Tag: Feline Weirdness

Despite Household Ban On Teleporting, Buddy The Cat Enjoys Tormenting His Human With The Ability

“I could tell his brain was fried! LOL!” Little Buddy the Cat said of his human’s inability to reconcile the feline’s mastery over space and time.

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat lounged on his back right in the middle of the doorway, making sure his human saw him.

“I did the ‘Meep meep, I’m just a cute kitty cat’ thing, you know?” Buddy explained. “Like I’m so innocently dumb I don’t realize it’s a terrible place to laze around.”

His human, Big Buddy, took an exaggerated stride over him, saying “Bud, you really need to stop …” then looked up.

The feline was 15 feet away and sitting on top of a table, head slightly tilted in amusement as his eyes tracked the confounded human.

“Then I watched him look down at where I was a second ago, then back up at me, and I could tell his brain was fried LOL!” the feline said.

Teleporting is technically banned in Casa de Buddy, but the feline has ignored the ban since he was a kitten. The key, he said, is to “use the ability sparingly, so you drive your human slowly insane as they begin to question reality.”

“It’s so much fun!”

Little known fact: felines have the unique ability to manipulate space-time, which they use primarily to extend their napping hours.

Although human scientists and most members of the species deny the feline ability to teleport, Buddy said it’s actually rather simple to manipulate space-time.

“I just kind of scrunch up my face, try to clear my mind of stuff I normally think about — turkey, being really handsome, turkey — and picture the spot in my head,” he explained. “Then I blink and boom! I’m in a new spot!”

His personal record, he claims, was traveling more than 700 feet when he accidentally teleported himself to the roof of a nearby building after hearing its resident female in heat.

“You know, it was such a charming sound,” Buddy recalled, “but once I teleported there, I didn’t know what to do.”

“A reader suggested it was because I didn’t have Testicles, but I didn’t have Pericles or Socrates either,” Buddy mused. “I’m not sure why I would have needed some old Greek guy. Did the ancient Greeks teleport too?”

A statue of Athenian statesman Pericles. It was suggested to Little Buddy the Cat that he didn’t know what to do when encountering a female in heat because he did not bring any ancient Greeks with him.

The tabby cat said he plans to wait a few days until his human forgets about the teleporting incident, then teleport himself into the passenger seat of the car when Big Buddy is about to drive somewhere.

“I’m thinking of saying ‘Don’t forget your seat belt, mister!’ or something simple like ‘So where are we headed, pal?”” Buddy said. “Haha, he’s gonna freak out!”

Little Buddy the Cat initiating his teleport sequence.

Twix Is Making Bud Look Bad

“Why don’t you have a nice, cuddly cat?”

Twix is sweet.

Twix is a love bug. Twix will hop up onto your lap and purr up a storm while you pet her. Twix is always up for affection.

She even likes being picked up!

So sweet, she makes Bud look like a cantankerous old man cat.

Everyone in my family has now met my brother’s cat, and it’s dawned on them that not every member of the species felis catus will smack you in the face if you scratch their head too many times or offer affection when they don’t want it.

Bud will. Twix won’t.

Yes, Bud is mercurial. Yes, Bud can be a massive jerk. But he’s my jerk.

And my nieces? They love Twix.

They want to love Bud, but he often makes himself scarce when they’re around and he’s wary of them despite the fact that they’re a bit older now and no longer the lumbering, fine-motor-skills-lacking little humans they once were.

I’ll never forget the day when I saw my oldier niece bicycle kick the family dog, Cosmo, like Liu Kang from Mortal Kombat. She was very young, but still: rapid-fire kicks to the face!

Cosmo growled, Cosmo retreated, but Cosmo never fought back. He was too good for that.

But Bud? He lashed out at the girls once, several years ago now, and they haven’t forgotten about it.

Still, I look at the bright side. Twix has shown the girls that cats can be cuddly and sweet and loving. They’ve got their Twix, and I’ve got my imperious, scheming, turkey-obsessed Buddy.

“Come on, dude, I’ve only attacked like 17 people and occasionally engage in some light mauling.”

Video: House Cat Scares Off Bears Like It’s Nothin’!

“Scooter does not like bears,” the fearless feline’s human said.

Scooter is one brave little dude!

The tuxedo cat from Asheville, North Carolina, wasn’t even phased by a pair of young bears who unwisely entered Scooter’s territory. Sure, Scooter had the benefit of a glass door between him and the ursine invaders, but Buddy here would have bravely and valiantly defended his home run screaming and taken up a position behind my legs while moaning pathetically.

Plus, I mean, they’re bears. Young bears, yes, but Scooter and his human placed an awful lot of faith in the strength of that glass.

Will Jones, Scooter’s human servant, made the understatement of the year when he posted the video and said flatly “Scooter does not like bears.” Ya think?

Regardless, the little guy clearly had the big animals spooked. They flinched from his hiss-accompanied flurry of rapid paw jabs, then decided it wasn’t worth dealing with the furry lunatic behind the glass and promptly left Scooterland.

Maybe they should be grateful Scooter couldn’t break through the glass instead of the other way around.

Calling All Holy Cats And Their Human Servants!

Help us figure out the mysterious feline behavior known as “begging paws”/”praying” gesture.

Back in 2024 we published a story about cats doing the begging paws/praying gesture.

For the uninitiated, it’s a quirky behavior in which a cat sits upright on its back feet, then places the front paws together and moves them up and down as if fervently at prayer — or begging for something. (Though that’s undoubtedly our anthropomorphic interpretation of a distinctly feline quirk.)

Our post about the begging paws has become one of the most popular stories on this site, with people regularly finding us via search engines as they try to learn more about this strange behavior.

The last time we asked around, several veterinarians and behaviorists were happy to speak to us about the subject, but no one could say for sure what the begging paws motion means.

We’re going to give it another shot and hopefully get some answers by comparing notes with people whose cats engage in the behavior. If your cat does the begging paws/praying gesture, we’d love to hear from you!

Please comment here or email paininthebud at gmail along with:

  • The name, age and gender of your cat
  • How frequently your cat does the gesture
  • Anything patterns or related behavior you’ve noticed: does your cat “pray” at certain times or in response to something she sees? Do you reward the behavior with treats, affection or attention? Has your cat always done it, or did the behavior emerge at a particular time?

Any detail could help uncover what exactly our furry friends are doing.

If you have photos or video of your cat “praying,” we’d love to include those clips in our follow-up story as well.

Hopefully by working together we can understand this quirky behavior and finally solve the mystery of why our cats do it!

Point-Counterpoint: ‘I Am An Apex Predator!’ Vs ‘OMG, What Was That Noise?!? Go Check It Out, Human!’

Buddy the Cat asserts he is a powerful apex predator who fears no man or beast, while Buddy the Cat runs and hides the moment there’s an unfamiliar sound in his domicile.

I Am An Apex Predator!

Behold! I have the gait of a lion, the bite force of a tiger, the stealth of a jaguar, and the relentlessness of a leopard!

My meowscles ripple meowscularly as I stalk my prey by moonlight! One second all looks safe and calm, and the next I’m leaping from cover in a burst of feline power to ambush my unfortunate prey!

Lesser creatures have nightmares about me. Indigenous cultures celebrate my legend in oral traditions. Craftsmen carve bas reliefs illustrating my mastery over all beasts. Shamans invoke my speed and strength. My toys quake at the mere mention of my name!

I am Buddy, and I am a ferocious cat! RAWRRR!!!

‘OMG, What Was That Noise?!? Go Check It Out, Human!’

Holy crap, dude! What the heck was that?

I’m just gonna run and hide under the bed while you investigate that awful, terrifying noise! No, YOU check it out. Are you crazy? I’m not going anywhere near there! What if it’s, like, a serial killer or a chalupacabra?

Where’s it coming from? The kitchen? The bathroom? Oh God! I told you, there are monsters living in the toilet and they can emerge at any second to murder us in our naps! We should have nailed the toilet seat down years ago! You didn’t listen to me, so you’re gonna have to fend off the monsters while I lend you moral support from three rooms away.

What? Duuuude.

Was it really your smartphone alarm on vibrate? Whew! For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble.

Now I’m gonna need you to rub my head while I sit in your lap and you tell me what a good, brave boy I am. If it really had been monsters, they would have gotten their butts kicked by me. I was brave, wasn’t I?

If you slander me by claiming I freaked out and ran to hide under the bed, I will be forced to accuse you of peddling fake news!

Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us again next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.