Cat Demands Human Swear Fealty, Submit Essay To Continue Serving Him

Realizing he could leverage his popularity to improve snack and head-rubbing service, Little Buddy demanded his human “bend the knee.”

NEW YORK — Tensions between the Buddies threatened to reach an all-time high on Wednesday after Little Buddy the Cat sought to formalize their alliance by having Big Buddy the Human swear fealty to him.

“I’ve been thinking,” Little Buddy the Cat said, padding into the living room, “and I’ve got an idea!”

“This should be brilliant,” his human replied, not bothering to look up from his newspaper.

Little Buddy the Cat nodded in agreement.

“It is! It is!” he said excitedly. “I was thinking that since I have my own website, you know, and people all over the world love me, it’s time to reevaluate my options. There are people who would love to spoil me, you know.”

Big Buddy glowered.

“So I’m going to need an essay of no less than 800 words on why you should be allowed to continue serving me,” the feline continued. “Offer specifics, please. I’m gonna need that on my desk by 0800 tomorrow.”

“You don’t have a desk, you Tribble with a tail,” Big Buddy pointed out.

The tabby cat became exasperated. “My office! My…my eating nook where my bowls and all my important papers are stored! So you’ll submit your essay there, okay?”

Big Buddy nodded absentmindedly, flipping his newspaper to the sports section.

“Uh-huh. Whatever you say, little dude.”

Buddy clawed at the paper. “I wasn’t finished!”

Buddy and his tunnel
Buddy, pictured, wants his human to “bend the knee” and swear fealty to him.

When he had his human’s attention again, the silver tabby dragged out a crude replica of Game of Thrones’ Iron Throne made of cardboard, grunting with the effort.

“Now if I can just…get my feet up here…grip on the cardboard I can…grrr…okay. Whew!”

The feline settled onto the throne, the corrugated cardboard sagging beneath his weight, and tried to look regal.

“You may now bend the knee,” he said matter-of-factly. “Oooh! Ooh! Get your replica samurai sword, draw it and hold it as you kneel to me! That would be really cool.”

Buddy's cardboard throne
A Buddinese throne.

As of press time, Big Buddy had not stirred from the couch, retrieved his samurai sword or bent the knee.

“This is my fault,” he told a reporter. “I never should have let my cat watch Game of Thrones.”

Buddy

10 thoughts on “Cat Demands Human Swear Fealty, Submit Essay To Continue Serving Him”

    1. I grew up on The Next Generation reruns, but Tribbles are a classic. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing more of them in Strange New Worlds, which is basically a love letter to the Original Series, and has new actors playing Spock, Uhura, Kirk, Captain Pike and Nurse Chapel. They even introduced the new Scotty last season. It’s a great show.

      Like

      Reply

      1. I tried my best to get into that series. Things got in the way. I would have to watch it on my clients cable tv from beginning.After The Next Generation, which i liked, i did not like the ones after that.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. We don’t let Spunkmeyer watch it either! I had all of the clothes folded and on the bed and he unfolded his Dad’s jammie bottoms and settled in with that look! Rather like the LOOK Little Buddy gives you… I refuse to look for crown material!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. It turns out that I am sworn by the British offical secrets act and signed away any rights that I may have had as a human to Bella some years ago but my signature looks suspicioulsy like a paw print (in black ink of course..) Basically anything she does or demands is covered by this as confidential and disobedience is considered treason. I suspect she is also watching me type this so it may be my last comment….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment