cat stories – Page 20 – Pain In The Bud

UK’s Elusive ‘Big Cats’ Turn Out To Be Buddy Playing Pranks, Police Say

The American feline has also been linked to the appearance of crop circles in several US states.

GLOUCESTERSHIRE, United Kingdom — The alleged phenomena of big cats stalking the forests and outskirts of villages in the UK turned out to be a hoax this week after authorities caught an American feline planting “evidence” near the A40.

The perpetrator, who goes by the names Buddy the Cat, Kinich Bajo, The Buddinese Tiger and several other monikers, was spotted at the edge of the Forest of Dean using a ladder to create claw marks at roughly tiger height, Detective Inspector Alistair Clarke said.

When he realized he’d been made, the gray tabby cat yelled “Oh shit!” then bolted down the ladder and into the forest, Clarke told reporters.

Police called in a K9 unit, which was able to track a trail of crumbs and discarded turkey bones to a clearing where authorities discovered non-toxic black paint, a fog machine and a copy of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1977 docudrama Pumping Iron.

“It’s our belief that the suspect painted himself black, played prerecorded clips of various big cat roars, then posed menacingly amid the fog for the benefit of locals, mostly drunks stumbling out of local pubs,” Clarke said. “Choosing inveterate drunks as his primary witnesses ensured the resulting smartphone camera footage would be grainy, shaky and inconclusive, adding to the legend and mystique of phantom big cats in the countryside.”

Puma pub — Buddy in costume in late 2022, after parading himself in front of a group of heavily intoxicated people leaving a pub. Credit: PITB

Asked by a reporter whether Buddy’s dedication to weightlifting contributed to locals misidentifying him as a big cat, Clarke shook his head.

“We don’t think so, no,” he said. “Despite his apparent obsession with bulking up and the 63 bottles of protein powder we recovered, the suspect remains a tiny little stinker, which is why he carefully revealed himself only to the thoroughly inebriated.”

Buddy the Cat remained in a local lock-up awaiting extradition back to the US. His human told reporters the feline hadn’t said much about his predicament.

“He’s complained loudly about the food and said the British should be thanking him for increasing tourism to southern England, but other than that he’s kept a lid on his thoughts,” Big Buddy said.

Buddy in costume II — Buddy is seen here patrolling the UK countryside after painting himself black, prompting several calls to the police. Credit: PITB

In the meantime, the South Carolina state police forensics division and detectives from several US police departments have been in contact with UK authorities after similarities emerged between the fake big cat sightings and a series of bizarre crop circles in the US.

“We also found turkey bones and crumbs scattered around the crop circles, but at the time our working theory was that we were dealing with aliens who had a taste for turkey,” said one law enforcement official, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Now we believe our cases may be connected to the UK hoax.”

Panther! — “Lads, that’s a panther, innit? A panther, wow!” Credit: PITB

‘Where’s Mine, Dude?’: How My Cat Makes Me Feel Guilty

“I will make you feel guilty, human. Then you will feed me.”

When I adopted Buddy I never thought I’d have such a talkative and friendly cat. Or one who seems to be an expert on human psychology, for that matter.

The little guy has made a habit of following me to the kitchen, even rousing himself from naps the instant he hears the fridge door opening, the rustling of a bag or the clunk of a closing cabinet.

Employing a different strategy than the meow-heavy, “FEED ME NOW!” style he uses at meal time, he sits in the doorway of the kitchen and watches me silently. If I fail to retrieve a snack for him, he doesn’t move.

Last night I’d forgotten to get him something and when I set my cereal bowl down on the coffee table and sank back into the couch, I looked over and saw Bud still sitting in the kitchen doorway, managing to simultaneously look sad and silently incriminating with his big green eyes.

“Where’s mine, dude? Dude, where’s mine?” he seems to say, pouring it on thick. “I thought we did everything together, yet here you are enjoying a snack while your best little Buddy is standing just a few feet away, feeling betrayed as you eat your Frosted Flakes. I guess we weren’t best buddies after all.”

Because I can’t stand that incriminating look and I know the situation will escalate if I don’t act, I dutifully rise from the couch and assume my responsibility as Bud’s faithful human servant, fetching some of his favorite dental treats.

His tail curls into a happy question mark and he trills his happiness.

“Guilty? Betrayed? Ah, all forgotten! Difficulties are dissolved into mere misunderstandings where snacks are concerned, my human friend!”

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe I’m anthropomorphizing the little guy. Or maybe he really is a master of human psychology who can manipulate human emotions with the twist of his paw.

Woman And Her Boyfriend Drive 440 Miles To Adopt Her Late Grandma’s Cat

Felix now lives the life of a city cat in Paris.

If you’re a house cat, your human’s death is just about the worst thing that could happen to you.

Cats are often left to grieve on their own, without any consideration from surviving relatives who may not like animals or cats in particular.

Treated as an afterthought, with no one to comfort or reassure them, those scared cats then endure another trauma when they’re taken from their homes and placed in tiny shelter cages. Depressed and shocked, they’re easily overlooked in shelters.

That’s why it’s heartening to hear about a French woman who drove with her boyfriend from Paris to Cavaillon in southern France to adopt her late grandmother’s beloved cat, Felix. That’s a drive of 708 kilometers — or about 440 miles in the proper ‘Merican measurement of distance — and almost the length of the country.

Adding to the challenge was the fact that Felix had never travelled before, the woman — who posts as @felixthegoateecat — noted.

“My grandmother was the nicest person,” she wrote. “She always fed Felix because she was always afraid he was hungry.”

It’s pretty clear the late grandmother and Felix had a special bond, and her granddaughter understands that.

She wrote about the process of allowing him to adjust to his new people and surroundings, and documented milestones like the first time he made biscuits in his new home.

So far, it looks like Felix is settling in just fine in his new life as a city cat.

Choupette Stays Home, But Jaret Leto Is Her Dead Ringer At Met Gala

The actor went all out, wearing a full fur suit made to look just like the late Karl Lagerfeld’s beloved Burmese cat.

As we suspected, Choupette the cat didn’t attend Monday night’s Met Gala in honor of her late human, Karl Lagerfeld, but the famous feline was there in spirit.

Rapper Doja Cat paid tribute to the famous Burmese with cat ears and a dress inspired by her fluffy white fur, but it was Jared Leto who stole the show in a full cat suit, complete with a heavy-looking headpiece that looks just like Choupette.

Like all cats, Choupette isn’t big on human parties, with Lagerfeld asserting she’s “not a party girl” when he showed up without her to a New York event honoring Tilda Swinton in 2013, despite the feline being listed as the designer’s plus-one.

Jared Leto in his Choupette costume.

Leto momentarily removed the head piece to wave hello to photographers on the red carpet at Monday night’s Met Gala.

Choupette’s more than 12 years old now, so she’s getting up there for a cat, and it makes sense that her caretaker, Lagerfeld’s former housekeeper, decided the famous kitty would be better off staying home in France rather than taking the long flight and possibly being freaked out as the center of attention at a well-attended, noisy party.

It’s entirely possible that Choupette could have run under a piece of furniture and spent the rest of the night hissing at staff tasked with coaxing her out, so declining the invite was a wise call.

Props to Leto for his hilarious and accurate costume, and for being a good sport. The weather here in New York is about 50 degrees tonight, so it’s not warm, but Leto’s costume still looks stifling.

If you’re into this sort of thing, you can see the rest of the celebrities in their outfits here. There was some blowback prior to the event, and the Washington Post ran an article detailing Lagerfeld’s “problematic” (oh how I hate that word) past, meaning about half a dozen off-color comments he made in almost a half century in the public eye.

A group of young fashion world regulars who are affiliated with the gala sat out this year, saying the act of honoring Lagerfeld was “exclusionary,” which I found hilarious. High fashion and haute couture are by their nature exclusionary, and the Met Gala is perhaps the most exclusive of parties. Tickets are $50,000 apiece, attendance is invitation-only, and the guest list is comprised only of people Vogue editor Anna Wintour considers “fabulous” enough to be in her presence.

There is no such thing as diversity or inclusion in an event like the Met Gala or in the fashion world, so they might as well be honest and own it. Maybe next year they can adopt a Zoolander theme and show the world the fashion world can have a sense of humor and poke fun at itself.

But despite all the absurdity, we can’t help liking Choupette, and Lagerfeld’s story of falling in love with the cuddly kitty late in life after never imagining he’d have a cat, let alone dote on her like a beloved child.

The Fashion World’s Excesses Aside, Choupette’s Story Is About A Man Discovering His Love Of Cats

Lagerfeld had no love for cats before he was asked to cat sit for Choupette. The experience changed him for the better.

I imagine I would have had very little in common with Karl Lagerfeld, yet there’s one thing that makes us kindred spirits.

Neither of us expected to have a fondness for cats and were blindsided with love for a furry friend.

For Lagerfeld, the revelatory moment came when he reluctantly agreed to cat-sit for a model friend who was going out of the country for a shoot. When the friend returned after two weeks and saw how Lagerfeld was enamored with Choupette — and how mellowed out he was with her — he decided to let the designer keep the cream-coated Burmese kitty.

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Evangelista Choupette Vogue cover

Choupette brought the normally reserved German out of his shell and she became his favorite muse, appearing on the covers of fashion magazines in the arms of the world’s most famous supermodels.

“My love for little furballs came to me quite late,” Lagerfeld told an interviewer in 2016. “I had dogs before in my life, but that was when I lived in the countryside. In Paris, as in all big cities, it’s always a bit complicated. As you can imagine, I can no longer afford to walk a dog down the street without it bordering on a riot. And then a dog is far from clean and spotless, and when it rains, it smells of dead rats. I had two friends who owned a cat, and they always did loads of them in the overflowing kind of affection, so much so that I found it frankly ridiculous. Well, now I’m much worse.”

“I never thought I would fall in love like this with a cat,” the designer added.

Like Lagerfeld, the cat enthusiasts I knew mostly took their love for felines to absurd levels. My friend Dave grew up in a house that was home to between 10 and 12 cats at any particular time. I had to dose on antihistamines just to enter the damn house and often had to leave, nose congested and eyes bloodshot, before things got worse. Another childhood friend had as many as 10 cats at any particular time.

To me, cats were annoying, inscrutable animals who climbed on everything with impunity and made me very sick.

It wasn’t until the latter friend moved in with his girlfriend and their cat count was reduced to a manageable two that I realized I could interact with cats without getting sick — and I actually liked the little stinkers.

Like Lagerfeld, sometimes I look at what my life has become and think, “What the hell am I doing here?”

But of course there’s nothing wrong with being a man who has a cat, and Bud has been a hugely positive part of my life, providing daily amusement, refusing to leave my side when I’m sick, making sure I get out of bed when I don’t want to because He Must Be Fed, and in general being my best buddy.

I adopted Bud at a difficult time in life and taking care of him, being responsible for an innocent life, kept me from sinking into an even deeper funk. He has destroyed my favorite guitar, half my t-shirts have little claw holes in them, he wakes me up nightly simply because he wants to snuggle and he’s an absolute terror when it comes to swiping things off every flat surface in the apartment.

But I would not change a hair on his head. I’m incredibly grateful for the little guy.

As buzz around Choupette builds now that it’s confirmed she’ll play a central role in this year’s Met Gala — which will honor her late human, Lagerfeld — we’ll see a lot of photos of Choupette amid the excesses of the fashion world.

Choupette on a private jet. Choupette eating food prepared for her by her own chef. Choupette laying on a bed while Kim Kardashian makes duck lips and poses with her. Choupette with Anna Wintour, the infamous queen bee of fashion who is perhaps the most outlandish symbol of that world’s excess.

But it helps to remember Choupette was first and foremost a beloved pet, and she’s a cat. She doesn’t know who Kim Kardashian is and she doesn’t care. She certainly isn’t impressed by the opulence around her, which is the product of humans projecting their ideas onto her. Replace her custom-made silver bowls with a $15 stainless steel set from PetSmart and she won’t be phased.

And I’m pretty sure that when she does participate in the Met Gala, she’ll rather be at home, snuggling up in her favorite blanket, belly full of yums and settling down for a nice nap instead of being fussed over by a group of people who look like aliens in a Star Wars cantina.

In fact, Choupette famously refused to leave Lagerfeld’s hotel room despite being listed as his plus-one for a New York event honoring Tilda Swinton in 2013. “Choupette is not a party girl,” Lagerfeld said at the time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take Buddy to a tuxedo fitting and refine my plans to have him “bump into” Choupette, so he can turn on the charm, sweep her off her paws and become the very wealthy Mr. Choupette.