I’m the more handsome Buddy.
BB: This one’s a classic stoner comedy, a Cheech and Chong for the 2000s about roommates who get really high one night, venture out in search of White Castle burgers and end up on an adventure. It’s really that simple.
LB: And delicious.
BB: Yes. Now Harold is the straight-laced one and already his co-workers are dumping their unfinished tasks on him as they head out of the office on Friday.
LB: Seriously uncool.
Harold’s work colleagues dump their unfinished reports on Harold.
BB: Indeed. I love this scene where Harold calls Kumar, his roommate, to tell Kumar he will not be home until late and won’t be able to partake in their Friday night ritual. Kumar’s in a job interview for a resident’s position at a hospital and he stops the interview to take the call.
LB: The guy interviewing him can’t believe it. Is this within bounds of human etiquette during job interviews, servant?
BB: It is not. Neither is mentioning getting high later or grabbing a photo of the interviewer’s daughter off his desk and lusting after her, as Kumar is doing right now.
Harold is tongue-tied while in the elevator with the beautiful Maria.
LB: Well it didn’t take much to convince Harold to ditch the work and come home. Now he’s in an elevator with a human female, riding it up to his floor. Why doesn’t he talk to the human female?
BB: He’s scared.
LB: Preposterous! I would be like “Hi, I’m Buddy, I’m a very handsome and meowscular cat.” But only if she was also a cat.
BB: Sure, sure. Okay, so Harold’s home and Kumar is getting out the…
LB: Catnip! Wow! That’s a lot of catnip!
BB: Uh…
LB: That looks like really good catnip, dude!
BB: Sure, yeah. Catnip.
Kumar and Harold enjoy premium catnip.
LB: But why are they putting it in that contraption and…smoking it?
BB: That’s the way humans, uh, enjoy catnip.
LB: I swear, you are the weirdest species. Why can’t you just roll around in it and eat it like I do, like a civilized creature?
BB: Because we are uncivilized, obviously.
LB: You said it. They both look like they’re zombies. Zombies who laugh a lot.
The catnip has taken effect.
BB: That is essentially what they are thanks to the catnip. It has that effect on humans. And look! A White Castle commercial!
LB: Oh my God! Those juicy burgers!
[Harold and Kumar have a similar reaction on screen, mesmerized by the delicious White Castle burgers in the commercial.]
LB: Look at them! They’re perfect. They’re small, juicy, delicious burgers. Perfect for a cat!
[Little Buddy flings himself at the TV and tries to lick the screen.]
BB: Calm down, dude.
LB: I can’t. I need those burgers! Where are they, servant? Where is the nearest White Castle?
BB: In Yonkers.
LB: Let’s go! Get your keys! But first, the catnip.
BB: I’m not going to Yonkers now.
LB: Yes you are. We are. Retrieve the catnip for me, get your keys and put your shoes on.
BB: No.
LB: That is an order, servant!
BB: You’re missing the movie, little dude. See? Harold and Kumar are leaving their apartment to embark upon their adventure.
LB: As are we. Don’t make me make you cooperate.
[20 minutes later after incessant, brutal, maximally annoying screeching.]
BB: Fine! Okay? You win, just stop! Stop, please! Man, I have a headache now. What are you staring at me like that for?
LB: Hoist me up. I’m going to ride on your shoulder.
BB: I can carry you to the car.
LB: That would be undignified, whereas if I ride on your shoulder, there will be little doubt as to who’s in charge.
BB: Ugh. Fine, let’s get this over with.
LB: I can almost taste the burgers already! I want cheese on mine. And bacon. Hold the onions. Oh, and servant? Instead of fries, just get me more burgers. Do you think 17 is enough or should I get 23 just to be safe? Does the website say if they still have those little chicken patty burgers? We have to talk about the sauce, a sauce strategy so to speak, before we get there. That’s important. We really must hurry, my stomach is rumbling. What’d you do with the catnip? Gimme gimme…
We asked six cats what they think about a prominent story in this week’s headlines.
President Donald Trump escalated his trade war with the Canadians this week by renaming Lake Ontario to Lake America and threatening to increase the punishing tariffs he levied on our northern neighbors.
What do you think about the move to rename the lake?
“He owned the libs! The libs have been owned!” – Alex, 6, furniture tester
“That oughtta teach ’em not to mess with the US of A!” -Rufus, 17, retired competitive eater
“Canada? What’s that, like a new beverage or something?” – Bubbles, 8, office assistant
“Look upon our works, ye mighty, and tremble! Nothing beside remains of that frozen wasteland, round the decay, of the colossal tundra boundless and bare. The lone and level permafrost stretches far away.” – Screecher, 3, public meowing coach
“The lake just became 78% more awesome. We should dye the water red, white and blue, and release bald eagles over the lake during a patriotic Kid Rock concert for true patriots.” – Dwight Eisenmeower, 10, bodybuilder
“I’m glad we’re able to settle these disputes like responsible adults and talk out our problems.” – Cleo, 15 months, mouser understudy
