TV – Pain In The Bud

Remembering Sir Patrick Stewart, Icon And Starfleet Captain

From a small village in the UK to Hollywood and the command seat of the USS Enterprise, Patrick Stewart entertained generations of dreamers and showed us that a sharp mind is always better than a heavy fist.

In one of my favorite Star Trek episodes ever, dubbed “The Survivors,” Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the USS Enterprise-D are dispatched to a Federation colony in response to a desperate distress call.

A mysterious alien armada had arrived in orbit and began bombarding the planet without warning. By the time the Enterprise arrives at Delta Rana IV, the colony planet, the ship’s sensors report total devastation except for one tiny, perfectly square patch of land where a lone house still stands unscathed, its lawn as green as ever even as ruins smolder in the distance.

A futuristic white building set against a dramatic mountainous landscape, featuring sparse greenery and rocky terrain in the foreground. — The Uxbridge home on Rana IV, a combination of a live-action shot and a matte painting. Credit: Paramount

Kevin and Rishon Uxbridge, an elderly couple, live in the home but refuse to be rescued. They tell Captain Picard they’re going to tough it out on the scorched, desolate colony world, and they’re strangely unconcerned by the reappearance of one of the alien ships, which deploys powerful weapons to chase the Enterprise away several times.

After a cat-and-mouse game between the alien vessel and the Enterprise, Picard realizes there’s something deeply wrong with the Uxbridges, catches Kevin in a lie and questions the couple. That’s when Kevin Uxbridge admits he’s not human – he’s a powerful, immortal energy-based being called a Douwd who had sworn himself to pacifism and married a human woman.

But when the invading Husnock armada destroyed the colony, and took the life of his beloved wife Rishon, Kevin lost his mind and in a moment of grief and rage wiped out the Husnock.

“You don’t understand the scope of my crime,” Kevin tells Picard and his crew. “I didn’t kill just one Husnock, or a hundred, or a thousand. I killed them all. All Husnock everywhere. Are eleven thousand people worth fifty billion? Is the love of a woman worth the destruction of an entire species? This is the sin I tried so hard to keep you from learning now. Why I wanted to chase you from Rana.”

A starship gliding through space near a planet, with the title 'The Survivors' displayed prominently. — The episode’s title card, with the Enterprise pictured in orbit around Rana IV. Credit: Paramount

The episode ends on a somber note as Picard leaves Kevin and the resurrected Rishon to themselves, telling Kevin: “We’re not qualified to be your judges. We have no law to fit your crime. You’re free to return to the planet and to make Rishon live again.”

Just before the credits roll, Patrick Stewart’s theatrical voice cuts in for a captain’s log.

“We are departing the Rana system for Starbase One Three Three. We leave behind a being of extraordinary power and conscience. I am not certain if he should be praised or condemned. Only that he should be left alone.”

The episode is a fine example of the way Patrick Stewart played Picard, not as a swashbuckling, frequently-brawling, alien-skirt-chasing captain in the mold of James T. Kirk, but as a cerebral leader who was primarily an explorer and diplomat, not a military commander.

Time and again, Stewart imbued Picard with the judicious, insightful demeanor that would become the character’s trademark. When Captain Picard was at the helm, you felt confident that in this fictional world, humanity was sending its absolute best to represent our species among the stars.

Stewart was one of my heroes as a 90s kid who grew up on reruns of The Next Generation, and I loved Star Trek despite getting years worth of shit for it from literally everyone – my brother, my friends, girlfriends, cousins, coworkers, even my mom.

The English actor, who was knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 2010, passed away Thursday. He was 86 years old.

To most of us, he was Picard and the X-Men’s Professor Xavier, but he was so much more than that. He was a bona fide stage actor, spending most of his early career playing just about every role Shakespeare had to offer. He’s played Moby Dick‘s Captain Ahab, A Christmas Carol‘s Ebenezer Scrooge, and took on a shocking role as white supremacist leader Darcy Banker in the 2015 thriller Green Room, showing his considerable range. Most recently Stewart lent his voice to a character in this year’s The Sheep Detectives. It was his last role to be released while he still lived, with his final appearance yet to hit screens in the upcoming Avengers: Doomsday.

A man in a formal suit gestures confidently while seated at a table, showcasing a professional demeanor in a well-lit office setting. — Stewart as Professor Charles Xavier, leader of the X-Men. Stewart played the role in nine movies across 27 years. Credit: Fox

Most people will remember him fondly as Picard during a seven-season run that straddled the late 1980s and early 90s. As strange as it may seem now, The Next Generation was widely expected to fail, with critics expressing skepticism that audiences would warm to a starship Enterprise without Kirk, Scotty, Bones, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu and Spock.

“Can a New Crew and a ‘Bald Frenchman’ Starship Enterprise Live Up to the Legend?” TV Guide asked in a 1987 feature previewing the new show.

Stewart, for his part, was told not to unpack his bags. His agent assured him the series would fail and Stewart would be back in London, sipping his Earl Gray tea and reading for theater roles again within a few weeks.

After admittedly finding the show and its premise ridiculous, Stewart gradually began to understand Star Trek’s significance in the public imagination, and the opportunities it afforded him as the face of the franchise.

“When it first started, I didn’t think that I would survive beyond the pilot,” Steward later said. “I thought the producers would come to their senses and realize they’d made a grave error in casting me. I was certain that I’d be on my way back to London… Eventually, it became clear to me that not only wasn’t I going to go away, the series wasn’t going to go away. I stayed, and have relished every moment.”

The Englishman led a revival of the 1960s franchise that spawned two more TV series set in Picard’s era (Deep Space Nine and Voyager), the unfairly-maligned Star Trek Enterprise, four theatrical releases featuring The Next Generation crew, and the modern era of Star Trek that includes Discovery, Strange New Worlds and Picard, which saw Steward reprise his most famous role as the iconic captain – now an admiral – is called upon once again to use his wit, insight and skills as a starship commander to save the Federation of Planets.

A group of seven characters dressed in futuristic uniforms posed in a starship bridge setting, featuring a mix of male and female figures with diverse hairstyles and facial expressions. — The last hurrah: Steward and original cast members reunited for the third season of Picard, sending the characters out on a high note as they saved the Federation one last time. Credit: Paramount

Stewart was known as a consummate gentleman, a man who grew up poor in a home where domestic violence was a regular occurrence, an advocate for women and animals, and a voice who urged calm during turbulent times. The only time I ever saw the man express anger toward anyone was during an awards show in London in 2010, when he lashed out at James Corden for appearing disengaged and disinterested while hosting the event.

And really, who among us has never had an urge to yell at James Corden, whom Balthazar restaurateur Keith McNally once described as a “tiny little cretin”?

The actor also kept in touch with fans through social media, showing his gift for self-deprecation and sharing moments from his life, like his first-ever slice of pizza in 2013.

Stewart had his first slice of pizza at 72 years old. Credit: Patrick Stewart/Instagram

Unlike William Shatner, who famously went to low Earth orbit and experienced the Overview Effect’s powerful feelings of awe and human connectedness reported by many astronauts, Stewart never went to space.

But he wasn’t quiet about his feelings, and when asked about Star Trek’s Utopian vision of the future, he didn’t sugar-coat his opinion of humanity.

“I would like to see us get this place right first before we have the arrogance to put significantly flawed civilizations out onto other planets,” he said, “even though they may be utterly uninhabited.”

I’d like to think Stewart is sitting in the captain’s seat of a celestial Enterprise right now, finally getting a proper look at new life and new civilizations. And when he looks back at our pale blue dot, I hope he sees us appealing to our better angels to “get this place right.”

Stewart with his cat, Glen. h/t Leah A.: Thanks, Leah!

With Its Sixth Season, Slow Horses Remains One Of The Best Things To Happen To Television

Unlike anything else on TV, Slow Horses expertly blends action, intrigue and wit for an unrelenting spy thriller.

Someone’s coming for the Slow Horses, and our heroes don’t have plot armor.

In our first review of Apple TV’s smash spy hit Slow Horses more than two and a half years ago, we called it the best thriller on TV and praised Gary Oldman’s turn as the surly codger Jackson Lamb, who captains an office of MI5’s worst screw-ups and delights in tormenting them.

Now in its sixth season, the espionage drama has never been better.

The show’s writers have perfected the art of cranking up tension while knowing when to cut it with dry humor, whether it’s Lamb’s biting sarcasm, agent River Cartwright’s annoying earnestness or the delusional confidence of Roddy Ho, the Slow Horses’ tech specialist who believes women are lining up to get a crack at him.

The last two seasons have seen the Horses dismantle a terror ring, get pulled into the ugliness of national politics, and face down an extraordinary manipulator with a serious grudge against the British.

Two business professionals with earpieces standing with arms crossed, looking serious in a corporate setting. — James Callis and Kristen Scott Thomas play MI5’s bosses in the UK spy thriller. Credit: Apple TV

The sixth season is the deadliest yet, with an unidentified foe from the past systematically assassinating anyone who’s ever worked at Slough House, the Horses’ dilapidated, grubby headquarters.

They lock one former Horse in a shipping container full of accelerant and burn him alive, drown another in London’s canals, and stage the death of a third with a lethal gas before Lamb and his “losers” (his words) realize they’ve got targets on their backs. And that’s just the very beginning of the season.

All three assassinations are meant to look like accidents, but Lamb tells the Horses to go to ground. The show’s spies have occasionally reminded the audience there are two sets of rules: under Moscow rules, watch your back. Under London rules, cover your arse.

Lamb fears he and his agents are the sacrifice in a panicked MI5 attempt at arse-covering, meaning Moscow and London rules are now in play. The Slow Horses will get no help from “the park,” MI5’s headquarters, nor from any of its brass, who are likely in on the plot to stab Lamb and his spies in the back.

A man standing in a field of tall grass under a partly cloudy sky, wearing a light-colored coat and a striped shirt with a tie. — Oldman’s Jackson Lamb, whose rumpled, hygienically challenged appearance masks the sharp mind of a Cold War veteran spy always several steps ahead of everyone else. Credit: Apple TV

No fat or filler

At a time when it’s unfortunately common for TV shows to take two or even three-year breaks between seasons (with Netfix taking more than five years between installments of one of its most popular shows), Slow Horses releases a new season like clockwork every 11 or 12 months.

The showrunners accomplish this in part because they’re constantly writing, even while filming, and because with six hour-long episodes per season, there is no filler. Things move fast, plots ramp up quickly, and we learn about the characters not through leisurely exposition but in the most natural way, by seeing how they react and pull together when things are at their worst.

Oldman’s Lamb is the role of a lifetime and the veteran actor is at his best here, only occasionally letting his vulgar, derisive mask slip to show paternalistic care for the agents under his wing. Not all of them are the screw-ups they’re portrayed as, and some are actually excellent spies who have been railroaded or sidelined due to character issues.

Five individuals gathered in a room, focusing on a smartphone screen. Two women are examining the phone closely, while a man stands nearby. The setting is cluttered, with various drinks and food items on a table. — Shirley, center, shows the other Slow Horses video proof that an assassination squad is after one of their own. Credit: Apple TV

Cartwright (Jack Lowden), the most prominent of them, unknowingly did too good of a job when tailing MI5’s second-in-command during a training exercise and caught her debriefing an off-the-books agent who was tasked with burying one of the agency’s worst screw-ups. His reward was being set up to fail in a major training exercise and a subsequent exile to Slough House.

Shirley (Aimee-Ffion Edwards) is almost as abrasive as Lamb and has a drug problem, but is also an extremely capable agent, a crack shot and, in the words of Lamb, “a brave little hobbit” who routinely charges into the most dangerous situations despite her tiny 5’1″ frame. She’s also the first to realize a plot against MI5 in one season and is repeatedly dismissed as paranoid and crazy before reality forces the brass to acknowledge they have a serious problem on their hands.

A woman with wet hair staring intently at the camera while wearing a light-colored sweater with black stripes. The background features blurred office elements and holiday decorations. — A “brave little hobbit”: Aimee-Ffion Edwards plays the Welsh spy Shirley Dander. Credit: AppleTV

Catherine Standish (Saskia Reeves) is routinely overlooked because of her past as an alcoholic, but proves to be a quick thinker and uses her useless reputation as camouflage to devastating effect, while the mysterious Coe (Tom Brooke) is understated and hides a sharp mind.

Then there’s Roddy Ho, who lives in a universe of his own creation, one where he’s absolute catnip to women, a hacker of worldwide repute and a legend in the spy world. Ho incessantly invents flattering nicknames for himself — the Rodzilla, the HoDron Collider, the Hot Rod, the Ramrod, “Roddy by name, Ho by nature” — bragging to one MI5 bigwig that he has “many nom de guerre.”

“I am mythical, historical and futuristical!” he says in one scene, flexing his biceps and bragging that he’s been called a dragonslayer and the True King of Gondor.

A man flexing his arm muscles while wearing a black t-shirt, set in a dimly lit room with industrial elements. — Roddy Ho, the Slow Horses’ tech specialist, lives in a universe of his own creation. Credit: Apple TV

In a lesser actor’s hands, the performance would be over the top to the point of pulling viewers out of the narrative, but Christopher Chung imbues Ho with off-the-scale confidence so he comes off as a man-child who’s been telling himself legends of his own invention for so long that he can’t distinguish between reality and fantasy.

It makes for rich comedic material even in the most tense situations. Ho can go from cowering in a bathroom while yelling “I don’t want to die!” to bragging about his martial prowess in the blink of an eye, and somehow it works.

Both the show’s humor and spy narratives are top notch, and we get plenty of action worthy of Hollywood blockbusters, with spectacular set pieces, brutal fights and explosions enough to satisfy even Michael Bay.

American audiences haven’t fully caught on, and I expect that’s because we generally don’t do the kind of ultra-dry humor that is a trademark of the UK’s best productions. But I’d advise anyone to give it a shot. This isn’t a show you watch with one eye on your smartphone. It demands your full attention, and it rewards you in equal measure.

Slow Horses is currently airing its sixth season on Apple TV, with a seventh already filmed and slated for release next year.

Header image of River Cartwright (Jack Lowden) credit: Apple TV

Ricky Gervais’ ‘Alley Cats’: These Cartoon Felines Could Go Easier On The Swearing And The Sugar

The new Netflix animated comedy from Ricky Gervais has its moments, but it’s overly dependent on litter box humor and its attempts at redemptive sweetness border on the diabetic.

Ricky Gervais’ eponymous alley cats have one thing in common with Buddy: they think they’re the toughest, most fearsome creatures on the block.

They might recoil in horror, jump back a dozen feet and soil themselves when a vegetable delivery man drops a cucumber on the sidewalk, but approximately half of their obscenity-peppered banter involves discussing other living things they reckon they’d destroy.

Among them: snails, elephants, meerkats, portly humans, sharks and anything besides spiders who are, invariably, referred to as “a bunch of c—s.”

When they’re not praising themselves for being fearless apex predators, hunting mice or watching “a bit of telly,” they’re ripping on Rupert, the only house cat in their gang, by reminding him he no longer has his testicles.

In an early episode the gang is poised on the wall of a cemetery, impatiently waiting for a “dead c—” to get buried so they can go hunting for mice when Rupert pads up, says hello and announces he’s already eaten: chicken and rabbit in gravy “with extra calcium.”

The others tear into him, asking him if his humans brushed him or gave him pudding afterwards.

“I have my pudding during the brushing,” he says, explaining that brushing is stressful and a simultaneous dessert “takes the edge off.”

That prompts another round of full-throated laughter and ball-busting over Rupert’s lack of them. Ricky Gervais’ Gus and Andrew Brooke’s Fang – a big bruiser tuxedo tom – lead the charge, making kissing sounds and mocking Rupert for being a sweet pet to his “mummy and daddy.”

When the scrawny Puke (David Earl) uses the freshly-dug grave as a litter box and Rupert protests, Gus waves a dismissive paw, insisting all humans are scum anyway.

“Not all of them,” Rupert says. “Attenborough. Malala. My owners, for instance.”

“His owners!” Fang says, breaking into mocking laughter.

“Do you hear yourself?” Gus says.

“They are my owners,” Rupert sniffs. “They paid a tidy sum for me, and I’m grateful. Otherwise I’d be rotting in a shelter or worse, living in a dump like you lot.”

Which, of course, prompts another round of mockery about Rupert’s missing bits.

After agreeing they’re the toughest, baddest cats on the block, Gus and the gang are terrified by the sight of a single cucumber.

That’s Alley Cats in a nutshell, no pun intended, until the appearance of a lost kitten gives the gang a purpose and brings out their humanity. (Catanity? Felinity?)

At first the alley cats are tempted to make a snack of the little one until Olive (Diane Morgan) reminds them she’s a baby, she’s lost, and they’re big, strong cats, which they’re always reminding everyone of.

Amid all the obscenities there are moments acknowledging that being a street cat is not an easy life. One minute the strays are joyously knocking flower pots off a window sill, the next they’re staring shocked at the body of their friend who was hit by a driver.

“He didn’t even stop,” one of them says. “He didn’t care.”

“Humans never do,” Gus replies matter-of-factly.

Later they find another one of their mates, an elderly tom, stuffed in a carrier.

“Off to the vet,” their friend says from his confinement.

“He’ll fix you right up,” Gus says.

“Nah,” the scraggly old tom says sadly. “I overheard ’em. This is a one-way trip.”

With their earlier exuberance wiped out, the alley cats decide to retreat for the day, prompting the kitten to ask them uncomfortable questions about mortality and what kind of life a cat can expect.

For Gus, it means being put in a tough spot. He clearly cares for the kitten, even inviting her to snuggle up with him when she’s whimpering alone at night, but he has a reputation to maintain. He’s Gus, fearless and tough street cat!

Gus fancies a tabby from his neighborhood, but usually keeps his distance for fear of her intimidating boy(cat) friend.

Alley Cats is not for everyone. There will be people who reach for the remote within the first two or three minutes because it is relentlessly obscene.

I’m not particularly bothered by foul language if there’s a genuine purpose to it, but too often it feels like it’s in the script in lieu of genuine jokes, as if Gervais is elbowing us like “See what I did there? I called him a c—! Haha! That’s funny, innit? My character is a cat who calls everyone c—s and tw–s! Brilliant.”

The UK press has savaged the show, concluding Gervais is capable of comedic brilliance but has become lazy and formulaic.

And that’s true to a degree, just like it’s accurate to say South Park is a festival of fart jokes. But just like the latter show also has a sharp satirical edge and functions as an equal opportunity eviscerator of the ridiculous, Alley Cats tries to say more. It just isn’t always successful.

Heathcliff and the Catillac Cats are the family-friendly animated template for Alley Cats. Reruns of Heathcliff were part of after-school cartoon blocks in the late 80s and early 90s.

Whether you stick around for the bigger themes depends on your personal tolerance for the banter they’re wrapped in.

Unfortunately it’s also true that the reflective moments are a little too formulaic, like the lesson-of-the-day from after-school TV years ago. Balancing comedy with earnestness is already a difficult task that requires timing and a degree of self-awareness that I’m not sure Gervais possesses at this stage of his career.

Reviewers who have soured on the UK comedian are increasingly convinced he requires the tempering influence of his The Office co-creator and writer, Stephen Merchant.

They may be on to something, but I also think it may cut both ways.

I really enjoyed Merchant’s HBO series, Hello Ladies. It was unlike anything else on TV and felt like a genuinely fresh approach to comedy. But it also operated at a default cringe level orders of magnitude more uncomfortable than other shows.

There were times when the situations in Hello Ladies became so embarrassing, so completely detached from the norms of social behavior, that I had to pause the show and take a break.

Gervais and Merchant could temper each other’s worst instincts as they did in The Office.

I’m not the only one who felt that way. Reviews at the time were fixated on the improbably powerful osmotic cringe effect, and Merchant didn’t know when to let up. Just as you felt so mortified that you’d swear things couldn’t possibly get worse, Merchant found ways to crank it up.

The career trajectories of both men indicate a reunion just might be the best thing for them. If Netflix gives Alley Cats a green light for another season, Merchant could fit right in with the gang as a lanky Savannah, a wannabe Lothario who prompts Gervais’ Gus to lean less on the c-word and more on genuine humor, while Gus could bring Merchant’s cat back down to Earth by reintroducing him to reality every once in a while.

I’m sure that, whatever might come from a new collaboration, it would be better than the moderately funny Alley Cats.

Heads up: Recently I discovered a content scraper was skimming posts from this site and repackaging them as books priced at $40 each. I was able to get that person’s online shop terminated, but have since discovered there are at least two others, including one who repackaged my “Amazing Cats” series. The other is even more exorbitantly priced and appears as part of a trove of materials on an Etsy shop marketed to people who want to put out their own books, and claims to offer chapter modules that can be assembled into custom books, which can then be listed for sale on Amazon et al.

Please do not buy them. These people are NOT affiliated with Pain In The Bud and they do not have permission to use content from this site. The posts they pilfered from are free and remain on this site available to everyone. I’d hate to see people buy this stuff believing they’re supporting the site and end up getting ripped off.

Ricky Gervais’ ‘Alley Cats’ Drops Trailer: ‘Do You Know How Good It Is To Be A Cat?’

The comedian’s animated show for adults imagines life through the eyes of sarcastic street cats.

When a lost kitten says he wishes he’d never been born, scruffy tomcat Gus is in disbelief.

“Don’t ever say that! Life is a gift, and you’re a cat!” Gus says. “Do you know how good that is, to be a cat?”

“Pretty good?” the kitten asks.

“It’s f—ing great!”

That’s one of a few short scenes revealed in the first trailer for Alley Cats, a new Netflix show created by Ricky Gervais. The comedian plays Gus and an ensemble cast provides the voices of the other neighborhood strays, who seem to spend most of their time veering from one lazy activity to the next while zinging each other with one-liners.

Warning: NSFW language in this trailer:

Although it’s animated, Alley Cats is a comedy for adults. Think South Park except with cats and a much more sarcastic, dry sense of humor. As the trailer makes clear, it’s irreverent and over-the-top, and it seems to tie cat humor in well with broader comedy.

Alley Cats is slated for an Aug. 7 release.

No Matter What The Kardashians Say, Please Don’t Declaw Your Cat

A Kardashian admitted she had her cats declawed, but wouldn’t take responsibility. People who are thinking of adopting should know declawing is mutilation and makes cats miserable.

Khloe Kardashian says she regrets having her cats declawed, admitting on her podcast this week that the kitties are “miserable” since she had them mutilated.

But she stopped short of taking responsibility, electing to blame an unnamed party for allegedly telling her it was okay to have her cats’ toes amputated at the first knuckle.

“I was really misadvised about getting my cats declawed. I’ve never owned cats before. I didn’t even know that was a thing. I feel really, really terrible that I did go in this direction,” Kardashian said.

Look, I get it. Learning stuff is, like, hard. If only someone would invent a worldwide network, an “internet” if you will, where one might access the entire sum of human knowledge with but a few keystrokes!

In the absence of such a miraculous technology, how are we to know that chopping off a cat’s toes will cause them a lifetime of pain and discomfort?

Sarcasm aside, I’m not interested in going on at length about the Kardashians or litigating this decision online. Plenty of people are doing that. There’s really no point.

What I am concerned about is the unfortunate fact that the Kardashians have influence.

Because Kardashian isn’t taking responsibility, and she brought up her decision to declaw her cats in the context of her feelings and her regret, she is not effectively communicating why declawing is wrong, nor what it does to cats.

If you don’t know what it is, you should know declawing is mutilation. It is the amputation of your cat’s toes at the first knuckle.

It permanently changes a cat’s gait, leading to early onset arthritis. It makes simple tasks like walking and using the litter box painful.

It causes psychological problems because claws are a cat’s first and primary defense. Without them, cats feel vulnerable. That can manifest in several different ways, leading them to become fearful, or to become quick to bite because they have no other options.

Khloe Kardashian was previously caught “face tuning” her cats, meaning she applied filters to them to make them look different.

Declawing is cruel, barbaric and has no place in a civilized society. It is illegal in most of the world, and US states are finally joining civilization with laws banning the procedure. Kardashian lives in California, where it is banned, so presumably she had it done before the ban or despite it. If it’s the latter, the chances of her facing legal consequences are slim to none.

If you’re worried about protecting furniture, there are much better options, but you should also know cats have normal behaviors that don’t always align with the concept of a perfectly-kept house. Your cat will test boundaries, throw up when she’s had too much food too fast, knock things over, get into places you never thought he’d get into, cough up hairballs and more.

You will be surprised. Things will be broken.

But that’s part of the feline appeal: they’re curious, playful animals, and you have to earn their trust. Once you do, they’ll be your pals for life — and you don’t want to betray that trust by making life miserable for them.