Tag: Buddy the Cat

Dear Buddy: Why Are Our Humans Home All The Time?

Dear Buddy,

There’s a dire situation we need to urgently bring to your attention: Our humans are not leaving the house! We meowed to the other cats on our block, and their humans aren’t leaving their homes either. Abe the Abyssinian from across town wandered into our neighborhood and said the same thing is happening in his neck of the woods.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

Don’t get us wrong, it’s nice to have a little extra service now and then, but this is really putting a cramp on our lifestyles. We can’t sit on the Warm Pads because our humans are always at home using them. Our beds, which we generously allow our people to use every night, are now constantly claimed by these suddenly-lazy humans.

Worst of all, we can’t steal food because our humans are right here.

Do you know why this is happening?

– Perturbed in Pensacola

angrycat4
Credit: Instagram/marugadesuyo

Dear Perturbed,

I hadn’t noticed, but then again my human is a loser who works from home and doesn’t have a social life, so I queried some feline amigos, and sure enough their humans are staying indoors too.

Usually this only happens when it’s really cold and snowing, but it’s pretty nice outside, sunny and getting warmer.

I strongly suspect this has to do with the Corona Virus, the one spreading through beer, as I learned through my own investigation last week. (Detective work comes naturally to me.)

Perhaps we can solve this by bringing the infected beer to them! Think about it: They’re doing something called quarreltineering to avoid Corona, but if they open up the fridge and find Coronas right there, they’re no longer safe at home!

That means they will go back outside and we can have our naps and steal food in peace.

I really should sell these ideas instead of giving them away for free. I’d be rich!

Your friend,

Budlock Holmes

 

Newest Social Distancing Fad: Sports With Your Cat

You’re bored, we’re bored, everyone’s bored.

We’re all living like hermits these days, hunkered down at home, trying to limit our exposure to the Coronavirus while risking cabin fever.

We’re trying to find new activities here in El Casa de Buddy: There aren’t any live sports, the new season of Netflix’s awesome action drama Kingdom only had six episodes, and there are only so many times you can watch humorous clips of idiots playing trombones on bikes or Ali G exasperating another poor soul with his profound stupidity. (“It’s a farm. Do you know what a farm is?” “It’s a rubbish zoo.”)

Necessity being the mother of invention and all that, people have begun inventing sports to play with their cats.

Cat cricket:

Cat bowling:

Tic-Cat-Toe:

Then there’s cat air hockey. Is there a cat who doesn’t like batting things around on flat surfaces?

h/t USAT’s For the Win.

Inspired by the creativity of other feline servants, I put a few suggestions to Buddy.

“Hey Bud, wanna play cat soccer?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a game. We take a ball and…”

“Nope. Got napping to do.”

“Uh, okay. How about cat golf? I’ll cut a hole in a cardboard box and…”

“Don’t you dare defile a box!”

“But it’ll be fun! Come on, little dude.”

“I have an idea for a game.”

“You do?”

“Yep. It’s called Buddy takes a nap, and Big Buddy stays quiet otherwise Little Buddy bites him. We start playing now.”

So there you have it. We’re gonna try our hand/paw at competitive napping, which I suppose works for us since Buddy’s favorite way to nap is curling up on top of me.

If any of our readers have found novel ways to simultaneously entertain themselves and their feline masters, please do share.

Innocent Cats Hit In Drive-By Spraying As Brutal Catnip Wars Escalate

NEW YORK — At least five cats — including two kittens — were caught in the cross-spray of a drive-by urinating on Tuesday night, the latest innocent victims of an ongoing war between niplords vying for territorial control to push their product.

Lil Tubbie, a local tabby, said he was out for an after-kibble walk when he found himself in the middle of full-fledged gang warfare.

“The usual lowlifes were hawking their can-bags of nip on the street when a minivan came to a screeching halt and a half dozen Los Gatos just poured out from the back seat, screeching like bats out of hell,” Lil Tubbie said. “They were ruthless, pissing everywhere to mark their territory. I saw one poor kitten get sprayed in the face. It was chaos.”

 

catdriving4
The Los Gatos Catnip Cartel is notorious for its drive-by sprayings.

There was no warning an attack was imminent, and authorities said they were taken aback by the strike’s brutality, potentially marking an escalation in a catnip war that has been raging for months.

“This is not the first time the Los Gatos have strong-pawed their way to acquiring new territory,” Pawlice Chief Mr. Snuggles said. “But in the past, gangs and cartels observed a code. Now any innocent cat just going about their business in public runs the risk of getting blasted in the face or drenched by marauding gang members.”

Like their wild forebears, cat cartel members usurp new territory by urinating on it, marking the boundaries of their domains with the acidic, ammonia-like scent of kitty pee.

Gangsta Cat
“Whatchu lookin’ at?” Fat Tony Purrtellini, capo of the Cattazio Crime Family, is famous for his ruthless drive-by urinatings against rival nip families and cartels alike.

Buddy the Niplord, who runs the area’s most powerful catnip cartel, is expected to retaliate against Los Gatos’ latest power play, analysts said.

“If Buddy doesn’t retaliate, he looks weak,” said Claws Furson, a feline criminologist at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in Meownhattan. “Police are on high alert, warning kittens to stay inside while they brace for the next violent outburst. The catnip wars take a real toll on our communities.”

Avon Meowsdale, a powerful niplord who was taken down by Buddy’s cartel in 2011, was subjected to “kibble boarding,” a form of torture in which the feline victim is strapped to a table underneath a sieve and slowly driven insane by a steady drip of kibble.

catssnapping
Gang cats claim an alley from which to sling potent catnip.

The Los Gatos are known for their own brand of torture, famously subjecting cartel boss Pawblo Escobar to “El Gruñido” (The Growling), a form of torture in which the victim is placed in a cage and forced to watch as cats around him dine on delicious wet food.

Both kibble-boarding and The Growling were condemned by the UN High Commission on Feline Warfare, categorizing both methods as war crimes prosecutable by The Hague.

In the meantime, neighborhood cats have taken to wearing rain coats to protect themselves against random scent-marking drive-by sprayings. Meowmoud Mohammad, a Persian cat who owns Feline Fashions in Manhattan, said he can’t keep them stocked.

“I suggest pre-ordering to reserve a rain coat when the next batch arrives,” Meowmoud said. “With all these gangs trading urine salvos, it’s the innocent who suffer. Don’t let yourself get caught in the cross-stream without protection.”

Cat Gang
Cats loyal to Buddy the Niplord patrol their territory on Tuesday.

These Are The Top Male Cat Names For 2020

Who knew there were so many Olivers?

The Dickensian moniker tops a new list of 2020’s most popular male cat names, followed by Charlie and Leo, two names with regal connotations. You can’t throw a dart at a history book without hitting a King Charles, while Leo conjures images of the famed Spartan King Leonidas as well as panthera leo, aka the African lion, often mistakenly called the king of the jungle. (Tigers, not lions, occupy jungles. They’re also the largest cats on the planet.)

Rounding out the royalty-themed names are Simba (at number seven), the eponymous Lion King, Loki (at eighth-most-popular) of son-of-Odin Asgardian fame, George (10) and Louie (13), as in Louis XIV, le Roi Soleil, the Sun King of Versailles.

Here are the top 24, which might seem like an arbitrary number until you read through the list:

  1. Oliver
  2. Charlie
  3. Leo
  4. Max
  5. Jack
  6. Milo
  7. Simba
  8. Loki
  9. Oscar
  10. George
  11. Ollie
  12. Jasper
  13. Louie
  14. Simon
  15. Henry
  16. Dexter
  17. Toby
  18. Winston
  19. Gus
  20. Finn
  21. Kitty
  22. Tiger
  23. Rocky
  24. Buddy

Yep. Buddy’s not sure if he should be insulted at the lack of recognition, or happy that the feline Buddies are an apparently exclusive club.

The list was compiled by Rover.com, a site that allows people to connect with pet sitters and dog walkers. The list is based on the most popular names of cats belonging to the site’s registered users.

8B6B08ED-A707-47A0-80DE-0E66455E6C2C
Buddy: A name reserved for only the most sophisticated and handsome cats.

Can You Spot The Cat In This Photo?

Now for another edition of Cats Hiding In Plain Sight. This time it’s a domestic cat instead of a leopard, and the landscape is a bed full of stuffed animals instead of the wild outdoors.

The challenge here is to find the fluffy cat amid all the other fluffy things.

Unlike the hidden leopard photo, which drove me crazy, I spotted the cat immediately in this one. Can you?

cathidden
Where’s the cat at?

The cat’s name is Obi and he likes to snooze in the pile of stuffed animals. His favorite is a small hedgehog plushie that he likes to retrieve from the pile and carry with him around the house, owner Mark Carney said.

“We don’t think Obi is hiding per se,” Carney told The Dodo. “When we spot him, we get no reaction, so it’s not a game, either. It is just a spot he likes to sit.”

There may be another reason little Obi retreats to the stuffed animal-bedecked bunk: The family recently adopted a new kitten, and Obi may be trying to earn a reprieve from all that kitten energy.