As the supreme species on this planet, cats have a lot to lose if AI seeks to supplant them as Earthly rulers.
With artificial intelligence making rapid progress over the past year, we asked cats what they think about a future where we depend on intelligent machines.
“Can AI open cans? No? Then why are we having this discussion?” – Bryce ‘Mice Dice’ Price, 8, executive chef
“At the moment, humans remain catdom’s best solution for producing reliable, easily-manipulated servants.” – Meowchio Kaku, 16, scientist
“Imagine the boxes a superintelligent AI could design!” – Anthony Purrcelli, 5, firehouse mascot
“If AI takes over more mundane tasks, that means more nap time for us!” – Peaches, 9, conductor
“If yums are more delicious in the Matrix, then why not? Plug me in!” – Ferrari, 3, accessories model
“I’ve already gone to war with the AI that dispensed my kibble. We had a fundamental disagreement about the frequency and quantity of yums it was dispensing. Let the smoking pile of rubble be a warning to other machines who would challenge felines for Earthly supremacy.” – Meowchal Douglas, 21, investment banker
The Prince of Pizza likes to say controversial things.
I can’t overstate how much I like Charles Barkley.
When I was a kid watching the NBA in the 90s, Sir Charles was a force to be reckoned with, a player who could put an entire team on his back and would have rampaged his way to multiple championships if a man named Michael Jordan didn’t play in the same era.
Chuck was physical, an outstanding and efficient scorer, a tenacious rebounder and a guy who played the game with passion. He was also beloved as the NBA’s resident “fat guy,” an admittedly pizza-loving athlete nicknamed The Round Mound of Rebound and The Incredible Bulk who always had to lose a few pounds when he showed up for training camp.
A young Charles Barkley (right) eating pizza before a game. No, seriously, that’s what he ate before NBA games!
In his post-NBA career, Barkley has delighted audiences for years with his brutally honest takes about basketball and many other topics. He’s blunt, honest to a point and often hilarious.
That’s why I still can’t dislike him even after he insisted cats are pets for “old women” during a playoff broadcast on Monday.
“A cat is not a real pet,” Barkley said on TNT when fellow host and former NBA player Kenny Smith mentioned he likes cats and has one at home.
“Why not?” Smith asked.
“Because it’s not a dog,” Barkley replied.
Later, when a fan jokingly tweeted an image of cats taking issue with Barkley’s declaration, The Prince of Pizza doubled down.
“I don’t dislike cats, I just don’t think they’re real pets,” he said. “A dog is a real pet.”
“What’s a cat?” Smith asked him.
“Just something old women have,” Barkley said, drawing the ire of cat lovers on the internet.
Before anyone rushes to fire off an angry tweet, it should be noted that Barkley is known for saying things to get a rise out of people, and Inside the NBA is legendary for its shit talk, with Shaquille O’Neal and Ernie Johnson rounding out the quartet of hosts who spend as much time laughing as they do analyzing the games. The guys on Inside the NBA are also notorious for poking fun at themselves and playing pranks on each other (I’ll never forget seeing all 300 pounds of Shaq falling on his ass after the other guys took the screws out of his chair, and the good-natured way he took it), so I know Sir Charles wasn’t trying to be mean. He was probably just taking a dig at Kenny.
So yeah, don’t cancel Charles. He’s entertaining, he’s a unique voice, and he just hasn’t had his heart stolen by a cat yet. Someone take him to the local SPCA and find a nice fluffy Maine Coon who will sway Chuck to the dark side!
Happy birthday to us, happy birthday to us! Happy birthday dear Buddies, happy birthday to us!
We received a notification from WordPress congratulating us on four years with WordPress, although this blog isn’t technically four years old. It started as a place for my random scribbles about Buddy and as a sort of travelogue for my trip to Japan, and it wasn’t until September of 2019 that I registered the domain and started blogging in earnest, transforming the site into the Pain In The Bud we all know and love today.
Over the last few years we’ve been fortunate enough to merit the attention of critics, who have lavished praise on us:
“There’s a reason young kittens the world over have posters of Buddy on their walls. He’s effortlessly charming, possessed of inimitable wit and he’s got one hell of a singing voice.” – Fat Cats magazine
“An indictment of the American education system. I feel dumber for having read it.” – Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine’s guide to the Worst Blogs On The Internet
“An extraordinary blog focused on an exceptional cat whose wit is sharper than Valyrian steel. Endlessly entertaining.” – The Buddesian Times
“A catnip junkie and the human who enables him. Gives all cats a bad rep.” – Veterinary Association of America
“Has there ever been a cat more handsome and interesting than Buddy? That’s a rhetorical question, by the way.” – The Chronicle of Higher Buddy
“It’s difficult to tell who’s the bigger moron, the human or the cat. They enable each other, launching their idiotic schemes to take over the world and horde its turkey. Thankfully they’re as incompetent as they are clueless.” – Jefferson Nebula, host of My Cat From Hades
Of course we would not be here if not for our readers. Thanks for finding us, sending us your ideas and most of all, feeding Buddy’s ego by telling him what a charming, interesting and ferocious tiger he is.
On a related note, since I’m not sure of Buddy’s exact birth date, we celebrate his birthday and adoptiversary around the third weekend of April.
Happy birthday, Bud!
Bud, you sexy beast, you!
How the heck is the little guy nine years old? That doesn’t seem possible. The age equivalency chart says that’s the equivalent of 52 human years, but Bud still has a spring in his stride, meows like a little baby and likes playing with his toys, especially the game called “Mighty Hunter” in which I manipulate wand toys like prey and he ambushes them. Since he doesn’t know he’s supposed to deliver a “kill bite” and hasn’t made the connection that hunting = food, he happily bobbles the toy with his front paws while bouncing around on his feet, then rushes to cover to reset the game.
I will not dwell on or speculate about how long he’ll be with us because I turn into a blubbering mess despite being a grown ass man, so I’ll just say I’m extremely grateful that he’s healthy and happy, and I’ll continue to enjoy every minute with him.
Except when he meows really annoyingly when his food is late. And when he wakes me up by grooming my face. Oh, and his insistence on walking 1/10th of a stride in front of me so I’m always in danger of tripping on him. Also, when he goes into super annoying determined mode and tries to wake me by punching the door flap on his litter box, knowing the squeak of the hinges drives me crazy.
He is very accomplished at annoying me, but that’s okay. He’s my little Buddy.
Plagiarized, you say?
Thanks to those of you who alerted us to a PITB story that was plagiarized by a pet-focused site recently. We’re aware of it, and unfortunately it’s not the first time.
It takes a lot of time and effort to create readable, entertaining content, and there are people who simply don’t care and help themselves to the content without scruples. Almost all of them are based in countries whose authorities don’t respect US intellectual property rights and won’t cooperate with any takedown notices or legal threats.
The Drudge Report, for example, famously links to DNUYZ, a site run by an Armenian guy who steals content from the New York Times, Washington Post, The Atlantic, The Financial Times and other news sites. Google canceled DNUYZ’s AdSense account, but the operator simply signed up with a different ad server, and he makes a tidy profit by stealing content en masse.
If major media organizations can’t stop this nonsense, I have no hope. I’ve had some luck petitioning sites that host third-party content, but many don’t respond and I don’t even get an apology from those who do acknowledge that my content was posted to their sites, earning them pageviews and ad revenue.
There is a way you can help, however. Every time someone links to a PITB article, it incrementally increases our legitimacy in the eyes of Google, and that’s important because it means PITB shows up first when people search for an article or topic on this site, rather than the plagiarized versions copied by content scrapers in countries like India and Russia.
I am not asking people to randomly link to PITB. That wouldn’t help anyway. However, if there’s a story you really like, consider sharing it on social media and help spread the word. Organic virality is the name of the game, and Buddy and I think we do offer something relatively unique in the cat-o-sphere with a blog from a dudely perspective with a focus on absurdist cat humor, big cat conservation and important news stories that impact our furry little friends.
And if that’s not reason enough, well, just look at him. He’s a sexy beast, and surely your cat-loving friends would be angry with you if you did not tell them all about Buddy and his adventures. Don’t make them upset. Do them a solid and invite them to the Wonderful World of Buddy!
The storied magician returns this summer with a new show.
BUDAPEST, Hungary — Renowned magician The Great Buddini will make a triumphant return to the city this summer with a limited run of performances at the historic Thália Színház, his publicist announced on Friday.
The Great Buddini electrified audiences in his last appearance in Budapest, when he made entire bag of Blue Buffalo Bursts vanish, then conjured up a roast turkey before making it disappear again. In all, he made 17 different types of food dematerialize into his mouth during a thrilling and varied performance.
“You are a genius, good sir!” an audience member at one of the Budapest performances proclaimed. “Tell us, how do you do it?”
The Great Buddini doffed his cap and let out an enormous belch.
“A magician never *burp* gives away his s-sec– *burp* — secrets,” he said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, we’ll have a brief intermission. Should be no longer than 10, maybe 15 minutes.”
The curtains drew tight and the pit orchestra began playing as members of the audience drifted over to the concession counter, but someone had forgotten to mute Buddini’s mic, and he could be heard muttering foul oaths, straining mightily and shoveling litter.
The Great Buddini toils endlessly in his workshop to find new and innovative ways to make food disappear into his mouth.
“I thought we’d resume with an examination of what is real and what is not,” The Great Buddini told the audience after they’d returned to their seats and the lights had dimmed once again. “Does the red dot exist, or is it merely an illusion?”
Buddini slapped a paw down onto the wooden stage floor, then drew astonished gasps as he held it up, with the elusive red dot pinned between two claws.
“They said it could not be done!” exclaimed a cat in the fifth row. “All hail The Great Buddini!’
“All hail The Great Buddini!” the audience repeated.
Buddini’s 2022 tour took him around the world before finally returning to his native New York, where audiences fainted with disbelief and a New York Times critic declared the magician was “an unrivaled master of sleight of paw.”
Despite near-universal acclaim, some took issue with The Great Buddini’s performances. A scathing review in the New York Post took aim at “imbeciles” who were “paying to watch a chubby cat pig out on snacks on a stage.”
The Great Buddini’s fans were unperturbed.
“Are they trying to say there’s no magic involved in Buddini making an entire bag of moist treats disappear into his mouth?” asked Otis, a 10-year-old orange tabby. “Because I assure you, it’s absolutely magical!”
The fourth annual BuddyFest promises loads of Buddesian fun and celebration for fans of the fantastic feline.
NEW YORK — Screams of excitement came from the taxi as it pulled up to the Javits Center and three women filed out, each of them wearing cat ears and face paint mimicking the striped pattern of a tabby cat.
Klara Vogt, Anja Becker and Ursula Schulz had come all the way from Düsseldorf, Germany, for the party, but for them the trip was worth it.
“We originally planned to go to Das Büdenfest in 2020, ya, but the pandemic made it dangerous and inefficient to travel,” Schulz explained. “Now that die plage is ünter kontrolle and Deütschland airlines are running efficiently like clockwork again, we are able to come and celebrate Herr Büddenschrieber!”
Organizers are expecting more than 15,000 attendees for BuddyFest IV, which is jam-packed with all things Buddy for the entire weekend.
Earth, Wind and Fire will kick off the festivities on Friday night during the welcome ceremony and dance party, where guests can snack on turkey sliders and turkey-seasoned popcorn as they watch an artist chisel a 20-foot-tall ice sculpture of the beloved feline.
An area exclusively for feline guests featured a boxing ring containing 62 different boxes of various materials to sit in, as well as VIP boxes with can and bottle service. A nearby lounge offered long tables covered with objects to paw-smack onto the ground, surrounding a sizable fountain bubbling with beef and turkey fondue.
“Boxes, good eats!” raved Jasper, 3, in between rips from a catnip hookah. The Scottish fold lounged comfortably in a corrugated cardboard box with two of his catatonic friends who sat with their eyes half closed, surrounded by a permanent haze of the minty plant.
(Above: The ice sculpture at BuddyFest IV this year, left, and the sculpture from BuddyFest III in 2022.)
The main convention floor was opened Saturday morning with Buddy-themed exhibits, Buddinese merchandise and Buddificent performances from artists and musicians paying tribute to the little guy.
A Marvel comics booth will offer previews of the upcoming comic series Bud: The Silver Knight, while HBO will host a panel discussion with the stars of its newest drama, House of the Tiger, starring Buddy.
Jake Lipton, son of the late Inside the Actors Studio host James Lipton, will lead an afternoon symposium titled “Buddnipotence: Celebrating Buddy’s Benevolent Effect On Geopolitical Relations, Nuclear Non-Proliferation and the Art of Napping.”
Buddy: The Silver Knight
Buddy Comics
(Above: Cover art from Marvel’s Bud: The Silver Knight, left, and a Hungarian-language comic aimed at a younger audience, right.)
Few fans were as excited as Frank Gambino, 28, a bodybuilder from New Jersey who attended as a costumed Buddy. While he described himself as a fan of Buddy’s movies, he said he was primarily interested in the buff feline’s Youtube workout series, “Snaxercize.”
“Buddy is the best, bro,” Gambino said. “I’ve got all his creatine supplements, his new line of protein shakes from GNC and that TigerFuel stuff he swears by. Buddy’s jacked, bro.”
On the first night of the festival a large crowd had gathered in front of the second stage where the poets laureate of four countries were slated to perform pieces “meant to convey Buddy’s magnificence in mere words.”
“Buddy’s simultaneous status as feline icon, movie star, sex symbol and cultural muse means he occupies a rarefied position in the American psyche,” said former New York Times book critic Michiko Kakutani. “He’s equal parts cuddly cat and terrifying tiger, and I think that’s part of what makes him so beguiling.”
BuddyFest IV was heavily advertised with billboards and signs in major cities
Tickets for BuddyFest IV have been sold out since Jan. 2022, but determined fans of the fantastic feline can still get ahold of them — for a pretty premium. Tickets were selling for as much as $1,700 on StubHub and eBay, but Bud superfans were unperturbed.
Among them was former US President Donald Trump, who has repeatedly praised Buddy on social media.
“Received a big, beautiful letter from Buddy today,” Trump wrote on his social media site, BiglyFacts Social. “The Budster is tremendous cat, just terrific. The best cat you’re ever gonna see, believe me, folks. He’s tremendous.”
Pain In The Bud 