thebigbuddy

‘The Sexiest Beast Of Them All’: Buddy The Cat Joins OnlyFans!

Health authorities said thousands of female cats around the world fainted when they heard the news that Buddy the Cat is launching his very own OnlyFans.

After resisting calls from his admirers for years, Buddy the Cat has finally joined OnlyFans.

“It’s a dream come true,” said Nala, 5, a Burmese who describes herself as “Buddy’s biggest fan.”

Other felines posted celebratory messages online after the news broke, with most expressing an intent to subscribe to Buddy’s OnlyFans “no matter how much he charges.”

“A dollar a month, ten bucks a month, a hundred bucks a month, it doesn’t matter. It’s worth it,” said Penny, a puma who said she has posters of Buddy in her enclosure at a wildlife sanctuary. “Buddy is the sexiest beast of them all.”

Buddy the Cat, a gray tabby cat, being handsome. — A sizzling snap of Buddy being sizzling for his new OnlyFans site.

Buddy’s new OnlyFans site promises “sizzling snaps of Buddy napping,” “hot photos of him yawning and stretching,” and regular videos of the mercurial tabby being handsome.

“Finally, my fans can get more Buddy without having to read that stupid blog my human writes,” Buddy wrote in his announcement. “It’s full of ridiculous slander, vile lies and claims that I’m wimpy when everyone knows I’m, like, brave and stuff.”

As of Friday, the new site featured a handful of clearly photoshopped images of the gray tabby with bulging muscles as he lifted weights, and a poorly produced video depicting the diminutive feline “ambushing” a stuffed alligator, with the sounds of a jaguar dubbed into the footage.

“Just catching me some lunch!” Buddy captioned the clip. “Us apex predators don’t eat from a can, we hunt our own meals.”

A gray tabby cat sits in a cardboard box. — Buddy the Cat poses in a box, striking a handsome pose as he gazes yonder.

There was no sign that questions about the veracity of the images bothered the egotistical feline’s admirers.

“OMG ADORBZ!” commenter princess2017 wrote.

“My handsome little prince!” wrote another poster, LioNeSS, who also added several heart and turkey emojis.

Soon after Buddy’s OnlyFans launch, it was announced that Smudge, his arch-nemesis, signed a deal to create a show about his life for Netflix. Titled “Smudge: New York’s Most Heroic Cat,” the series will “follow Smudge as he fights for truth and justice against the evil Dubby the Cat, a chubby gray tabby with an inflated ego.”

Bird Flu Kills 20 Big Cats At US Sanctuary And Prompts Pet Food Recall

Cats of all kinds are at risk of avian flu infection if they hunt birds outdoors, consume raw meat or drink unpasteurized milk.

In a tragedy that underscores how vulnerable cats of all types are to bird flu, more than half the big cats residing at a sanctuary in Washington were killed by the virus in less than a month.

Twenty cats in total died at the Wild Felid Advocacy Center, including five servals, four bobcats, two Canada lynx and a Bengal tiger.

Only 17 cats are left at the sanctuary, according to its operators.

Mark Matthews, the sanctuary director, called the H5N1 avian influenza a “wicked virus” that killed the cats in his organization’s care within 24 hours of each animal contracting it.

“We’ve never had anything like this,” Matthews said, adding that he and his staff are accustomed to cats in their care dying of old age after living long, happy lives.

In California, Gov. Gavin Newsom declared a state of emergency on Dec. 18 after infected birds were found at more than two thirds of the state’s dairy producers.

cows in barn — California’s dairy industry has been hit hard by the spread of bird flu, with more than half the state’s dairy producers impacted. Credit: Ralf R/Pexels

As of Dec. 26, bird flu had infected 65 Americans, the majority in California.

And the virus has now resulted in its first pet food recall, with Northwest Naturals pulling its turkey recipe “raw diet” food. A cat in Oregon died after consuming the food, according to the Oregon Agriculture Department.

As we noted in our earlier post about the variant of avian influenza, there’s no reason to panic. Even if you live on the west coast, the chances of your cats being infected are small.

But it’s probably a good idea to make sure your cats remain indoors, as health authorities warn cats can contract the virus directly by catching and eating birds. In one case, health officials believe three indoor cats may have caught the virus after killing mice in their home.

In addition, the American Veterinary Medical Association advises caretakers to avoid giving their cats milk, which they should not be drinking anyway, and raw meat. Domestic cats are generally lactose intolerant, and while cats can be infected with bird flu by eating raw poultry, they can also contract the virus by eating raw meat from other animals.

Merry Christmas! Is Buddy Too Fat To Fit In His New Tiny Tent?

Bud wishes everyone a very delicious Christmas.

This year, Santa brought something really awesome for Little Buddy!

No, not a Roomba. A TinyTent! A beautiful, dark blue tiny tent with equally tiny mesh windows and and a tiny rain fly.

I put it together and called Bud over.

“Look, Bud!”

He meowed, tail up, clearly interested. But he didn’t go inside, so I got a few of his favorite treats and tossed them in there.

Bud padded over, stuck his head and front paws in the tent…and I realized he may be too fat for his TinyTent.

I need to get him in there. After all, the entire point was to put it on my desk and establish a clear Buddy Spot, a place where he can be right next to me and lounge comfortably without sitting in front of my monitor or on the keyboard.

He will fit. Cats are liquid, after all, and love a good snug spot. I just have to wait until the tent floor settles a bit and maybe add an old t-shirt.

Then Bud will have his Buddy Spot, so he can be cozy and remain within one foot of me while allowing me to write. (Yeah right.)

And if not…it’s diet time, fat boy! For both of us.

Special thanks to my nieces, who gifted Buddy his TinyTent. They remain the only two humans in the world Bud is terrified of, and I feel bad they can’t play with him much, but they love him.

In other Christmas gift news, my mom gave me this mug “from Bud,” and, well, it’s almost embarrassingly, uncannily accurate, and the image is not custom-made:

I mean, that’s a gray tabby, but it’s also his precise coloring, and the black t-shirt, red-brown hair and man bun are all me. (We’ll pause so you can laugh at me for the bun. It never would have happened if COVID didn’t shut down barbershops for an entire year and I didn’t watch Vikings during the pandemic, thinking “That Ragnar Lothbrok has cool hair! I wanna be a viking!”)

As for the rest of Christmas, I am spending it with family and I hope you are too, friends. I know some people feel they need to drink just to tolerate relatives, but I have always been grateful that my family is boringly normal. No fights, no arguments, and we’ve all agreed not to talk politics.

I hope your gatherings are similarly uneventful and you get to enjoy the holidays and your families.

And now we leave you with a lively and festive number from Buddy the Cat’s Christmas songbook, originally published in 2022. It’s meant to be sung to the Tony Bennett version of My Favorite Things, a true classic!

Buddy’s Favorite Things

Temps in my bowlses and snacks in the kitchen
Taunting the street cats and smacking some kittens
Leaving the neighbor’s dog tied up in strings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Bubble wrap, peanuts and UPS boxes
4 a.m. zooms when I scream like a rocket
Waking my human with songs that I sing
These are a few of my favorite things!

At nail clip time, things I dislike
When I’m really mad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!

Calico booties and slices of Gouda
Ambushing like I’ve been launched by bazooka
No consequences ’cause I am the king!
These are a few of my favorite things!

Screeching in anguish at doors closed between us
Shattering Wise Men and statues of Jesus
I helped myself to the buffalo wings
These are a few of my favorite things!

Meow at my bowl as if I’ve been forgotten
Screeching in panic ’cause I see the bottom
Gorging on kibble till I am puking
These are a few of my favorite things!

When I’m told no, ’cause I broke those
When my dad is mad
I’ll get away with my favorite things
Because I’m a real cute cat!

Festivus 2024: Little Bud’s Got A Lot Of Problems With You People!

On Dec. 23, it’s a Festivus for the Rest of Us.

It’s that time of year when we celebrate a Festivus for the Rest of Us!

As seasoned Festivus pros know, the holiday falls on Dec. 23 and eschews the commercialism that’s taken over the season. Instead of a tree or a menorah, Festivus decorating consists of a single unadorned pole. In the words of founder Frank Costanza: “I find tinsel distracting.”

At the Festivus gathering, family and friends get together for a meal, which ends with the Airing of Grievances, in which you tell your loved ones all the ways they’ve disappointed you over the past year.

“I’ve got a lot of problems with you people,” Frank Costanza said during Festivus 1997, “and now you’re gonna hear about it!”

So we’ll hand it over to Little Bud for his grievances:

To Big Buddy: Ten Christmases! Ten, and still no Roomba! You, sir, are a man of empty promises and crushed dreams. Year after year I made my Christmas list, and I remind you of all the ways I’ve been a good boy. I don’t go on the counter tops, ever. I leave the Christmas tree alone. And when I smack you in the face to wake you up, I don’t smack you too hard. What else do I need to do?

The Pirates of Somalia: I thought we had something, guys! Aye, some of me best memories are of sailing the high seas with me mates, looking for plunder on cargo and cruise ships. I didn’t even get a Christmas card from you this year!

The Jaguars of Amazonia: You guys are my true homies! You welcomed me with open paws. We hunted together, we napped together, we took ayahuasca and ran around the jungle hallucinating giant turkeys. You even made me an honorary jaguar and named me Kinich Bajo, or “Tiny sun-eyed one.” And you sure do know how to provide muscle! Every cat and dog for 15 miles is scared of me because I roll with you. I love you guys!

The Tigers of the Bronx Zoo: I offered a paw in friendship, and what did you do? You let one of your females abduct me and take me back to her cave, where she treated me like one of her cubs and bathed me in her saliva. It was horrible! Do you know how many actual baths it took to get rid of the stink? I still have PTSD!

The Readers of PITB: Maybe I’m mistaken, but it feels like you don’t tell me how charming and awesome I am as much as you used to.

Smudge from Apartment 1S: You, sir, are pushing your luck. This floor isn’t big enough for the two of us, and at some point there’s going to be a reckoning. You should be really scared.

With Bird Flu Spreading, It’s Probably A Good Idea To Keep Your Cats Inside

So far there are no cases of cats infecting humans, but a new study published Tuesday warns the virus easily mutates in infected felines.

Health officials have identified at least five cases of domestic cats infected with H5 bird flu in California, and they’re warning of multiple vectors of transmission now that both outdoor and indoor cats have been infected.

Two cats were infected after drinking raw milk from a dairy farm in Fresno, California, according to the Los Angeles Department of Public Health. That’s also how a dozen barn cats died in April after drinking raw milk from infected cows on a Texas dairy farm, the CDC said.

But three other cats who tested positive for bird flu were indoor-only, lived in the same home, and did not consume raw milk, authorities said. They’re looking into the possibility that the felines were infected through raw meat or by hunting mice.

So now it’s not only confirmed that cats are vulnerable to highly pathogenic avian influenza, or HPAI H5N1, but that they can be infected in different ways.

To be clear, it’s not a cause for panic and it doesn’t mean people should isolate from their cats, but it does mean we should be smart and considerate when it comes to protecting our pets and reducing the possibility that they can be infected.

Because millions of felines live with humans, the fear is that they can pass the virus onto us. So far there have been no confirmed cases, but a study published on Tuesday confirmed that the virus can easily mutate in cats. That means the more domestic cats are infected, the greater chance the virus mutates in a way that allows it to “bridge” to humans.

At least two people — one in Wisconsin and one in Louisiana — have tested positive for the virus and were hospitalized this week. One worked on a farm and the other may have consumed raw milk. In the meantime, health officials are monitoring the people whose three cats were infected, and they’re urging people to take precautions.

“To avoid the spread of disease, including H5 bird flu, we strongly encourage residents and their pets to avoid raw dairy and undercooked meat products, limit contact with sick or dead animals, report sick or dead birds, and keep pets or poultry away from wild animals and birds,” said Dr. Barbara Ferrer, director of the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health.