Feline Ingenuity – Page 36

MEOWZILLA FIRECAT BROWSER HISTORY

July 19, 2019

catnip how to get – google.com search 11:31 pm

catnip best kind – google.com search 11:38 pm

does catnip give u the munchies – google.com search 11:42 pm

HOW TO DESTROY DOOR – google.com search 12:01 am

July 20, 2019

kfc – google.com search 7/20/2019 8:14 pm

pictures of kfc – google.com search 7/20/2019 8:14 pm

pictures of kfc extra crispy – google.com search 7/20/2019 8:19 pm

KFC.com – Enter Your Credit Card Information – 7/20/2019 8:26 pm

KFC.com – Order Confirmation 7/20/2019 8:26 pm

KFC.com – Invalid Billing Information 7/20/2019 8:26 pm

KFC.com – Invalid Billing Information 7/20/2019 8:28 pm

steal human’s cerdit card – google.com search 7/20/2019 8:34 pm

KFC.com – Thank You for Your Order 7/20/2019 8:39 pm

July 23, 2019

picturrs hot calico – google.com search 1:03 am

picturrs hot calico butt – google.com search 1:07 am

July 24, 2019

wtf is scary moving room – google.com search 11:49 am

room moves scary – google.com search 11:52 am

doors open room moves very scary – google.com search 11:53 am

Elevator – Wikimedia Commons – 11:53 am

July 25, 2019

Mewlander – google.com search 12:37 am

Derek Mewlander tomcat model – google.com search 12:39 am

how 2 become cat model – google.com search 12:42 am

July 26, 2019

11 Litterbox Hacks – Meoowgle.com 1:03 am

Veterinarian Says Do THIS Every Morning For Silky Smooth Coat – Meoowgle.com 1:08 am

7 Celebrity Kitties You Didn’t Know Were Still Alive – FuzzFeed.com 1:26 am

Get Your Humans To Feed You More With This 1 Weird Trick! – FuzzFeed.com 1:31 am

Take This Quiz And Find Out Which ThunderCat You Are!! – FuzzFeed.com 1:36 am

Street Cat Bob Throws Shade At Grumpy Cat On Twitter, Celebricats Reactions Are PRICELESS – PawrezHilton.com 1:47 am

Whiskers Rees-Moggy DESTROYS The Libs: “Vegan Kibble Is For Pussies” – PawrezHilton.com 1:52 am

Dear Buddy,

What is the sick human fascination with doors? Who invented these vile things?

Better yet, how do I get them to open?

I hate doors!

– Hater in Honolulu

Dear H in H,

Welcome to the club, hermano!

No one really knows for sure where doors came from. Our best scientists have a working theory that humans invented doors thousands of years ago as a way to torture us cats.

It worked.

Not much foils us, mind, but doors are a uniquely anti-feline feature of human homes, and we all loathe them. But take heart! They can be defeated.

The Handle Twist — Doors with handles are the easiest to open!

If the doors in your home have handles instead of knobs, and they’re low enough that you can reach them without jumping, then what are you writing to me for? Go open them!

However, if your humans were evil enough to buy doors with knobs, or if reaching the handles requires you to jump, you’re going to need a little more finesse, my friend.

I call it the jump-and-twist. You’re going to need to leap up toward the knob while at the same time twisting your body in mid-air — a trivial move if you’re muscular like I am — so that your back feet catch the door frame. Then use the leverage from your back paws to push while keeping your front paws on the knob. Make sure you turn it!

cat-door — A kitty successfully completes the jump-and-twist and even manages to avoid the water trap his evil humans have laid for him. Kitty 2, Humans 0.

Finally, if you’re not athletic or the door is too difficult to open (or if you’re just lazy), you can employ what I like to call The Buddy Special.

The Buddy Special is very easy: Simply stand next to the door and cry, making your meows more pitiful-sounding by the second. Be sure to hit the sweet spot frequency that mimics a human baby’s cries: Humans are compelled to get up and investigate when they hear that sound!

Good luck and stay Buddy, my friends!

– Buddy the Wise