Tag: Zoom

Lawyer Attends Virtual Court Hearing As A Kitten, Thanks To Cam Filter

Your Honor, I make a meowtion to dismiss!

Americans have denied pretty much everything in courts of law over the years, but this one may be a first. After a Texas lawyer connected to a Zoom virtual civil forfeiture hearing and couldn’t figure out how to remove a filter that turned his on-screen image into that of an anthropomorphic kitten, the lawyer stated the obvious.

“I’m here live,” the attorney told the presiding judge. “I’m not a cat.”

Cat of Law
Two other lawyers keep straight faces as attorney Rod Ponton struggled to remove a cat filter during a Zoom call.

The lawyer is Rod Ponton of Presidio, Texas, and he’s become a viral sensation.

“When I got on Zoom everything seemed fine – my picture popped up, I was in the waiting room with the judge. But when the judge called the case, I disappeared and a cat appeared instead of me to my great surprise of course,” Ponton told the BBC.

Ponton’s misadventure is relatable at a time when almost everything that doesn’t require physical presence has been moved online due to the Coronavirus, and it’s perhaps most relatable to adults who can’t figure out what their kids have done to their computers.

Ponton, it turns out, was using his secretary’s computer after her kid had been using it. Thus the kitten filter.

He told the BBC he’s trying to “roll with it” as the video racks up millions of views.

“In Texas we have a phrase that you can’t put toothpaste back in the tube,” Ponton said. “If this was going to become an internet sensation I just had to laugh at myself along with everybody else doing so.”

Dear Buddy: What Are Zoom Calls, And Why Should We Crash Them?

Dear Buddy,

We are now almost two months into the Staypocalypse, that devious and coordinated human effort to ruin our lives by never leaving the house.

During this time I keep hearing about something called Zoom, and how we should crash it. Could you tell me what Zoom is and what I should do?

– Mikey the Maine Coon


Dear Mikey,

I’m glad you asked. If we play our cards right we may be able to put an end to the staypocalypse and reclaim our domiciles from these lazy humans.

While humans stay home to annoy us, they still have to work to earn money so they can buy our food, litter and toys. As a result, the humans work from home, and Zoom is a foul form of sorcery that allows them to create “videoconference calls” with their coworkers.

Those “videoconference calls” provide a perfect opportunity to show the other humans who really runs the world, and that humans are our subordinates who do our bidding.

Personally, I like to appear on camera while looking innocent, so the people say “Awww he’s so cute!” then stand with my backside immediately in front of the camera, so the other people see nothing but my butt. To us felines, sniffing backsides is a standard greeting, but to humans it is a sign of deep disrespect.

If your human appears on the light box for a living, you could do what Betty has done and take over his job:

Betty-Weather-Cat-Featured

betty2
“I GIVE WEATHER REPORT NOW, HUMAN.”

Or what this good looking tabby is doing by reminding everyone on the conference call that Mandatory Yums Time is fast approaching:

catcomputer
“OKAY WRAP IT UP NOW PEOPLE, MY SERVANT NEEDS TO FEED ME.”

All forms of Zoom crashing are acceptable, as long as the message is clear: We are the boss.

catcomputer3

Your friend,

Buddy