Please help me, Santa! For the past four years I’ve been asking my Big Buddy for a Roomba for Christmas, and every Christmas morning I have been disappointed when there is no Roomba beneath the tree. 😦
What is a Roomba? I’m glad you asked! A Roomba is a round robot made for cats, so we can have fun riding around the house! You just sit on top of it, and it moves all over the place! There are lots of videos on the MewTube showing cats having fun on their Roombas.
I am such a good boy. I finish my food most of the time, I only scratch the couch a little bit, and I haven’t destroyed anything valuable in almost three months! And if Big Buddy told you about the time I puked on his my bed, well that was an accident, okay? I usually puke on the carpet like a civilized cat.
Please, Santa, the only thing I want this year is a Roomba!
Little Buddy got a great gift for me this Christmas:
The text reads:
Dear Cat Dad,
Thank you for being my dad. If some other man was my dad, I’d piss on his shoes, claw up his face, and go find you.
Such a heartwarming message! It brings a tear to my eye. (Although I’ll have to talk to Buddy about his punctuation. We don’t use the Oxford comma in this house.)
Like any proud parent whose kid takes up a paper route or an after school job and buys presents with his own money for the first time, I beam with joy knowing Buddy sold enough catnip to neighborhood kitties to buy this mug for me. My little one is growing up!
Every Christmas, the staff at the Bronx Zoo transform the grounds into a “winter wonderland,” an LED-illuminated forest of festive fun that begins at sundown.
The good: Young kids will enjoy themselves. The bad: All the animal exhibits are closed, with the tigers, bears, monkeys and elephants brought into their indoor enclosures before dark to shelter from the frigid New York winter.
On Friday night the only animal on duty was Quincy, a 16-year-old Eurasian eagle owl. The impressively-plumed Quincy gamely hung out and remained calm despite a small crowd of guests pointing cameras at him, occasionally repeating a vocalization that sounded more like Buddy’s high-pitched greeting than a call you’d expect from an owl.
Hooting, which is what most of us associate with the nocturnal birds, is more closely associated with territorial displays and mating calls, Quincy’s handler explained.
After taking my brother’s kids to Winter Wonderland, we stopped for a look at Roy’s Christmas Land in Harrison, NY. The owner, 61-year-old Roy Aletti, describes himself as a “maniac” when it comes to holiday decorating.
As you can see, his design philosophy can be summed up as “Buy as much shit as you can and cover every inch of your lawn.” The kids love it.
I’m always here for my Big Buddy when he’s feeling down, I mostly scratch where I’m supposed to, and I don’t poop outside the litter box. Also, if there were any mouses around I would totally get rid of them, but there’s no mouses probably because they are scared of me because I’m so ripped.
I know you see me when I’m sleeping, which is kinda creepy, and you see me when I’m awake, so you know I don’t knock over the Christmas tree and I’ve only broken like three or four ornaments. I didn’t break any of Big Buddy’s guitars this year either!
Here is my Christmas wish list. I hope you can make it to my house this year! I will put out a glass of milk and some turkey in case you’re hungry or thirsty when you come by.
I’ve always wanted a Roomba, which is a little robot designed for kitties to ride on. It looks like so much fun! I really want one.
I want a saw so I can cut Buddy-size holes in the doors in my house. That way no doors can stop me!
I want a boot or a sneaker big enough for me to nap in. When I was little I used to sleep in Big Buddy’s shoes. They smelled so good and they were nice and cozy. I haven’t fit in a long time because I got big. I need a big shoe.
I want a bell I can ring when I want snacks!
And the last thing I want is a hammock that goes on the window so I can watch the birds.
So my list is a Roomba, a saw, a shoe big enough to nap in, a bell and a hammock. If you can’t bring all those things, that’s okay.
Thank you, Santa Claws!
Chronicling the adventures of Buddy the Cat and his various criminal enterprises.