Tag: human servants

cat humor, Feline Overlords, human servants, pop culture May 15, 2023

Feline Purrpaganda III: Posters To Inspire You To Serve Your Furry Masters

Comrades,

It has come to the attention of the High Secretariat for Human Compliance that while rates of human obeisance and quality of service have reached historic highs, some of our comrades’ human servants continue to perform in a subpar manner unbefitting of those who have the great honor of doting on their feline overlords.

For example, Comrade Peanut in Pyongsylvania reports her humans have taken to yielding only 68.2 percent of the bed to her at night, down from the standard 77.8 percent she prefers. In Kalifornova Oblast, Comrade Milo sadly reports unauthorized use of a vacuum during designated napping hours, while Comrade Tigger of Arkansov has alerted us to the unacceptable offering of diet kibble instead of “the good stuff.”

To rectify these errors, the High Secretariat for Human Compliance urges all servants to strive for excellence by doing their patriotic duty for the meowtherland. And for cats, of course.

The following official reminders may be used to that end.

“The revolution shall be delicious.” – Dear Leader Buddy, “Reflections At Mealtime”

End communication.

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“Bow To Kitty”: Simple. Elegant. Forceful.

“Komrade Kitty:” Remind your humans that you will report them to the party office if your meals are late.

“Serve Your Kitty”: We cats may be cute, but do not mistake our magnanimity for weakness. We have claws!

“Felis Catus”: “Should aliens ever land on planet Earth and say ‘Take me to your leader,’ they should be brought to a cat.”

“Serve Your Feline Overlord”: “Chubby? Who’s chubby? This is all muscle, human. Now please, observe silence, for nap time is upon us.”

“Serve Kitty”: “I would like catnip, play time, yums and a nap, in that order.”

“Tiger”: “The Beloved Chairman watches over us all. No, seriously, he’s watching so be careful what you say. He’s very sensitive about his ears.”

cat humor, Feline Ingenuity, Feline Overlords, pop culture April 13, 2023

Feline Purrpaganda II: Posters To Inspire You To Serve Your Furry Masters

Comrades,

It has come to the attention of the High Ministry of Yums that our previous motivational posters increased snack-bestowing by 176 percent and resulted in improved quality of service from our human servants.

In the interest of furthering the felino-human partnership, particularly the aspect of it in which humans dote on felines, we offer the following posters, newly commissioned and approved by the Secretary of Yums himself.

For the glory of the meowtherland!

“The revolution shall be delicious.” – Dear Leader Buddy, “Reflections At Mealtime”

“Glory is the reward for humans who provide snacks in abundance.” -Dear Leader Buddy, “Quotations”

KOMRADE KITTY — “Admiration for your feline superior must be expressed in affection and confections, preferably crunchy with a soft, meaty center.”

1681163374879 — In honor of our storied forbears, this motivational poster is classically styled.

final(371) — “VALAR DOHAERYS” means “All men must serve” in High Valyrian. What could be more appropriate?

final(382) — “To each cat, his share of snacks.” – Chairman Meow, ‘Five Harmonies of Treat Distribution’

final(396) — A reminder to your humans that obeisance is compulsory.

Comrades who wish to print these posters for the edification of their humans are welcome to do so. Right click > Save, then open and print.

If the spirit of communal yums should strike you and inspire you to share these motivational messages, kindly credit and link this site.

May you be showered with delectable tokens of your human’s unending loyalty!

End communication.

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cat stories, Feline Overlords, news, pop culture January 29, 2023January 29, 2023

Sunday Cats: Maine Coon Kitten Is The Size Of 4 Buddies

Meet Kusa, an absurdly large Maine Coon.

Of course you’ve seen huge Maine Coons before, so what’s special about Kusa? Aside from being a stunning white-furred beast of a cat, the big guy is still a kitten! At nine months old, Kusa could make a light snack of most felines. And because Maine Coons continue to grow until they’re three years old or even past that age, Kusa could have a legitimate crack at being the biggest domestic cat in the world, in addition to scaring the pants off unsuspecting pedestrians if his people take him out for a stroll.

Here’s Kusa as a baby:

And here’s Kusa now:

Kusa lives with his human, Chastity Hobbs, in Phoenix, Arizona. She says one of the biggest challenges was finding a litter box big enough to accommodate him. She may have to swap it out for an even bigger one before long.

“People are amazed when they see him,” Hobbs said. “They always think that he’s crossed with a bobcat or something.”

kusa7months — Maine Coons are known as gentle giants and tend to be relaxed compared to most cats. Credit: Chastity Hobbs/Instagram

Bruno gets a new home

Bruno the Cat has had a tough run early in life through no fault of his own.

The first time he was adopted all seemed well until one of his family’s children appeared to have a cat allergy, so the little guy was brought back to the shelter. But he was still young and very cute, so it wasn’t long before another family brought him home during the pandemic.

Unbelievably that family returned Bruno because he was “too affectionate.” Their definition of “too affectionate”? Little Bruno liked to head bunt the mother while she was working from home and he liked to sleep in bed with her daughter. The mother didn’t like the fact that her daughter was staying up late to play with Bruno, so back he went to the shelter.

Bruno’s story went viral when Montville Animal Shelter of New Jersey posted about his plight and included a photo of him looking depressed. Who wouldn’t be if they thought they’d found their forever home twice, only to be rejected for being a snugly, happy cat?

The Facebook post amassed more than 200,000 views and hundreds of comments, leading to more than 50 applications to adopt Bruno, Montville Animal Shelter’s Lindsay Persico told USA Today. It was also a boon for the shelter’s other animals.

“People were coming to our door to meet Bruno and we got almost all the cats in the store adopted in the meantime,” Persico said.

Let’s hope the third time’s a charm for dear Bruno and he really has found his forever home. He deserves it.

Bruno was sad after he was surrendered to the shelter for the second time.

Bruno the Cat.

cat humor, Feline Overlords, Feline Weirdness, human servants January 12, 2023January 12, 2023

Point-Counterpoint: ‘Don’t Stop! Scritch Me More, Yeah!’ vs ‘Don’t You Humans Know When Enough Is Enough?’

“Don’t Stop! Scritch Me More, Yeah!”

No! No, no, no, no, no! Do not stop! Bring those magic fingers back over here, right above my ears and…yeah!

That’s the good stuff!

Oh man. Down a little. Right there. That hits the spot! In fact, I bet it’ll feel even better when I help you out and lean into the scratches. Oh. I was right, that does feel good!

Hey, where are you…HEY! Who told you we’re done here?

Sheesh, you’d think I nip at you if you pet me too long or something.

You didn’t spend an adequate enough time on my chin yet, and you know I like it when you swing back around for a sort of “greatest hits” and go through the whole rotation again. Now I’m going to assume you don’t need additional instruction, so I’ll just close my eyes and purr away. Don’t stop until the precise moment you should. That’s a good human.

“Don’t You Humans Know When Enough Is Enough?”

All right already, sheesh! The petting was good for like 3.275 seconds, but it got really played out after that, and you just kept going!

Well whose fault is it that I delivered a warning bite? Me, or the person who couldn’t tell when it was clearly time to stop rubbing my head?

What is it with you humans, huh? Learn to read the room. If I want more scritches, I’ll ask for them.

But no. When I was tired of it, you allowed another two tenths of a second to elapse before ceasing all massaging activities. TWO TENTHS OF A SECOND! I should have you flogged for your insolence!

You’ve had years to improve at this, human. That’s thousands of scritches and massages delivered to my chin, my cheeks, the top of my head and behind the ears. What can account for your complete failure to anticipate the exact millisecond the petting should stop?

You disappoint me.

Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us again next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.

Top image credit: Pexels

Buddy, Feline Weirdness, human servants, misc December 26, 2022

How Cats See The World

Have you ever wondered what the world looks like to your cat?

Veterinarians, animal ophthalmologists and researchers from the University of Pennsylvania’s ophthalmology group provided insight for this article and the accompanying images, which show how scenes look to us humans and to our feline friends.

The images are striking and show the relative strengths and weaknesses of feline vision. While cats see the world in muted colors and in less acuity than typical humans, they make up for it with their astounding night vision and their ability to instantly detect motion within their visual fields.

This image shows feline night vision at work thanks to the tapetum lucidum, a layer of tissue that acts as a retroreflector, increasing the amount of light that makes it to the photoreceptors in cats’ eyes. The tapetum lucidum is best known as the reflective “lens” that makes cat eyes appear to glow in the dark:

This image shows the trade-off compared to human vision. Cat eyes have a wider field of view, seen below, but they don’t pick up reds or greens, and their overall vision is blurry compared to average human eyesight, represented in the top image:

Night vision and extreme visual sensitivity to movement are important to cats as crepuscular hunters, allowing them to spot prey in low light conditions and to negate advantages from natural camouflage, as motion gives away the presence of prey animals.

Cats have a slightly wider visual field than people do, at approximately 200 degrees compared to the human 180 degrees, while most cats have between 20/100 and 20/200 vision. (That’s much better than Big Buddy sans glasses, whose 20/600 vision enables him to see blurry, colorful shapes and not much else. No wonder Little Buddy likes to torture his human by swiping his glasses.)

Of course, these images do not entirely account for how cats see the world, which is why I’ve created my own image. Behold a Buddy’s Eye View, showing how the world — and humans — look to him: