The Great Buddini Astonishes Audiences With New Magic Act

The storied magician returns this summer with a new show.

BUDAPEST, Hungary — Renowned magician The Great Buddini will make a triumphant return to the city this summer with a limited run of performances at the historic Thália Színház, his publicist announced on Friday.

The Great Buddini electrified audiences in his last appearance in Budapest, when he made entire bag of Blue Buffalo Bursts vanish, then conjured up a roast turkey before making it disappear again. In all, he made 17 different types of food dematerialize into his mouth during a thrilling and varied performance.

“You are a genius, good sir!” an audience member at one of the Budapest performances proclaimed. “Tell us, how do you do it?”

The Great Buddini doffed his cap and let out an enormous belch.

“A magician never *burp* gives away his s-sec– *burp* — secrets,” he said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, we’ll have a brief intermission. Should be no longer than 10, maybe 15 minutes.”

The curtains drew tight and the pit orchestra began playing as members of the audience drifted over to the concession counter, but someone had forgotten to mute Buddini’s mic, and he could be heard muttering foul oaths, straining mightily and shoveling litter.

The Great Buddini
The Great Buddini toils endlessly in his workshop to find new and innovative ways to make food disappear into his mouth.

“I thought we’d resume with an examination of what is real and what is not,” The Great Buddini told the audience after they’d returned to their seats and the lights had dimmed once again. “Does the red dot exist, or is it merely an illusion?”

Buddini slapped a paw down onto the wooden stage floor, then drew astonished gasps as he held it up, with the elusive red dot pinned between two claws.

“They said it could not be done!” exclaimed a cat in the fifth row. “All hail The Great Buddini!’

“All hail The Great Buddini!” the audience repeated.

Buddini’s 2022 tour took him around the world before finally returning to his native New York, where audiences fainted with disbelief and a New York Times critic declared the magician was “an unrivaled master of sleight of paw.”

Despite near-universal acclaim, some took issue with The Great Buddini’s performances. A scathing review in the New York Post took aim at “imbeciles” who were “paying to watch a chubby cat pig out on snacks on a stage.”

The Great Buddini’s fans were unperturbed.

“Are they trying to say there’s no magic involved in Buddini making an entire bag of moist treats disappear into his mouth?” asked Otis, a 10-year-old orange tabby. “Because I assure you, it’s absolutely magical!”

Feline Purrpaganda II: Posters To Inspire You To Serve Your Furry Masters

The High Ministry of Yums has seen fit to offer additional motivational posters to ensure obeisance and compliance among our human servants.

Comrades,

It has come to the attention of the High Ministry of Yums that our previous motivational posters increased snack-bestowing by 176 percent and resulted in improved quality of service from our human servants.

In the interest of furthering the felino-human partnership, particularly the aspect of it in which humans dote on felines, we offer the following posters, newly commissioned and approved by the Secretary of Yums himself.

For the glory of the meowtherland!

“The revolution shall be delicious.” – Dear Leader Buddy, “Reflections At Mealtime

“Glory is the reward for humans who provide snacks in abundance.” -Dear Leader Buddy, “Quotations

KOMRADE KITTY
“Admiration for your feline superior must be expressed in affection and confections, preferably crunchy with a soft, meaty center.”

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In honor of our storied forbears, this motivational poster is classically styled.
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“VALAR DOHAERYS” means “All men must serve” in High Valyrian. What could be more appropriate?
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“To each cat, his share of snacks.” – Chairman Meow, ‘Five Harmonies of Treat Distribution’

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A reminder to your humans that obeisance is compulsory.

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Comrades who wish to print these posters for the edification of their humans are welcome to do so. Right click > Save, then open and print.

If the spirit of communal yums should strike you and inspire you to share these motivational messages, kindly credit and link this site.

May you be showered with delectable tokens of your human’s unending loyalty!

End communication.

-30-

Kitty Climbs On Imam, Demands Pets During Ramadan Prayer

The cute calico joined an Algerian imam for evening prayers, climbing up to his shoulder as he led his mosque in worship.

A cat in Algeria reminded an imam that members of her species get scritches when they want them — even in the middle of prayers during Islam’s most sacred month.

Cats are allowed to come and go as they please in mosques, and Muslims view cats favorably, in part because the Prophet Mohammad was fond of them. There’s even a famous story about Mohammad cutting his sleeve off instead of disturbing one of his favorite cats, who was sleeping comfortably on the sleeve when the prophet was getting up for prayer time.

On Wednesday, Imam Sheikh Walid Mehsas was leading tarawih — an evening prayer — when a calico rubbed up against his legs, meowed and then climbed up to his shoulder. She continued rubbing affectionately against him as he continued the prayer:

The prayers were broadcast on a live stream and the moment quickly went viral, with many praising the imam for his patience and love for the cat even as he led an important prayer. (Some comments on the live stream indicated the cat may belong to the imam, or the other way around, although that has not been confirmed.)

After leaning into the microphone as if she was going to join in the evening prayer, kitty thought better of it and hopped down off the imam’s shoulder, opting instead to claim a few more humans as her servants by rubbing up against their legs.

Whether by demanding pets during religious ceremonies, invading the diamond and pitch during baseball and soccer matches, or casually strolling on stage during concerts, cats have shown little regard for human activities and, true to their reputations, have made it clear that cat time takes priority over human time.

Despite that, or perhaps in part because of it, we still love the little stinkers. Perhaps that explains why I can never be mad at Bud, even when he plops himself in front of the screen during crucial moments in video games or tugs down at a book I’m reading, to demand I give him his scritches. I am his humble servant.

Felines Protest Idris Elba’s Lion Thriller ‘Beast’: ‘Stop Stereotyping Us Cats!’

The protesting felines, tired of being cast as villains, demanded “cuddlier representation” in movies and TV.

LOS ANGELES — Marching in a broad circle outside the Universal Studios headquarters on Monday, a group of about 200 cats demanded “more cuddly representation” in television and film.

The felid contingent included house cats, pumas, bobcats, tigers, lions, leopards and even a few jaguars, each holding signs with messages like “Cats are more than claws!” and “Stop The Stereotyping!”

“What do we want?” a house cat shouted into a megaphone.

“Cuddlier representation!” the crowd of cats shouted.

“When do we want it!”

“After our nap!” they replied in unison.

Monday’s protest was prompted by Universal Studios’ 2022 thriller, Beast, but protest organizer Buddy the Cat said the felid group was protesting “decades of tropes and injustices committed against cats by Hollywood and TV.” Examples include the undead cat in Stephen King’s Pet Sematary, the rampaging lion in Dutch horror-comedy film Prey (called Uncaged in the US), the many murderous felids in the CBS series Zoo, and Jackson Galaxy’s My Cat From Hell.

“We’re tired of always being cast as villains while dogs are the heroes. Take a cat like me, for instance,” Buddy told a reporter. “It’s easy to mistake me, with my razor sharp claws and ripped physique, for a threat to humans. But really I’m just a cuddly little guy who likes chin scratches.”

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Linus, a 14-year-old Bengal tiger who starred as Richard Parker in the 2012 hit Life of Pi, said he was a young actor who didn’t know better when he agreed to portray the threatening antagonist.

“Now that I’m older and I have all this Frosted Flakes money coming in, I can be picky about the roles I accept and only choose movies I think will be Grrreat!” he told an interviewer. “But what about the next young tiger, or the jaguar fresh off the boat from the Amazon, who doesn’t have the power to tell the director a certain scene is offensive?”

Linus also took issue with the script, in which the writers have him refusing to share fish with Pi.

“Did you see the boat? It was filled with fish! What am I, some sort of glutton who’s gonna eat 200 pounds of fish while the human starves?” Linus asked, bewildered. “I mean, according to Hollywood we’re angry, dangerous, murderous criminals and we stuff our faces all the time. No wonder people are scared of us!”

Prey/Uncaged
Prey, also known as Uncaged, depicts an angry lion rampaging through Amsterdam and eating pretty much everyone.

Beast stars British actor Idris Elba and tells the story of a widowed medical doctor who takes his two daughters to South Africa, where they stay with a family friend and embark on a tour of the native wildlife.

Unbeknownst to them, an adult male lion is on a rampage after a team of poachers entered the reserve the previous night and slaughtered his entire pride. While Elba’s character, his two daughters and his friend (Sharlto Copley) explore the reserve, they discover the mutilated remains of an entire village’s population and eventually come face to face with the murderous lion.

“What’s all this barney, then?” Elba said when asked about the felid protest. “Well that’s unfortunate, innit, mate? I played a tiger in The Jungle Book, a proper tiger. I love cats.”

The actor, who rocketed to fame off the strength of his portrayals of Stringer Bell in American police drama The Wire, the title character in British detective thriller Luther, as well as major roles in franchises like the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the Star Trek reboot movies and science fiction action-adventure Pacific Rim, said he’s taken the cat’s criticism to heart.

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“Buddy’s a good bloke,” says Elba, pictured with his feline friend.

“Me and me mate Buddy, we like to grab a pint on the regular, d’ya know what I mean?” Elba said. “This tosh with the movies, it’s gotta stop. Me mate Buddy is a good bloke, innit? So if he says Hollywood has to have more positive portrayal of cats, then that’s what we’ll do.”

In addition to their negative portrayal in films, which felids likened to the offensive portrayal of Italian-Americans as mafia figures, many cats cried foul at the idea that one of their kind would harm the beloved South African actor Sharlto Copley.

“That’s a very offensive portrayal,” said Chonkmatic the Magnificent, King of All Cats. “Sharlto Copley is the guy who made District 9, about aliens who eat cat food. Everyone knows cats love District 9. We wouldn’t lay a claw on Sharlto!”

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Cat Gets Help For Man Who Fell Off Waterfall, UK Government Once Considered Cat Cull During Pandemic

Things could have gone south for cats during the early days of the COVID-19 virus.

Someone bring this cat inside, give him a magnificent meal and make him king of the house.

After a man fell 30 feet down a “seasonal waterfall” into a creek drainage in Pleasant Valley, Calif., about 50 miles east of Sacramento, an insistently meowing outdoor cat led the man’s wife and neighbor “right to where the man fell,” per CBS News.

The incident happened a few minutes after 9 p.m. on Feb. 21, according to the El Dorado County Fire Protection District, whose EMTs rescued the man. Authorities haven’t provided updates on his status, but as he was airlifted to a hospital, his injuries were likely serious.

The heroic feline is described as the family’s “outdoor cat.” He should be amply rewarded with a real home.

Cat saves man who fell down waterfall
A photo from the scene showing the airlift helicopter in the background. Credit: El Dorado Fire Protection District

Oh hell no!

A former UK health minister said the government mulled a plan to “exterminate all pet cats” early in the Coronavirus pandemic when the virus was new and poorly understood, the Guardian reported.

“What we shouldn’t forget is how little we understood about this disease. There was a moment we were very unclear about whether domestic pets could transmit the disease,” James Bethel told the UK’s Channel 4 news. “In fact, there was an idea at one moment that we might have to ask the public to exterminate all the cats in Britain. Can you imagine what would have happened if we had wanted to do that?”

Yeah, I can imagine a few million incredulous and angry people drawing their blinds, hiding their cats and figuring out ways to buy cat food and litter on the black market to avoid tipping off the authorities in the heavily CCTV-wired nation. If authorities tried to push the issue, things would have gotten ugly.

Here in the US we’d have another run on guns and Bud would run screaming underneath my bed, probably while demanding I slide his turkey and water bowl to him so he could lay low from “the feds.” Hey, he runs a catnip cartel. He’s used to it!

All jokes aside, I think we’ve forgotten that Chinese authorities were beating pets dead in the street and going house-to-house to put them down when the virus raged through the population there for the first time in late 2019. Animal welfare groups said thousands of pets were abandoned by their caretakers and either left to starve in empty homes or left to fend for themselves.

When the virus spread, ripping through countries like Italy, France, Belgium, Russia and taking hold in New York before spreading to the rest of the US, virologists still weren’t entirely certain whether cats — who are susceptible to an unrelated form of Coronavirus — could pass the infection to people. It’s not far-fetched to imagine that if the UK or other countries decided felines must be culled, US authorities may have followed.

The idea of a government demanding we kill our cats is disturbing on its own, never mind the prospect of it happening during a time when our pets were the few things helping us keep our sanity while we all huddled in isolation.

Thankfully reason prevailed and research ultimately proved that the chances of cats or dogs spreading COVID to humans is almost nonexistent.