NEW YORK — The bear picked the wrong home and the wrong cat to mess with.
Buddy the Cat was taking his traditional 3 pm nap after third lunch when he was rudely disturbed by a ruckus outside.
“Stay here, I will check it out,” he told his human, then hopped down from the couch as his powerful stride took him toward the sliding glass doors leading out to the balcony.
A huge form was huddled just outside the glass, and when the lumbering beast turned, Buddy took a sharp breath. It was a bear, a particularly impressive specimen.
Lesser felines would have been terrified, but Buddy stood calmly before the bear and addressed it.
“Inferior animal,” the fearless feline announced. “Yes, you! You are trespassing on Buddesian territory. I order you to cease any and all ursine activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or the nearest convenient parallel dimension!”
“What are you doing?!” a terrified Big Buddy whispered.
Buddy turned toward his human. “It’s from Ghostbusters. Calm down, I know what I’m doing.”
The bear yawned and let out a deep, rumbling moan.
“I can see I’m not dealing with the sharpest claw on the paw,” Buddy said. “Okay, bear, do you understand this?”
Buddy eased back on his haunches and raised two powerful forelimbs, his considerable meowscles rippling meowscularly beneath the luxurious sheen of his silver fur.
The bear watched warily, then flinched instinctively as the intimidating feline launched a sequence of aggressive and powerful paw strikes. The ursine beast recoiled from the thunderous impacts of paws against glass, reconsidering its position in the face of such a formidable display of force.
The massive creature turned in retreat, casting one last fearful glance at the Herculean felid before beating a hasty retreat.
Once he was satisfied the bear was gone, Buddy turned and sauntered back toward the couch, lifting himself onto it in a single graceful leap.
“And that,” the handsome silver feline said, “is how you deal with a bear.”
Pain In The Bud 