Category: cat humor

Buddy: PITB Is A ‘Terrible’ Site That ‘No One Reads’

Buddy, the former president of the Americats, is not pleased that PITB has featured stories about topics other than Buddy.

Apparently angry that Pain In The Bud hasn’t been featuring enough stories about him, Buddy the Cat went on a tweet storm Tuesday night in which he took aim at the site and its staff.

“Just looked at the failing PITB and saw they published ANOTHER story that’s not about me,” Buddy wrote at 10:57 pm. “That’s obviously why they’re losing readers! Sad!”

Four minutes later he launched another salvo, noting only a handful of stories in the past month were focused on him.

“PITB and its editorial staff think they’re being so inclusive by writing about birds and orange tabbies and Arnold Schwarzenegger,” he wrote. “BORING!”

The former president of the Americats tweeted seven more times in the next 23 minutes before turning his attention back to the site that was named for him and ostensibly exists to feature stories about him.

“That rag, the failing PITB, is no better than the New York Slimes. It claims I slept as a mouse invaded my home. FAKE NEWS!!!” he wrote. “Folks, I am a TREMENDOUS HUNTER and would have DESTROYED that mouse — if it existed. NEWSFLASH: It doesn’t! Another lie by the lamestream media!”

That message was immediately followed by a tweet in which Buddy declared himself “the best hunter of all time, a tremendously talented hunter, and everybody knows it.”

Buddy the Cat
Buddy has expressed his displeasure with PITB.

Buddy’s supporters took his accusations to heart. At a rally in New Jersey attended by 24,000 cats, a tuxedo cat held up a sign that read: “The media hates turkey and hates America!’

Another sign held by an Abyssinian blasted “Low Energy Big Buddy” and referenced C-Anon, a conspiracy theory that imagines Buddy as the leader of a league of patriotic heroes fighting to take down a shadowy kitten smuggling ring.

Supporters of C-Anon believe Buddy is working with “supposedly deceased” cats like Streetcat Bob and Lil Bub to combat insidious canine forces who have allegedly infiltrated feline leadership.

Not all cats are enamored with Buddy, however.

One user, LosGatos446, pointed out that Buddy accusing someone else of being low energy was hypocritical because the silver tabby sleeps between 10 and 16 hours a day, promoting Buddy to reply with a terse “FAKE NEWS!”

Another user with the handle ScaredyCat_Bud shared a video that appeared to show a terrified Buddy dashing for cover behind his human’s legs in response to the crinkle of a paper bag.

“An obvious deepfake!” Buddy replied. “Everyone knows I have tremendous courage. I’m an incredibly, tremendously brave cat!”

Cat On The Street: What Do You Think About The New Discovery In Egypt?

The intact sarcophagus, which is covered in etchings and hieroglyphs, occupied a hidden room buried beneath the sand for more than 3,000 years. What do cats think of this important discovery?

In what archaeologists are calling a “dream discovery,” a team digging in the sands of the Saqqara necropolis south of Cairo found a tomb with a hidden room containing an intact, 3,200-year-old sarcophagus covered in hieroglyphs. The tomb was the burial site of a high-ranking official, the kingdom’s treasurer, who served the celebrated and long-ruling Pharaoh Ramesses II.

What do you think about this important discovery?

“Did you know Ramesses II not only conquered part of Syria and annexed territory from the Hittite empire, but he also defeated an army of pirates? I dabble in archaeology when I get bored watching birds outside the window.” – Hester, 8, house panther

“That rogue Carter thinks he can outdo me with this sarcophagus nonsense? Everyone knows I am the superior archaeologist!” – Mortimer Augustus Furfellow, 13, professor emeritus

“Wow, this Egypt place is a HUGE litterbox! Litter as far as the eye can see!” – Sammy, 5, box enthusiast

“Put it back! Seal it up! What’s wrong with you people, haven’t you seen The Mummy?!” – Nervous Norman, 10, overgroomer

“CHECK IT OUT, MY TONGUE HAS LITTLE SWORDS ON IT! EN GARDE!” – Gingerbread, 10 months, biologist kitten

“That was more than 2,700 years before the discovery of the New World and its most valuable resource, turkey. Pity the ancient Egyptians, for they never tasted the glorious bird.” – Angel, 3, foodie

Catstronauts!

Felines explore the final frontier in these new images from Catstronauts Series I and Series II.

Why do cats explore space? Will they still need humans in the future? How do they squeeze litter boxes into those space suits? What about litter boxes in zero G on their starships? Is it the USS Enterprise, or the USS Enterpurrize? If aliens are observing Earth from afar, will they correctly identify felines as the superior species on this planet?

These are all pressing questions. Little Buddy and Big Buddy invite you to ponder them as we reveal Catstronauts, a project we’ve been working on. Watch out for new series of Catstronauts in the future as kitties boldly go where no feline has gone before. Click images for full-size versions.

Meow!

Buddy The Cat Launches Operation Yums After Crash Spills Thousands Of Cat Food Cans On Highway

Oblivious humans didn’t seem to realize how valuable the truck’s cargo was, providing a prime opportunity for sneaky cats.

SHELBINA, Missouri — Standing in the shade of his command tent on the side of a rural highway, Buddy the Cat holds a pair of binoculars up to his face with both paws early Thursday morning, scanning for cat food.

“I don’t see a damn thing,” the silver tabby cat says, squinting.

A four-year-old striped ginger cat, an assistant, clears his throat. “You have to take off the lens caps, sir.”

Buddy turns, glares at his assistant, then makes a show of removing the lens caps as if that had been his idea all along.

“Aha!” he says triumphantly. “I see the cans!”

catfoodspill
Valuable cans of delicious yums were scattered off the shoulder of the highway, with stupid humans oblivious to their value. Credit: Shelbina Fire Protection District

That was the scene at what the mercurial feline is calling Operation Yums HQ, less than a half mile from the site of an overturned tractor trailer on Missouri’s Highway 36. The truck, which had been headed east, drifted onto the right shoulder of the highway and tipped over into a ditch, spilling its glorious, delicious, must-be-acquired cargo onto the surrounding grass and concrete.

“Look at it,” Buddy said, surveying the scene as firefighters, police and paramedics saw to the driver, closed down one lane and directed traffic around the accident. “Soon, it will be all mine. Er, I mean ours. Muahaha!”

The driver wasn’t hurt in the crash, the Shelbina Fire Protection District said. Shelbina is about 70 miles east of Kansas City.

Authorities weren’t initially sure what caused the tractor trailer to tip over, but said rain and a slick road could have been factors. They’re still investigating.

In the meantime, the human emergency services personnel were oblivious to the cats huddling just out of view, licking their lips and preparing to raid the site under the cover of darkness.

“Stupid humans, they don’t even know they’re sitting on a gold mine!” said Buddy’s second-in-command, Smushface McCutiePants. “Take heart, dear companions, for tonight we dine on Fancy Feast!”

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Cat On The Street: How Can Humans Better Serve Their Feline Overlords?

How can homo sapiens improve in their capacity as honored servants to felinekind?

Humans have proved their species’ worth over the years by serving us faithfully and completely, but there’s always room for improvement!

How can humans better serve us?

“Why not hire a bard to write and sing glorious songs celebrating my conquests and my many meowgnificent qualities?” – Lord Fluffybutt 1, Warden of the West

“They can bend the knee! No, I mean like actually bend the knee. The lack of bowing and scraping around here is appalling.” – King Komet, 9, magnanimous ruler

“YOU SEE HOW MY HUMAN’S TOES MOCK ME? SEE HOW THEY WIGGLE AS THE HUMAN SNORES? I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I DEFEAT THE FEET!” – Count Clawmore, 7 months, kitten lord

“All I want is a catio, a new condo, free access to catnip, massages on demand and meals when I meow for them. Is that too much to ask?” – Duke Davy, 14, senior statescat

“It would be helpful if my human never left the house, so she’s always around to serve me. What do humans need to go outside for anyway?” – Queen Arya, 6, dynastic monarch

“Sleeping on my servant is very comfy, but I don’t like how his chest rises and falls while he’s breathing. He needs to stop doing that, it’s annoying.” – Caesar the Imperator, 10, conqueror