The incoming prime minister could find his time in office limited if he fails to ingratiate himself with Larry, the most admired Briton in the Commonwealth
They’re dropping like flies.
UK prime ministers haven’t been lasting very long of late, with the British public highly critical of the way they’re running the country, and more importantly, the many ways they’ve failed to adequately serve the real power in No. 10 Downing St.
We’re talking about Larry the Cat, of course, who has lived in No. 10 since 2011. (The building is technically the prime minister’s home and office, but among the people it’s known as Larry’s House.)
Inadequate humans.
With Keir Starmer announcing his resignation, Larry has now outlasted six prime ministers, and the clock is already ticking on the seventh.
Prime ministers come and go. Larry endures.
"I have accepted Keir Starmer's resignation as my chief servant and have invited Andy Burnham to lay out details for how many meals a day he'll give me" pic.twitter.com/7Ix95PMsN7
Q: So the theme of this interview is humans, specifically humans you admire. Would we be correct in assuming your human is at the top of your list?
Buddy: You would not.
Q: Uh, okay. Why not?
Buddy: Because he’s a wimp! A pushover. Weak.
Q: Wow. Okay. So who are some humans you admire?
Buddy: Let’s see. Genghis Khan. Tony Soprano. Xerxes of Persia. Kim Jong Il was pretty cool even if his hair was not. The Tokugawa shoguns. King Joffrey’s a classic. Nero. Ivan the Terrible. Oh! Commodus from Gladiator, he’s another good one.
Q: Seriously?
Buddy: Yeah!
Buddy and the humans he admires.
Q: But why? They’re all tyrants!
Buddy: Exactly.
Q: You consider that a positive personality trait?
Buddy: I love a good tyrant. I’m an aspiring tyrant myself, you know. Some would say I’ve already achieved tyranthood, although my tyrannical activities have been small time so far. I say when it’s bed time, I demand snacks whenever I please, I’ve banned closed doors in my domicile, I collect protection treats from the other cats in the building, I’ve…
Q: That sounds a bit more than small time.
Buddy: Indeed, but I haven’t realized my plan to take over the world. World domination has always been my dream, even as a kitten.
Q: What would world domination under Emperor Buddy look like?
Buddy: Well first of all, we’d have to have the humans build a replica of the Coliseum. The cats need entertainment, and I need a place to feed my enemies to tigers. Plus we can make the humans fight each other for our amusement whilst I sit in my imperial box where beautiful women feed me candied figs and my servants fan me to keep me cool.
Q: Uh…
Buddy: And then we invade Turkey to plunder all their turkey. I’ve given a lot of thought to that, obviously. My personal guards will be an elite group of lions called the, uh, Lion Guard. They’d look all intimidating and stuff in their resplendant armor. Also, I would summon a group of the best engineers, experts in biomechanics, and luxury car designers to create vehicles for my people.
Buddy’s Lion Guards stand watch around his imperial personage.
Q: You want cars for cats?
Buddy: Exactly.
Q: But lots of people would object to sharing the road with you guys…
Buddy: They don’t have a choice, remember? I’m the emperor!
Q: Right. Well, this has been an, uh, enlightening inter…
Buddy: I say when the interview is over!
Q: Er, okay. Is there anything you wanted to add?
Buddy: During my reign, there will be mandatory nap times. Also, when I enter a room everyone must stand, not only because they should bow and say “My liege,” which sounds pretty cool, but also so I can pick the spot I want. If any human was sitting there, they will move, of course.
Q: Of course. If I may…
An Imperial Buddesian coin featuring a likeness of Imperator Buddy. This 10-can coin entitles the bearer to 10 cans of premium cat food.
Buddy: Yes?
Q: Where does your human fit into all of this?
Buddy: Which one? All the humans will be my loyal subjects when I’m emperor.
Q: You know. Your human. The one who adopted you and takes care of you, feeds you, cleans up after you, rubs your head and tells you how brave you’ve been when you get scared…
Buddy: Fake news! I don’t get scared.
Q: My apologies. Of course you don’t get scared, nothing could frighten you! So what happens to your human when you’re Emperor Buddy?
Buddy: That’s an excellent question, one I haven’t given much thought to yet. I could make him the High Warlord, grant him a dukedom, or put him in charge of the mint to oversee the handsome new coins featuring my likeness on them. But I have trouble sleeping unless I’m draped over him, and it would be a pain to train someone new to make things just the way I like them, so he can be Bates.
Q: Bates?
Bates, right, assists Lord Grantham changing into his dinner wear on Downton Abbey. Buddy envisions his human holding the position of Bates in his Buddesian Empire.
Buddy: Yeah. Like on Downton Abbey. My personal servant, separate from all the palace servants.
Q: Ah…
Buddy: I’d just feel more comfortable if he were always within three feet of me. That is non-negotiable. And with that, I now formally declare this interview concluded. If you’ll just step over there please, my Master of Great Works will take down your information so that, if the final published version of this interview is displeasing to me, we can send you to the mines along with everyone else I don’t like upon my ascension to the throne. Cheers!
“I could tell his brain was fried! LOL!” Little Buddy the Cat said of his human’s inability to reconcile the feline’s mastery over space and time.
NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat lounged on his back right in the middle of the doorway, making sure his human saw him.
“I did the ‘Meep meep, I’m just a cute kitty cat’ thing, you know?” Buddy explained. “Like I’m so innocently dumb I don’t realize it’s a terrible place to laze around.”
His human, Big Buddy, took an exaggerated stride over him, saying “Bud, you really need to stop …” then looked up.
The feline was 15 feet away and sitting on top of a table, head slightly tilted in amusement as his eyes tracked the confounded human.
“Then I watched him look down at where I was a second ago, then back up at me, and I could tell his brain was fried LOL!” the feline said.
Teleporting is technically banned in Casa de Buddy, but the feline has ignored the ban since he was a kitten. The key, he said, is to “use the ability sparingly, so you drive your human slowly insane as they begin to question reality.”
“It’s so much fun!”
Little known fact: felines have the unique ability to manipulate space-time, which they use primarily to extend their napping hours.
Although human scientists and most members of the species deny the feline ability to teleport, Buddy said it’s actually rather simple to manipulate space-time.
“I just kind of scrunch up my face, try to clear my mind of stuff I normally think about — turkey, being really handsome, turkey — and picture the spot in my head,” he explained. “Then I blink and boom! I’m in a new spot!”
His personal record, he claims, was traveling more than 700 feet when he accidentally teleported himself to the roof of a nearby building after hearing its resident female in heat.
“You know, it was such a charming sound,” Buddy recalled, “but once I teleported there, I didn’t know what to do.”
“A reader suggested it was because I didn’t have Testicles, but I didn’t have Pericles or Socrates either,” Buddy mused. “I’m not sure why I would have needed some old Greek guy. Did the ancient Greeks teleport too?”
A statue of Athenian statesman Pericles. It was suggested to Little Buddy the Cat that he didn’t know what to do when encountering a female in heat because he did not bring any ancient Greeks with him.
The tabby cat said he plans to wait a few days until his human forgets about the teleporting incident, then teleport himself into the passenger seat of the car when Big Buddy is about to drive somewhere.
“I’m thinking of saying ‘Don’t forget your seat belt, mister!’ or something simple like ‘So where are we headed, pal?”” Buddy said. “Haha, he’s gonna freak out!”
Little Buddy the Cat initiating his teleport sequence.
Cats are highly attuned to our emotions, especially when we share a strong bond with our little buddies.
I realized I needed to calm down when Bud turned and gave me a wide-eyed, uncertain stare.
It was the fourth quarter of the NBA Finals’ second game, and the San Antonio Spurs were chipping away at the New York Knicks’ lead with ample help from the referees.
The Spurs collapsed in as the Knicks’ Karl Anthony Towns (KAT, or Big Kat as he’s fondly known) drove the lane, pummeling him and grabbing at his shooting hand while the refs just watched.
It had been happening all night. Spurs star Victor Wembanyama even grabbed a much smaller Knicks player by the neck and tossed him at one point without so much as a peep from the refs.
(Above: 7’4″ Spurs center Victor Wembanyama grabs 6-foot Knicks points guard Jose Alvarado by the neck and tosses him. The refs did nothing.)
I shouted something not nice as the refs ignored the bludgeoning and the Spurs barreled down the other end for another bucket.
Then I saw Bud’s alarmed face and his uncertain crouch.
“Aw, sh–,” I said, softening my tone and doing my best to sound reassuring. “Not you, Bud. I love you, little guy.”
I held out my fingers, Bud rubbed his cheek against them happily, and we returned to watching the game as I scratched his head.
Still, it was a much-needed reminder that our little pals look to us for emotional cues, and our bad moods have a profound impact on them.
Jalen Brunson is the Knicks’ captain and point guard. Josh Hart (header image) is the team’s “Hart and soul.” Credit: Wikimedia Commons
I will never forget what my brother observed one day when Buddy was still a kitten: “You’re his whole world.”
Bud likes to pretend otherwise, of course, but the point stands. He picks up on everything, and it is deeply unfair for me to allow any outside emotions to impact him. Making sure he’s happy means everything to me.
The comedian Bill Burr has a bit about this, putting it in more crude — but much more hilarious — terms:
Happily, despite the abominable officiating, the Knicks won the game. They have now won 13 games in a row in the playoffs (!), they haven’t lost a game in six weeks, and after defeating the Spurs twice on their home court, the Knicks return to New York two wins away from being NBA champions…for the first time in 53 years.
It’s not only a big deal to me and millions of New Yorkers, it’s something I’ve wanted so badly since I was a kid watching the Knicks reach the Finals in 1994 and 1999, falling agonizingly short both times.
The Knicks came within a game of winning it all in the 1994 NBA Finals when Patrick Ewing (pictured) was the team’s leader.
Wembanyama, San Antonio’s best player, is a towering 7’4″ and doesn’t even have to jump to dunk the basketball, while the Knicks’ best player is Jalen Brunson, who at six feet tall is diminutive by NBA standards.
Wembanyama was the number one pick in his draft, already hailed as the future of the sport before he set foot on the hardwood. Brunson was the 33rd pick in the second round in his draft class, an afterthought who wasn’t predicted to be anything more than a bench player at best.
OG Anunoby, who hails from the UK, is a lockdown defender and explosive scorer. Credit: Wikimedia Commons
When the Knicks signed Brunson four years ago, the entire sports world laughed. One ESPN “expert” insisted the idiot Knicks had pinned their hopes on a “role player,” while another compared Brunson to one of the team’s all time great busts. A third declared the Knicks would never win anything with Brunson leading the team.
And yet here we are on the cusp of history. The Knicks aren’t just two games from a championship, and they haven’t merely punched their ticket to the Finals. They have absolutely obliterated every team they’ve faced, sweeping the last two series and winning by a margin of almost 24 points per game.
But it ain’t over until they win it, so I’m heartened by what the Knicks’ KAT and Mikal Bridges both said after the last two games: they’re treating each game as if they have no lead, as if they must fight tooth and nail to save their season. They are not resting on their laurels, they’re not taking anything for granted, and they refuse to underestimate their opponents.
So let’s hope they win two more and finally bring a championship home, at which time Bud and I will partay!
It’s little Buddy! What more could you possibly want?
I took this photo on Monday, capturing Bud in the moments between him screeching at me, I believe for snacks. Although it could have been a demand for me to sit on the couch so he can then sit on me. I forget.
There is a practical side to taking random photos like this, which is that it’s easier to really look at nonverbal indicators of health and mood. In this photo his ears are up and relaxed, his whiskers are relaxed, and he’s chill. Aside from making loud and insistent demands of me, that is. Anyway, here he is in all his 12-year-old glory:
Pain In The Bud 