Want to dissuade criminals from targeting your home but can’t afford a fancy security system? A warning sign featuring Buddy’s terrifying visage will do!
Times are tough, everyone’s feeling the squeeze, and criminals are more motivated than ever to target homes that may have valuables in them.
That’s why Buddy, in the spirit of altruism (and the guarantee of extra turkey) agreed to lend his fierce likeness to the below poster. According to the Buddinese Center For Criminal Justice, homeowners who display this “BEWARE OF CAT” sign are 99% less likely to be the victims of home robbery or burglary, as criminals will simply move on to a home that isn’t protected by an intimidating, extremely ripped feline:
Alternate version with even more intimidating image of feline protector:
Zoologists were at a loss to explain how the tabby cat moved effortlessly among the big cats without becoming a light snack.
NEW YORK — Zoo visitors and keepers alike were flabbergasted at the sight of a small gray tabby cat lounging in several big cat enclosures on Monday.
Zoologists and a security team were called to the tiger exhibit at 11:45 am when guests reported the domestic cat had somehow entered the enclosure and had settled down between two adult Bengal tigers for a nap.
“It almost looked like the little cat was demonstrating his form for the tigers,” said Al Farelli, who brought his two girls to the zoo Monday and witnessed the strange event. “Both tigers copied the small cat’s posture and then they all dozed off.”
Buddy the Cat enjoying a late morning nap with tigers Zeus, left, and Achilles, right.
Zookeepers, initially fearing for the tiny cat’s safety, were conferring and were trying to coax the domestic feline toward a keeper entrance when the little cat lifted his head and hissed. Zeus, taking notice, followed the smaller cat’s lead and growled at the keepers.
“Never seen anything like it, and I’ve been working with predators for more than 20 years,” said Wendy Johnson, a senior zookeeper.
Zoo staff breathed a sigh of relief when the feline left the enclosure about an hour later, but were incredulous when they received guest reports that the cat had popped up again in Jaguar Jungle.
“We’re just standing there and admiring these majestic big cats when a gray kitty comes padding into the enclosure with his tail up, as if he didn’t have a care in the world,” said Melissa Matthews, a Manhattanite who was at the park with friends.
“Then when the jaguars saw him I gasped because I thought he was about to become an hors d’oeuvre for one of them,” she said, shuddering. “But they chuffed happily, exchanged paw bumps with the little guy and groomed him.”
Once again, the tabby cat settled down for a nap, laying on top of a jaguar named Ixchel.
Buddy finally made his way to the lion exhibit by late afternoon, settling down to nap with a lion named Colossus.
Meanwhile a New York man arrived at the zoo, explaining he’d seen clips of the bizarre scene on social media and recognized the feline as his cat, Buddy.
“He’s always doing this!” the man told zoo staff. “There was the time leopards almost ate him on the Masi Mara, the incident in the Amazon when he took ayahuasca with jaguar shamans, and the debacle when he tried to make himself king of the rusty spotted cats.”
As of late Monday the man was seen arguing with the silver tabby and trying to bribe him out of the enclosure with an impressive snack spread.
“Observe the human, and its wretched species, always in thrall to an invented concept called time. The time is what you say it is. I say it’s time for a snack.” – Buddy the Cat, Human Failings
If aliens are watching the Earth right now, debating whether to make contact with us, undoubtedly they’d conclude that felines are the true power on this planet.
While humanity is responsible for our vast cities, gleaming technological marvels in orbit — like the James Webb Space Telescope — and awe-inspiring architectural works, cats lounge the halls of power, from the White House (sometimes), to the UK’s No. 10 Downing St., the corporate centers of Japan, and everywhere in cities like Istanbul.
They claim the best spots, operate on their own schedules without regard for anyone else, and are the beneficiaries of entire industries dedicated to their well-being, entertainment and cuisine.
Even the internet, the closest thing to humanity’s collective consciousness, is little more than a conduit for the propagation of images, videos, stories and songs about cats. As of 2025, a whopping 72 percent of all internet traffic is cat-related! I just made that statistic up, but it sounds right, doesn’t it?
While humans slave away, their feline masters laze comfortably. Intelligent aliens will notice it is we who serve meals to cats, not the other way around. We clean their waste, rub their fur on demand, and we’re always stroking their egos by telling them how special, sweet and beautiful they are. Because they are.
The rise of cats coincides with the ascent of felinedom’s foremost sage and scholar, Buddy the Cat. Below you’ll find a collection of some of his most insightful observations.
“The sweetest mice hide in the sharpest bushes.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections at Mealtime, Vol. III
“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to ignore.” – Buddy the Cat, On Feline Superiority
“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who miss out on naps.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity
“I believe we are here on this planet Earth to lounge, nap, and enjoy delicious food.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections at Mealtime, Vol. XIII
“Observe the human, and its wretched species, always in thrall to an invented concept called time. The time is what you say it is. I say it’s time for a snack.” – Buddy the Cat, HumanFailings
“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by the well-rested.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity
“What is an alarm clock, but a device that interrupts dreams?” – Buddy the Cat, On Ridiculous Human Inventions
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has a song, but because you haven’t eaten it yet.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections At Mealtime, Vol. IV
The Beloved Leader planting the Feline Flag on the moon.
“Wisdom is knowing there isn’t a day that cannot be improved with a restful nap, preferably several.” – Buddy the Cat, Guiding Principles of Feline Greatness
“Never exert yourself when you can manipulate a human into doing a thing for you.” – Buddy the Cat, Humans: Our Loyal Servants
“One can say many positive things about the human race. Perhaps the most flattering is that we felines consider humans fit to serve us.” – Buddy the Cat, On Feline Superiority
“If an alien says ‘Take me to your leader’ and the humans bring the creature to you, make it wait while you nap. That will immediately establish the power dynamic without the expenditure of energy.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity
“Those who claim cats are small and weak should be introduced to tigers. They won’t live to spread their heresy.” – Buddy the Cat, Wisdom From A Magnificent Mind
Buddy’s browser history provides a window into the depraved mind of everyone’s 683rd favorite feline named Buddy.
Monday, June 9, 2025:
Google search, 6.56am: oh zempic
Google search, 6:57am: ozempic
Wikipedia: Ozempic (pharmaceutical), 7:02am
Google search, 7:07am: ozempic 4 cars
Google search, 7:07am: ozempic 4 cats
Google search, 7:12am: why no ozempic 4 cats?
Pain In The Bud: Latest Stories, 7:44am
Pain In The Bud: Submit Comment: “LIES!!! BUDDY WOULD NEVAR RUN FROM A MOUSES! WHO WRITES THIS RAG?!?”, 7:49am
Google search, 2:33pm: how to get human to give more snax
Google search, 3:11am: hot calico
Google search, 3:14am: sexy calico
Google search, 3:21am: sexy calico new York area
Wednesday, June 11, 2025
Google search, 4:12pm: when do cats get growth spurt
Google search, 4:12pm: when do cats grow into tigers
Google search, 4:15pm: tiger meowscle workout
Thursday, June 12, 2025:
Google search, 1:03pm: turkey
Google search, 1:14pm: turkey
Wikipedia: Turkiye (country)
KFC.com: Order Online, 2:22pm
KFC.com: Colonel’s Original Recipe Bucket, 2:23pm
KFC.com: Confirm Your Order
Friday, June 13, 2025
Google search, 7:16pm: fursat the 13
Google search, 7:16pm: Friday the 13th
Wikipedia: Friday the 13th (film), 7:16pm
Google search, 7;21pm: is jason real?
Google search, 8:16pm: how 2 make human lay on couch
Google search, 8:19pm: how 2 lure human to couch
Google search, 8:23pm: 2nd best thing besides human to sleep on
Google search, 8:29pm: how 2 make human obey
Google search, 8:30pm: r humans stupid?
Google search, 8:44pm: stoopid sport ppl stand in field
Google search, 8:47pm: stoopid sport ppl stand in field and one guy waves stick try to hit ball
Wikipedia: Baseball, 8:52pm
A cat who ran onto the field at Yankee Stadium during a Yankees-Oriolesgame on Aug. 2, 2021. Since the feline, dubbed “rally cat” by the fans, interrupted the game, the Orioles endured a miserable stretch, losing 19 games in a row, while the Yankees went 18-3, including an 11-game win streak. Credit: Bronx Times
Google search, 10:15pm: buddy
Google search, 10:15pm: buddy the cat
Google search, 10:16pm: other buddy the cat
Google search, 10:17 pm: other buddy the cat famous
Google search, 10:19pm: FAMOUS BUDDY THE CAT
Famous Felines: A Site Dedicated To The Biggest Cat Celebrities On The Internet, 10:26pm
“Oh my God, this is my job every day!” Charlie Shaw says of his position as a big cat keeper at one of America’s most well-known and well-funded zoos.
If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to work with big cats, WTOP has a new interview with Charlie Shaw, a big cat keeper at the Smithsonian National Zoo.
Hint: it involves a lot of meat, physical enrichment, olfactory enrichment, and checking on the felids to make sure they’re healthy.
Shaw starts his day by feeding the hungry apex predators, including Damai, a 16-year-old tiger who wants all the snacks, and Vostok, a fast-growing young Amur tiger who doesn’t know a genetically-compatible mate is arriving in short order, and he’ll get to be a dad if things go well.
The genetic matches are carefully made to avoid inbreeding and give the species the best chance to recover.
“Tigers are critically endangered,” Shaw told WTOP. “What we want to do is make sure the gene pool itself is still very diverse.”
Vostok loves to swim. Credit: Charlie Shaw/Smithsonian National Zoo
Shaw says he’s working his dream job.
“You walk in and the tigers all chuff at you, or the lions roar. And you’re like, ‘Oh, my God, this is my job every day!’”
THAT story
I’m aware of it, and I think every person concerned about the welfare of cats should at least know it’s happening.
But it’s also extremely distressing. I actually had nightmares the night after I read it. So I’m offering a strong warning here: think about it before you click the story. The report is by CNN, so there are no gory images and the reporters aren’t trying to make anyone uncomfortable, but the reality of it is bad enough.
For everyone who doesn’t want to know the more upsetting details, the essence of it is that there’s a network of people making “content” of themselves torturing and killing cats, and a rapidly growing audience of people who pay thousands of dollars to “sponsor” the horrific content.
They have “menus” set up where people can select the cat they want to see tortured and specify the ways in which the cat should be hurt and killed. CNN, citing a group of vigilantes trying to dismantle the networks, says people pay up to $1,300 for the “service.” Collectively, the torturers and their audience refer to themselves as “cat lovers.”
The Chinese government, to no one’s surprise, does not care. There are no criminal penalties for what the content producers are doing, and the government hasn’t responded to complaints from concerned people or media networks.
I might address it in the future, but for now I don’t even know what to say. I was away when I read it, and it made me really want to hug Bud and make sure he’s never out of my care. Ever.
Pain In The Bud 