Maryland Man Tried To Use A Kitten To Rob A Bank, Cops Say

The suspect’s crime spree was short lived and the kitten has been returned.

Magnolia is back after her meowgnificent caper.

The three-and-a-half month old kitten was conscripted into an attempted bank robbery by a man who stole her from the adoptable cats section of a Maryland pet shop late Tuesday morning, then took her to a nearby bank.

Security camera footage from the pet store shows the suspect cradling Magnolia as he darts out of the shop.

The man, whose name has not been released by police, then asked a teller to hold the kitten while he scribbled out a note demanding cash.

Despite the suspect’s wily and carefully calibrated plan, the attempted robbery went awry when police arrived in force before he could escape with any cash.

Meanwhile the pet store employees across the street, unaware of the attempted robbery, watched the cops converging and thought the local sheriff was very serious about pilfered pets.

“I immediately saw all of these police cars, and I thought, ‘Wow, that’s a heck of a response for a stolen cat,” Stephanie Stullich of Beltsville Community Cats told a local TV news station.

As for Magnolia, she seems to be a resilient kitten and wasn’t particularly phased by her ordeal. Footage after her return shows her happily batting her paws at a toy. When pet store staff were told by the cops that their cat was in the bank, they found Magnolia cuddling up with the bank manager.

The man who stole her had visited several times and had been fixated on the kitten, store employees told the local NBC affiliate.

Magnolia was back and safe shortly after her ordeal. Now she’s looking for her forever family. Credit: NBC Washington

Surely treats are in order for little Magnolia. We’re glad to hear she’s okay. She’s available for adoption, by the way, and wants to retire from her brief lifeof crime. Stullich says she’s “looking for a law-abiding citizen with a lot of love in their heart.”

Police haven’t offered details besides acknowledging the incident and saying they’re still sorting details out. We’ll update as more information becomes available.

Happy National Kitten Day!

Kittens remind us what it feels like to experience pure joy in discovering the world.

July 10 is National Kitten Day, and what better way to inspire people to adopt and help relieve pressure on shelters than by showing photos of kitten Bud to prove how cute these little guys can be?

Even as a kitten, Buddy was dashingly handsome and had huge muscles! Top image: My mom holds Bud and my niece, who were both babies at the time.

Hiding in my sneakers. Jumping on my head and biting my feet while I’m trying to sleep. Zooms at every ungodly hour imaginable. Boxing his own reflection in the mirror. Inexplicably destroying large objects around the house despite his tiny size and weight. “Fighting” enemies on the screen while I’m trying to play video games. Being obsessed with nursing from my right earlobe.

Those are just some of Bud’s charming behaviors from kittenhood. I miss those days of curiosity, extreme playfulness and adventure.

While I would like to adopt an overlooked adult cat in the future because it’s much more difficult for them to find homes, I would not trade my experience with Kitten Bud for anything.

Perhaps best of all is seeing the pure joy and wonder expressed by a kitten who plays in snow for the first time, discovers the fun of playing with guitar strings or figures out how much fun it is to startle his human by sneaking up ninja-like and giving him a horror movie jump scare.

Everything is new and exciting to a kitten, and it’s an amazing thing to see and participate in. Kitten energy is happy energy.

Happy National Kitten Day!

Woman Rescues Kitten Found In Bucket Of Glue, Now He’s Her New Buddy

Little Elmer likely wouldn’t have survived more than a few hours if a Good Samaritan hadn’t found him and brought him to the Humane Society.

Leah Owens and Elmer the kitten have had a rough time of it lately, but now that circumstances have brought them together, both their lives have improved.

Owens, 72, lost her husband to blood cancer late last year and has been feeling lonely. She has three cats, but they’re independent little rascals.

Then Elmer came along.

The gray tabby kitten, who has a very Buddesian look about him, was rushed to the North Texas Humane Society about two weeks ago by a Good Samaritan who found the little guy submerged in a bucket of industrial glue.

Elmer when he was covered in glue, left, and looking healthy and happy now, right. Credit: Humane Society of North Texas

After dish soap and several other substances failed to get the glue out of Elmer’s fur, Owens stepped in and gave the kitten a bath in canola oil.

Removing the super sticky substance required round-the-clock care, with Owens returning Elmer to his oil bath and massaging the glue out of his fur by hand.

Elmer was so relieved, he now considers massages a several times daily requirement and nudges Owens to give him the spa treatment.

Staff at the Humane Society say they’re not sure if Elmer fell into the glue bucket or if someone tossed him into it. He’s about two months old.

Elmer resembles a certain gray tabby and even has a similar tuft of white fur on his chest. Credit: North Texas Humane Society

As stories like this always do, Elmer’s plight pulled on the heartstrings of potential adopters, but Elmer and Owens have grown quite fond of each other.

Now it’s official: Owens’ home is Elmer’s forever home, and she’s his caretaker/masseuse for life.

Great job, Leah Owens! And watch out, gray tabbies can be quite demanding, but they also have big hearts.

Buddy Becomes New Age Guru, Says Path To Enlightenment Begins With Feeding Him

“Activate your chakras and, like, serve me turkey and stuff.”

Buddy the Cat sits in a lotus position, whiskers relaxed, with a serene expression on his face.

“As we enter the quantum realm of the mind and traverse the sacred lacuna leading to the mysteries of the cosmos, let us allow ourselves to drift, to feel the subtle tug of gravity asserting itself upon our quantum existences, so that we may reach simultaneous quantum enlightenment within the subatomic and macro universes,” Buddy says softly as a room full of his disciples imitate his posture.

Suddenly the chubby cat opens his eyes, scanning the room.

“And now the time has come,” he says, “for a quantum nap. Who would please the spirit of the cosmos by providing a suitably soft napping substrate?:

Buddy regains his kitten form after communing with the quantum alchemists of Epsilon Eridani, who grant him special powers after circumambulating a triple star system within a quantum starship and stuff.

Every hand shoots up, with disciples — or “quantum mignons,” in Buddesian parlance — begging to be chosen.

The guru pads along the rows of disciples, wrinkling his nose to “discern the most comfortable chakras,” before settling in the lap of Maelle, a 20-year-old exchange student from France.

“I feel so blessed to be chosen,” she confesses as Guru Buddy climbs into her lap.

“I shall meditate,” Buddy tells her with a yawn, “upon your anima as the soothing stillness of sleep embraces me, fortifying your spirit with an increase in your alpha quotient.”

Maelle nods excitedly. “Thank you, enlightened guru!”

“And remember,” Buddy says, “should you feel the call of nature or the need to adjust your position, meditate upon your quantum quantumness to fortify your, uh, quantums so you don’t disturb me.”

The tabby cat settles down, then opens one eye.

“I almost forgot,” he says, raising his meows so all can hear him. “Please prepare my post-nap feast, for the quantum processes of my restorative beauty sleep make me famished. Serving me delicious food is most pleasing to the cosmic pantheon. I shall now spirit-walk the galactic plane and commune with the ancient alchemists of Epsilon Eridani to probe the mysteries of dark matter and KFC Extra Crispy. Can someone bring me a quantum pillow?”



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Happy Thanksgiving, O Day Of Turkey! Let’s Be Thankful For Our Little Buddies

The Buddy Balloon will grace this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in Manhattan.

Today is the day Buddy spends the other 364 days of the year dreaming about: turkey day!

He’s been a turkey fanatic since he was a tiny kitten, when I fed him the good stuff and he emerged from his dining nook licking his lips, meowing happily and looking like the most content little guy in the world.

While I try to remind myself how fortunate I am all year, for this year’s Thanksgiving I’m expressing particular gratitude for Bud, my best little pal.

I’m fortunate to be his caretaker and best friend. I’m thankful for the strong bond we share, his affection, and his loyalty. He’s always by my side, and even though he’s a bit of a lunatic at times, he’s a good boy with a big heart.

What about you, Bud?

“I’m thankful for all the delicious snacks I get to eat, all the comfy napping spots around the house, and of course for turkey!”

Cool. Anything else you’re grateful for?

“Yeah! I have some pretty cool toys and I’m told I have fans around the world!”

Uh, sure. What else?

“Hmmm. I think that about covers it.”

You sure?

“Yep.”

Don’t worry, it’ll come to him at some point, probably around 4 pm when he realizes I won’t be back in time to feed him according to his regular schedule.

Buddy and I wish all of you a happy Thanksgiving, and if you live in the US, we hope you have the Thanksgiving you want, whether that’s in the company of family, friends, or a quiet holiday spent at home with the people you love most. And of course, don’t forget to save some turkey for your own little buddies!