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Merry Christmas! Is Buddy Too Fat To Fit In His New Tiny Tent?

Bud wishes everyone a very delicious Christmas.

This year, Santa brought something really awesome for Little Buddy!

No, not a Roomba. A TinyTent! A beautiful, dark blue tiny tent with equally tiny mesh windows and and a tiny rain fly.

I put it together and called Bud over.

“Look, Bud!”

He meowed, tail up, clearly interested. But he didn’t go inside, so I got a few of his favorite treats and tossed them in there.

Bud padded over, stuck his head and front paws in the tent…and I realized he may be too fat for his TinyTent.

Bud's TinyTent
“TinyTent for Buddy?!

I need to get him in there. After all, the entire point was to put it on my desk and establish a clear Buddy Spot, a place where he can be right next to me and lounge comfortably without sitting in front of my monitor or on the keyboard.

He will fit. Cats are liquid, after all, and love a good snug spot. I just have to wait until the tent floor settles a bit and maybe add an old t-shirt.

Then Bud will have his Buddy Spot, so he can be cozy and remain within one foot of me while allowing me to write. (Yeah right.)

And if not…it’s diet time, fat boy! For both of us.

Special thanks to my nieces, who gifted Buddy his TinyTent. They remain the only two humans in the world Bud is terrified of, and I feel bad they can’t play with him much, but they love him.

In other Christmas gift news, my mom gave me this mug “from Bud,” and, well, it’s almost embarrassingly, uncannily accurate, and the image is not custom-made:

mug
What?!

I mean, that’s a gray tabby, but it’s also his precise coloring, and the black t-shirt, red-brown hair and man bun are all me. (We’ll pause so you can laugh at me for the bun. It never would have happened if COVID didn’t shut down barbershops for an entire year and I didn’t watch Vikings during the pandemic, thinking “That Ragnar Lothbrok has cool hair! I wanna be a viking!”)

As for the rest of Christmas, I am spending it with family and I hope you are too, friends. I know some people feel they need to drink just to tolerate relatives, but I have always been grateful that my family is boringly normal. No fights, no arguments, and we’ve all agreed not to talk politics.

I hope your gatherings are similarly uneventful and you get to enjoy the holidays and your families.

pitbchristmas2022

And now we leave you with a lively and festive number from Buddy the Cat’s Christmas songbook, originally published in 2022. It’s meant to be sung to the Tony Bennett version of My Favorite Things, a true classic!

Buddy’s Favorite Things

Temps in my bowlses and snacks in the kitchen
Taunting the street cats and smacking some kittens
Leaving the neighbor’s dog tied up in strings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Bubble wrap, peanuts and UPS boxes
4 a.m. zooms when I scream like a rocket
Waking my human with songs that I sing
These are a few of my favorite things!

At nail clip time, things I dislike
When I’m really mad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!

Calico booties and slices of Gouda
Ambushing like I’ve been launched by bazooka
No consequences ’cause I am the king!
These are a few of my favorite things!

Screeching in anguish at doors closed between us
Shattering Wise Men and statues of Jesus
I helped myself to the buffalo wings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Meow at my bowl as if I’ve been forgotten
Screeching in panic ’cause I see the bottom
Gorging on kibble till I am puking
These are a few of my favorite things!

When I’m told no, ’cause I broke those
When my dad is mad
I’ll get away with my favorite things
Because I’m a real cute cat!

Festivus 2024: Little Bud’s Got A Lot Of Problems With You People!

On Dec. 23, it’s a Festivus for the Rest of Us.

It’s that time of year when we celebrate a Festivus for the Rest of Us!

As seasoned Festivus pros know, the holiday falls on Dec. 23 and eschews the commercialism that’s taken over the season. Instead of a tree or a menorah, Festivus decorating consists of a single unadorned pole. In the words of founder Frank Costanza: “I find tinsel distracting.”

At the Festivus gathering, family and friends get together for a meal, which ends with the Airing of Grievances, in which you tell your loved ones all the ways they’ve disappointed you over the past year.

“I’ve got a lot of problems with you people,” Frank Costanza said during Festivus 1997, “and now you’re gonna hear about it!”

So we’ll hand it over to Little Bud for his grievances:

To Big Buddy: Ten Christmases! Ten, and still no Roomba! You, sir, are a man of empty promises and crushed dreams. Year after year I made my Christmas list, and I remind you of all the ways I’ve been a good boy. I don’t go on the counter tops, ever. I leave the Christmas tree alone. And when I smack you in the face to wake you up, I don’t smack you too hard. What else do I need to do?

The Pirates of Somalia: I thought we had something, guys! Aye, some of me best memories are of sailing the high seas with me mates, looking for plunder on cargo and cruise ships.  I didn’t even get a Christmas card from you this year!

Festive Bud

The Jaguars of Amazonia: You guys are my true homies! You welcomed me with open paws. We hunted together, we napped together, we took ayahuasca and ran around the jungle hallucinating giant turkeys. You even made me an honorary jaguar and named me Kinich Bajo, or “Tiny sun-eyed one.”  And you sure do know how to provide muscle! Every cat and dog for 15 miles is scared of me because I roll with you. I love you guys!

The Tigers of the Bronx Zoo: I offered a paw in friendship, and what did you do? You let one of your females abduct me and take me back to her cave, where she treated me like one of her cubs and bathed me in her saliva. It was horrible! Do you know how many actual baths it took to get rid of the stink? I still have PTSD!

The Readers of PITB: Maybe I’m mistaken, but it feels like you don’t tell me how charming and awesome I am as much as you used to.

Smudge from Apartment 1S: You, sir, are pushing your luck. This floor isn’t big enough for the two of us, and at some point there’s going to be a reckoning. You should be really scared.

With Bird Flu Spreading, It’s Probably A Good Idea To Keep Your Cats Inside

So far there are no cases of cats infecting humans, but a new study published Tuesday warns the virus easily mutates in infected felines.

Health officials have identified at least five cases of domestic cats infected with H5 bird flu in California, and they’re warning of multiple vectors of transmission now that both outdoor and indoor cats have been infected.

Two cats were infected after drinking raw milk from a dairy farm in Fresno, California, according to the Los Angeles Department of Public Health. That’s also how a dozen barn cats died in April after drinking raw milk from infected cows on a Texas dairy farm, the CDC said.

But three other cats who tested positive for bird flu were indoor-only, lived in the same home, and did not consume raw milk, authorities said. They’re looking into the possibility that the felines were infected through raw meat or by hunting mice.

So now it’s not only confirmed that cats are vulnerable to highly pathogenic avian influenza, or HPAI H5N1, but that they can be infected in different ways.

To be clear, it’s not a cause for panic and it doesn’t mean people should isolate from their cats, but it does mean we should be smart and considerate when it comes to protecting our pets and reducing the possibility that they can be infected.

Because millions of felines live with humans, the fear is that they can pass the virus onto us. So far there have been no confirmed cases, but a study published on Tuesday confirmed that the virus can easily mutate in cats. That means the more domestic cats are infected, the greater chance the virus mutates in a way that allows it to “bridge” to humans.

At least two people — one in Wisconsin and one in Louisiana — have tested positive for the virus and were hospitalized this week. One worked on a farm and the other may have consumed raw milk. In the meantime, health officials are monitoring the people whose three cats were infected, and they’re urging people to take precautions.

“To avoid the spread of disease, including H5 bird flu, we strongly encourage residents and their pets to avoid raw dairy and undercooked meat products, limit contact with sick or dead animals, report sick or dead birds, and keep pets or poultry away from wild animals and birds,” said Dr. Barbara Ferrer, director of the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health.

WANTED: Competint Mignons 2 Serv Awsum Cat!

As Buddy’s mignons, you will execute his will across multiple platforms, ensure that client needs are met, and help maintain a company-wide culture of feline supremacy over humans, dogs and other lesser animals.

buddysmignons

Are you a dog who can follow directions? Are you a fellow cat who may be timid and needs a strong leader to rally behind?

You’re in luck!

Buddy the Cat is looking for mignons to help execute his fiendishly brilliant plans for world domination!

We offer a competitive benefits package including paid nap time!

Positions:

  • Palanquin carrier (4, possibly might need 6 after holidays)
  • Chef
  • Human wrangler
  • Cat burglar (a burglar who is a cat, not a burglar of cats)
  • Groomers
  • Meowscle (bouncers)
  • Meowscle (bodyguards)
  • Consiglieri
  • Tigers (4) to be my warlords
  • Chariot-maker
  • Kittens to serve as lookouts
  • Architect to build a really awesome secret lair! (Also, a cool throne)

Once we have our secret lair, we can begin plotting to take over the world! Muahahahaha!*

(*) Battles of conquest and meetings about ruling the planet are scheduled around nap times.

Tigers Make A Triumphant Return To Russia’s Far East, Bringing Hope To The Species’ Future

For the first time, humans have successfully returned orphaned tiger cubs to the wild after raising them and training them to hunt.

For more than 50 years, tigers were absent from Russia’s Pri-Amur region.

Sparsely-populated, mountainous and blanketed in forest, the domain borders the heart of the Russian Far East, offering hundreds of thousands of contiguous square miles for the most robust sub-species of Earth’s most magnificent predator.

Here, tigers can roam without fear of conflict with local farmers, or roads that carve up habitat and pose a danger to animals trying to cross. Prey is abundant, and adaptations for surviving in the local terrain are coded into the tigers’ DNA.

Now that scientists have proven for the first time that tigers can be successfully reintroduced into such an environment, big cat advocates imagine Russia’s Far East as a haven for the large felids. It’s a place where tigers can thrive, mate, reproduce and change the outlook for their species, which has dwindled to only 4,000 or so remaining in the wild.

tigers in nature
Credit: Leon Aschemann/Pexels

The project to reintroduce Amur tigers to their native habitat is a cooperative Russian-American endeavor. The team started by building a tiger conservation center in the Amur oblast a decade ago.

The facility is built in a way that orphaned tigers can be raised and taught how to hunt without directly interacting with their human caretakers. That’s a crucial component, because tigers who see humans as potentially friendly or sources of food have drastically reduced chances of surviving in the wild, and are easier marks for poachers.

After 18 months, the cubs are brought to remote locations in Pri-Amur and released. Of the first group of orphan tigers released into the wild, 12 were able to survive on their own.

One gluttonous tiger failed: he crossed over the border into China and began eating domesticated animals, including 13 goats in what researchers called “a single event.”

The fattened tiger then retraced his steps to Pri-Amur, and when he didn’t show fear of humans, the team decided he had to go. They captured him and sent him to a zoo, where he gets all the free meals he wants and contributes to the captive breeding program helping his species maintain genetic diversity.

With 12 out of 13 tiger re-introductions successful, the program provides “a pathway for returning tigers to large parts of Asia where habitat still exists but where tigers have been lost,” said Viatcheslav V. Rozhnov, who leads the reintroduction project.

tiger
Amur tigers are the largest cats on Earth. They’ve evolved to survive in regions where winters can be brutally cold and snowy, but they also thrive in spring and summer when the snows melt and prey is abundant. Credit: Pexels

The successful reintroduction has also led to some surprising developments. Two of the cubs, Boris and Svetlaya, were unrelated but were rescued at about the same time and raised in the Russian orphanage for their species.

Using tracking devices they’d placed on the newly-released young tigers, the research team watched as Svetlaya settled into a home range and Boris made a beeline for her, “almost in a straight line,” crossing 200km (120 miles) of terrain to reunite.

The team’s hopes were confirmed six months later, when Svetlaya gave birth to a healthy litter of cubs, the first natural-born tigers to result from the reintroduction project.

Another tigress, Zolushka, also gave birth to a healthy litter when she was reintroduced in an area closer to a still-extant population of Amur tigers. The researchers believe the father was born wild in the region and was not part of the reintroduction program.

The wilderness in Pri-Amur and its environs is so vast, untouched and undesirable to human habitation that it could be home to generations of tigers, securing their future after so many decades of grim news for the iconic big cats.

“The grand vision is that this whole area would be connected,” Luke Hunter, executive director of the Wildlife Conservation Society’s Big Cats Program. “There’s lots of habitat that could be recolonized by tigers.”