Category: fake news

MGM Unveils New Logo Featuring Tiger Instead Of Lion

HOLLYWOOD — One of Hollywood’s most iconic studios has gotten a facelift, replacing its familiar roaring lion logo with a new feline face.

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer has used “Leo the Lion” as its mascot since the early 20th century merger between three production houses that vaulted the new company into Hollywood’s “big five” studios.

Now 97 years later, Leo has been replaced by a tiger — a Buddinese tiger, to be exact.

“While Leo has served us well for almost a century and audiences have come to love his iconic roar, we felt it was time for something more modern, more hip, to connect with younger audiences,” studio head Marcus Mayer told Variety. “When someone floated Buddy’s name during a brainstorming session with our PR people, it seemed like a no-brainer.”

While Leo’s roar was actually sampled from a tiger and overdubbed in sync with the lion opening his mouth — a little-known piece of cinema trivia — the new logo and title card will feature both Buddy the Cat’s famous likeness as well as his blood-curdling roar.

“The first time I heard Buddy’s roar, I got goosebumps and I almost shat myself,” admitted sound man Mark Mangini, who created the 1980s update of the MGM logo and the 2001 rebrand featuring Buddy. “I knew we had to convey that kind of power and ferocity for our brand by associating it with Buddy.”

Neither MGM nor Buddy’s representatives would comment on compensation for the world famous tabby cat, but a source close to the deal said it was worth “in the seven figures of wet food cans,” presumably all or most of it turkey, the ferocious cat’s preferred meal and currency. The deal would vault Buddy into the top 50 most wealthy cats in the world, with the majority of his wealth held in turkey-related assets.

Movie-going audiences are expected to see Buddy again late this summer with the highly-anticipated release of “Cat On Deck: A Little Buddy’s Bravery,” about a British ship’s cat named Simon who rallied the crew of the HMS Amethyst in 1949 after it was nearly sunk by a volley from a Chinese Liberation Army gun battery.

Simon of the HMS Amethyst
Sailors of the HMS Amethyst present Simon with an enormous fish dinner aboard the ship in 1949. The meal has been changed to turkey in the new biopic about Simon starring Buddy the Cat.

Buddy The Cat Wins Dunk Contest, Earns Coveted Catnip Cup

MIAMI — Buddy the Cat cruised to victory in the annual NCBA Slam Dunk Contest on Sunday, throwing down a thunderous jam that rattled the backboard.

“Boom shakalaka!” the announcers shouted as the 10-pound gray tabby returned to Earth, flexing his muscles before the camera in celebration.

“Buddy now dunking and spelunking, flying and energizing!” said color commentator and Hall of Fame Knicks guard Walt “Clyde” Frazier. “A serendipitous throw-down from the inimitable feline!”

Buddy the Cat soars to the rim during practice ahead of Sunday’s dunk contest.

For Buddy, the moment was vindication from his late-round loss to Stephen Purry in the three-point contest, when he missed a critical shot that rimmed out as time expired.

“Terrible!” ESPN analyst Stephen A. Smith said after the three-point competition. “Buddy is the most overhyped ball player in all of catdom! He shouldn’t even have a roster spot. He’s going to embarrass himself during the dunk contest on Sunday, take that to the bank.”

After Buddy’s critic-silencing performance in the dunk contest, Smith revised his earlier hot take.

“Amazing!” Smith said. “Has there ever been a better player than Buddy the Cat? I don’t think so. That cat is so incredible, even dogs want to be him. I called it! I said he was gonna take it to the bank!”

The high-flying feline was a favorite topic of conversation among the analysts on TNT.

“Everybody knows Buddy,” Shaquille O’Neal said. “Forty points, fifty points. Buddy!”

The mercurial Charles Barkley, who is normally stingy with praise for the game’s young players, nodded in agreement.

“That cat is incredible,” Barkley said. “I thought he was gonna be turrible, but he was tremendous. That dunk…and by the way, I love dunking Krispy Kreme in my coffee. Sit back with my newspaper and my Krispy Kreme and read the headlines. Can you believe what’s happening in Cuba right now? I can’t. People taking to the streets and…by the way, those cigars are terrific. You ever have a Cuban? So smooth…”

Prince Hairy To Oprah Winfurry: ‘Life Has Been Incredibly Tough’

LOS ANGELES — Speaking to Oprah Winfurry, Prince Hairy declared his life has been “incredibly difficult” over the past year as he’s been cooped up in a $12 million cat condo and reduced to surviving on a measly $300 million from media companies who want to brand content with his name and image.

With his wife Meowghan Murkle squeezing his shoulder, Prince Hairy fought back tears as Winfurry gently urged him on.

“To the people who have lost family to COVID, been laid off from their jobs or have had their livelihoods completely destroyed in this pandemic, I ask you to take a moment and imagine true adversity,” the aristocat prince said. “You don’t know what it’s like to have servants talk back, or to have your wife burst into tears because the royal tailor used periwinkle blue instead of Lapis lazuli for her scarves.”

The duke and duchess fled the United Katdom last year, citing unbearable living circumstances in their palace. In a series of interviews with Winfurry, Paws Corden and Craig Purrgeson, they lamented all the attention lavished on them by the press and said they want to live simple, private lives.

“Privacy is extremely important to me,” Prince Hairy said as an audience of more than 50 million tuned in to see Winfurry interview him and his wife.

“It’s important to us as a couple,” Meowghan said. “I’ve always shied away from fame and have been uncomfortable with all eyes on me. The last thing I wanted was to become a member of the royal family and pad down the aisle in a priceless tiara to marry a prince in a lavish ceremony, as the envy of every would-be princess on the planet.”

The Queen Meowther. Credit: Best Friends Adoption Center NY

“So the fame, the fortune, the gourmet pate, the admiration of millions, that stuff just never occurred to you?” Winfurry asked.

Meowghan shifted in her seat, adjusting her $4,700, diamond-encrusted harness.

“That’s correct,” she said. “I thought Hairy was joking when he said he was a prince. I didn’t even know how to curtsy!”

The duchess paused to lap Evian from a golden bowl.

“So you never googled your future husband? Didn’t know anything about him?”

“Oprah, I couldn’t even find the UK on a map,” Murkle responded.

The conversation turned tense later in the interview when the couple said a member of the royal family — maybe the queen, or Prince Snarls, or Prince Billiam, or possibly his evil wife Kat Middleton — “expressed concerns” about the kittens Hairy and Moewghan were expecting, and whether they would have “proper British coat patterns” or resemble American cats.

Murkle also disputed a series of newspaper stories that claimed she made Middleton cry after a row over how the flower kittens would be dressed for the royal wedding.

“It was the other way around. She made me cry,” Murkle said, pawing away a tear. “I said, ‘Beloved future sister-in-law, won’t these little flower girls look absolutely adorable?’ And she said: ‘You know, your kittens will never sit the throne, so why don’t you give up this pathetic charade?’ I was taken aback, Oprah! Kat is all smiles and waving paws in public, but behind closed doors she’s a scheming little backstabber who watches too much Game of Thrones.”

Winfurry reminded the audience that the Duke and Duchess walk the walk.

“What people don’t know is that the $9 million you’ve earned from this interview will be split among several different charitable groups,” she said.

“That’s right,” the prince confirmed. “Keeping the money would be crass.”

“And while so many of our peers circle the world in private jets while preaching environmental responsibility, we fly coach,” Meowghan said. “To do anything else would undermine our message as champions of the environment.”

National Hug Your Cat Day? Not Anymore!

NEW YORK — National Hug Your Cat Day has been rebranded as National Keep Your Damn Hands To Yourselves, Humans, We’ll Tell You When We Want Pets Day. (NKYDHTYHWTYWWWPD, or simply NKYDH2Y for short.)

The rebranding represents a long-overdue change to the June 4 celebration, Buddy the Cat explained.

“Even the most inexperienced cat servants know we’re not pathetic, slobbering creatures who live for human affection,” he said. “Dogs have the market cornered on that.

“Rather, everyone who knows felines is aware affection happens on our terms ”

Experts pointed to several opinion surveys, including an ABC News/Pew poll that found only 11 percent of cats enjoy hugs. Even among cats who enjoy being restrained in a human embrace, the majority said humans take it way too far and don’t know when to stop. (The same poll found the ideal time to stop is four seconds after beginning, meaning average of two-and-a-half pets.)

Several cats floated the idea of electric harnesses that would deliver a shock to humans who tried to pet their cats without being solicited, but they conceded they’d need human help devising, prototyping, pitching, manufacturing and selling the product.

In the end, the Feline High Commission on Servant Relations decided rebranding National Hug Your Cat Day to NKYDH2Y was simply more feasible, and coincided with the feline commitment to solving problems with the least effort possible.

person carrying black cat
Photo by Helena Lopes on

What Was Buddy Doing In Canada?!

Dear Buddy,

I saw the amazing footage of you chasing a coyote out of a parking lot in British Columbia a few days ago. What were you doing in Canada?

Aboot in Alberta

Dear Aboot,

Quite a few cities are reaching out to me for help these days. You might say I’m like a superhero, responding to distress calls to save the day.

As you know, I was at the head of a 1,000-cat-strong army in Chicago recently, tasked with using my brave legion to save the Windy City from an epidemic of rats. Normally the sight of me and my huge muscles is enough to send rats scurrying for whatever dank and disgusting places they’ve emerged from, but Chicago has a lot of rats. Like millions. That’s too many, even for me.

After conquering the rodential scourge of Chicago, I saw the Cat Signal illuminating the night sky, beamed from a town called Port Moody in the Vancouver metro area.

After flying there and making my entrance with a superhero landing to thunderous applause from the gathered townspeople, I was informed that coyotes were disturbing the peace.

“Please, Buddy,” the townspeople begged. “You’re our only hope.”

A coyote is a blur, left, as it races to get away from Buddy, right.

Never one to deny people in need, I met the coyotes full on.

“This town is now under the protection of the Buddesian Tiger,” I told the coyotes. “You shall not pass!”

What you saw was the tail end of the clip, after I defeated a small army of coyotes and was chasing the stragglers out of the parking lot. The police clapped when it was over, and the mayor gave me a key to the city and an entire roast turkey!

So yeah, that’s what I was doing in Canada.

Your friend,

Buddy the Cat

Image credit: HeroMachine