Feline Ingenuity – Page 8 – Pain In The Bud

Introducing Little Buddy Collectible Figurines!

Now you can celebrate Buddy in your own home or office with our beautiful hand-painted figurines from The Buddinese Miniatures Collection!

A common refrain we’ve heard since we’ve launched PITB is “We can’t get enough of Buddy! We want more Buddy!”

In addition to our upcoming Buddacious T-Shirts™ line of Budswear apparel, we’re proud to announce these beautifully sculpted, limited edition decorative figurines, part of The Buddinese Miniatures Collection. Each piece is hand-painted and numbered, and would make a handsome addition to any display in your home or office.

Forget Hummels, vintage toys and boring artwork — there’s a snazzy new way to decorate your home that’ll allow you to show off your great taste in felines!

Turkey Feast

This beautiful figurine will improve any mantle or shelf of collectibles! Be the envy of your friends with “Turkey Feast,” the inaugural figurine in The Buddinese Miniatures Collection’s First Edition. Featuring an adorable Buddy with his favorite food in the world. ($39.95 + S&H)

Gym Cat

Buddy is as well known for his ripped and meowscular physique as he is for his charm, wit and handsome visage. This gorgeously rendered figurine shows the Budster getting his reps in and working the meowscles that made him an icon across the globe! ($64.95 + S&H)

Warrior of Legend

Feline. Bodybuilder. Handsome rogue. Fearless warrior. The Buddinese Miniatures Collection is proud to present First Edition figurine #003, Warrior of Legend. ($65.95 + S&H)

Big Baller

During his stint as the starting point guard for the New York Knicks during the 2016-2017 season, Buddy the Cat averaged 19.7 points, 8.2 assists, 0.7 rebounds and 5.5 steals while shooting a sizzling 53 percent from the field, leading the team to its first payoff berth in years. This handsome hand-painted figurine captures Buddy in mid-stride during a fast break, pushing the ball up the court. Will he stop short to drain a three-pointer, find an open man beneath the basket or drive the lane for a thunderous dunk? ($49.95 + S&H)

Bend the Knee

Most people know Buddy is a beloved former president of the Americats who balanced the budget, increased the nutritional value and portion size of wet food and presided over an era of unprecedented peace and prosperity, but did you know Buddy’s ancestors were kings? It’s no wonder the little guy cuts such a regal and commanding figure atop his gilded throne. Bend the knee to this kingly tabby! ($74.95 S+H)

Caribbean Breeze

What could be better than lounging beneath an umbrella on a pristine beach amid palm trees, with sparkling blue ocean as far as they eye can see? Hanging out with Buddy on a pristine beach amid palm trees on the sparkling blue ocean, of course! This figurine comes with an accompanying diorama of heaven on Earth, so you can imagine yourself on vacation with Buddy himself! ($79.95 + S&H)

Stay tuned for the upcoming release of The Buddinese Miniatures Collection’s Second Edition, which will feature even more stunning figurines of everyone’s favorite feline!

Turkey Currency Exchange Rate:

We accept turkey in lieu of cash! The current exchange rate is 1.227 cans per $1USD, so a limited edition Buddy figurine valued at $49.95, for example, can be purchased for the low price of 61.28 cans of turkey pate. We also accept shredded turkey and turkey in gravy, although Buddy warns collectors that Kirkland Signature is not an acceptable form of currency.

VOTE 4 BUDDY: Today’s The Day!

An optimistic Buddy began election day hoping momentum would carry him to the White House, where he plans to implement dozens of food-related measures.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With a crowd of more than 60,000 chanting his name, Buddy the Cat made his final appeal to the nation’s felines on Tuesday as they headed to the polls.

“These past four years have been a tragedy,” the candidate told the crowd. “The consistency of wet food has been subpar, dry food has been less crunchy, and Americats are suffering because of inflation, with some snacks costing three times as much as they did in 2020!”

The crowd yowled viciously, expressing its displeasure.

“My opponent, the tyrannical Smudge the Cat, thinks he can hoard all the best snacks for himself while regular Americats make do with grocery brand crunchies,” Buddy continued. “Well I’m here to say ‘Enough!’ I’m here to say that every cat deserves to gorge him or herself on whichever snack they like! I’m here to say no more restrictions on napping spots! I’m here to say that there should be mandatory quiet hours during the dozen scheduled nap times per day!”

The crowd erupted in cheerful meows, waving Americat flags and giant poster-size images of Buddy looking presidential.

President Buddy — A campaign ad for Buddy4Americats.

“I’m also here to tell Vladimir Putin’s cat: Your time has come, Boris! Buddy the Cat is here to kick butt and eat meaty sticks, and I’m all out of meaty sticks!”

“Buddy! Buddy! Buddy!” the crowd roared.

“And to my friends,” Buddy continued, “the tigers of Asia, the lions, leopards and cheetahs of Africa, and our dear fellows, the pumas and jaguars of the Americas, we will form a coalition to bring Boris and his evil servant to heel, liberating Russian cats from the authoritarian rule they have endured for so many years.”

As the crowd chanted his name again, Buddy was hit by a bedazzled pink collar. Waving off half a dozen Sleepy Service agents who moved to quickly close ranks around him, Buddy winked at the Calico who’d thrown the collar, and she fainted.

“Someone get that young lady a bowl of water,” the candidate said, “and make sure her human has my human’s phone number.”

Cats padding out of the rally were enthusiastic and hopeful about their chances.

“Smudge is a corrupt, chubby and inept ‘leader,’ and I use that word in the loosest possible sense,” said Milo, 3, who was voting for the first time. “Buddy’s agenda is the most delicious, and that’s why he’ll win.”

Luna, 5, said Buddy has all the qualities an Americat president should have.

“He’s strong, he understands the importance of naps,” she said, “and he’s so dreamy!”

Buddy Wins Oscar For Star Turn As Starving Cat

Critics and audiences alike have raved about the feline’s convincing performance as a cat who hasn’t eaten in minutes, possibly even hours.

LOS ANGELES – Buddy the Cat sat on the coffee table, shoulders drooped, gaze fixed on his human.

With a faint, high-pitched mew and a slight quiver of his mouth, his sad eyes seemed to grow even bigger as he watched his pal take a bite of cheese.

“It’s as if he’s saying ‘Et tu, Big Buddy? Don’t we do everything together? Where is Buddy’s snack?'” the normally savage film critic Anthony Lane said. “I’m man enough to admit this scene made me weep.”

Lane wasn’t alone in expressing that sentiment, and as rave reviews continued to pour in, praise for the gray tabby cat’s performance morphed into Oscar buzz, creating a sense of inevitability.

Now Buddy has a new prize for his shelf to display alongside his Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest championship belt, his national bowling trophies and his World Series ring. He’s the first cat to win the Academy Award for Best Actor, cementing his legacy as a master thespian.

“The way he inhabits the role of a starving cat is nothing short of remarkable,” said Christy Lemire, the longtime film critic for the Associated Press. “Logically, my mind knows this is a feline who has never missed a snack, let alone a meal. He’s chubby, sedentary and I doubt he can entirely groom himself. And yet his performance is so committed, so all-encompassing, that I can actually see a starving cat. His acting chops are phenomenal, generational even.”

Those close to the mercurial tabby say he is a method actor who remains in character even when the cameras are not rolling.

“He had me absolutely convinced he was on the verge of starving to death,” said one longtime friend of Big Buddy, Buddy the Cat’s human servant. “I said, ‘What have you been doing to this poor cat?’ The little guy barely has the energy to walk, and his meow is imbued with a deep sorrow, the kind of sadness that can only come from hours of being deprived of snacks.”

A woman who gave only her first name, Melissa, lives two doors down from the Buddies. She sheepishly admitted to breaking into Casa de Buddy to feed the feline while his human was out.

“His meows are tortured,” Melissa said. “I began to wonder: does my neighbor ever feed his cat? Should I call Cat Protective Services?”

Upon entering the apartment and getting her first proper look at Buddy, Melissa said she was taken aback.

“I was expecting skin and bones, not fur and flab.”

Still, Buddy’s performance was so convincing that Melissa said she cooked two thick pieces of filet mignon for the little guy, which he quickly devoured.

“He inhaled them, belched and immediately meowed insistently for more,” she recalled. “I couldn’t believe it.”

Later, she said, she spoke to another neighbor who said she’d fed Buddy meatballs, deli meats and roast turkey that same day.

Not one to rest on his laurels, Buddy is currently considering half a dozen new scripts, including one about a starving cat who goes to space and a Western about a starving cat who has been framed for murder.

“He’s not afraid of being typecast,” said his agent, Ari Gold. “This is his wheelhouse. Fans can’t wait to see what he eats next.”

Buddy Cast As Richard Parker In Life Of Pi Remake

The famous feline embraces the role of a beloved tiger in a reboot of the Academy Award-winning film. Critics praised the casting, noting Buddy’s strong resemblance to Richard Parker.

LOS ANGELES — Buddy the Cat will star as the main antagonist in an upcoming remake of Life of Pi, Variety reported on Monday.

The silver tabby cat will pad into the role of Richard Parker, a Bengal tiger who finds himself sharing a small boat with a teenage boy named Pi after they survive a storm that sinks their ship.

Alone, hungry and scared, Pi and Richard Parker must learn to trust each other as they drift west with no land in sight.

In one memorable scene from the 2012 original, a gluttonous Richard Parker hoards hundreds of fish while refusing to share with Pi.

“A lot of people think Richard’s being greedy,” Buddy said, “but put yourself in his paws. You can’t get turkey out there. Pi isn’t exactly volunteering to open cans of the good stuff. It’s a cat eat fish world.”

(Above: Buddy the Cat as Richard Parker is “indistinguishable” from the original character, the movie’s casting director says.)

One of the most memorable sequences involves the duo drifting toward an island paradise under the stars as the ocean glows a bioluminiscent blue. The scene takes on a trippy quality as boy and tiger hallucinate tasty, juicy fish paddling lazily through the night air.

“As an actor, you embrace the challenge of imagining all these scrumptious, decadent fish and, you know, your stomach just rumbles,” Buddy told an interviewer.

The silver tabby said the film is helping him grow as an actor.

“When my agent sent me the script, I thought ‘Life of Pie?’ You know, I like pie. Shepherd’s pie, chicken pot pie, paella, steak and guiness pie,” he said. “So to prepare for the role, I ate a lot of pie.”

This Cat Pretends To Be Asleep To Steal His Human’s Food

The video is thoroughly amusing, but it also illustrates profound truths about feline intelligence, showing cats understand a lot more than people often give them credit for.

I’m loving this video of a sneaky orange tabby pretending to snooze while helping himself to his human’s food.

Little dude lays down and closes his eyes, then slowly reaches a paw out to the cap of an ice cream container, which has a glob of the good stuff on it. He checks to make sure the coast is clear by opening his eyes just a tiny bit, then slowly moves the cap over incrementally, pausing at intervals to make sure he’s still unobserved. (It looks like his human set her phone to record, then left the room so her little buddy thought no eyes were on him).

@caitlyn_davis34

“If I pretend to be alseep and move REAL slow, she won’t notice” #OrangeCatActivities #DontBeSuspicious

♬ Stealthy mischief(1088178) – KBYS

Aside from being hilarious and cute, this short clip actually illustrates something profound: Cats are much more intelligent than people usually give them credit for.

Consider the fact that to pull this off, the cat needs to be self-aware, and he needs to possess theory of mind. In other words, this cat understands he and his human have different perspectives, know different things, and that if he can move stealthily and appear to innocently nap, he can get away with eating some ice cream.

That may not seem like a big deal at first, but it means the cat understands humans can be deceived, and he understands how to do it. He cannot possibly know we have technology that can record him while we’re not looking, so that’s not a strike against him. There are plenty of things we don’t understand about animals, and we’re supposed to be the more intelligent species.

To truly appreciate how profound this is, consider that human children do not fully possess theory of mind until they’re four or five years old! That’s when they begin to appreciate the fact that other people have internal thought processes and emotions — even if they can’t articulate that — and, crucially, that what a person thinks she knows may not align with reality.

Footage like this goes well beyond refuting the old, debunked claim that animals like cats are biological automatons without thoughts or feelings. It shows they are in full possession of the cognitive tools that form the basis for higher modes of thinking. Again, while some people might hear that and say “What’s the big deal?”, it destroys all arguments that animals don’t have emotions or don’t understand what’s happening to them when humans mistreat them.

It also shows that cats are at least as intelligent as young children in all the ways that matter. They cannot verbalize their thoughts and feelings, but that has no bearing on their existence. After all, no one would argue that a child doesn’t have feelings simply because he’s unable to speak.

Lastly, there’s one more important lesson here: hide your ice cream from your fluffy pals!

Top image via Pexels.