Feline Overlords – Page 15

Magnificent Mouser: Larry The Cat On The Verge Of Outlasting His 5th UK Prime Minister

The Chief Mouser of No. 10 Downing St. is still going strong after 13 years on the job.

At first it didn’t seem like Larry the Cat would last.

The then-four-year-old moggie was adopted from a London rescue because of his apparent predatorial skill and in November of 2011 was appointed Chief Mouser at No. 10 Downing St., the UK prime minister’s office and residence.

The prime minister and his staff hoped the highly-touted feline would rid them of a persistent rodent problem. It was so bad that when a mouse scurried into view during a state dinner in late 2011, Prime Minister David Cameron tossed a fork at it in frustration, and staff set about looking for a more comprehensive solution than the usual traps.

Larry arrived to great fanfare but had to remind the humans who’s boss first. He was almost an hour late to his public introduction because he was napping, then took a swipe at a news reporter trying to get in a live shot with him.

In his first weeks on the job, the imperious tabby made a big show of dozing off in public view, often on the window sill of No. 10. During his waking hours he was much more keen on visiting his “lady friend,” next door mouser Maisie, than he was on performing his official duties.

Larry_the_Cat_(cropped) — Larry the Cat. Credit: No. 10 Downing St./Wikimedia Commons

The chief mouser eventually found his hunting groove, and almost thirteen years later four prime ministers have come and gone, but Larry remains.

Rishi Sunak, the fifth prime minister of the Larry Era, called elections for July 10 and if his conservative party — currently behind in the polls — doesn’t maintain control of the House of Commons after the votes are counted, Larry will wave goodbye to Sunak and welcome the sixth prime minister under his watch.

Larry’s outlasted David Cameron, Theresa May, Liz Truss and Boris Johnson. Sunak assumed office in 2022.

At this point, No. 10 Downing St. should probably be renamed Larry’s House.

He seems to have a knack for knowing who’s going to stick around and who won’t last. When Truss bent down to pet Larry shortly after assuming office in late 2022, Larry gave her the cold shoulder. Truss lasted only 50 days, the shortest tenure of any prime minister in UK history.

The famous little guy is now 17 years old, but the staff who feed and care for him, and the veterinarians who help keep him in mouse-hunting shape, say he’s hale and healthy.

If the next prime minister is smart, he or she should look to Larry for advice on enduring popularity — and political survival.

Header photo of former US President Barack Obama and former UK Prime Minister David Cameron with Larry the Cat credit: Peter Souza/Official White House photo.

The_President_and_First_Lady_in_the_U.K._(48051460716) — Larry, perched on the window sill on the left, photobombed former Prime Minister Theresa May during a visit by former US President Donald Trump and First Lady Melania Trump. Credit: White House press photo/Wikimedia Commons

Larry on patrol — Larry was looking strong as he patrolled his territory in December of 2023. Credit: Justin Ng/Twitter

APOCALYPSE: Buddy’s Servant Runs Out Of Cat Food!

The cat food cupboard is bare, and Buddy the Cat is not amused.

NEW YORK — The unthinkable happened on late Thursday night when Buddy the Cat’s human servant opened the very last package of chicken pate only to realize the meat inside had gone bad, probably from a hole in the damaged container.

It was a catastrophe. For the first time in 10 years, poor Buddy was bereft of wet food!

Making matters worse, and signaling a deep betrayal, Big Buddy elected not to potentially lose his parking space to make a late night run to a 24-7 store to buy emergency cat food for his feline overlord.

He is required to do so under the terms of the Cat Servant Agreement of 2014, which stipulates that running out of food is “unacceptable” and supplies “must be replenished when the Strategic Yums Reserve is reduced to five (5) cans or three (3) packages of Perfect Portions remaining in the Cupboard of Yums.”

Poor Buddy was left with nothing except Blue Buffalo dry food, Friskies dry treats, Rachael Ray Nutrish soft treats, chicken puree from a squeeze tube, diced gouda cheese, and a bowl of fresh water.

“Oh why Big Buddy have ye forsaken me?” Buddy asked, collapsing from the lack of meaty caloric energy his meowscular frame relies on to fuel his finely-tuned physique. “Et tu, Big Buddy? Et tu?”

Sources say Little Buddy vowed to exact bitter revenge on his irresponsible, traitorous, callous, selfish, non-empathetic, backstabbing, inconsiderate, terrible human…if he makes it through the night.

Angry Buddy — A visibly angry Buddy, pictured above, was in danger of starving on Thursday night due to lack of wet food.

Buddy The Cat Offers The World Cuddles: ‘In These Times Of Strife, People Need Hugs’

“I’ve noticed everyone’s super stressed lately,” Buddy said. “People need hugs. I’m fluffy and adorable. It’s the perfect solution.”

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat announced the launch of a new program, Hugs From Buddy, to “help the humans calm down a little bit, because things have gotten crazy.”

The normally mercurial tabby cat, whose concerns are typically limited to his own gastronomical satisfaction with meals and snacks, said he had the idea for Hugs From Buddy after watching the movie Civil War with his human and seeing footage of police and students clashing on college campuses.

“The world is crazy right now,” Buddy told reporters at a press conference in Manhattan. “War in Ukraine, Haiti, Gaza and Syria. People punching strangers on the street for Youtube ‘pranks.’ Protesters and police clashing. People threatening to kill one another, banning books they haven’t even read, Karening each other in the grocery store, brawling on passenger flights. Even dogs, bless those simple-minded beings, seem stressed!”

Buddy the Handsome Cat — Buddy the Cat is offering hugs to anyone who needs them!

Buddy paused to address a bystander who was holding a pepperoni pizza.

“You gonna eat that? Here, give Buddy a slice, I’ll give you a hug,” he said, embracing the young woman before returning to the podium with a slice of pizza.

“Where was I?” he asked, chewing thoughtfully. “Oh! Right. The crazy, stressed out humans.”

He belched, then continued.

“I’m here today to offer myself up as the nation’s emotional support animal. If you’re in need of a hug or a snuggle, well, Little Buddy’s got you covered.”

Then he looked to the reporters, who were seated six or seven rows deep for the press conference.

“Look under your seats!” he said excitedly as the journalists mumbled in surprise, finding small gift-wrapped boxes there. “You, the young lady from CBS News! You get a hug! You, the angry guy from InfoWars! You get a hug! BBC, you get a hug too! You all get hugs!”

The press conference was supplemented with an announcement of a $20 million television ad buy publicizing the Hugs From Buddy program, as well as a new site where the angry and stressed can log on, request a hug from Buddy, and make travel arrangements to bring him to their cities.

Reaction to the announcement was mixed.

A panel on Real Time with Bill Mahar concluded Buddy was sincere, trying to be helpful, and “absolutely adorable.”

But in a statement issued later Friday, catnip cartel Los Gatos International accused the New York feline of “shameless self-promotion, which he will undoubtedly parlay into goodwill for his own catnip empire,” while former Fox News host Tucker Carlson declared Buddy a threat to national security.

“Buddy the Cat is a dangerous tiger in kitten’s clothing,” Carlson declared on his X show as a chyron scrolled below with the headline: “IS BUDDY THE CAT WORKING FOR TERRORISTS?”

Tucker Carlson: Buddy A Bad Guy? — Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson wasn’t convinced of the feline’s supposedly noble intentions.

“You might say Buddy the Cat is a danger to America, softening us up at precisely the time when we need to be tough to fight China, North Korea, Iran, the school board of Boise, Idaho, Taylor Swift, and the WNBA,” Carlson said, pounding a fist on his desk. “Up next, a conversation with Nick Fuentes. But first: Is Buddy the Cat a Chinese operative? Is he an agent of anti-American cat ladies who want us all to be hummus-eating vegans? Why does he ignore the beauty of the Moscow subway system? And is there any truth to the rumor that he’s working with the San-Ti from 3 Body Problem to help them invade Earth? Just asking questions here, folks. Nothing wrong with that.”

Local Cat Enjoys 7 Meals A Day From 7 Houses

The resourceful cat has mastered the art of meowing adorably and appearing hungry, tugging at the heartstrings of seven neighbors who all think he doesn’t get enough to eat.

NEW PALTZ, NY — It’s not easy playing the part of a hungry stray to seven different families in a one block radius, but local cat Tangerine says he makes it work by sticking to a strict schedule.

“I’m always at the green house at 7:45 am sharp, ’cause that’s when the kids leave for the school bus. When they see me they call out to their mom, who’s usually got tuna or eggs for me,” the enterprising feline said.

From there it’s on to the three-story Dutch revivalist house on the corner, where a retired gentleman calls Tangerine “Rusty” and offers him a generous bowl of kibble.

“The key is to master the plaintive meow and to look just a bit unsure of yourself,” Tangerine explained, “like you haven’t had a meal in ages and aren’t sure where your next meal is coming from.”

But Tangerine isn’t nearly done after only two houses. The crafty cat has his stops all planned out and knows the routines of every one of his neighbors, a feat of efficiency and logistical planning that would make FedEx envious.

If the weather’s nice, the orange tabby will settle down for a rest in the neighbor’s yard, which has flowers that are particularly enjoyable to defecate on. If it’s chilly or raining, Tangerine heads back home for his morning snooze.

Immediately after First Nap is the highlight of the morning: a visit to the Bacon House where the inhabitant, a 47-year-old software engineer, has bestowed the name Simba on Tangerine and always offers deliciously crispy bacon, the feline said.

A visit to Bacon House — Visiting Bacon House is a highlight of the day, never to be missed. Image: PITB

Next it’s Second Nap followed by Fourth Meal at the wrap-around porch two houses down, which provides ample shade for subsequent snoozing. The people there call Tangerine “Creamy Delicious” and offer him a wide variety of palate-pleasing treats.

Tangerine prepares for the visit by rolling in the dirt for a minute or two, making himself look scruffy and unkempt.

“You poor thing!” the woman who lives there often says as Tangerine nuzzles against her hand and meows cutely. “You probably haven’t eaten since yesterday!”

The rest of the afternoon through early evening takes the orange tabby between three additional homes where he enjoys diced chicken, crumbled sausage and occasional steak.

By the time he’s finished his rounds, Tangerine is drained and returns home to rest.

“It’s not easy doing that much eating and sleeping,” Tangerine said with a wide yawn. “If it were easy, every cat would be out there like I am with the side hustle.”

As of press time Tangerine said it was too early for a formal announcement, but said he’s been working on “considerations of sleep and logistics” that would allow him to expand to an ambitious route of nine houses and nine meals daily.

NY Cat Eats At The Table With His Humans, Plus: More Kittens And Climate Change!

A cat eating at the table with his humans? Let’s hope Bud doesn’t get any ideas!

File this under “Information that must be hidden from Buddy at all cost, lest he get ideas.”

Franklin, a cat who lives in Brooklyn, has gone from fending for himself on the streets of New York to a very comfortable indoor existence with two humans who are happy to let him sit at the table with them for meals. Bowls? Pfffft. Franklin drinks from his own glass:

Franklin the cat — Credit: Andrea and Alice via Newsweek

As the dutiful servant to a cat who most definitely believes he’s a human — or should have all the privileges and none of the responsibilities of one — this makes me uneasy. If Bud were to somehow find out about this, all hell would break loose and before I know it he’ll be demanding custom cutlery and a silk pillow on which to rest his behind and elevate him to the level of the table.

As a vegetarian I don’t necessarily have to worry about Bud eating my food, but he sure does love sticking his face in it and giving it an exploratory lick or three.

“Is that…? Dude, let me in there, I just wanna stick my face in your mashed potatoes and confirm I don’t like them,” I imagine him saying. “Yep. Still don’t like them. Oh stop being so dramatic, you can pick the fur out!”

A reasonable take on the kitten/climate change claims

The Grist has a new story about the alleged connection between an “increase” in kittens and climate change, and while it unfortunately links to one of the bunk studies that uses meta-analysis to make wild claims about feline impact on the environment, it does include the most measured and reasonable take so far on the claims:

“Others, like Peter J. Wolf, a senior strategist at the Best Friends Animal Society, think the increase comes down to visibility rather than anything biological. As the weather warms, Wolf said people may be getting out more and noticing kittens earlier in the year than before. Then they bring them into shelters, resulting in rescue groups feeling like kitten season is starting earlier.”

As we noted on Sunday, the claim that there are more kittens, or that kitten season is longer, is entirely dependent on anecdotal evidence. Unfortunately no one has any data for baseline population numbers when it comes to cats in the US, let alone historical data that allows us to say there are more kittens born in recent years.

The best we’ve got is the excellent but single-city DC Cat Count, and to establish a convincing link between climate change and kittens we’d not only need hard data, but we’d also need to eliminate dozens of other potential factors like ever-increasing light pollution, urban heat islands and wave effects from 2020, when society went into lockdown and animals were mostly left to their own devices.

Once again, there’s only one measurement that really matters in the end, and that’s the number of cats euthanized annually because there aren’t homes for them. Spaying/neutering and education efforts have driven that number down dramatically over the past 20 years, and ultimately that’s the best solution we have.