Little Buddy – Pain In The Bud

Moms Are The Best! Happy Mother’s Day!

Let your mom know you love her today!

I have a lame joke whenever my mom says something like “I’m a pretty good mom, right?”

I say “Sure, if you don’t count like 4,479 other moms,” often going through a list of mothers we know, including her friends, and ranking her below all of them.

But of course she knows I love her wholeheartedly and consider her the best mom, not “just” out of love but also recognition that she had a very difficult job as a single mom to my brother and I. It couldn’t have been easy raising two idiots like us.

My brother turned out to be a good dude, a well-respected member of the community and someone people look up to, and I turned out to be…well, me, but she shouldn’t hold that against herself. One out of two ain’t bad!

Moms make the world work. To be a good mother is to be utterly selfless, to always put your children first no matter how tired you are or how bad of a day you’re having. Moms give of themselves to ensure their children grow up happy, healthy and with a decent shot at life.

From nursing us and wiping our behinds as helpless babies, to soothing us when we scrape our knees as toddlers, to guiding us as we discover the world as kids, tolerating our insistence that we Know Everything as teenagers, and reassuring us during moments of uncertainty as adults, moms are always there for us and want the best for us.

Cats are extraordinary mothers to their kittens, and they don’t have it easy, especially if they are strays or ferals. Their love for their babies is so strong, they’re willing to run into raging fires for them. I’ll never forget a story one reader told me about her adopted stray, Snowy, who delivered kittens shortly after securing her new indoor home. Snowy died defending her babies from a pair of dogs who tried to get at them while they were on a back porch. The woman kept Snowy’s daughter and found good homes for the other kittens.

I’ve blogged about this before, but while I do not call myself Bud’s “dad,” and prefer to think of us as best pals, enablers, and co-conspirators in our ridiculous plots for world domination, I do have parental feelings for my Little Buddy, and consider it my privilege to be his caretaker until the day he finally hits mythical felid maturity and turns into a hulking and fearsome tiger. (Do NOT tell him it’s not going to happen, he is absolutely convinced it’ll be any time now. He’ll be yuge and orange, just you wait!)

But of course he would not be such a fine young Buddy if not for his feline mom, who may not have smacked him upside the head as much as was probably warranted, but nonetheless admirably prepared him to take over his forever home and install himself as King.

So to all the moms out there, human and feline, we love you and we’re eternally grateful for your love.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Kitten Buddy lounging in my lap, probably about 10 weeks old.

Memo From Buddy The Cat, Re: My Human’s Failure To Buy Me A Roomba

Buddy the Cat wants his human to provide him with alternatives to his long-desired Roomba. Nothing fancy, of course.

Sept. 1, 2025 (11 A.B., or After Buddy)
To: Big Buddy
From: Little Buddy

Dear Buddy the Larger,

Since you have failed to secure a Roomba as my personal steed, as per my repeated demands, I have commissioned several other ideas for my personal conveyance.

Please find the enclosed image of a less complex, human-powered method of mobility fitting my station and status as an awesome feline. I have also attached an image of an appropriate seat designated for my use: humble yet regal, comfortable yet authoritative, offering supplicants the chance to to approach my feline personage while also clearly delineating the difference in power between myself, on my raised dais, and the lowly humans who seek my favor.

Note the dog pelt as a carpet beneath my throne…er, I mean my chair. Any dog who seeks an audience will be reminded that I’m, like, a jaguar and stuff, and they’d better be sufficiently deferential and pay tribute with delicious gifts.

Your friend and master,

Buddy

This design eschews all the complex and expensive machinery of a Roomba for good, old-fashioned human labor. I will require six Royal Buddy Guards: four to carry me at normal times, and six to carry me after I’ve feasted. I told the concept artist not to go too crazy with the ornamentation. Nothing too ostentatious, as you can see.

This design, inspired by Kublai Khan’s court in Khanbaliq (Cambulac), his winter capital. Unfortunately I couldn’t find much about the throne in his summer capital, Xanadu, but I have commissioned a designer to cook up something appropriate and will forward that to you shortly as well.

As you can see, nothing particularly fancy here, just good, sturdy, common sense necessities. I’m sure you’ll get right on it.

The Buddies Have Uncomfortable Moment After Cat Documentary Asserts Felines Mirror Their Humans’ Personalities

Is the human a bad influence on the cat, is the cat a bad influence on the human, or are they both just crazy?

NEW YORK — Big Buddy and Little Buddy experienced an awkward moment while watching a cat documentary which claimed feline personalities eventually come to resemble the dispositions of their humans.

The human and tabby were sitting on their couch, eating popcorn and laughing at their own farts when Holly Sikes, a cat behaviorist interviewed in the documentary, broke down the way people and their furry pals mirror each other.

“So, for example, if the cat is a lazy, egotistical jerk who’s always coming up with hare-brained schemes, he obviously learned that from someone,” the behaviorist said. “And that someone is the primary caretaker, the one with whom the cat spends most of his or her time.”

The Buddies looked at each other, shrugging.

“I once had a client whose cat, Quintus Lentilus Batiatus, was an absolute lunatic,” Sikes continued in the documentary. “And it turned out the owner was a LARPer who belonged to a group of wannabe Roman legionaries, which explained why little Quintus had declared war on the German family next door, labeling them ‘barbarians and savages who must be civilized under the banner of the Sacred Eagle.’ I’ve heard of cats styling themselves as Mongol conquerors, Spartan warriors and even kings of Joseon.”

Little Buddy stopped chewing, and with a mouth full of popcorn, turned to his Big Buddy.

“I’m, uh, not feeling this documentary, dude,” he said. “Let’s find something else to watch.”

“Agreed,” Big Buddy said.

The behaviorist continued to elaborate as Big Buddy searched for the remote.

“…and delusions of grandeur, particularly when it comes to fantasies about conquering the world, being famous, or even establishing ties with big cats like jaguars and tigers…”

Little Buddy’s voice was urgent.

“Where’s the remote, dude? Come on! Find it!”

“I’m trying! Where the heck is it?”

“…and we find that in cases where human and feline are closely bonded, they serve as enablers, with each convincing the other that their schemes are brilliant even when they’re gobsmackingly inane…”

Big Buddy grunted triumphantly.

“Found it!” he said.

Human and cat breathed a sigh of relief as the stream stopped.

“So what do you wanna watch next, Bud?” Big Buddy asked.

Little Buddy sat up and stretched.

“Actually, I was thinking of taking another nap and then working on my brilliant plan to intercept catnip shipments bound for pet stores.”

Big Buddy whistled.

“That is a brilliant plan, little guy,” he said.

“It is, isn’t it?” Little Buddy said proudly.

“Good call on the nap too. I’ll set my alarm for 90 minutes. Gotta get that beauty sleep…”

As of press time, the Buddies had settled on a scheme to intercept catnip and turkey bound for pet stores, which they both agreed was brilliantly conceived and guaranteed to work.

Happy Fourth of July!

Calling all patriotic Americats!

Happy Fourth of July from Little Buddy the Cat and Big Buddy the Human!

There’s a park less than a block from Casa de Buddy, and it’s the site of my town’s annual fireworks show, so Buddy handled the noise stoically as he always does. He’ll run screaming from a vacuum, but he’s a pro at ignoring fireworks thanks to experiencing them up close and loud every year since kittenhood.

I’ll be headed to a family barbecue, then the proper July 4 fireworks show in the neighboring town with my nieces. The Budster and I wish our readers well, and we hope your feline overlords are similarly unbothered if you happen to live in close proximity to a fireworks show. Happy 4th!

In the meantime we leave you with these important messages from the Americats:

Cat Demands Human Swear Fealty, Submit Essay To Continue Serving Him

Realizing he could leverage his popularity to improve snack and head-rubbing service, Little Buddy demanded his human “bend the knee.”

NEW YORK — Tensions between the Buddies threatened to reach an all-time high on Wednesday after Little Buddy the Cat sought to formalize their alliance by having Big Buddy the Human swear fealty to him.

“I’ve been thinking,” Little Buddy the Cat said, padding into the living room, “and I’ve got an idea!”

“This should be brilliant,” his human replied, not bothering to look up from his newspaper.

Little Buddy the Cat nodded in agreement.

“It is! It is!” he said excitedly. “I was thinking that since I have my own website, you know, and people all over the world love me, it’s time to reevaluate my options. There are people who would love to spoil me, you know.”

Big Buddy glowered.

“So I’m going to need an essay of no less than 800 words on why you should be allowed to continue serving me,” the feline continued. “Offer specifics, please. I’m gonna need that on my desk by 0800 tomorrow.”

“You don’t have a desk, you Tribble with a tail,” Big Buddy pointed out.

The tabby cat became exasperated. “My office! My…my eating nook where my bowls and all my important papers are stored! So you’ll submit your essay there, okay?”

Big Buddy nodded absentmindedly, flipping his newspaper to the sports section.

“Uh-huh. Whatever you say, little dude.”

Buddy clawed at the paper. “I wasn’t finished!”

Buddy and his tunnel — Buddy, pictured, wants his human to “bend the knee” and swear fealty to him.

When he had his human’s attention again, the silver tabby dragged out a crude replica of Game of Thrones’ Iron Throne made of cardboard, grunting with the effort.

“Now if I can just…get my feet up here…grip on the cardboard I can…grrr…okay. Whew!”

The feline settled onto the throne, the corrugated cardboard sagging beneath his weight, and tried to look regal.

“You may now bend the knee,” he said matter-of-factly. “Oooh! Ooh! Get your replica samurai sword, draw it and hold it as you kneel to me! That would be really cool.”