Category: cat humor

Words of Wisdom From Buddy

Hark! Upon this day rejoice, for we bring you wise words from Buddy the Cat!

We’re often told to follow our dreams, but how many shareable quotes on social media actually tell us how to do so? It turns out there’s a critical step: To follow your dreams, you need to have dreams first! This is where Buddy sagely instructs us to begin, surrendering to sweet slumber so our unconscious can tell us what we really want:

buddy_napquote3
An important and common sense bit of wisdom from Bud.

On Jan. 20, 1961, John F. Kennedy was inaugurated at 43 years old, making him the youngest president since Theodore Roosevelt — and the youngest elected president. (Roosevelt assumed the highest office after then-President William McKinley was assassinated in 1901.) While an impressive feat, it was Kennedy’s speech that continues to reverberate throughout history: “Ask not what your country can do for you,” the newly-sworn-in president told the nation. “Ask what you can do for your country.”

Those were simpler times, before we made the wise decision to politicize viruses, rip each other’s throats out over vaccines, and apprentice ourselves to intellectual giants like Tucker Carlson and Joy Ann Reid, tuning in nightly to drink of their limitless sagacity as they educate us on how to cherry pick facts that support our respective world views and ignore everything that contradicts them.

Still, there are lessons to be learned from those innocent times, and Buddy has repurposed Kennedy’s quote to give it a deeper, more profound (and useful) meaning:

buddy_asknot
JFK has nothing on Buddy.

For our final bit of Buddesian wisdom, we return to the solution to so many of life’s problems: Sleep.

Why confront adversity when you can just take a nap? In this quote, Buddy advises the path of least resistance, a crucial strategy for anyone who finds themselves dealing with stress or anxiety:

buddy_adversityquote
Sink to meet the challenges of life!

Cats File Discrimination Suit After Ben & Jerry’s Releases Ice Cream For Dogs

WASHINGTON – A new lawsuit accuses Ben & Jerry’s of “blatant, systematic discrimination” after the company released a line of ice cream and frozen treats for dogs, but not for cats.

“Felines around the world are understandably hurt and feeling betrayed by Ben and Jerry right now,” the public interest group Cats’ Rights And Protection (CRAP) said in a statement. “Not only are these supposedly ‘good boy’ canines a bunch of frauds, but now they get to enjoy ice cream and delicious frozen treats like their humans, while we cats are relegated to eating the same cardboard-tasting dry treats and the admittedly juicy — but not frozen — meat sticks we’ve always had.”

Ben & Jerry's Doggie Desserts
Seriously?

The cat advocacy group, which lobbies for more favorable policies toward all felids, big and small, said Ben and Jerry’s oversight is “part of a larger, societal problem of viewing cats as second-class citizens who either don’t understand or don’t care that we’re getting the short end of the stick.”

“We’re not stupid,” the CRAP statement said. “We know an inferior snack when we see it, and it’s obvious Ben & Jerry are biased in favor of those mangy dogs.”

Meowsiharu Morimoto, the Iron Chef of the feline world, called on other ice cream makers to step in and correct the Vermont ice cream maker’s offensive errors.

“It’s long been obvious to anyone in the feline culinary world that our options for desserts and digestifs have been woefully inadequate,” the Japanese cat said. “Does anyone think of us cats? Does no one ever wonder ‘Shouldn’t cats get into enjoy yummy, palate-cleansing ice cream after feasting on fish and poultry?’ The lack of consideration is criminal! Shame on you, Jerry and Ben!”

Ice Cream for Cats?
*sniff* “Nom noms?”

Another door to the exclusive world of tasty desserts seemed to be closed to cats on Tuesday when a large group of feline demonstrators was discouraged by Cookies and Cream, a cat who counts the Häagen-Dazs founders among her humans.

“We hear you and we see your signs,” Cookies told the crowd. “But we’re not really nebulously Nordic masters of delicious frozen delicacies. Häagen-Dazs doesn’t actually mean anything. It’s complete nonsense! My human is from the Bronx. He just made Häagen-Dazs up, thinking that if Americans saw his ice cream as vaguely Norwegian or Danish, they’d think it was quality stuff and would be willing to pay a premium. Well, they do, and we’re rich, bitches!”

The Ice Cream Makers of America, in an attempt to quell the controversy, issued a statement of its own.

“Cats: You’re lactose intolerant! You can’t take two licks without getting brain freeze! You just aren’t a market for ice cream, sorry,” the statement read.

Note: It turns out there is an ice cream for cats, or more accurately an icy fish-flavored treat intended to cool kitties down on hot summer days. Has anyone given it to their cat? And yes, cats are lactose intolerant, so we shouldn’t give ice cream to our cat(s) no matter how many people on Youtube think it’s amusing.


hi this buddy!

hi hi hello this buddy!

can anycat here me.? this buddeh

how does this blogging work?

> serch how blogging work?

> serch how to make blogging work?

hmmm

can anycat here me? this buddy!

> serch hot calico

GRRRRR

stupid interweb compooter not werk Buddy is angry!! dont make buddy angry!!

> Siri! Google!

> serch rly hog calico pitchers

Did you mean: really hog calico pictures?

YES. YES. SHOW.

911410d15dad9114e75e8df4ca1a17b7--farm-animals-piggies

Screenshot 2021-09-03 at 09-29-28 hog calico - Google Search

WTH NO. NONONONO!

> siri serch HOT calico

Calico_Catastrophe_1024x1024

wat?

> serch SEXY calico .

L2ltYWdlcy9wcm9kdWN0L2p1bWJvcy9MQS04NTU2N19tdWx0aWNvbG9yX2FsdDFfbGcuanBn_H_SH483_MW290

STOOPID COMPOOTER!

> serch HOT CALICO CATS!

Calico+100+oc+walked+in+on+my+cat+sitting+like_c757ee_4982303

YEAH!

amazong

> serch amazong

Did you mean: Search Amazon?

YES.

big Buddy cerdit card

big Buddy cerdit card XXXX-XXXXXX-XXXXX

Name: Big Buddy
Address: Buddy housep
ZIP code: wat?
State: hungry

> SHOW TURKEY

Screenshot 2021-09-03 at 09-35-34 Amazon com turkey country

UH WAT

> SHOW TURKEY FOOD

order turkeys how much lots of turkeyzz . treats. treats too. tempatashuns

Screenshot 2021-09-03 at 09-34-40 Amazon com turkey

gimme gimme turkeys

hello? hello?

buddy friends/fans pls help me I give u cerdit car u give me turkeys & pitchers calico & lazer lazer

hello? hihi! hello?

this buddy

Buddy Spotted In Tanzania Attempting To Start His Own Pride

TANZANIA – A domestic house cat has been spotted living among lions in Tanzania’s Lake Manyara National Park, according to wildlife rangers and locals who have spotted the tiny feline sidling up to its larger brethren.

Eagle-eyed viewers identified the mysterious feline as Buddy the Cat after Dr. Olufemi Ugwemuhwem Osas, director of the Tanzanian Institute for Wildlife Studies, posted photos of the bizarre interactions on Instagram.

“That is DEFINITELY Buddy the Cat,” one reader wrote on Dr. Osas’ Instagram page. “I’d recognize that paste-eater anywhere.”

“Can confirm, that’s Bud,” another reader wrote. “But he doesn’t eat paste! Saw him in person last year and, man, he was RIPPED!”

The domestic shorthair, who was born and raised in New York, made headlines earlier this year after breaking into the tiger exhibit at the Bronx Zoo and infamously failing in his attempts to gain acceptance among the big cats in that enclosure. The 10-pound house cat was mistaken for a cub by one of the tigresses in the enclosure and was subjected to two weeks’ worth of tongue baths before animal rights activists finally persuaded reluctant zookeepers to rescue the tiny tabby from his predicament.

It appears the relentless feline was trying similar tactics on the Maasai Steppe, local rangers confirmed.

“In the beginning he was wandering around aimlessly, soliciting random lions to join his ‘pride’,” said Jean Jacques Remontoire, timekeeper for the Jambo Jambo Wildlife Preserve, which offers tours on the Maasai Steppe. “He was dragging a big sack of cans behind him, offering dozens of them as a ‘signing bonus’ for lions who agreed to join him and follow him as alpha.”

After a luckless streak that lasted more than a week, the gray tabby shifted tactics, approaching existing prides when the male lions weren’t present.

“What has that guy done for you lately?” Buddy asked a pair of lionesses who seemed to tolerate him while grooming their cubs. “I mean, you do all the hunting, then you drag the kill back, and who gets to eat first? He does! It’s not fair to you. But, just so you know, if I was alpha, I’d only eat like an ounce and a half, and you’d get to feast on the rest.”

One pride, whose lionesses said they were frustrated with their pride leader, seemed to conditionally accept Buddy’s offer if he could help them defend their territory against a powerful young interloper with designs on claiming the pride for himself.

“Definitely,” Buddy told the lionesses. “That dude is as good as dead, as soon as I have my nap.”

His run as pride leader was short-lived, however, after he hid behind the legs of one of the younger lions during the confrontation with the interloper, known locally as Leonidas the Earthshaker.

Witnesses reported the dusty house cat returning to civilization on Wednesday when he appeared at the Sustainable Safari Center of the Steppe and asked to use the phone, “So I can call Big Buddy to get me a plane ticket back home.”

“I didn’t ‘fail’ in my attempts to found my own pride,” Buddy later told reporters. “In fact, I was a pride leader for three hours, 14 minutes and 37 seconds. It’s just that, as I stared into the cold eyes of Leonidas the Earthshaker, I realized violence isn’t the way. Overall I’d say this expedition was a great success and I learned a lot about my heritage.”

The Buddy Collection

Have you been thinking about linking to Buddy from your blog, sharing Buddy’s wisdom from your social media pages, or simply ordering a small poster-size print of Buddy because he’s so damn handsome?

You’re in luck! Here are some promotional images centered around everyone’s favorite little dude and his many talents:

Apex Predators:

Buddy and Gerald: Apex Predators
Buddy and Gerald: Apex Predators, based on a fake news story post from March about Buddy breaking into a tiger enclosure to be among his “peeps” and “reconnect with his heritage.”

Buddinese Tiger:

Buddinese Tiger
The Buddinese Tiger, aka Felis Awesomus, is a very rare breed of felid native to New York.

 

Apex Lounger:

Buddy the Apex Lounger
Buddy’s not just an Apex Predator, he’s an Apex Lounger as well. Few living beings can match Bud’s lounging prowess, or make laziness look as good as he does.

AIR BUD:

airbud_01
The NBA wouldn’t allow him to enter the draft, determining that allowing one team to have him would be unfair to the 29 remaining squads. Still, he’s made All Star Weekend appearances, picking up three consecutive Slam Dunk Contest wins and six consecutive Furriest Player awards.

8-Bit Buddy Logo:

 

8Bit Buddy Logo
Buddy goes old-school with a classically handsome pose and an 8-bit logo worthy of Nintendo!

Budzilla:

Budzilla
What if Buddy were a kaiju? Well, we’d all be in trouble unless we delivered thousands of pounds of turkey daily.

Angels and Devils:

Angels and Devils
Life as a cat isn’t all about relaxing and eating, you know. There’s real conflict to be dealt with, and authentic moral quandaries to consider, like “I know I’m not supposed to scratch the couch, but it’s so scratchable!”