pets – Page 2 – Pain In The Bud

Naughty Felines: The Cat Chef And The ‘Wake Up And Play With Me’ Technique

A California cat tries her paw at culinary creations, while a video of a void demonstrates the power of feline persistence when it comes to annoying their people into doing their bidding.

Who says cats don’t love their people?

A California cat named Wendy decided to add a little, uh, flavor to her family’s dinner.

When Wendy’s human mom walked back into the kitchen after feeding the family’s dogs, Wendy’s odd behavior prompted her to check an internal camera to see what the tabby was up to.

The footage showed Wendy dropping a dead mouse into the pot.

The foster fail’s humans, however, didn’t appreciate Wendy’s special ingredient.

“As you can guess,” Wendy’s human “mom” told a local TV news station, “it was takeout for dinner that night.”

Wake up, humans!

Anyone who claims cats are oblivious to the people they live with has never really spent much time around the little stinkers.

This void cat knows precisely how to annoy her people to the point where they give up on sleep and get up to feed her:

@oaksoutside
Life without kids is so peaceful and quiet🥰 #childfree #catsoftiktok #dinklife
♬ original sound – Oak🌿🥾🌞

Which is interesting to me because that’s precisely what Bud used to do, with two key differences: 1) He’d raise and slam the flap to his litter box, which had a distinct creak from the joints, 2) He didn’t do it to get food, since he already gets a bowl of dry food and fresh water just before bedtime.

He did it to wake me up so we could hang out and be amigos.

If I succumbed to his assault of annoyingness, he’d give me a “Mrrrrrp!” like he was saying “Right on, dude. Righteous! So I’m gonna lay on your chest with my nose two inches away from yours and just, like, stare at you all creepy-like while you scratch my head, deal?”

I’ve since replaced that litter box with one that also has a cover, but no flap. I regret that decision, because now Bud just stands on my face and shrieks “MRRRRAAAHHH!!! MMMRRRAAAHHH!” into my ear.

I should have known there’s no winning with our feline overlords.

Buddy The Cat Dismounts Couch In Laziest Way Imaginable, Sources Say

Witnesses praised the slothful feline’s dedication to the path of least resistance.

NEW YORK — In a sluggish ballet involving gravity, the malleability of couch cushions and an ironclad commitment to expending minimal effort, Buddy the Cat unburdened the couch of his weight on Saturday.

Sources said the feline signaled his intent to leave the couch with a subtle shift of his weight, applying just enough pressure to angle the cushion downward and allow gravity to assert its tug on his portly frame.

What followed was a 15-minute process sources described as “like watching the last glob of ketchup slide out of a glass bottle.” Yawning with the non-effort, Buddy allowed gravity to shift his bulk millimeter by millimeter until part of his pudgy primordial pouch and one chonky leg dangled over the edge of the cushion.

Buddy pictured shortly before committing to his gravity-assisted dismount.

Within another five minutes the remarkably lazy tabby cat had crossed a gravitational Rubicon and the edge of the cushion gave way, allowing him to drip languidly off the side of the couch and onto the floor.

Shifting his weight just enough to begin the slow process of sliding off the cushion.

Buddy sat up, licked his left paw, then roused himself with a trill and sauntered over to his dining nook to lap up some water.

“It’s a bit like watching paint dry, but I applaud his unwavering commitment to laziness,” said a witness. “This is obviously a cat for whom even the thought of burning a single calorie is deeply offensive.”

Buddy was last seen screeching at his human to fetch him a snack to replenish his “electrolytes and stuff” after his arduous walk to his bowls in the adjacent room.

Buddy using his human’s leg as a pillow.

Meowscular Monday: A New Cat Mayor Wins Office In Somerville, Mass.!

Minerva, a long haired black feline, won on the mysteriously laconic slogan, “CRIME.”

Happy Meowscular Monday! As Little Buddy the Cat says, Monday’s a good day to get ripped with intense exercises like slapping treats out of puzzle feeders and moving from one nap spot to another.

In news from the feline world, a cat named Minerva has been elected mayor of a popular bike path in Somerville, Mass.

The election started as a joke but the idea caught on, the media noticed, and soon people around the world were reading about the race between about 50 pets.

Most candidates were cats, but a few neighbors entered dogs, a parrot and a guinea pig.

Minerva ran on one word: “CRIME”

Minerva’s minimalist campaign posters. Credit:Furrend/X

It’s not clear if the new feline mayor was promising to end it, address it or solicit more of it, but the slogan resonated with voters and Minerva surged ahead of the pack, defeating incumbent mayor Berry the cat and original challenger Orange Cat.

People who live in the area said the election helped make the neighborhood friendlier, fostering connections between humans and pets. We can’t wait to see what Minerva does with crime.

If A Feline Write-In Candidate For New York City Council Actually Wins, What Happens?

A Queens woman is urging voters to support her cat as a write-in candidate for city council District 30 in an attempt to spoil a term-limited councilman’s “cronies” from sailing into office without opposition.

It’s an interesting time for politics in New York, and not just because of a mayoral race in which voters have apparently rejected Republicans and mainstream Democrats.

Over the last several weeks, stickers urging voters to cast their ballots for a house cat for a city council seat have been appearing in a Queens district.

In a story about the write-in campaign, the New York Post devotes most of the ink to political disagreements between Leo the cat’s human and the district’s councilman, Robert Holden. (He’s a moderate Democrat, she doesn’t think he’s progressive enough, but the things they’re arguing over are above the paygrade and influence of a city councilman.)

But the more interesting issue, for us at least, is what happens if Leo rides a wave of populist support and actually wins as a write-in candidate.

When asked what would happen if the nine-year-old feline earns an improbable victory at the polls, a humorless Board of Elections official asked a Post reporter if he was drunk, then told him “we can certainly say that only a human being — specifically a US citizen — can hold elected office in NYC.”

Oh well. It would be amusing if some clever attorney found a loophole to pave the way for a feline councilman, and there isn’t much chance Leo would be less productive than the rest of the council. He might even provide some fresh perspective on how to deal with the city’s eternal rat problem.

‘What Owning A Cat Does To Your Brain’

Positive contact with our furry friends releases happy chemicals for both human servant and feline master, improving their bond.

Happy Cater, uh, unday!

We’ve got no immature cat humor for you today, but I thought PITB readers might be interested in this essay from The Conversation, which despite its ominous title actually goes into some detail about research showing the positive effects of bonding with a cat.

Affection between you and your feline friend results in a burst of oxytocin — the happy brain chemical — for both of you.

But crucially (and here’s where I feel validated for constantly preaching this), your cat enjoys the benefit only if the little one is securely attached and is not forced into interaction.

I’ve said it so many times, I feel like a broken record, especially because the web is saturated with articles that ask “How Can I Make My Cat Like/Love Me?“

And the answer, of course, is that you can’t.

That’s part of what makes cats so awesome. We have to earn their trust and affection, and a major part of that process is respecting our cats’ feelings. That means we let them come to us, we stop petting them when they’ve had enough, and we don’t prevent them from leaving when they decide they want to lay on the couch or the floor instead of our laps.

Cats grant us benefits beyond oxytocin boosts, of course, and the linked article goes into that as well. It’s well worth a read, even if you’re an old pro at cat whispering.

President Buddy: Not Funny!

It’s obvious I model President Buddy’s behavior after a certain someone in addition to dialing his own traits up to 11, but in the wake of recent news, a story I’d written no longer feels funny.

Not because it was offensive, but because satirizing current events just feels inappropriate with all that’s been going on, from our extreme polarization and political violence, to the sad state of global affairs.

At the same time, I spent quite a bit of time making another denomination of Cat Dollars, and since there’s no longer any satirical story for it, I figured I’d share it here.

President Buddy sure does like seeing his portrait everywhere. This time I skipped the powdered wig and gave him a more modern appearance:

Meowster Money and Meowster Delicious are the treasurer and secretary of yums, respectively. A thousand cat bucks is a lot of cans! (Or snacks.)

In the meantime I’ve been working on some designs I hope to turn into t-shirts and possibly other things like prints. They range from a regal-looking lion to a jaguar roaring in the night with a retrofuturistic feel. Watch this space for more details in the near future!