Interview With Buddy The Cat: Who Are Your Favorite Humans?

They’re unconventional picks, to say the least.

Q: Hi, Buddy! Thanks for joining us!

Buddy: You’re very welcome.

Q: So the theme of this interview is humans, specifically humans you admire. Would we be correct in assuming your human is at the top of your list?

Buddy: You would not.

Q: Uh, okay. Why not?

Buddy: Because he’s a wimp! A pushover. Weak.

Q: Wow. Okay. So who are some humans you admire?

Buddy: Let’s see. Genghis Khan. Tony Soprano. Xerxes of Persia. Kim Jong Il was pretty cool even if his hair was not. The Tokugawa shoguns. King Joffrey’s a classic. Nero. Ivan the Terrible. Oh! Commodus from Gladiator, he’s another good one.

Q: Seriously?

Buddy: Yeah!

Buddy and the humans he admires.

Q: But why? They’re all tyrants!

Buddy: Exactly.

Q: You consider that a positive personality trait?

Buddy: I love a good tyrant. I’m an aspiring tyrant myself, you know. Some would say I’ve already achieved tyranthood, although my tyrannical activities have been small time so far. I say when it’s bed time, I demand snacks whenever I please, I’ve banned closed doors in my domicile, I collect protection treats from the other cats in the building, I’ve…

Q: That sounds a bit more than small time.

Buddy: Indeed, but I haven’t realized my plan to take over the world. World domination has always been my dream, even as a kitten.

Q: What would world domination under Emperor Buddy look like?

Buddy: Well first of all, we’d have to have the humans build a replica of the Coliseum. The cats need entertainment, and I need a place to feed my enemies to tigers. Plus we can make the humans fight each other for our amusement whilst I sit in my imperial box where beautiful women feed me candied figs and my servants fan me to keep me cool.

Q: Uh…

Buddy: And then we invade Turkey to plunder all their turkey. I’ve given a lot of thought to that, obviously. My personal guards will be an elite group of lions called the, uh, Lion Guard. They’d look all intimidating and stuff in their resplendant armor. Also, I would summon a group of the best engineers, experts in biomechanics, and luxury car designers to create vehicles for my people.

Buddy’s Lion Guards stand watch around his imperial personage.

Q: You want cars for cats?

Buddy: Exactly.

Q: But lots of people would object to sharing the road with you guys…

Buddy: They don’t have a choice, remember? I’m the emperor!

Q: Right. Well, this has been an, uh, enlightening inter…

Buddy: I say when the interview is over!

Q: Er, okay. Is there anything you wanted to add?

Buddy: During my reign, there will be mandatory nap times. Also, when I enter a room everyone must stand, not only because they should bow and say “My liege,” which sounds pretty cool, but also so I can pick the spot I want. If any human was sitting there, they will move, of course.

Q: Of course. If I may…

An Imperial Buddesian coin featuring a likeness of Imperator Buddy. This 10-can coin entitles the bearer to 10 cans of premium cat food.

Buddy: Yes?

Q: Where does your human fit into all of this?

Buddy: Which one? All the humans will be my loyal subjects when I’m emperor.

Q: You know. Your human. The one who adopted you and takes care of you, feeds you, cleans up after you, rubs your head and tells you how brave you’ve been when you get scared…

Buddy: Fake news! I don’t get scared.

Q: My apologies. Of course you don’t get scared, nothing could frighten you! So what happens to your human when you’re Emperor Buddy?

Buddy: That’s an excellent question, one I haven’t given much thought to yet. I could make him the High Warlord, grant him a dukedom, or put him in charge of the mint to oversee the handsome new coins featuring my likeness on them. But I have trouble sleeping unless I’m draped over him, and it would be a pain to train someone new to make things just the way I like them, so he can be Bates.

Q: Bates?

Bates, right, assists Lord Grantham changing into his dinner wear on Downton Abbey. Buddy envisions his human holding the position of Bates in his Buddesian Empire.

Buddy: Yeah. Like on Downton Abbey. My personal servant, separate from all the palace servants.

Q: Ah…

Buddy: I’d just feel more comfortable if he were always within three feet of me. That is non-negotiable. And with that, I now formally declare this interview concluded. If you’ll just step over there please, my Master of Great Works will take down your information so that, if the final published version of this interview is displeasing to me, we can send you to the mines along with everyone else I don’t like upon my ascension to the throne. Cheers!

Amazon Driver Accused Of Stealing Family’s Cat Now Says It’s His Cat And Always Has Been

The case of an allegedly stolen feline has taken a strange turn.

Two weeks ago we posted a story about Junie, a tabbie in Bakersfield, Calif., who was grabbed by an Amazon driver making a delivery at her family’s home.

The Ring camera video clearly shows the driver delivering a package, picking Junie up and walking off with her. In the intervening time, the family has released the video, spoken to local media, filed a report with police and implored Amazon to help them get their cat back.

Amazon shifted the blame to a local contractor that employs delivery drivers, saying the driver is actually an employee of that company despite wearing an Amazon uniform. Police say the investigation is ongoing.

But now the driver has come out publicly and said that, actually, Junie is his cat, and actually, he just happened to deliver a package to the home of the family who allegedly took her.

“I was just doing my regular route. I approached the house. I got Brenda’s package, and I took it like a normal day,” Joshua Gonzalez told KGET, the local NBC affiliate in Bakersfield.

Brenda Wilson is Junie’s caretaker who previously spoke to the same news team about the alleged theft.

The document Gonzalez produced says the feline was a stray adopted on Oct. 9 of 2025, but Gonzalez said he never got around to naming her. Referring to the cat variously as “him,” “her” and “it,” he said he was thinking of naming “him” Spartan.

“I heard a meow,” he said of the moment he delivered the package. “I recognized it was my cat because of the distinct design it had on its forehead. It has the ‘M,’ the eyes, and how the body was set. I knew it was my cat. So I just grabbed him and walked off.”

Gonzalez says he adopted the cat for his seven-year-old daughter.

Aside from the incredible coincidence of supposedly finding his cat during a random work delivery, and the odd detail about not naming a cat that he says had been in his home for at least six months — as well as his apparent uncertainty about the feline’s gender — the document Gonzalez produced does not include a photo of the animal.

Then there’s the fact that literally all domestic tabby cats have the “M” marking on their foreheads, which is the most clear sign they’re tabbies. It’s not clear if Gonzalez thinks the mark is unique, and the news team didn’t ask the obvious question.

Wilson’s been in touch with Gonzalez and his family. She says she’s had Junie for five years, says Gonzalez used to live in her neighborhood, and has gotten nowhere with attempts to get Junie back.

“We’ve had some back and forth with them and they really are saying this is their cat, and I don’t know if it’s a cover, [if] they just really wanted her, or if they really do think this is their cat,” she said. But, she noted, “it’s an easy fix,” meaning the police can quickly determine who Junie/Spartan belongs to by looking at photos, timestamps, vet and adoption records.

Junie, whom Gonzalez says might be named Spartan, is pictured here in an image provided to KGET by Gonzalez. He says the cat is in her rightful home and is happy.

Gonzalez told KGET he realizes the video of him taking the cat “looks bad,” but said neighbors should not jump to conclusions.

“I want them to know I didn’t do anything bad but get my cat back, and now it’s in its rightful home, it’s back where it belongs,” he said. “Like anybody else would do, if they lost their cat and they see it on someone else’s porch, they would do the same thing.”

A couple thoughts here: in addition to the unlikely coincidence that someone would randomly discover their missing cat this way, not bestowing a name on a pet he’s allegedly had for seven months, and the inconclusive document, the video does not show surprise on Gonzalez’s face, nor does it show any hesitation or effort on his part to look at the cat closely.

Instead, he goes immediately from scanning the package and placing it down to picking the cat up. Then just walks off. Even when he pauses momentarily, it’s to look at his phone, not the animal.

You’d think that, if he really did serendipitously discover his own missing pet, there’d be visible surprise or a reaction on his face. You’d think he’d take a long look at the cat just to make sure it really is his. You’d think he’d knock on the door or at the very least leave a note instead of just walking off with the cat. And if this really happened the way Gonzalez says it did, wouldn’t he have told his employer so there’s no misunderstanding?

None of that happened, according to the media reports, the video and Gonzalez’s own words. Of course, Gonzalez could be telling the truth. Stranger things have happened. But the burden of proof is on him here.

I have written in the past about people who aren’t sure if they’ve recovered their own cat, and while I’ve said I’d know Bud instantly — and I maintain I absolutely would, because of his behavior and demeanor as well as his appearance — I’d still be shocked at finding him that way.

If he were missing, I would be overjoyed at finding him. Thrilled. Ecstatic. I’d probably act like a complete idiot, pick him up, spin around and kiss his little forehead. And he’d definitely react, trilling out a “Servant! Where have you been?!? This period of separation has been unacceptable and intolerable! Return me immediately to my proper domicile, where I expect you will have my preferred meal and be ready to ply me with snacks and catnip in profound apology for allowing this ghastly ordeal!”

Okay, so maybe people wouldn’t understand that bit of dialog, but I sure as hell would get his meaning, and I am absolutely a thousand percent sure that’s how he’d react. We’d both be ecstatic about being reunited.

Above: One of approximately 716,253 photos of Buddy in my possession.

I’d also have a mountain of proof: literally four cell phones’ worth of camera roll photos, several hundred photos from my Canon, neuter and vaccination records, receipts from the emergency vet, Chewy records listing an obscene amount of turkey orders, poorly Photoshopped images of him committing various heroic deeds with timestamps dating back more than a decade, and an entire blog dedicated to glorifying him as a meowscular, handsome and inimitable little fellow. But that’s just me.

A spokesperson from the local sheriff’s office told KGET they’re still investigating the alleged theft. I hope that’s true, and I hope they take this seriously. Regardless of US law’s archaic view of pets as property worth a fixed, cheap value that does not take sentiment into consideration, serving the public means setting things like this right. If one party doesn’t like what the police decide, they can go to court.

But for the sake of Junie and her family, they need to get this settled, and quickly, before the feline disappears.

“The evidence is overwhelming, your honor. He even has a disturbing number of poorly Photoshopped images of his cat slaying dragons, fighting evil robot armies, landing on the moon and dunking basketballs over NBA players.”

Despite Household Ban On Teleporting, Buddy The Cat Enjoys Tormenting His Human With The Ability

“I could tell his brain was fried! LOL!” Little Buddy the Cat said of his human’s inability to reconcile the feline’s mastery over space and time.

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat lounged on his back right in the middle of the doorway, making sure his human saw him.

“I did the ‘Meep meep, I’m just a cute kitty cat’ thing, you know?” Buddy explained. “Like I’m so innocently dumb I don’t realize it’s a terrible place to laze around.”

His human, Big Buddy, took an exaggerated stride over him, saying “Bud, you really need to stop …” then looked up.

The feline was 15 feet away and sitting on top of a table, head slightly tilted in amusement as his eyes tracked the confounded human.

“Then I watched him look down at where I was a second ago, then back up at me, and I could tell his brain was fried LOL!” the feline said.

Teleporting is technically banned in Casa de Buddy, but the feline has ignored the ban since he was a kitten. The key, he said, is to “use the ability sparingly, so you drive your human slowly insane as they begin to question reality.”

“It’s so much fun!”

Little known fact: felines have the unique ability to manipulate space-time, which they use primarily to extend their napping hours.

Although human scientists and most members of the species deny the feline ability to teleport, Buddy said it’s actually rather simple to manipulate space-time.

“I just kind of scrunch up my face, try to clear my mind of stuff I normally think about — turkey, being really handsome, turkey — and picture the spot in my head,” he explained. “Then I blink and boom! I’m in a new spot!”

His personal record, he claims, was traveling more than 700 feet when he accidentally teleported himself to the roof of a nearby building after hearing its resident female in heat.

“You know, it was such a charming sound,” Buddy recalled, “but once I teleported there, I didn’t know what to do.”

“A reader suggested it was because I didn’t have Testicles, but I didn’t have Pericles or Socrates either,” Buddy mused. “I’m not sure why I would have needed some old Greek guy. Did the ancient Greeks teleport too?”

A statue of Athenian statesman Pericles. It was suggested to Little Buddy the Cat that he didn’t know what to do when encountering a female in heat because he did not bring any ancient Greeks with him.

The tabby cat said he plans to wait a few days until his human forgets about the teleporting incident, then teleport himself into the passenger seat of the car when Big Buddy is about to drive somewhere.

“I’m thinking of saying ‘Don’t forget your seat belt, mister!’ or something simple like ‘So where are we headed, pal?”” Buddy said. “Haha, he’s gonna freak out!”

Little Buddy the Cat initiating his teleport sequence.

Wordless Wednesday: Just Bud

It’s little Buddy! What more could you possibly want?

I took this photo on Monday, capturing Bud in the moments between him screeching at me, I believe for snacks. Although it could have been a demand for me to sit on the couch so he can then sit on me. I forget.

There is a practical side to taking random photos like this, which is that it’s easier to really look at nonverbal indicators of health and mood. In this photo his ears are up and relaxed, his whiskers are relaxed, and he’s chill. Aside from making loud and insistent demands of me, that is. Anyway, here he is in all his 12-year-old glory:

Buddy The Cat’s Weekly Horoscopes: 6/1/2026

The internet’s only horoscope read by a cat!

Aries: Although you’re already considered really, really ridiculously good-looking, your handsomeness will increase by 11.72%. An unexpected visitor could come knocking on your door. Will they bring trouble, or an array of brand new boxes? It’s up to you to manifest the result!

Taurus: Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? Go ahead and take that nap, and another. You may find yourself switching napping spots, but your human’s lap is always a classic. It’s warm, comfortable, secure, and your human can’t go anywhere without you knowing about it.

Gemini: Prepare yourself for a particularly delicious week! New yums are on the horizon, my friend, and if you play your cards right, you’ll feast on this newfound bounty. Make sure you tell your human he or she has served you well. Our inferiors need a little encouragement now and then. Meanwhile you contemplate a new hairstyle. Should you go with a daring new look or keep things simple? The answer is yes.

Cancer: You know the annoying neighbor cat, the one who’s always bragging about his luxury condo, fancy window ledge and abundance of toys? His humans are going to adopt a dog. LOL!

Leo: You’ll feel particularly appreciated and honored when the local delicatessen names a magnificent sandwich after you. Your social group may seem a little boring lately, but the arrival of exciting new cats could shake things up.

Should you betray the Colonel?

Virgo: You may be feeling down on your luck of late, but all that’s about to change when you discover Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe with all 11 herbs and spices! You can earn a tidy sum by settling with KFC and agreeing to keep this sacred knowledge hidden, or you could go public with the recipe and become a celebrated hero. The choice is yours.

Libra: You feel it’s time to do some interior redecorating but your humans disagree. Ignore them. A long-lost friend may try to get in touch. Reestablishing the relationship could yield many benefits, but could also disrupt your nap schedule. Tread carefully.

Scorpio: The sudden emergence of a powerful citrus scent in your domicile threatens to drive you to the brink of madness. You must race against time to find the source of this vile olfactory intruder before it’s too late. Steel yourself: as old enemies return, it’s crucial that you keep your claws sharp!

Sagittarius: You may feel as if luck has abandoned you, but don’t fret! Statistics show 97% of gamblers quit right before the big payout! All you have to do is make one more wager…

Capricorn: Your fortunes could change rapidly when an attorney informs you a long-lost relative named you as the sole beneficiary of their will! Your joy will be short-lived, however, when you realize 50 million rubles is equal to about $17.32. But cheer up! That’ll keep you in snacks for a while!

Aquarius: How many of these stupid signs are there? What? My mic is on? Oh crap… My editors say I’m not including enough mystical stuff, so uh, this month will bring you news from the Second Chamber of Eternity, where stars shimmer like opalescent lilies in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens. Then it, uh, circumnavigated Saturn like debris on its accretion disk until arriving in your life in the form of mystical stardust. Also, you will discover a delicious new form of cheese.

Pisces: If a spectral figure appears to you inside your litter box, it would be wise to listen to what it has to say. You will be faced with a daunting challenge this week as you find several interior doors closed, culminating in your human using the bathroom without you. Don’t read too much into it. You’re still best pals, and soon you’ll discover riding in a baby bjorn is a great way to experience the outdoors!

Tune in next week when Buddy the Cat will probably offer new horoscopes. For entertainment purposes only. Buddy does not guarantee that you’ll discover a delicious new kind of cheese.