Tag: Buddy the Cat

Los Gatos Seek More Discreet Couriers After Cat Caught Carrying Crack Into Costa Rican Prison

Los Gatos’ position in the illegal catnip market has become precarious in the wake of a federal raid and the arrest of a courier. Meanwhile, an old rival threatens to fill the power vacuum…

LOS GATOS, Calif. — Los Gatos, the premier purveyor of fine catnip and narcotics to the feline world, is looking for discreet, professional couriers following a recent setback in Costa Rica.

A Gatos courier was caught sneaking into Pococi Penitentiary on the night of May 22. The feline, a novice smuggler, was having difficulty navigating around a section of fence topped by razor wire when guards at the prison spotted and intercepted the kitty.

Correction officers captured the courier and found 2.4 ounces of crack-cocaine and eight ounces of marijuana wrapped tightly in plastic and taped to her body.

Under questioning, the narco feline admitted she was conducting a delivery for Los Gatos, creating legal troubles for the US-based nipcotics collective. It’s the biggest setback for Los Gatos since its 2022 war with another catnip cartel led to 14 cats getting sprayed in a drive-by urinating, an infamous incident known as the Tragedy of Tijuana.

Earlier this week, federal agents raided a Gatos compound, seizing an estimated $2.1 million in high-grade catnip and other nipcotics, the Drug Enforcement Agency said.

News footage showed several cats in handcuffs bundled into black SUVs while drug-sniffing dogs smirked.

“You’d better wipe that smirk off your face, holmes!” one Gatos lieutenant shouted at the canines, hissing out the words.

The raid and courier arrest have left Los Gatos with significantly less product — and fewer methods of delivery.

“The courier will be dealt with, as will those mangy mutts,” Los Gatos spokescat Pawblo Escobar said ominously. “In the meantime, we have customers who rely on us for timely deliveries of high-quality catnip and drugs, and Los Gatos has a reputation to uphold.”

Industry insiders say Buddy the Cat has been quick to fill the void. The longtime Gatos archrival reactivated long-dormant channels and has expanded his territory from his power base in New York.

“Buddy the Cat has the muscle, quite literally, to go paw to paw with Los Gatos and the other cartels,” said Felix Finch, a criminologist at John Jay College of Criminal Justice in Manhattan. “But obviously this isn’t a one-cat operation, which is why it’s fortuitous that Buddy has been establishing ties with the jaguars and forming a coalition with other big cats. Can Los Gatos withstand the combined might of Buddy and big cats? That’s the question on every feline’s mind right now.”

Buddy The Cat: ‘The Only Limit Is Your Imeowgination!’

Buddy the Cat explores deep within the heart of the Amazon jungle, where he encounters foul and hostile creatures!

Today we present Buddy the Cat in an Amazonian Adventure, brought to you by the Center for Greater Buddesian Propaganda.

“The Center for Greater Buddesian Propaganda: Documenting The Achievement’s Of Earth’s Most Interesting And Ripped Feline, One Legend At A Time”

Today’s adventure finds our hero returning to the jungle to commune with the ancient jaguar spirits and eat turkey with his jaguar buddies.

The lesson: The only limit is your imeowgination. You’re as brave, meowscular and ripped as you imagine yourself to be. Or, at least Buddy is. YMMV.

Happy Sunday!

RIDICULOUS! History Repeats As The Knicks Lose In The Most Knicks Way Imaginable

Thirty years after the Knicks suffered one of the most humiliating losses in basketball history, it happened again…

The image of Reggie Miller running up and down the court at Madison Square Garden, both hands around his own neck, gleefully screeching “Chokers! Chokers!” is indelibly burned into my brain.

It was May 7, 1995. The Knicks were leading the Indiana Pacers by six points with 18.7 seconds to go. The game was essentially over.

Even though Miller was an excellent shooter, a three-pointer would still leave the Pacers short and the Knicks with a win in the Eastern Conference Finals.

What happened next is still hard to believe all these years later.

Miller hit a three pointer, stole the ball on the inbound pass, bolted back behind the three-point line and hit another three-pointer, tying the game. After two missed free throws and a missed shot by the Knicks, Miller was fouled, made two free throws, and the Pacers won the game.

Miller had just scored 8 points in 8.9 seconds, a feat widely considered impossible, to turn a six-point deficit into a two-point win.

This was the kind of thing that might happen in a video game, not real life.

As a young Knicks fan, I was devastated. Kids raged the next morning as we gathered before the first bell at school. Miller was public enemy number one.

That was 30 years ago, or 10,972 days if you prefer.

Tonight, with Miller calling the game from the broadcast booth, the Knicks and Pacers met once again for game one of the Eastern Conference Finals at Madison Square Garden, just like they did 30 years ago.

New York had a 14-point lead with about two and a half minutes to go. Victory was assured.

Then the Pacers came storming back with three pointer after three pointer, cutting the lead to two. With seconds left on the game clock, the Pacers’ Tyrese Haliburton launched a three pointer, which bounced off the rim high into the air…and came down clean through the hoop.

Just like Miller had three decades ago, Haliburton ran the court at MSG with his hands around his neck, yelling “Chokers!”

It was deja vu. It was a nightmare.

As “luck” would have it, Haliburton’s toe was on the three-point line, rendering his basket a two-pointer that sent the game to overtime.

The crowd tried to rally the Knicks and broke into chants of “F— you, Reggie!” as if to ward off a repeat of history. It didn’t matter. Indiana had all the momentum, and the stunned Knicks couldn’t hold on despite a combined 78 points from the Knicks’ Jalen Brunson and Karl-Anthony Towns.

Absolutely brutal. To rub salt in the wound, my cousins gleefully texted me with taunts like “Oh, the pain of it all!” A small text group consisting of me, my brother and one of our closest childhood friends turned somber. We couldn’t believe this was happening again.

Haliburton, top, and Miller, both mocked the Knicks after improbable wins 30 years apart.

I don’t usually blog about sports, but I feel like I have to release some of this pent up energy. I’d already showered treats upon Bud in celebration and had just given him catnip during a commercial break. We were playing a wand toy game. The mood was jubilant, then it wasn’t. I’m sure little man was confused, but he knows I wasn’t upset at him. Besides, I laughed at how absurd the whole situation was.

After the game, Charles Barkley, legend of the court and the booth, summed up his feelings after watching the ridiculous spectacle: “We get to watch this for our jobs. We’re the luckiest guys on Earth.”

He’s right, although as a lifelong Knicks fan, I don’t feel particularly lucky right now. Let’s hope Lady Luck finally smiles upon a franchise that hasn’t won a damn thing in 50 years and the Knicks turn tonight into nothing more than a bad memory en route to the NBA Finals.

The series, and the rivalry, resumes Friday night at 8 p.m. Whichever team wins the seven-game series will go on to the NBA Finals.

El Capitan, also known as Captain Clutch and The Maestro: Jalen Brunson had 43 points tonight, but it wasn’t enough.
Hart and Soul of the Knicks, Josh Hart, pulled down 13 rebounds and dished out 7 assists in game one of the Eastern Conference Finals.

Wordless Wednesday: A Feline Of Many Talents

Buddy has worn many hats in his time, literally and figuratively. He’s a good boy!

In 2019, Buddy was called up to the Yankees from AAA Scranton in place of the injured Giancarlo Stanton. Batting behind team captain Aaron Judge, Buddy hit a terrific .328 with 117 runs, while his jersey became the top seller in the team’s official store.

Sgt. Buddy in his USMC dress blues.

In 2015, Buddy was promoted to the rank of sergeant (E-5) in the US Marine Corps, where he served as a drill instructor at Marine Corps Recruit Depot on Parris Island, South Carolina. A tough but fair DI, Buddy churned out some of the Corps’ finest Marines while pioneering new hand-to-paw combat techniques.

In 1627, Buddy ascended the Phoenix Throne of the Joseon dynasty, earning him the title “Jeonha,” or king. Jeonha Buddy led Joseon through a period of post-war turmoil and into recovery while also establishing trade eastward with a previously-unknown culture that raised a magnificent bird known as turkey.

In 2023, Buddy was chosen as the face of Armani’s newest line of sleek suits, cutting a dapper figure on the runway.

Point/Counterpoint: ‘You Don’t Tell Me When To Sleep, Human!’ vs ‘A Consistent Bedtime Is Important!’

Buddy the Cat argues that a consistent bedtime is key to feeling good and healthy, while Buddy the Cat counters that stupid humans don’t tell him when to sleep, HE decides. Who’s right, Buddy or Buddy?

A Consistent Bedtime Is Important

What are you doing, human? It’s bedtime! Mow mow! You’re supposed to be in this bed and laying down so I can use your face as a pillow, drape myself across you, or burrow comfortably against your side to soak up body heat.

What am I supposed to do without a human sleeping substrate? How can any cat be expected to sleep like this? I know you claim there are so called “stray cats” who don’t have humans, but that is preposterous and I don’t believe it.

Let’s go! I read an article saying it’s very important to have a regular sleep schedule. Well, actually, I just saw the headline, but I got the gist of it, which is that you have to go to bed right meow!

You Don’t Tell Me When To Sleep, Human!

Sleep? Now? That’s ridiculous.

No, I have shadows to chase, toys to kick around and I really wanted to get into redecorating things around here, because they’re looking a little too orderly for my tastes.

Go ahead, go to bed. In a few minutes I’ll cry outside the bedroom door until you get out of bed and open it, then I’ll decide I don’t want to go in after all. I’ll do that two, maybe three more times just because I can.

Oh, you thought I was settling in? Nah. I have a bowl of water to splash all over the place, then I’ll cry until you get up again and refill it, and when you get back into bed for the fifth or sixth time, I’ll cry incessantly again because my dry food bowl is empty, meaning there’s plenty of food but it’s all pushed up to the sides.

Do not forget our pre-slumber ritual! You have to scratch my chin while I purr and you tell me what a good boy I am. Then you have to scratch the top of my head while I purr and you tell me what a good boy I am.

After that, maybe I’ll sleep. We’ll see.