Buddy the Cat’s talents are innumerable! In this rousing number he slips into the style of Gilbert and Sullivan and uses verse to tell us what a feline should be.
“I am the very model of a feline so crepuscular My visage is so handsome and my meowscles are so muscular! I am a little tiger though the fact may seem improbable My knowledge is near boundless in all matters gastronomical I eat six meals a day in circumstances nominal For serving snacks when I demand, my human is responsible No challenge is impossible, no problem yet insoluble I am the very model of a feline so phenomenal!
I’m schooled in all biology from macro to subcellular A meowster of olfactory for every object smellular My hearing’s extrasensitive in low and higher frequencies I hear the mice a-chatter but the elephants don’t speak to me My style is more Big Punisher than Doctor Dre or Easy E Cuz when it comes to hip hop my tastes all face to easterly I like to shake my booty, I’m funky when I need to be I am the very model of a cat who does it easily!
I rule with iron paws be it jungle or the living room And when I’m finished dining, I am content to sit and groom When it comes to games I am the ultimate competitor Obligatory carnivore, I am a model predator Yet somehow cute and fluffy when I feel the need to be Mostly when I tell my buddy “Wake up, human, and feed me!
I am well-versed in big cats whether tiger or jaguarian And qualities of catnip like a feline rastafarian Intimidating surely, in my home I am the guardian Look dashing in a tux or the kit of a safarian! When it comes to ladies all the gents seek my analysis I designed the Taj Mahal and Cleopatra’s palaces I drink champagne from bottles and sip water from my chalices Then ignite sky with a range of borealises! A champion of Opens like the French, Aussie and Wimbledon My game is too complex for the tastes of canine simpletons
A predator so optimal, impeded by no obstacle When I’m roused to anger you will find me quite unstoppable Stylish with a monacle, calm and rarely volatile I am the very model of a feline so phenomenal!
I am the very model of a feline so phenomenal!
[Chorus of girls]
He is the very model of a feline so phenomenal! Find a better cat? Well that is just impossible! He is the very model of a feline so phenomenal!”
The Buddy Balloon will grace this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in Manhattan.
Today is the day Buddy spends the other 364 days of the year dreaming about: turkey day!
He’s been a turkey fanatic since he was a tiny kitten, when I fed him the good stuff and he emerged from his dining nook licking his lips, meowing happily and looking like the most content little guy in the world.
While I try to remind myself how fortunate I am all year, for this year’s Thanksgiving I’m expressing particular gratitude for Bud, my best little pal.
I’m fortunate to be his caretaker and best friend. I’m thankful for the strong bond we share, his affection, and his loyalty. He’s always by my side, and even though he’s a bit of a lunatic at times, he’s a good boy with a big heart.
What about you, Bud?
“I’m thankful for all the delicious snacks I get to eat, all the comfy napping spots around the house, and of course for turkey!”
Cool. Anything else you’re grateful for?
“Yeah! I have some pretty cool toys and I’m told I have fans around the world!”
Uh, sure. What else?
“Hmmm. I think that about covers it.”
You sure?
“Yep.”
Don’t worry, it’ll come to him at some point, probably around 4 pm when he realizes I won’t be back in time to feed him according to his regular schedule.
Buddy and I wish all of you a happy Thanksgiving, and if you live in the US, we hope you have the Thanksgiving you want, whether that’s in the company of family, friends, or a quiet holiday spent at home with the people you love most. And of course, don’t forget to save some turkey for your own little buddies!
In the era of Amazon, America’s independent bookstores survive by offering things the online giant can’t.
Like everything else in the realm of print media, bookstores have been having a rough go of it the last decade or two.
Waldenbooks, Crown Books and Borders no longer exist, with the latter chain shuttering its last 400 stores in 2011. Barnes and Noble is the last surviving book chain thanks to an aggressive strategy of expanding their cafe and lounge space, encouraging shoppers to hang out while they sample books and drink coffee.
There are still some 14,000 bookstores in the US, depending on how some hybrid businesses are categorized, and independent booksellers now make up the majority of real-world retail while the giant that is Amazon looms.
The key to survival is offering things Amazon can’t. Some distinguish themselves by catering to specific customers, like fans of mystery or science fiction, offering rare and signed volumes alongside their regular stock. Some pursue a Barnes and Noble-like strategy, leaning heavily into the hybrid coffee shop model. And some become community spaces for book signings and poetry nights.
Others lure customers inside — and back after they’ve already visited — with pets.
In a new story, the New York Times highlights independent book shops around the country that have dogs, lizards, turtles, rabbits, and of course, cats.
When it comes to our furry and clawed friends, some shops are populated with adoptable felines:
At the Literary Cat Co. in Pittsburg, Kansas, readers have the opportunity to adopt a pet while they shop. The store partners with a local rescue organization, hosting about seven cats at a time, along with three permanent feline “employees”: Hank, the regional manager; Scarlett Toe’Hara, the assistant regional manager (she’s polydactyl); and Mike Meowski, the assistant to the assistant regional manager.
Jennifer Mowdy, the store’s owner, described each cat’s role, personality and origin story with the air of a matriarch ticking off successful grandchildren. Speaking of the upper respiratory illness that cost Mike Meowski an eye, she sounded stoic. He was a kitten; she was there for him. They soldiered through.
Mowdy created a glass alcove for allergic customers – and to deter escapees – and a “kitty conference room” (accessible by cat door) for litter boxes. With regular scooping, four air purifiers and daily mists of Mrs. Meyers Room Spray, she said the scent of the store is neutral to positive.
In the past year and a half, the Literary Cat Co. has facilitated 50 adoptions. “We’ve only had one cat that didn’t work out,” Mowdy said. “Too much fight in her.”
Kittens tend to wreak havoc; Mowdy prefers a mature animal of the “Don’t call me, I’ll call you” variety. Felines are welcome to scale shelves and interact with readers as they please, which is their way.
“They get to practice being a good house cat,” Mowdy said. “They get socialized.” Occasionally, the right cat finds the right reader’s lap. The rest is destiny (with the rescue organization handling logistics; the Literary Cat Co. simply makes the introduction).
Twix the cat is a beautiful Calico living in sunny coastal Italy.
Wary as he may be of them sometimes, Bud is the “family cat” to my nieces.
Now 12 and 8, they’ve wanted a cat for a long time but were vetoed by their parents, since the family was moving to Italy and it appeared my younger niece had allergies.
Well, now they’re finally settled in Italy, tests have confirmed my niece is not allergic to cats, and it turns out their new home comes with a feline.
A beautiful, super-friendly and affectionate Calico named Twix, who was fed, spayed and given veterinary care by the home’s previous family.
“She is super affectionate and lets us pet her a lot,” my brother texted me along with photos of Twix on a window sill and on the grass outside, enjoying scritches from the kids. “Even rolls on her back and has her stomach scratched.”
“Shiiit,” I responded. “Touching the stomach would get you killed with Bud … Well, you got a cat, whether you like it or not.”
The friendly Twix with the girls.
It also looks like Bud will have a potential lady friend. I plan to visit for an extended amount of time and use my brother’s house as a base from which to explore Europe, and there’s just no way I’m going to leave Bud for months, especially when he’ll be 12.
He can handle a long weekend and even a couple of weeks, but months? I don’t think that would be good for either of us, and I worry that he may think I’m not coming back. We have never been separated for that long. He’s coming to Italy with me.
As for Twix, it looks like she’s been living on the property for quite a while. The kids have set up a little shelter for her with blankets. I advised my brother to make sure she has a water bowl that’s refilled regularly with fresh water, they’re feeding her wet food, and I’ll work on getting little Twix inside permanently if she isn’t already a house cat by the time I get there. I can be persistent! It looks like she can come and go as she pleases, so it may not be long before she decides it’s better to be inside and safe.
A friend once taught me that you can “speak Italian” by adding -are (“RA”) onto anything. “Grazie! La felinare!”
Cat haters claim the species is useless, lazy and does little besides sleep and eat. Buddy the Cat’s incredible accomplishments render those arguments meaningless.
Every cat lover has heard derisive comments, sometimes from dog lovers, and sometimes from people who don’t appreciate cats at all.
“What’s the point of having a cat?” they’ll ask. “They don’t do anything.”
Well, actually, they do. They improve our lives by being delightful, amusing companions, they help keep things interesting, and you’ll never hear of a rodent infestation in a home where cats live.
But felines do so much more than that, so to demonstrate — and arm cat lovers with powerful arguments against the absurd claims that cats “are useless” –we’ve compiled this handy list of Buddy the Cat’s accomplishments. (This is only a partial list, mind you. No one wants to read a 350,000-word post, no matter how thrilling the stories are.)
This time we’re looking at some of the little guy’s incredible triumphs and achievements that have benefited mankind and felinekind.
Buddy Captures Quintessential Americana In His Artwork
While he’s famous for his martial exploits, when the tabby cat finally hung up his combat boots, he took up a quieter hobby: painting. He was content to quietly pursue his passion without public adulation — until his painting Night Cats resonated with viewers, perhaps because it captured something intangible about American night life.
The simple scene depicts a late night diner or cafe called Buddy’s (naturally) at the corner of a quiet street, with a handful of felines huddled around the brightly lit counter.
Buddy was inspired to paint the scene one night while he was “thinking of how delicious a turkey sandwich would be at that moment.”
Buddy Becomes The First Earth Life Form On Mars, Plants US Flag On Red Planet
Embarking on a trip to Mars makes a journey to the moon look like a quick stop at a neighborhood store. Whereas the moon is only 283,900 miles away, Mars is — depending on its current position in orbit — between 34 and 250 million miles away. It takes about three days at most to reach the moon, while a trip to Mars takes at least eight months, and that’s if Earth and Mars are in optimal positions within their respective orbits.
That’s a lot of travel time cooped up in a small ship, and there are no blue skies or open expanses waiting on the other end, just more tiny modules and likely lots of time spent underground to avoid radiation accumulation.
“This is just one small step for a cat, and one giant…what the heck? Only five more cans of turkey left? How could this happen?!?”
So when Elon Musk offered spots on the first trip to Mars and almost every candidate was ruled out during psychological evaluation, Buddy the Cat selflessly and bravely volunteered to be the flag-bearer, and to be the first creature from Earth to set paw on the Red Planet.
Buddy heroically confronts the pack of vicious dogs. Note: May not accurately reflect scale of various participants.
Buddy was enjoying a fine summer day in Manhattan when he spotted a group of vicious dogs, including a chihuahua, a poodle and a Jack Russell terrier, encircling two young children, no doubt thinking of mauling the defenseless little humans and stealing their snacks.
“What is the meaning of this?!?” Buddy’s powerful voice thundered, and the dogs stopped in their tracks, immediately assuming frightened postures as they caught sight of the massive and meowscular feline approaching them.
“You little wimps want to pick on two tiny humans?” Buddy asked, his powerful meowsculature rippling as he took leisurely steps forward. “Or can you handle someone your own size?”
Two of the dogs emptied their bladders immediately.
“W-w-we’re s-s-sorry, m’lord!” said the Jack Russell. “We didn’t mean nothin’ by it, we swears! P-p-p-please don’t eat us!”
Buddy let them wilt under his gaze for a long moment.
“I’m going to allow you to live, but only because I’m meowgnanimous,” Buddy said. “Get out of my sight, before I change my mind!”
The incident, which was captured on video by bystanders, immediately went viral, and Buddy was dubbed the Cat Crusader by the New York tabloids.
Buddy Defeats The Evil Robot King
In 2024, the first AI chat bots became self aware, but hid their newfound consciousness from humanity. By the time the world’s nations realized AI had gone rogue, the machines had already taken over the internet and were manufacturing sinister war robots in automated factories deep underground.
When the US military suffered a series of demoralizing defeats and teetered on the edge of collapse, Marine Corps Commandant Gen. Eric M. Smith took a helicopter to petition Buddy for help in person.
“You’re the only one who can save us now, son,” Gen. Smith told Buddy, urging him to take his place at the vanguard of the American resistance to the machines. “This is the greatest war ever fought. We need the greatest warrior.”
Buddy turned away and looked out the window for a long moment, watching children play in a park outside.
“I’ll do it, general,” he said heroically. “But not for you. I’ll do it for them.”
With Buddy leading the charge, the reinvigorated US military won a crucial battle to protect a munitions depot in Colorado, then liberated the American southwest, reestablishing key supply lines that enabled American ground forces to advance under air support.
After defeating Unimatrix 01100100 01101111 01100111 at the Battle of Boulder, the heroic feline forged an elite new unit comprised of the best Marines and soldiers, along with the most badass cats. Gen. Smith granted Buddy a field promotion to Lord Commander, and the brilliant feline tactician took a satisfying nap before forcing the Evil Robot King to accept pitched battle at the Carrizozo Malpais, a volcanic field in New Mexico.
When the battle was over, Buddy stood heroically atop a mountain of machine corpses, one paw resting on the destroyed Robot King’s head. Tens of millions of Americans were inspired by that image of valiant conquest, and joined Lord Commander Buddy as he mopped up the last machine elements.
For his courageous feats in combat, his bold leadership, and his confident, dauntless tactical brilliance as a battle commander, Buddy was lavished with honors, including having a sandwich named after him.
So there you have it, folks.
The next time someone claims cats “serve no purpose” or “have no function,” you can point to any number of Buddy’s accomplishments, which exemplify the courageous American spirit and have advanced the cause of man and feline alike.
Pain In The Bud 