Realizing he could leverage his popularity to improve snack and head-rubbing service, Little Buddy demanded his human “bend the knee.”
NEW YORK — Tensions between the Buddies threatened to reach an all-time high on Wednesday after Little Buddy the Cat sought to formalize their alliance by having Big Buddy the Human swear fealty to him.
“I’ve been thinking,” Little Buddy the Cat said, padding into the living room, “and I’ve got an idea!”
“This should be brilliant,” his human replied, not bothering to look up from his newspaper.
Little Buddy the Cat nodded in agreement.
“It is! It is!” he said excitedly. “I was thinking that since I have my own website, you know, and people all over the world love me, it’s time to reevaluate my options. There are people who would love to spoil me, you know.”
Big Buddy glowered.
“So I’m going to need an essay of no less than 800 words on why you should be allowed to continue serving me,” the feline continued. “Offer specifics, please. I’m gonna need that on my desk by 0800 tomorrow.”
“You don’t have a desk, you Tribble with a tail,” Big Buddy pointed out.
The tabby cat became exasperated. “My office! My…my eating nook where my bowls and all my important papers are stored! So you’ll submit your essay there, okay?”
Big Buddy nodded absentmindedly, flipping his newspaper to the sports section.
“Uh-huh. Whatever you say, little dude.”
Buddy clawed at the paper. “I wasn’t finished!”
Buddy, pictured, wants his human to “bend the knee” and swear fealty to him.
When he had his human’s attention again, the silver tabby dragged out a crude replica of Game of Thrones’ Iron Throne made of cardboard, grunting with the effort.
“Now if I can just…get my feet up here…grip on the cardboard I can…grrr…okay. Whew!”
The feline settled onto the throne, the corrugated cardboard sagging beneath his weight, and tried to look regal.
“You may now bend the knee,” he said matter-of-factly. “Oooh! Ooh! Get your replica samurai sword, draw it and hold it as you kneel to me! That would be really cool.”
A Buddinese throne.
As of press time, Big Buddy had not stirred from the couch, retrieved his samurai sword or bent the knee.
“This is my fault,” he told a reporter. “I never should have let my cat watch Game of Thrones.”
Buddy does his best seal impression! Nearby, our local SPCA deals with a horrific hoarding case.
I snapped the photo below when Buddy heard the upstairs neighbors making noise. Little dude looks like a seal! (The animal, not the singer. Bud’s singing voice is terrible!) All he needs are some flippers:
The acne spot I wrote about earlier is healed, but as you can see there’s still a tiny spot on his chin where his fur hasn’t completely grown back yet. Thankfully it’s no longer causing him any discomfort, and he’s back to asking for chin scratches while purring happily.
Of course he won’t be happy if I share an unflattering photo without a flattering one, so here he is looking cute:
Note the huge meowscles and ripped physique!
In some sad news, there’s an ongoing hoarding case in White Plains, NY, just a few miles from Casa de Buddy.
Police responded to an apartment building in the city after neighbors began complaining of “horrific” smells coming from the unit and discovered an older woman living with at least 40 cats in appalling conditions.
The cats, who are all suffering from ailments including respiratory and eye infections, were everywhere — including inside furniture and atop the kitchen cabinets where a few of them were able to get away from the feces-packed floor.
Cats crowd the limited space above the kitchen cabinets to escape the feces-encrusted floor of the apartment. Credit: Westchester SPCA
Staff from the SPCA of Westchester County have had to wear hazmat suits to operate inside the apartment. They’re in the process of removing the cats and have set up food and water stations for those they haven’t trapped yet while they try to clean some of the fecal matter and garbage, but they say the number of cats could rise as they find more hiding in the apartment. One cat was pregnant and gave birth to a single kitten on the feces-caked floor. The kitten was quickly removed and is under the close care of veterinary staff but is sickly and “clinging to life,” the SPCA said.
Incredibly, authorities have not charged the human occupant of the apartment. They say she meant well at first but the situation quickly spiraled out of control, as it often does when people who aren’t equipped to care for multiple cats take it upon themselves to “rescue” strays. No one sets out to become a hoarder. It usually happens when initial good intentions become unmoored from reality, but I do wonder how people who find these situations slipping from their control aren’t horrified by the suffering of the animals. Mental illness has to play a part.
Regardless, the situation is dire for the cats and the SPCA anticipates many thousands of dollars in veterinary costs on top of supplies and man hours involved in trapping the cats, getting them veterinary care, cleaning them up and working with them to help them overcome the trauma of their experience so they can become ready for adoption.
The SPCA of Westchester County was Buddy’s first veterinary office where he got his first shots and the snip as a kitten. They were very kind and gentle with the little guy, and at the time I’d just been laid off from my job so it really helped to have a place that provided quality veterinary care for significantly less than private vets. They do good work, and we wish them luck as they deal with a difficult task.
Buddy, aka Graybeard, has departed for his annual adventure on the high seas aboard his ship, the Fowl Play. He really gets into talking like a pirate.
Ahoy, me hearties!
Tis that time of year when I depart the frigid coasts of me headquarters of New York bound for the pirate heaven of Somalia! ‘Tis tradition ever since me Big Buddy temporarily sold me to pirates for a hoard of booty an a jest and I spent a season learnin’ the life of a cat-o-the-sea.
Havin’ obtained me all the plunder I could carry, I returned to New York in time for the spring, rich in gold and the vocabulary of a true privateer. (And a proper cutlass too, though truth be told it were redundant with me sharp claws.) Ye landlubbers were mighty surprised!
So now I be known as Graybeard and my ship, the Fowl Play, is the Scourge o’ the Seas, makin’ sailors tremble in their boots at the sight o’ me mast with a big hulkin’ tiger eatin’ a plump turkey.
“Ahoy! Land ho! Be prepared to drop anchor, all hands to the poop deck!”
Ahoy! ‘Tis many an incautious feline captain who met the watery grave of Davy Jones’ locker fer understimatin’ the Foul Play, tis it true. Many a red ensign me plunder for the rum, many a seadog know the name o’ Ol’ Graybeard an heard it true me put a shot across they bow!
Them sons o’ biscuit eaters become sharkbait if they underestimate Graybeard, so ye better strike colors an succumb to the inevitable — that Buddy’ll strike anchor, invite hisself aboard ye vessels and help hisself to the prime booty!
Only problem is, not a spot o’ turkey to be had on the high seas, so I have me men squib the deck, get the Fowl Play shipshape and make port often to keep the turkey larders topped up for the galley, ye savvy? Anyone who raid me turkey stash be playin’ with Jack Ketch and be sure to feed the fish, if ye catch me drift!
Avast me, ol’ Graybeard’s adventures on the high seas will continue till I find the legendary pieces of eight or the grog strike me with a clap o’ thunder, I always say.
Fer legend has it that there be an island where turkeys have eight wings, each more delicious than the last, and it be Graybeard’s obsession to find this isle o’ wonders. Just imagine how awesome it would be! Arrrr…belay that! Put it in yer mind that Graybeard’ll be rich in plunder and turkey if the mythical isle be found!
I have me pigeon here who’ll carry me dispatches back to that landlubber Big Buddy, so he can continue the bloggin’ an apprise ye buckos of me adventures. Until such time as the Fowl Play make port, I’d advise ye stay off the shippin’ lanes between the kingdom and the Caribbean.
Yer captain,
Buddy
Pictured: Captain Graybeard on the deck of the Fowl Play.
A London woman’s cat, Flossie, just celebrated her 29th birthday, making her the oldest cat in the world. And in Utah, a zoo just debuted an adorable little predator.
Happy Sunday, everyone, and if you’re on the east coast of the US like we are, we hope you’re safe and warm during this year’s first snow.
We’ll start off with a bit of significant news first reported in the The Buddesian Times: the famous artist and sculptor Meowchelangelo has unveiled a glorious marble statue of our favorite feline hero, “striding like a colossus toward evil-doers in the distance, his rippling muscles rendered in magnificent Calacatta Borghini,” which is marble from the same quarry in Carrara, Italy, that supplied the raw material for another masterpiece, the Renaissance sculpture commonly known as “David.”
The statue, which honors Buddy’s recent valorous defense of a helpless dog during a vicious attack by a pack of 72 coyotes, will likely be installed in Manhattan, although Washington’s city council is lobbying hard for it, promising the famous statue of Abraham Lincoln in his eponymous monument would be removed for the Buddesian likeness.
Today’s edition of the Buddesian Times with a front-page story on the statue.
The World’s Oldest Cat still moves like a kitten
The Guardian has an interesting column from Vicki Green, cat mom to Flossie, who at 28 years old is the Guinness World Records certified oldest domestic cat in the world.
Flossie, who was born in December of 1995, is as old as Green, who attributes the tortoiseshell’s longevity to “luck, and because she was loved by her previous owners.” Flossie was initially an outdoor kitten who lived in a managed colony until she was adopted by her first human, who died when Flossie was 14 years old.
The woman’s sister took Flossie in next but died after 10 years. Her son became the long-lived feline’s third servant, but after three years he brought her to Cat’s Protection in London, saying he could no longer provide the level of care Flossie deserved and needed.
Shortly after, Green was looking to adopt a cat and saw Flossie’s listing online.
“At the time, I thought it was an error and that she must be 17,” she wrote. “Cats Protection told me she was still available to adopt and that no, she was in fact 27, the same age as me.”
Green thought Flossie would likely only live a few more months, but “she’d at least spend them in a nice, warm flat, be fed well and get treats as well as a comfy bed.”
“To my surprise,” Green wrote, “I’ve had her for over a year now and she’s still going strong.”
Flossie takes lots of naps but is surprisingly active and playful for her age. Credit: Vicki Green
Despite her advanced age, Flossie is active, seeks attention and still plays with her favorite toys. Green got miniature stairs for the senior kitty to easily reach the couch, but Flossie doesn’t use them, preferring to jump up instead.
“The biggest difficulty is dealing with the fact that there may soon come a time when she passes. I’m in denial about that. I look at her and just think she doesn’t look old at all,” Green wrote. “Yet who knows? She could well be on the way to becoming the oldest cat in history. Though even if she doesn’t break the current record of 38 years and three days, at least I’ll know she had a great retirement home.”
Gaia the three-pound terror debuts in Salt Lake City
Black-footed cats are known primarily for three things: they’re outrageously cute, they’re diminutive and they’re remarkably deadly.
Of course with a maximum weight of three pounds, only tiny prey have to worry about the fury of these furry little guys. The rest of us get to point and go “Aww!”
Gaia’s personality is “large and feisty” according to zookeepers. Credit: Hogle Zoo
Native to the savannas of southern Africa, black-footed cats are excellent hunters, but like all felines they’re also prey, and they’re the subject of a worldwide zoological breeding and conservation program due to declining numbers in the wild.
The newest success story for those breeding efforts is Gaia, an eight-month-old black-footed kitten who just made her debut at Hogle Zoo in Utah.
Zookeepers describe baby Gaia’s personality as “large and feisty,” and they expect she’ll be popular with zoo visitors.
She’s now the second of her species at Hogle, joining Ryder, a male. They haven’t been introduced yet. A carefully supervised introduction is “in the cards, but we’ll let these two feline friends get acquainted when Gaia reaches maturity,” the zoo said.
Buddy has been hailed as a hero after he valorously fought off two coyotes to save his dog friend.
Many thousands of Americans have heard the now-viral story about a cat who saved a dog from a vicious coyote attack, but did you know that fearless feline is none other than Buddy the Cat?
We were lucky enough to catch up with Buddy and interview him about his famous feat of extraordinary bravery, as well as what life’s like for him now that he’s become a feline celebrity.
Q: First of all, thanks for speaking to us. We know you’ve got a lot of interview requests and you’re so hot right now, so we appreciate you taking the time.
Buddy: Anytime. It’s true, so many people want a piece of Buddy the Brave these days that it’s beginning to mess with my napping schedule, but I think it’s important to speak out on topics like this.
Q: Well said! So why don’t you take us through the chain of events. What preceded this vicious coyote attack, and how did you become involved?
Buddy: Well I was visiting my friend — and yes, cats can be friends with inferior animals like dogs! — when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I have incredible vision, as you know. And as the coyotes were sneaking up I just kind of raised a paw and flexed my bicep. Usually that’s enough to make ’em think twice, you know?
Q: But these coyotes didn’t heed your warning?
Buddy: Unfortunately, no. They were licking their lips and set on attacking my buddy, and Buddy does not take kindly to anyone attacking my buddies, you know what I mean?
Q: Those coyotes clearly didn’t know who they were dealing with. So that’s when they attacked?
Buddy: Exactly. For a hot second I was in shock, you know? I’m thinking ‘Did they not just see me flex? Is it possible they didn’t see how ripped I am?’ But then I heard my friend yelp in pain and I just sprang into action without regard for my own safety.
Q: That’s very heroic of you.
Buddy: Isn’t it?
Q: So what would you say to detractors who claim the cat in the video has black fur and is not a gray tabby?
Buddy: They’re conspiracy theorists, like people who think the Earth is hexagonal and Big Catnip is out to get kitties hooked. You know, it’s a black and white security camera, and I move so fast that I’m a blur, so I can understand how people are confused.
Q: And the people who claim this happened in Oklahoma?
Buddy: Fake news. Obviously it happened in New York.
Q: Obviously. Well we don’t want to take any more of your precious time, but we just want to thank you, Buddy. You’re a real Americat hero!
