Feline Weirdness – Page 5 – Pain In The Bud

Cat On The Street: What Do You Think About The New Discovery In Egypt?

The intact sarcophagus, which is covered in etchings and hieroglyphs, occupied a hidden room buried beneath the sand for more than 3,000 years. What do cats think of this important discovery?

In what archaeologists are calling a “dream discovery,” a team digging in the sands of the Saqqara necropolis south of Cairo found a tomb with a hidden room containing an intact, 3,200-year-old sarcophagus covered in hieroglyphs. The tomb was the burial site of a high-ranking official, the kingdom’s treasurer, who served the celebrated and long-ruling Pharaoh Ramesses II.

What do you think about this important discovery?

“Did you know Ramesses II not only conquered part of Syria and annexed territory from the Hittite empire, but he also defeated an army of pirates? I dabble in archaeology when I get bored watching birds outside the window.” – Hester, 8, house panther

“That rogue Carter thinks he can outdo me with this sarcophagus nonsense? Everyone knows I am the superior archaeologist!” – Mortimer Augustus Furfellow, 13, professor emeritus

“Wow, this Egypt place is a HUGE litterbox! Litter as far as the eye can see!” – Sammy, 5, box enthusiast

“Put it back! Seal it up! What’s wrong with you people, haven’t you seen The Mummy?!” – Nervous Norman, 10, overgroomer

“CHECK IT OUT, MY TONGUE HAS LITTLE SWORDS ON IT! EN GARDE!” – Gingerbread, 10 months, biologist kitten

“That was more than 2,700 years before the discovery of the New World and its most valuable resource, turkey. Pity the ancient Egyptians, for they never tasted the glorious bird.” – Angel, 3, foodie

Cat On The Street: How Can Humans Better Serve Their Feline Overlords?

How can homo sapiens improve in their capacity as honored servants to felinekind?

Humans have proved their species’ worth over the years by serving us faithfully and completely, but there’s always room for improvement!

How can humans better serve us?

“Why not hire a bard to write and sing glorious songs celebrating my conquests and my many meowgnificent qualities?” – Lord Fluffybutt 1, Warden of the West

“They can bend the knee! No, I mean like actually bend the knee. The lack of bowing and scraping around here is appalling.” – King Komet, 9, magnanimous ruler

“YOU SEE HOW MY HUMAN’S TOES MOCK ME? SEE HOW THEY WIGGLE AS THE HUMAN SNORES? I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I DEFEAT THE FEET!” – Count Clawmore, 7 months, kitten lord

“All I want is a catio, a new condo, free access to catnip, massages on demand and meals when I meow for them. Is that too much to ask?” – Duke Davy, 14, senior statescat

“It would be helpful if my human never left the house, so she’s always around to serve me. What do humans need to go outside for anyway?” – Queen Arya, 6, dynastic monarch

“Sleeping on my servant is very comfy, but I don’t like how his chest rises and falls while he’s breathing. He needs to stop doing that, it’s annoying.” – Caesar the Imperator, 10, conqueror

And Now The Very Rev. Buddy The Cat Shall Lead Us In Prayer…

Buddy’s a weirdo, so naturally he engages in one of the rarest and most mystifying feline behaviors.

I’ve been working on a story about a very odd, unexplained cat behavior — cats who appear to be “begging” or “praying.”

Aside from a handful of videos of cats engaging in the behavior, which seems to be very rare, there’s nothing on the web that really explains what it is or why cats engage in it.

I’ve reached out to cat behavior experts and veterinarians to get their take, and the story’s coming along, but in the meantime I wanted to share a very short video of Buddy “praying,” which I finally managed to get after many times being too slow on the trigger, not getting my phone out and recording in time to capture it. (I did manage to get some still shots some time ago in error, after I thought I’d pressed the video button. Another fail. 😂)

Unlike the kitties in the videos below, Buddy doesn’t “pray” or “beg” in any predictable way, and there’s nothing to indicate he’s going to do it. But finally, I caught him in time!

Here are some other videos in cats engaging in the behavior:

I’ve got no hard date for the story yet, as I’m trying to get as many perspectives as I can, but I do have my own theories on why cats “pray” and what the motion might signal. The Very. Rev. Buddy and I will keep you posted!

Buddy: ‘It Wasn’t Me!’

Cats don’t accept blame, George Carlin once observed. Even when you catch them red-handed.

A few nights ago I was watching the Yankees lose when Buddy jumped on the coffee table, settled into a loaf position and started doing what he does best — knocking things onto the floor.

Usually it’s remote controls, water bottles, my phone. Usually he has the good sense not to knock over glasses with liquid in them, or plates of food. But not always.

Bud turned, looked me in the eye, meowed and proceeded to swipe a tub of wasabi peas (just the like one pictured above) off the table. The package hit the ground and popped open, spilling the peas and their powdered wasabi coating all over the floor.

buddyaliens — “They came down in a big spaceship, and they said ‘Buddy, we’re gonna spill your human’s snacks and then blame it on you!’ And I said ‘No, aliens! Not on my watch!’ But they distracted me with turkey…”

Bud looked at me, trilled, then took off, perhaps put off by the scent of the wasabi.

A few seconds later he returned as I was sweeping them up, trilled again, and looked at me like “What happened, dude? Someone knocked over your wasabi peas? That’s terrible!”

If he could speak — you know, besides his incessant trilling and meowing — the conversation would probably go something like this:

“It was you! You did it!”

“No I didn’t.”

“I watched you do it! You made eye contact with me as you casually slapped them off the coffee table!”

“You’re mistaken. Perhaps it was another cat who looks like me.”

“You’re the only cat who lives here!”

“Then it was a chalupacabra.”

“You mean a chupacabra? Those don’t actually exist, you know. Have you ever heard of Occam’s Razor?”

“Aliens, then. Yeah. Probably aliens. I keep trying to tell you, aliens are responsible for those hairballs. Remember the time you found puke in the bed? That was aliens too. I told them ‘Be gone, aliens! You’re not welcome here!’ but they just can’t help themselves….”

As George Carlin said, “Cats don’t accept blame.” Even when they do things right in front of you, apparently.

If Cats Sounded Like Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Get to the choppah! Fill my bowl!” Cats and Arnold Schwarzenegger are a ridiculous and lulzy combination.

There’s so much negative and stressful nonsense online that occasionally something will come along and remind us that the internet can also be a platform for fantastic human creativity, silliness and hilarity.

If this isn’t one of those things, I don’t know what is. Some genius dreamed up the idea of cats sounding like Arnold Schwarzenegger instead of the meows we all know and (mostly) love. It’s glorious:

I love every ridiculous second of it, from the Schwarzeneggerian grunts to the insane babbling of the trio of cats watching birds from a windowsill, to the cat who looks at his human and says: “Come on! Come on! Do eeeit! Come on! We’ve got to go!”

It reminds me of comedian Pablo Francisco’s classic bit about Ahnold starring in a movie called “Little Tortilla Boy”: