Tag: catnap

Cats Win ‘Laziest Species’ At 212th Annual Animal Awards

NEW YORK — Domestic cats swept the Laziest Species category at the 212th Annual Animal Awards on Friday night.

Accepting the award on behalf of all cats, Chonkmatic the Magnificent waddled on stage, took a short nap, then was helped up to the podium, where he yawned and addressed the audience.

“Thank you!” Chonkmatic said, allowing others to hoist the award for him. “We didn’t work hard at all to earn this recognition, and that makes it even more satisfying.”

Chonkmatic went on to list several other cats who made the award possible by demonstrating remarkable laziness, before handing off the list to his assistant so he could be carried off stage for a snack and another nap.

Jaguars, the apex predators of South America, were recognized in the wild cat category for the remarkable achievement of ruling more than two million square miles of rainforest while napping approximately 70 percent of the time.

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Prolific nappers: Panthera Onca, the jaguar.

The big cats of the Amazon prerecorded an acceptance speech because the award show was scheduled to interfere with their napping schedule.

“We are honored to receive this award,” Ahau-K’in, the King of Jaguars, said in the message. “If you could just deliver it to us, that’d be great. In fact, you can leave it at the Temple of Palenque, but bring it up the stairs, mind. We don’t want to have to drag that thing up here.”

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Buddy the Cat sleeping on Big Buddy the Human.

Sharing in the recognition was Buddy the Cat, who “showed us all that a new style of napping is possible by training our humans never to move if we’re sleeping on top of them.”

“The New York cat also developed new techniques for prompting humans to deliver snacks directly to their feline overlords,” the judges wrote. “After all, why should we come running at the sound of a crinkly bag being opened? The snacks should be placed before us, requiring as little effort as possible to eat them and leaving more time for yawning, stretching and lazing.”

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BRING THE SNACKS TO ME.
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Chonkmatic the Cat has been chosen to negotiate on behalf of all living beings on Earth. Credit: SPCA of Wake County

Newest Social Distancing Fad: Sports With Your Cat

You’re bored, we’re bored, everyone’s bored.

We’re all living like hermits these days, hunkered down at home, trying to limit our exposure to the Coronavirus while risking cabin fever.

We’re trying to find new activities here in El Casa de Buddy: There aren’t any live sports, the new season of Netflix’s awesome action drama Kingdom only had six episodes, and there are only so many times you can watch humorous clips of idiots playing trombones on bikes or Ali G exasperating another poor soul with his profound stupidity. (“It’s a farm. Do you know what a farm is?” “It’s a rubbish zoo.”)

Necessity being the mother of invention and all that, people have begun inventing sports to play with their cats.

Cat cricket:

Cat bowling:

Tic-Cat-Toe:

Then there’s cat air hockey. Is there a cat who doesn’t like batting things around on flat surfaces?

h/t USAT’s For the Win.

Inspired by the creativity of other feline servants, I put a few suggestions to Buddy.

“Hey Bud, wanna play cat soccer?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a game. We take a ball and…”

“Nope. Got napping to do.”

“Uh, okay. How about cat golf? I’ll cut a hole in a cardboard box and…”

“Don’t you dare defile a box!”

“But it’ll be fun! Come on, little dude.”

“I have an idea for a game.”

“You do?”

“Yep. It’s called Buddy takes a nap, and Big Buddy stays quiet otherwise Little Buddy bites him. We start playing now.”

So there you have it. We’re gonna try our hand/paw at competitive napping, which I suppose works for us since Buddy’s favorite way to nap is curling up on top of me.

If any of our readers have found novel ways to simultaneously entertain themselves and their feline masters, please do share.