With a feline in the house, forgetting about seasonal time changes is impossible.
I don’t remember what I was dreaming about, just that my dream ended with a THWAP! against my cheek.
I turned away pointlessly and felt another slap against my chin, this time with an untrimmed claw scraping against the stubble.
“What the %&@$?” I mumbled, opening my eyes to find Bud sitting on my chest, his nose inches from mine, paw slightly raised to deliver another slap.
“No! No, Bud, don’t you…ow! You little turd!”
I sat up, forcing him to slide off my chest into my lap, and looked at him through groggy eyes.
“What was that for?” I asked him.
He meowed indignantly and I grasped like a blind man for my glasses and phone.
That’s when it hit me. Daylight Savings Time had ended overnight, the clocks had fallen back automatically because everything is networked these days, and from Bud’s perspective I had slept past our wake up time.
It was nearly Yums O’Clock, my feline overlord didn’t see any signs indicating I’d be rolling out of bed soon, so his solution was to slap me in the face to wake me up.
Naturally.
No hard feelings, either. Bud may be a weird cat, but he’s my weird cat and I love the little dude.
I’m writing about this not only because it’s funny, but also because feline timekeeping is shockingly accurate. Half the time I don’t even know what day it is, but my little pal knows when breakfast is due, down to the minute.
What other sort of impressive feats could felines accomplish if we can associate them with meal time in their minds?
A new image from two of NASA’s most iconic space telescopes provides an unprecedented view of a cosmic kitty.
It’s meowing at us from across the cosmos!
A distinctly feline feature of a far-off nebula is capturing the imaginations of space-heads and cat lovers alike this week after NASA released a new image of the stellar parturition zone taken by the James Webb Space Telescope and its predecessor, Hubble.
The image combines data taken from the two telescopes: Hubble’s input comes from the visible light spectrum, while the JWST’s contribution is a ghostly infrared representation.
A mid-infrared view of the Cat’s Head Nebula via the James Webb Space Telescope. Credit: NASA
The Cat’s Head Nebula may be new to millions of people, but it was first discovered, by western sky surveyors at least, by the French astronomer Nicolas-Louis de Lacaille in 1752.
de Lacaille discovered Caldwell-92, also known as the Carina Nebula, during an astronomical expedition to South Africa’s Cape of Good Hope. The location was critical because the nebula, with an apparent magnitude of 4.8, can be seen with the naked eye, but not from Europe or North America. Located 60 degrees below the celestial equator, observing it requires traveling to the southern hemisphere.
The Carina Nebula is massive, with a radius of 230 light years, and the Cat’s Head Nebula is just a small part of it, about 7,500 light years from our star system.
The Cat’s Eye Nebula, NGC 6543, is about 4 400 light years from Earth. Credit: NASA
As for nebulas, while they’re known for being among the most incredible spectacles in the cosmos, they are both stellar nurseries and graveyards, with the massive clouds of gas and dust kicked up and stirred by the incomprehensible energies involved in the births and deaths of stars.
Since cats have captured the hearts of humans and are the undisputed stars of the internet, it’s only fitting that we see them everywhere we look, including space. Aside from the Cat’s Head Nebula, there’s the Cat’s Paw Nebula (NGC-6334), the Cat’s Eye Nebula (NGC-6543), the Smiling Cat Nebula (Sh2-284), the Space Cheshire Cat (SDSS J1038+4849) which is actually a group of galaxies an astounding 4.6 billion light years away, the constellation Leo, Leo Minor, the Lynx constellation, and the late Felis, discovered by the cat-loving French astronomer Jérôme Lalande in 1799. Unfortunately Felis no longer exists as it was “absorbed” into the nearby constellation Hydra and fell out of use in star charts.
An image of Felis from Bode’s Uranographia, an “astronomical book “exact survey of the heavens,” published in 1749.
It was a great crime, absorbing Felis into Hydra! I feel this calls for a new one, the Buddy Nebula. Consider this a stand-in until a suitably regal location is found for the little guy:
From a small village in the UK to Hollywood and the command seat of the USS Enterprise, Patrick Stewart entertained generations of dreamers and showed us that a sharp mind is always better than a heavy fist.
In one of my favorite Star Trek episodes ever, dubbed “The Survivors,” Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the USS Enterprise-D are dispatched to a Federation colony in response to a desperate distress call.
A mysterious alien armada had arrived in orbit and began bombarding the planet without warning. By the time the Enterprise arrives at Delta Rana IV, the colony planet, the ship’s sensors report total devastation except for one tiny, perfectly square patch of land where a lone house still stands unscathed, its lawn as green as ever even as ruins smolder in the distance.
The Uxbridge home on Rana IV, a combination of a live-action shot and a matte painting. Credit: Paramount
Kevin and Rishon Uxbridge, an elderly couple, live in the home but refuse to be rescued. They tell Captain Picard they’re going to tough it out on the scorched, desolate colony world, and they’re strangely unconcerned by the reappearance of one of the alien ships, which deploys powerful weapons to chase the Enterprise away several times.
After a cat-and-mouse game between the alien vessel and the Enterprise, Picard realizes there’s something deeply wrong with the Uxbridges, catches Kevin in a lie and questions the couple. That’s when Kevin Uxbridge admits he’s not human – he’s a powerful, immortal energy-based being called a Douwd who had sworn himself to pacifism and married a human woman.
But when the invading Husnock armada destroyed the colony, and took the life of his beloved wife Rishon, Kevin lost his mind and in a moment of grief and rage wiped out the Husnock.
“You don’t understand the scope of my crime,” Kevin tells Picard and his crew. “I didn’t kill just one Husnock, or a hundred, or a thousand. I killed them all. All Husnock everywhere. Are eleven thousand people worth fifty billion? Is the love of a woman worth the destruction of an entire species? This is the sin I tried so hard to keep you from learning now. Why I wanted to chase you from Rana.”
The episode’s title card, with the Enterprise pictured in orbit around Rana IV. Credit: Paramount
The episode ends on a somber note as Picard leaves Kevin and the resurrected Rishon to themselves, telling Kevin: “We’re not qualified to be your judges. We have no law to fit your crime. You’re free to return to the planet and to make Rishon live again.”
Just before the credits roll, Patrick Stewart’s theatrical voice cuts in for a captain’s log.
“We are departing the Rana system for Starbase One Three Three. We leave behind a being of extraordinary power and conscience. I am not certain if he should be praised or condemned. Only that he should be left alone.”
The episode is a fine example of the way Patrick Stewart played Picard, not as a swashbuckling, frequently-brawling, alien-skirt-chasing captain in the mold of James T. Kirk, but as a cerebral leader who was primarily an explorer and diplomat, not a military commander.
Time and again, Stewart imbued Picard with the judicious, insightful demeanor that would become the character’s trademark. When Captain Picard was at the helm, you felt confident that in this fictional world, humanity was sending its absolute best to represent our species among the stars.
Stewart was one of my heroes as a 90s kid who grew up on reruns of The Next Generation, and I loved Star Trek despite getting years worth of shit for it from literally everyone – my brother, my friends, girlfriends, cousins, coworkers, even my mom.
The English actor, who was knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 2010, passed away Thursday. He was 86 years old.
To most of us, he was Picard and the X-Men’s Professor Xavier, but he was so much more than that. He was a bona fide stage actor, spending most of his early career playing just about every role Shakespeare had to offer. He’s played Moby Dick‘s Captain Ahab, A Christmas Carol‘s Ebenezer Scrooge, and took on a shocking role as white supremacist leader Darcy Banker in the 2015 thriller Green Room, showing his considerable range. Most recently Stewart lent his voice to a character in this year’s The Sheep Detectives. It was his last role to be released while he still lived, with his final appearance yet to hit screens in the upcoming Avengers: Doomsday.
Stewart as Professor Charles Xavier, leader of the X-Men. Stewart played the role in nine movies across 27 years. Credit: Fox
Most people will remember him fondly as Picard during a seven-season run that straddled the late 1980s and early 90s. As strange as it may seem now, The Next Generation was widely expected to fail, with critics expressing skepticism that audiences would warm to a starship Enterprise without Kirk, Scotty, Bones, Uhura, Chekov, Sulu and Spock.
“Can a New Crew and a ‘Bald Frenchman’ Starship Enterprise Live Up to the Legend?” TV Guide asked in a 1987 feature previewing the new show.
Stewart, for his part, was told not to unpack his bags. His agent assured him the series would fail and Stewart would be back in London, sipping his Earl Gray tea and reading for theater roles again within a few weeks.
After admittedly finding the show and its premise ridiculous, Stewart gradually began to understand Star Trek’s significance in the public imagination, and the opportunities it afforded him as the face of the franchise.
“When it first started, I didn’t think that I would survive beyond the pilot,” Steward later said. “I thought the producers would come to their senses and realize they’d made a grave error in casting me. I was certain that I’d be on my way back to London… Eventually, it became clear to me that not only wasn’t I going to go away, the series wasn’t going to go away. I stayed, and have relished every moment.”
The Englishman led a revival of the 1960s franchise that spawned two more TV series set in Picard’s era (Deep Space Nine and Voyager), the unfairly-maligned Star Trek Enterprise, four theatrical releases featuring The Next Generation crew, and the modern era of Star Trek that includes Discovery, Strange New Worlds and Picard, which saw Steward reprise his most famous role as the iconic captain – now an admiral – is called upon once again to use his wit, insight and skills as a starship commander to save the Federation of Planets.
The last hurrah: Steward and original cast members reunited for the third season of Picard, sending the characters out on a high note as they saved the Federation one last time. Credit: Paramount
Stewart was known as a consummate gentleman, a man who grew up poor in a home where domestic violence was a regular occurrence, an advocate for women and animals, and a voice who urged calm during turbulent times. The only time I ever saw the man express anger toward anyone was during an awards show in London in 2010, when he lashed out at James Corden for appearing disengaged and disinterested while hosting the event.
And really, who among us has never had an urge to yell at James Corden, whom Balthazar restaurateur Keith McNally once described as a “tiny little cretin”?
The actor also kept in touch with fans through social media, showing his gift for self-deprecation and sharing moments from his life, like his first-ever slice of pizza in 2013.
Stewart had his first slice of pizza at 72 years old. Credit: Patrick Stewart/Instagram
Unlike William Shatner, who famously went to low Earth orbit and experienced the Overview Effect’s powerful feelings of awe and human connectedness reported by many astronauts, Stewart never went to space.
But he wasn’t quiet about his feelings, and when asked about Star Trek’s Utopian vision of the future, he didn’t sugar-coat his opinion of humanity.
“I would like to see us get this place right first before we have the arrogance to put significantly flawed civilizations out onto other planets,” he said, “even though they may be utterly uninhabited.”
I’d like to think Stewart is sitting in the captain’s seat of a celestial Enterprise right now, finally getting a proper look at new life and new civilizations. And when he looks back at our pale blue dot, I hope he sees us appealing to our better angels to “get this place right.”
Stewart with his cat, Glen. h/t Leah A.: Thanks, Leah!
Little Buddy the Cat tells humans how they can mark this day dedicated to the most awesome species on Earth.
Happy National Cat Day! To help us learn about this important day and what it means, we turn it over to Little Buddy the Cat:
“Ahem. Is this thing on? Okay. Good!
National Cat Day was founded to help buddies all across America find homes. Did you know about three million of us enter the shelter system every year? That’s a lot of cats who don’t have homes, couches, food bowls, toys, favorite blankets, regular meals, and most importantly love. They don’t have humans to tell them how amazingly cute they are, and to transform into Furniture Mode for napping on.
“Scuse me, but how am I supposed to sing the blues about being in the big house without a harmonica?” Credit: Pexels
The best thing to do on National Cat Day is to adopt a cat, but even if you don’t have room for Additional Buddies in your domicile, there are other ways you can help!
Volunteering at your local shelter
Feeding a cat (like me) extra treats
Donating to your local shelter
Buying toys for an athletic feline (like me!) who likes to play
Foster cats or kittens for your local shelter
Letting a particularly handsome furry fellow (like me!) lay down in your lap, absorb the warm and have a nice nap
Raise awareness of stray/homeless cats, so maybe someone you know might provide a good home for a buddy
Give a good girl or good boy (like me) some catnip and silvervine, then scratch our heads and tell us how awesome we are
tl;dr version: Help other cats, spoil your own cat(s). That’s what today is for!”
Larger Buddy has been playing some stupid game about building cities, but this one’s pretty cool ’cause everything’s named after me or other cats, and there are lots of homes for little buddies.”
Few Americans know the fascinating meaning of the iconic ice cream brand’s name.
I usually wait until someone’s had a spoonful or two before casually asking “You know what Häagen-Dazs means, right?”
Some people will pause and give it lots of thought, as if they knew what it meant at one point and the memory is almost within grasp if the right synapse fires.
Others will fabulate an explanation, confidently asserting that Häagen-Dazs is German, Norwegian, Danish, Finnish or Icelandic. The umlaut conjures up something vaguely Nordic when removed from the context of heavy metal bands, which seem to be obsessed with sticking it on as many letters as possible.
“Did you see Ülträŝláügĥʻtër Dööm at Black MëtälFëst, dude? They rocked out!”
From their new album, “Umlauts of Eternal Rock,” now available wherever fine products are sold.
Some people will just shrug and fess up to ignorance.
Depending on how invested the person is, I might invent something absurd before revealing the truth.
“Yeah, it’s German for ‘the moment when frosted perfection settles amicably upon your tastebuds,’” because we all love how German has words for some of the most obscure situations and feelings.
But nothing beats the truth.
Häagen-Dazs means absolutely nothing. It’s nonsense.
The now-famous ice cream brand’s founder, a Polish immigrant named Reuben Mattus, made the word up when he launched the business in 1960. He slapped an umlaut on it and added a nonsensical “zs” to give it an exotic, vaguely Danish connotation.
People won’t pay a premium for just any ice cream, but toss an umlaut in the name and claim it’s Danish, and suddenly customers are paying $3 or $4 more for a tub half the size, convinced that the Danes must know something about ice cream because their country is cold.
Score one for branding ingenuity and deduct another point from the American education system!
Sincerely,
Your friends at Pàin In The Büd
What’s a completely useless fact you love sharing?
