jungle – Page 2 – Pain In The Bud

Archaeologists Uncover Ancient Mayan Jungle City Where Buddy Was Once Worshiped As A Feline Deity

The city, which was abandoned after a natural disaster, was an important hub of civics, trade, napping and indigenous dishes such as the cheeseburger.

XQOCHOATL, Yucatán — Archaeologists announced the discovery of a vast and prosperous ancient Mayan jungle city whose inhabitants once worshiped an unusually handsome gray tabby as a feline god.

X’Budiso was an important center of trade, religious life, architecture and art, according to Ferdinand Lyle, an archaeologist with the British Museum of London and lead researcher on the project.

His team located the long-lost city using LiDAR — light detection and ranging — a technology that allowed them to peer beneath the cover of heavy jungle and detect the ruins beneath.

Previously, there was only one indication that humans had once inhabited the area — a feline paw holding a cheeseburger, rendered in stone and poking out of a thick tangle of jungle flora. When archaeologists cleared the brush and trees, they revealed the rest of the statue which depicted a regal-looking cat on a plinth, holding the cheeseburger aloft in triumph.

Budacoatl with offerings — An artist’s impression of the Mayan deity Budacoatl surrounded by offerings of cheeseburgers, dipping sauces and artisanal cheeses inside the Temple of a Thousand Snacks. A cult devoted to Budacoatl, the Ancient Order of Yums, was responsible for taste-testing the snackly offerings.

The city was a bustling metropolis for hundreds of years before its abrupt abandonment, which researchers said was likely caused by a natural disaster such as a flood or pestilence.

“The Budiso people worshiped a pantheon, and at the top of that pantheon was Budacoatl, the tabby jaguar god of snacks, handsomeness and war,” Lyle explained. “Our research indicates that doom fell over the city, likely in the form of a plague, and that its inhabitants believe they may have angered Budacoatl by skimping on their offerings of snacks.”

Cats in front of the Temple of Turkey — Feral felines, like the pair pictured here in front of the Temple of Turkey, still live on the grounds of the long-lost city. Source: Buddesian University Archaeological Department

Partially translated glyphs tell of unprecedented growth for the once-prosperous city, which the people believed stemmed from the favor they enjoyed from Budacoatl. Employing a force of more than 100,000 laborers, they built a magnificent temple to the feline deity in the very center of their city.

An architectural wonder, the Temple of Budacoatl featured more than 500 depictions of the feline in statues and relief carvings. The structure was comprised of tiered gardens with artificial waterfalls and tribute chambers, while gilded food and water bowls were placed at regular intervals for the hundreds of mortal cats who lived on the temple grounds.

A nearby structure, the enigmatic Grand Napitorium, was possibly the first sound-proof building in history and affirmed the X’Budiso people’s communal commitment to satisfying siestas.

The city gained a reputation for culinary innovation, and is considered the birthplace of aji sauce, deep fried turkey, huevos rancheros and Temptaciones, the ancient precedessor to Temptations.

The Artisanal Guild of Nectarean Condiments and the Sacred Order of Saucemasters were two particularly prosperous factions in the ancient city, which developed a reputation in the pre-Conquistadorial world for producing the tastiest guacamole.

“It was said that Budacoatl was particularly fond of sandwiches, and the people sang hymns about his power, influence and ripped physique,” Lyle said. “An epic poem, chiseled into the edifice of the temple, told of battle in the heavens between Budacoatl and the mighty Vakuum, scourge of the Maya. Budacoatl prevailed over Vakuum, banishing him to the underworld where his screeching could not be heard by the inhabitants of the Earth.”

Relief carvings — Richly detailed relief carvings from the Palace of Pâté depict figures from the feline pantheon. Source: Buddesian University Archaeological Department

At the foot of the wall where the poem is inscribed stands a statue of Budacoatl, one paw holding a pastrami sandwich and the other raised in a sign of peace.

“Budacoatl was a big deal among the Maya,” Lyle said. “At one point he was bigger than Gozer and Zuul, ruling atop the pantheon. As a result, cats enjoyed enormous favor in the city.”

Professor Ferdinand Lyle, foreground, stands in front of the Napitorium, where the Budiso people would take siestas. Napping was an important part of the culture. Source: Buddesian University Archaeological Department

Amazing Cats: The Adorable Colocolo, Feline Of The Pampas

With a perpetual kitten-like appearance and mismatched coat patterns, colocolos may look like the product of AI or Photoshop, but these little ones are very real — and very feisty.

We’re heading back into obscure territory with this edition of Amazing Cats, focusing on a little-known species that ekes out an existence in the forests and plains of South America.

The colocolo, also known as the Pampas cat, superficially resembles the familiar house cat, but a closer look reveals some striking differences.

Colocolos are small, about the same size and weight as felis catus, but their tails can be quite a bit shorter and extremely fluffy.

Colocolo full — Colocolos have pattern and color combinations seen only in their species. This one has rosettes on his body and tabby stripes on his limbs and tail. Some colocolos have thick tails with tabby-like rings, while others have bushy tails more commonly associated with long haired domestic cat breeds.

There are at least five variations of fur color and pattern, ranging from marbled to jaguaresque rosettes and, most strikingly, a seemingly mismatched pattern in which the legs have dark stripes over rusty/cinnamon-colored fur, which contrasts dramatically with the gray, gold, silver or tan of their bodies. The overall effect makes some colocolos look like they’ve been photoshopped, or assembled from spare parts.

Some colocolos appear to have solid-color coats which are actually an agouti pattern with barely visible bands of slightly darker fur.

While the species may look stocky, conservationists say it’s smaller than it appears, with its fur making up the majority of its “bulk.”

Colocolo color variant — This photo might look like a fake, but it’s a documented combination of coat pattern and color among colocolos.

As if that wasn’t enough to distinguish them, Pampas cats have neotenous features that give them an even stronger kittenlike appearance compared to house cats and comparable species like the rusty spotted cat.

In other words, they’re very cute and looking at them can trigger the same protective instincts we feel when we see kittens and cute adult cats. But don’t let their disarming features deceive you — these little guys are not cuddly, don’t respond well to people who get close, and will turn aggressive if you encroach on their space.

Cute colocolo — This adorable colocolo appears to be giving the side-eye to someone. Note the slight suggestion of the classic tabby “M” on the forehead.

While they’re alternately called the Pampas cat, the word “colocolo” comes from the language of the Mapuche, an indigenous group that lived in lands that are parts of modern day Chile and Argentina.

In the Mapuche language, Colo Colo was the name of a Mapuche warrior who led his people in their resistance against Spanish conquistadors in the 16th century, but it’s also the name of an evil rat-like creature in Mapuche folklore. It’s not clear how a feline came to bear the name, but the species — leopardus colocolo — is often called gato colocolo to distinguish between the historical figure and the modern-day Chilean football club, Colo-Colo.

Although they’re associated with the pampa, the flatlands in and around Peru best known for the mysterious Nazca lines, colocolo are adaptable and thrive in forests, jungles, wetlands, and mountain ranges like the Andes, among other terrain.

Their range stretches from Argentina in the south through Chile, Bolivia, Paraguay, Ecuador, western Brazil and an isolated population in Uruguay.

Despite their relatively wide distribution and variety of habitat, colocolos are not well understood. Experts still haven’t settled the question of whether they’re all one species or whether subgroups qualify as their own subspecies. Their hunting habits are not well-documented, although it’s known they prefer small rodents, and there is ongoing debate about whether they are crepuscular, like most felid species, or nocturnal.

Colocolo share a continent with jaguars, pumas, ocelot, jaguarundi, margay, oncilla, kodkod, Geoffrey’s cat and the Andean cat, and the fact that they live in the deep wilderness makes them more difficult to study.

Because their coloration and coat patterns can vary so widely, Pampas cats are often mistaken for other small wildcats living in South America, and people unfamiliar with their species sometimes mistake them for domestic felines.

They’re also very rare in zoos, with only one US zoo (Cincinnati) counting them among their exhibits, and only four Pampas cats in captivity worldwide. (Excluding private captivity by poachers and illegal wildlife traders.)

Like virtually every species of wildcat, the colocolo’s numbers are declining due to a number of factors, primarily human activity like habitat destruction, sport hunting and development cutting populations off from each other.

The more people are aware of these beautiful and little-known felines, the better their chances for long term survival as conservation groups receive more donations to help protect them, and lawmakers are pressured to protect the wilderness where they live.

Yawning colocolo — Like all cats, colocolos appreciate the value of a nice nap.

Previously:

Amazing Cats: The Mysterious Marbled Cat
Amazing Cats: The Rusty-Spotted Cat
Amazing Cats: ‘He Who Kills With One Bound’
Amazing Cats: The Puma

Amazing Cats: The Sunda Clouded Leopard

Buddy The Cat And The Search For The Lap Of Luxury

Sir Buddy leads an expedition into the jungle to find the legendary Lap of Luxury.

AMAZON RAINFOREST — At the peak of the hill, still well within the darkness of the tree canopy where only a few slabs of light penetrate through the understory to the jungle floor, a path stops abruptly.

In its place is a steep drop and the mouth of an underground chasm carrying water over the edge, creating one of the planet’s most spectacular waterfalls — and a sweeping vista of the lake and its shores below, where structures from deep antiquity seem to exist only as outlines in the mist.

It is here in the Lost City of Casarabe that intrepid explorer Buddy the Cat believes he’ll find the legend his species has sought for more than a thousand years.

It is, he believes, the site of the Lap of Luxury.

“Many explorers have braved these jungles in search of the legendary Lap of Luxury,” Sir Buddy says as members of his team pad around their camp. “I stand on the shoulders of some pretty big cats here, on the cusp of history, to finally achieve what so many felines set out to do.”

buddy_archaeologist2 — Buddy on the hunt for the legendary Lap of Luxury, which may be located in the Lost City of Casarabe.

Buddy believes the Lap of Luxury will be found in this ancient city, which was abandoned more than a thousand years ago for reasons that so far elude the experts accompanying him. Only a very small part of the Lost City of Casarabe is visible even this deep in the jungle. The flora here is too dense and the jungle floor too dark to give up its secrets so easily.

Under Sir Buddy’s direction, teams have cleared a thick network of vines to reveal a stepped pyramid, the twelve spires of a temple dedicated to a mysterious jaguar deity, and a remarkably well-preserved palace that Buddy believes once belonged to an aristocratic feline.

Some seventy rooms are contained in the palace, including a chamber the team has dubbed the Hall of a Thousand Naps, where stunning stone-carved reliefs depict an advanced felid civilization that engaged in napping not only as a biological necessity, but a function of religious fervor.

“The Caztecs were known for their brutality and the Layans were known for their enduring empire, but the hallmark of Casarabian society was the elevation of napping into high art,” says Ferdinand Lyle, an expert on South American antiquities with the British Museum. “Indeed, grand murals depict a civilization that measured time in naps and meals, and even military disputes with neighboring powers were scheduled around shut-eye. To the Casarabians, violating the sanctity of the Nap Schedule was considered an affront to the very fabric of society.”

jaguar lying on tree log — Otorongo, one of Buddy’s buddies, met the intrepid explorers deep in the jungle and accompanied them to the Lost City, facilitating a cultural exchange of napping technique. Credit: Benni Fish/Pexels

Legends and the surviving records of neighboring civilizations mention the Lap of Luxury using a dictionary’s worth of superlatives to describe its magnificence. Aztec scholars called it “simultaneously radiant and outrageously comfortable, always the perfect temperature, the substrate upon which kings enjoyed serene naps and gentle massages while being fed candied figs.”

It is alternately described as gilded, soft, gem-like in its facets and silken in tactile sensation.

“Of its comforts, it knows no equals,” wrote 19th century explorer Percy Fawcett, who spent the latter part of his life searching for Casarabe. “If today’s artisans were capable of emulating such perfection, which they are obviously not, all of civilization would grind to a halt as millions fall into deep, satisfying slumber.”

Khalbalique, a jaguar historian and contemporary of the Casarabians, wrote that the Lap of Luxury “thrillified me down to my paws.”

“Such was the lazification of this tremendulomentous relaxatory,” the big cat wrote, “that I found it extraordinatiously operose to extractify my personage from its embraculations.”

buddy_archaeologist — Sir Buddy strides fearlessly through the jungle, determined to find the Lost City and its most precious treasure, the Lap of Luxury. Here he poses for a portraitist who will send his likeness back to the Explorer’s Club to be hung on its walls alongside Mewis and Clarke, Claward Carter, Catto the Navigator and other intrepid legends.

Regardless of the conflicting accounts, all agree on one thing: the Lap of Luxury is magnificent.

Sir Buddy and his team are working out the details of bringing a helicopter into the deep jungle in order to use LIDAR, or light detection and ranging, to sweep the area. Using a mix of near-infrared, ultraviolet and visible light, a team using LIDAR from the air can digitally “remove” the dense jungle to reveal the structures underneath, natural and man-made.

For the intrepid explorers it’s an advantage their forebears never had, and it’s one reason why Sir Buddy believes he will succeed where those who came before him did not.

“With this technology we can map the entire city and find its most opulent palaces and temples, the places most likely to house the elusive Lap of Luxury,” Sir Buddy says. “When we find it, it shall be my honor to be the first cat in more than two hundred years to settle into it, get comfortable and have a nice nap.”

lidar — LIDAR reveals the jungle’s secrets by peering through the trees and the thick blanket of foliage that has swallowed once-glorious cities.

Choupette, Karl Lagerfeld’s Millionaire Cat, Has Been Invited To The 2023 Met Gala

One of the most pampered kitties in human history has been invited to the “most prestigious” fashion event, which will honor her late human servant this year.

She drinks out of silver bowls, is toted around in a custom $3,000 Louis Vuitton carrier and pads out her fortune by earning millions hawking makeup and luxury vehicles.

Now Choupette, the sapphire-eyed cat who belonged to the late fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld, has been invited to the most exclusive party in the world.

Choupette’s agent, Lucas Berullier, confirmed receipt of a Met Gala invitation to the New York Post, but was coy when asked if Choupette would actually show up.

The Birman cat was personally invited by Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour, who oversees the event, and the Post points out Choupette could play a central role because the 2023 gala will honor Lagerfeld and his career as the creative director for Chanel.

Choupette is credited with mellowing the icy German designer, who quickly fell in love with her and made her his muse, adding her to fashion shoots where she lounged in the arms of models like Vanessa Paradis and Cara Delevingne.

Choupette and Lagerfeld — Lagerfeld photographs Choupette, his beloved Birman cat.

Choupette appears in the current issue of Vogue, cradled by supermodel Naomi Campbell on a bridge in Paris’ Grand Palais. The photo and others in the gallery were shot by Annie Leibovitz.

The exact size of Choupette’s fortune has never been publicly disclosed, but publications like Forbes have reported Lagerfeld left $13 million of his $200 million-plus net worth to the pampered feline. Choupette has added to her largess over the years, amassing further millions as she appears in advertisements, fashion campaigns and photoshoots.

Lagerfeld’s former housekeeper, Françoise Caçote, cares for Choupette and manages her social media accounts.

The Met Gala is a charitable event, so normally it wouldn’t feel right to snark about it, but “the most prestigious fashion event” of the year looks like a Zoolander scene come to life. Guests are required to attend in haute couture outfits by prominent fashion designers, which means the typical attendee’s clothes and accessories cost more than many Americans earn in a year.

There’s a theme every year — aside from the usual preening privilege and a collective effort to ignore reality — and the outfits are ostensibly “costumes,” but no one’s showing up in stuff they bought from Party City.

V-Magazine-Choupette-1 — Choupette and supermodel Laetitia Costa pose for V Magazine. Choupette has also appeared on the cover of Vogue several times.

And while the gala is technically a charitable event, the proceeds won’t help starving kids or war victims — as the brainchild of Wintour, the event is designed to raise money for the fashion world to further celebrate itself.

When I see people like Wintour, the celebrities in her orbit and the old money types who like to be photographed at these events, I enjoy thinking about how they’d react if their jets went down over a place like the Amazon, and all the Dolce and Gabbana in the world can’t help them build a fire or catch dinner. “Do you know who I am?” doesn’t work in jungles.

But the one character I will never insult is Choupette herself. Buddy looks very handsome in a tuxedo, and I shall realize my plan to sneak him into one of these parties, have the two of them “accidentally” bump into each other, and let Buddy’s charm do the rest. Then he’ll really be living large. 🙂

Sir David Cattenborough’s Newest Documentary Reveals The Elusive Silver-Furred Buddy

The naturalist is excited to unveil his most striking documentary yet.

NEW YORK — All those hours trudging through the dense undergrowth of New York living rooms, hoping for a glance of an elusive feline, have finally paid off.

Speaking to reporters about his newest nature special, Sir David Cattenborough said he and his crew spent more than 200 hours in the natural habitat of the silver-furred Buddy.

Also known as the Buddinese tiger, the silver-furred Buddy is “native to the living rooms of New York” and, with his meowscular physique, “is the apex predator of his environment.”

“What a fascinating animal!” Cattenborough exclaimed.

The famous naturalist, conservationist and documentary narrator accompanied a camera crew into the thick jungles amid couches, pillows and carpets, where they observed the silver-furred Buddy at a safe distance as the fierce feline went about sleeping, eating and lounging.

Cattenborough and Buddy — Sir David Cattenborough with Buddy the Cat.

Speaking excitedly in his familiar whimsical cadence, Cattenborough described the documentary crew’s luck in catching the Buddy on a hunt, when he ruthlessly brought down a red laser dot.

“People ask me, ‘Sir David, what makes the Buddy any different from other tigers and lions? Isn’t it basically the same animal?’ While they’re all famously fierce felids who strike fear into the hearts of other creatures, there are differences as well,” Cattenborough explained. “Thanks to the hard work of our dedicated crew, we’re able to bring our audience along as we take the closest look yet at this most elusive and fascinating beast.”

The new documentary, “Buddy: The Perfect Predator,” will be available to stream exclusively on Pain In The Bud, and was made possible by a grant from the Buddinese Foundation for Greater Buddesian Understanding, with additional financial support from the Coalition for Meowscular and Ripped Cats. Look for it this week on PITB!