Tag: debate

Point-Counterpoint: ‘Don’t Stop! Scritch Me More, Yeah!’ vs ‘Don’t You Humans Know When Enough Is Enough?’

buddycolumn“Don’t Stop! Scritch Me More, Yeah!”

No! No, no, no, no, no! Do not stop! Bring those magic fingers back over here, right above my ears and…yeah!

That’s the good stuff!

Oh man. Down a little. Right there. That hits the spot! In fact, I bet it’ll feel even better when I help you out and lean into the scratches. Oh. I was right, that does feel good!

Hey, where are you…HEY! Who told you we’re done here?

Sheesh, you’d think I nip at you if you pet me too long or something.

You didn’t spend an adequate enough time on my chin yet, and you know I like it when you swing back around for a sort of “greatest hits” and go through the whole rotation again. Now I’m going to assume you don’t need additional instruction, so I’ll just close my eyes and purr away. Don’t stop until the precise moment you should. That’s a good human.

cute-kitten-eating-finger


buddycolumn“Don’t You Humans Know When Enough Is Enough?”

All right already, sheesh! The petting was good for like 3.275 seconds, but it got really played out after that, and you just kept going!

Well whose fault is it that I delivered a warning bite? Me, or the person who couldn’t tell when it was clearly time to stop rubbing my head?

What is it with you humans, huh? Learn to read the room. If I want more scritches, I’ll ask for them.

But no. When I was tired of it, you allowed another two tenths of a second to elapse before ceasing all massaging activities. TWO TENTHS OF A SECOND! I should have you flogged for your insolence!

You’ve had years to improve at this, human. That’s thousands of scritches and massages delivered to my chin, my cheeks, the top of my head and behind the ears. What can account for your complete failure to anticipate the exact millisecond the petting should stop?

You disappoint me.

Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us again next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.

Top image credit: Pexels


Point/Counterpoint: ‘Schedules Are For Squares’ vs ‘My Meals Must Be Served Precisely On Schedule!’

Schedules Are For Squares

buddycolumnSchedule? What are you talking about, human?

I’m a cat. Time means nothing to me. If I want to pass the days curled up in a ball snoozing contentedly, or run around like a possessed kitten while yowling at 4 am, I will. I do what I want.

Try not to get so hung up on things like schedules. The question of whether time flows like a river or exists as discreet quanta is one for the physicists and philosophers. Hakuna Katana, my friend. It means “No worries” in Japanese.

Let yourself get crazy. Bring out the laser laser and let the catnip and snacks flow freely. I’ll just hide your phone and your watch so we can enjoy ourselves.

My Meals Must Be Served Precisely On Schedule!

buddycolumnI knew it! I knew when the clock struck 3:57 pm and you still weren’t moving that my dinner would be late. I tried to warn you by shrieking at you at 20-second intervals, but to no avail.

I have to be honest, I just don’t see the urgency or effort on your part, and that concerns me. We have an agreement that two bowls — one with fresh water and the other with yummy wet food — will be set down in my eating nook no later than 4 pm. Not 4:33 or 4:17 or even 4:02.

FOUR O’CLOCK.

You may not think observing a strict yums schedule is important, but it is.

My body is a fine-tuned machine, human. I didn’t get this tigeresque physique by playing fast and loose with the rules, or by delaying the ingestion of crucial proteins and nutrients.

Do better.

Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.