“I say, dear fellow, would you have any Grey Poupon? This roast is rather dry, and the zookeepers do not take me seriously when I tell them human will be on the menu if they don’t shape up!”
This photo of a chatty lion was taken at Lo Zoo di Napoli (Naples Zoo) in Italy by BoBB, aka Brother of Big Buddy:
For a brief moment, since it is April 1, I considered writing a post about how the Somalian pirates who briefly “bought” Buddy a few years ago returned with an offer I couldn’t refuse, so I sent the little dude packing for the pirate life once again.
But then I remembered the emails I got, including one from a woman who said she was heartbroken by my betrayal of the Budster.
So no April Fools’ Day, because as fun as it is to imagine Bud joining a pirate crew, I can’t have some people thinking I’d abandon him. He’s here to stay!
“Hold my beer,” Buddy said after watching a video of another feline sending a pair of bears running with an awesome display of fiery intimidation.
NEW YORK — The bear picked the wrong home and the wrong cat to mess with.
Buddy the Cat was taking his traditional 3 pm nap after third lunch when he was rudely disturbed by a ruckus outside.
“Stay here, I will check it out,” he told his human, then hopped down from the couch as his powerful stride took him toward the sliding glass doors leading out to the balcony.
A huge form was huddled just outside the glass, and when the lumbering beast turned, Buddy took a sharp breath. It was a bear, a particularly impressive specimen.
Lesser felines would have been terrified, but Buddy stood calmly before the bear and addressed it.
“Inferior animal,” the fearless feline announced. “Yes, you! You are trespassing on Buddesian territory. I order you to cease any and all ursine activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or the nearest convenient parallel dimension!”
“What are you doing?!” a terrified Big Buddy whispered.
Buddy turned toward his human. “It’s from Ghostbusters. Calm down, I know what I’m doing.”
The bear yawned and let out a deep, rumbling moan.
The bear flinches as Buddy unleashes a terrifying roar!
“I can see I’m not dealing with the sharpest claw on the paw,” Buddy said. “Okay, bear, do you understand this?”
Buddy eased back on his haunches and raised two powerful forelimbs, his considerable meowscles rippling meowscularly beneath the luxurious sheen of his silver fur.
The bear watched warily, then flinched instinctively as the intimidating feline launched a sequence of aggressive and powerful paw strikes. The ursine beast recoiled from the thunderous impacts of paws against glass, reconsidering its position in the face of such a formidable display of force.
The massive creature turned in retreat, casting one last fearful glance at the Herculean felid before beating a hasty retreat.
Once he was satisfied the bear was gone, Buddy turned and sauntered back toward the couch, lifting himself onto it in a single graceful leap.
“And that,” the handsome silver feline said, “is how you deal with a bear.”
Buddy the Cat asserts he is a powerful apex predator who fears no man or beast, while Buddy the Cat runs and hides the moment there’s an unfamiliar sound in his domicile.
I Am An Apex Predator!
Behold! I have the gait of a lion, the bite force of a tiger, the stealth of a jaguar, and the relentlessness of a leopard!
My meowscles ripple meowscularly as I stalk my prey by moonlight! One second all looks safe and calm, and the next I’m leaping from cover in a burst of feline power to ambush my unfortunate prey!
Lesser creatures have nightmares about me. Indigenous cultures celebrate my legend in oral traditions. Craftsmen carve bas reliefs illustrating my mastery over all beasts. Shamans invoke my speed and strength. My toys quake at the mere mention of my name!
I am Buddy, and I am a ferocious cat! RAWRRR!!!
‘OMG, What Was That Noise?!? Go Check It Out, Human!’
Holy crap, dude! What the heck was that?
I’m just gonna run and hide under the bed while you investigate that awful, terrifying noise! No, YOU check it out. Are you crazy? I’m not going anywhere near there! What if it’s, like, a serial killer or a chalupacabra?
Where’s it coming from? The kitchen? The bathroom? Oh God! I told you, there are monsters living in the toilet and they can emerge at any second to murder us in our naps! We should have nailed the toilet seat down years ago! You didn’t listen to me, so you’re gonna have to fend off the monsters while I lend you moral support from three rooms away.
What? Duuuude.
Was it really your smartphone alarm on vibrate? Whew! For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble.
Now I’m gonna need you to rub my head while I sit in your lap and you tell me what a good, brave boy I am. If it really had been monsters, they would have gotten their butts kicked by me. I was brave, wasn’t I?
If you slander me by claiming I freaked out and ran to hide under the bed, I will be forced to accuse you of peddling fake news!
Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us again next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.
Buddy the Cat says humans must learn to respect personal space, while Buddy the Cat argues it’s perfectly reasonable to sleep on his human’s face.
Doesn’t Anyone Teach You About Personal Space?
All right, dude, enough! Damn!
You were doing a good job there for a little bit but by the 4th second you should have known it was time to cease scratching my head.
Do humans not teach their offspring about personal space or something? I am a cat, not a stuffed animal!
From now on there will be an automatic three-second cutoff during petting sessions, and I will enforce a two-foot buffer zone so my space is respected. You leave me no choice!
I Can’t Sleep Unless I’m Draped Over You
Are you settled? Comfortable? Ready to go to sleep?
Good.
I’m just gonna climb up here and sort of just unroll myself across your body. It’s the only way I can fall asleep these days.
I think part of it is the gentle rhythm of your breathing, your chest rising and falling, that really relaxes me, although that little current of air when you exhale is annoying. Try to breathe less annoyingly, okay?
If you wake up during the night and I’m wrapped around your head like a hat, do not be alarmed. Your hair is soft and your brain generates heat. This is prime real estate.
Likewise, there may be times when I walk on your face, lick your nose, groom your beard, or jump on you with a back paw landing right where the sun don’t shine. As you fold up like an accordion in shock, and blink in the dark with your 20/800 uncorrected vision, remind yourself that it’s just your best little pal trying to get comfortable.
Mi casa es su casa, eh? I’m your feline friend! Your best bud! Now if you don’t mind, stop tossing and turning so I can get my beauty sleep. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.
Looking to recuperate after a long morning of eating and lounging in the suddenly warm weather, the little guy settled down for some shut-eye.
What’s better than a Sunday afternoon nap?
It’s been a glorious day here in Buddyland! The forecast had us breaking the 50-degree mark for the first time in at least four months, so imagine our surprise when the temperature topped out in the low 60s!
Bud decided to celebrate the balmy weather by stretching out and drifting off for a nice nap, and I couldn’t resist taking a few photos of my pal looking relaxed after a hard day of eating and lounging.
To be fair, I was out earlier and when I came home, Bud was right by the door to greet me as always, so he probably had a very demanding nap in the proximity of the front door while I was gone, then opted for a more relaxed nap after expending all that energy on his earlier nap. I had also topped off his dry food before his lunch, in case he got hungry while he was eating.
Pain In The Bud 