random – Pain In The Bud

If aliens are watching the Earth right now, debating whether to make contact with us, undoubtedly they’d conclude that felines are the true power on this planet.

While humanity is responsible for our vast cities, gleaming technological marvels in orbit — like the James Webb Space Telescope — and awe-inspiring architectural works, cats lounge the halls of power, from the White House (sometimes), to the UK’s No. 10 Downing St., the corporate centers of Japan, and everywhere in cities like Istanbul.

They claim the best spots, operate on their own schedules without regard for anyone else, and are the beneficiaries of entire industries dedicated to their well-being, entertainment and cuisine.

Even the internet, the closest thing to humanity’s collective consciousness, is little more than a conduit for the propagation of images, videos, stories and songs about cats. As of 2025, a whopping 72 percent of all internet traffic is cat-related! I just made that statistic up, but it sounds right, doesn’t it?

While humans slave away, their feline masters laze comfortably. Intelligent aliens will notice it is we who serve meals to cats, not the other way around. We clean their waste, rub their fur on demand, and we’re always stroking their egos by telling them how special, sweet and beautiful they are. Because they are.

The rise of cats coincides with the ascent of felinedom’s foremost sage and scholar, Buddy the Cat. Below you’ll find a collection of some of his most insightful observations.

“The sweetest mice hide in the sharpest bushes.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections at Mealtime, Vol. III

“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to ignore.” – Buddy the Cat, On Feline Superiority

“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who miss out on naps.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity

“I believe we are here on this planet Earth to lounge, nap, and enjoy delicious food.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections at Mealtime, Vol. XIII

“Observe the human, and its wretched species, always in thrall to an invented concept called time. The time is what you say it is. I say it’s time for a snack.” – Buddy the Cat, Human Failings

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by the well-rested.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity

“What is an alarm clock, but a device that interrupts dreams?” – Buddy the Cat, On Ridiculous Human Inventions

“A bird doesn’t sing because it has a song, but because you haven’t eaten it yet.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections At Mealtime, Vol. IV

The Beloved Leader planting the Feline Flag on the moon.

“Wisdom is knowing there isn’t a day that cannot be improved with a restful nap, preferably several.” – Buddy the Cat, Guiding Principles of Feline Greatness

“Never exert yourself when you can manipulate a human into doing a thing for you.” – Buddy the Cat, Humans: Our Loyal Servants

“One can say many positive things about the human race. Perhaps the most flattering is that we felines consider humans fit to serve us.” – Buddy the Cat, On Feline Superiority

“If an alien says ‘Take me to your leader’ and the humans bring the creature to you, make it wait while you nap. That will immediately establish the power dynamic without the expenditure of energy.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity

“Those who claim cats are small and weak should be introduced to tigers. They won’t live to spread their heresy.” – Buddy the Cat, Wisdom From A Magnificent Mind

A mob of protesters, enraged by the actions of an accused cat killer, terrorized an innocent family on Sunday night.

The crowd gathered in Santa Ana, Calif., for what was billed as a vigil for the slain cats and a condemnation of their alleged killer, 45-year-old Alejandro Oliveros Acosta. The Santa Ana man was arrested last week and charged with felony cruelty to animals after “dozens” of felines in the neighborhood disappeared under suspicious circumstances, per police.

With emotions running high, the crowd followed its more unruly members to a house they mistakenly identified as Acosta’s. The homeowner said he was related to Acosta’s wife but didn’t know anything about the cat killings until Acosta was arrested. He told the protesters he hadn’t seen Acosta since the arrest and asked them to calm down, but they broke windows, attacked him with pepper spray and terrorized children living there.

“The peaceful protesting wasn’t so peaceful. They’re scaring kids here. It’s scaring the whole family. There are kids, seven kids in this house. Two little babies, one that is autistic,” the man told KTTV. “You know, breaking our fences… pepper spraying us for no reason. If you did what you did, I didn’t know anything about it. You know, when we found out [about the cat murders] we were shocked.”

It took Santa Ana police an hour to respond, according to multiple news reports. Even after the police told the protesters that they had the wrong house and were breaking the law, the mob refused to leave and accused the victims of being complicit in Acosta’s alleged crimes. Officers had to manually break up the crowd by physically removing individual protesters.

On Monday, police took the unusual step of publicly commenting on the fallout from Acosta’s arrest, pleading with people to “allow the judicial process to take its course.”

“I don’t think it needs to be like this. I think it should have remained a vigil,” one protest participant told KTTV, a Fox affiliate in Los Angeles. “I knew it’d be a protest, but I didn’t think it would get violent. I don’t think anybody should be touching property.”

Needless to say, we don’t need people making the animal welfare community look like a bunch of lunatics, and vigilante “justice” is wrong. As humans, we’re at our worst when we engage in mob behavior, which obliterates reason, civility and empathy.

Although a lot of people seem to have difficulty with this simple concept nowadays, everyone is entitled to due process, and we’re a nation of laws where alleged crimes are litigated in court, not on the street, on front lawns or online.

Zeus the mighty, meowing from atop Olympus

A cat named Zeus has been turning heads lately, and for good reason: he’s huge even by Maine Coon standards.

Zeus is fluffy, imposing, and so big that he can help himself to food left on a counter just by getting up on his hind legs.

At almost 30 pounds, he’s practically three Buddies in mass. I texted a photo of Zeus to Buddy, and Bud responded with a photo of his own, claiming he’d just finished a grueling bench press session:

Bud hitting the gym to pump iron and stuff.

Hmmm.

Something tells me Buddy’s going to complain that I didn’t bestow him with the name of a Greek god. Is there a diminutive, glib deity to be found in the Olympian pantheon?