Tag: handsome

Time Mag’s Top 10 Cats List Deemed Illegitimate, Doesn’t Include Buddy

Time magazine has published what it calls the “Ultimate Chaotic Cattitude Power Ranking,” and Buddy is not on the list.

“The failing Time magazine didn’t even put me on their top 10 cats list. If they did, maybe they would sell more copies! Sad!” Buddy tweeted after the story was published.

Others expressed their outrage at Time’s snub.

”Time magazine has proven itself irrelevant by failing to include the handsomest tabby in America, and quite possibly the world,” gossip meower Pawrez Hilton wrote. “Do they realize thousands of kittens have posters of Buddy on their walls? He’s absolutely dreamy.”

“No Buddy? Absurd!” Meower user @SexyCalico24 commented. “I mean, have you seen his muscles? RAWR!”

Time’s editors were forced to backtrack after a deluge of angry phone calls and emails, along with a hundreds-strong protest outside the magazine’s Manhattan headquarters.

“It was a grave oversight on our part to exclude Buddy from our list, and we apologize,” the magazine’s editors wrote in a statement. “We know it will take time to win back the trust of our readers, but we hope to make it up to them with a 24-page photo spread of Buddy in our April issue.”

Claws Woodward, a purrfessor of feline journalism at the Harvard School for Cat Studies, said the embarrassing oversight is a sign that Time magazine is out of touch with kittens and young cats.

“Buddy is an action hero, like Snacky Chan or Ahnold Schwarzenmeower,” Woodward said. “With his movie star good looks and his rippling muscles, he clearly should have been on that list. I mean, ‘Jealous Cat’? Real Housewives meme cat? Come on! You don’t put Z-listers ahead of one of the most treasured cats of our generation.”

Still, not everyone was convinced Buddy should have made the list. Pop singer Taylor Swift was among those who clapped back at Buddy for his vanity.

“Buddy who?” Swift tweeted, throwing shade at the Budster. “If any cats should be on that list, my kitties should occupy all ten spots. I’m going to write a song about how they were cheated. Let me finish!”

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Cat Magazine’s 2020 Sexiest Cat Alive

Buddy’s Mailbag: You Sexy Beast You

Dear Buddy,

My, you’re a handsome one. And single, too. Why don’t you and I get together?

– Cali the Calico


Dear Cali,

Thanks! Get together to do what, exactly?

– Buddy


Dear Buddy,

No need to be so coy, we’re both adults. To make more kitties, of course!

– Cali


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Dear Cali,

I’m confused. Big Buddy says the Kitty Stork delivers the kittens. Won’t the stork be mad that we’re taking his job?

Buddy


Dear Buddy,

Oh you little joker! Now seriously, I’m in heat so where will we meet?

Cali


Cali,

The heat wave is really bad! You should drink lots of water and make sure you get enough protein.

– Buddy


Buddy,

Okay, do you seriously not understand how kittens are made? Didn’t anyone ever have ‘the talk’ with you about the birds and the bees?

Cali


Cali,

Now you’re confusing me. I know about the stork. No one ever said bees were involved. I don’t like bees.

Buddy


Jerk Face,

Wow, what a man-child! I’ll bet you play video games too with your precious “Big Buddy.” Losers!

– Cali


Cali,

We love playing video games! But we win more than we lose! If you wanted to come over to play video games, why didn’t you just say so?

Hello?

Hello?!

Cali??

Was it something I said?

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Buddy’s Mailbag: What Do You Think About Cloning Cats?

Dear Buddy,

I came across this article about a cloned kitten who looks a lot like you did as a baby, although not as devastatingly handsome.

What do you think about cloning? Do you want to be cloned?

– Wondering in West Virginia

Cloned Cat Cinnabun
Cinnabun 2.0, who is not as handsome as Buddy.

 


Dear Wondering,

You’re right, that kitten isn’t nearly as good-looking as I am.

What do I think about cloning? Well, the article says these people in North Carolina paid $25,000 to clone their cat, Cinnabun.

Twenty-five grand is a hefty price tag to clone a cat with such a stupid name. Do you know how much turkey that could buy? Well I don’t either, but I know it’s a lot!

Twenty-five thousand big ones could buy me a huge cat condo, one of those fancy window hammocks, a lifetime’s supply of Meowie Wowie and Purple Passion Meowijuana, plus all the toys I want!

But I don’t need that stuff. Although he has many faults, Big Buddy does a fine job of anticipating my desires and always serves my meals precisely on schedule. My bowl runneth over with turkey and salmon. The guys at the shelter, though, they could use it!

Speaking of shelters, you know who’s not getting a real home because these people decided to “create” Cinnabun 2.0? Some poor shelter cat who’s been in a cage for two years. (To their credit, the Bullerdick family, Cinnabun 2.0’s servants, say they donate to the Humane Society.)

Shelter Kitty
“Excuse me! Hey! I could use a home too, you know.”

The people who had Cinnabun cloned say they were inspired by Barbra Streisand, who cloned her dog for $50,000. What do you have against shelter pets, Barbra Streisand? Hmmm?

And no, I don’t want to be cloned! There’s only one Little Buddy! If Big Buddy clones me, I’ll come back to bite him and poop in his shoes!

– Buddy

Buddy the Very Handsome Kitten
Even as a kitten, Buddy was dashingly handsome and had huge muscles!