A writer reminds us that feline friendships don’t always come easy, but some of the hardest-won are the most rewarding.
When San Francisco’s KQED, the local public radio affiliate, asked its culture writers to reflect on “one beautiful thing” from 2025, Rae Alexander chose her cat, Kevin.
Kevin is “chaos in cat form,” a feline “sociopath” who doesn’t realize how much damage he does with his claws. The tabby, Alexander writes, is “never not screaming at us for food” and pads around as if he owns the place. (That sounds awfully familiar!)
After bringing Kevin’s heavily pregnant mother in from the cold earlier this year, Alexander adopted Kevin’s mother and his “well-behaved sister,” but was repeatedly rebuffed when she tried to get rid of Kevin himself.
Three potential adopters fell through while Kevin was growing out of his kitten stage, drastically reducing his chances of finding a home.
Then something crazy happened: cat and human came to a mutual understanding and the beginnings of trust led to friendship and love. As with any progress in gaining a cat’s trust, it was not a quick process, but Kevin eventually showed another side — a much softer, appreciative version of himself who enjoys cuddling and expresses love despite his quirks.
“As this fraught year draws to a close, I want Kevin to be a pertinent reminder to us all that the little things bumming us out today might just lead to the things that make us happiest tomorrow,” Alexander wrote. “Start putting all those everyday stresses on the stairs. You never know where that might lead in 2026.”
Apologies for going radio silent over the past week. This past Saturday I sat down to write and my computer was dead. As in completely dead — I couldn’t even trick it into loading BIOS or getting a boot screen.
So I said farewell to a machine that had served me well since 2018, that served as my primary platform for writing, producing music and gaming.
Now I’ve got an absolute beast of a machine centered on one of the new Ryzen chipsets, and it takes quite a bit of restraint not to go into nerdy details. I’m still setting things up, especially the music production workflow.
The important thing is, I’m able to properly sit at a desk and write again, and Buddy can properly supervise me from his desktop perch again, so we are now back!
Would your cat resemble a sphynx if you shaved its fur? Buddy the Cat investigates!
Dear Buddy,
Do all cats look like sphynxes underneath their coats? What I mean is, if someone were to shave off all your fur, would you look like a weird wrinkly little alien thing too?
Wondering In Wyoming
Dear Wondering,
Who told you that? Is Big Buddy planning to have me shaved? Is he gonna condemn me to one of those “groomers” and have me transformed into some undignified, naked, dumb-looking creature?
I will end him!
Buddy
Dear Buddy,
Whoah, hold up there, champ! No one’s got anything planned for you, it’s just a hypothetical. I’m genuinely curious about the no fur thing, that’s all. And I asked you because you’re the expert on every topic!
Wondering in Wyoming
Wondering,
Okay, okay, but I’m not letting my guard down. As the wise man George W. Bush once said: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me…uh, you can’t get fooled again!”
I thought about your question and became more curiositized as well because sphynxes are weird and I don’t want to look like those freaks. Get mistaken for one and the next thing you know, they’re bringing you back to their mothership.
Above: These sphynxes are plotting your doom! They want to beam you up to their ship, test your skin for potential scratching post material, and eat your brains.
I can assure you that I would not resemble a sphynx if somehow I was overpowered (a tall order that would require a small army), drugged and shaved of my luxurious fur. I would just look more ripped, as there wouldn’t be any long fur to cover up my six pack and my rippling meowscles.
Due to his impressive meowsculature, Buddy would simply look even more ripped if someone with a death wish tried to shave his fur.
As for other cats, apparently they would not look like sphynxes either, because those freaks are uniquely covered in wrinkly skin, which is probably a side effect of the strange atmospheric conditions on their homeworld.
During my detailed investigatory investigation, I found images of domestic shorthairs, Maine Coons, Persians, Bengals, ragdolls and many other types of cats who were forced to endure ignominious “lion cuts” and other ridiculous “grooming” efforts. While many of them looked skinny and much less impressive without their fur bulking them up, they pretty much look like regular cats with a fuzzy, velvety coat instead of fluff.
Not as ripped as me, obviously, but not like sphynxes either.
I hope that answers your question. Remain vigilant, my friend! One never knows when one’s devious human might decide to humiliate one by shaving off all of one’s fur.
“Observe the human, and its wretched species, always in thrall to an invented concept called time. The time is what you say it is. I say it’s time for a snack.” – Buddy the Cat, Human Failings
If aliens are watching the Earth right now, debating whether to make contact with us, undoubtedly they’d conclude that felines are the true power on this planet.
While humanity is responsible for our vast cities, gleaming technological marvels in orbit — like the James Webb Space Telescope — and awe-inspiring architectural works, cats lounge the halls of power, from the White House (sometimes), to the UK’s No. 10 Downing St., the corporate centers of Japan, and everywhere in cities like Istanbul.
They claim the best spots, operate on their own schedules without regard for anyone else, and are the beneficiaries of entire industries dedicated to their well-being, entertainment and cuisine.
Even the internet, the closest thing to humanity’s collective consciousness, is little more than a conduit for the propagation of images, videos, stories and songs about cats. As of 2025, a whopping 72 percent of all internet traffic is cat-related! I just made that statistic up, but it sounds right, doesn’t it?
While humans slave away, their feline masters laze comfortably. Intelligent aliens will notice it is we who serve meals to cats, not the other way around. We clean their waste, rub their fur on demand, and we’re always stroking their egos by telling them how special, sweet and beautiful they are. Because they are.
The rise of cats coincides with the ascent of felinedom’s foremost sage and scholar, Buddy the Cat. Below you’ll find a collection of some of his most insightful observations.
“The sweetest mice hide in the sharpest bushes.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections at Mealtime, Vol. III
“It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to ignore.” – Buddy the Cat, On Feline Superiority
“The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who miss out on naps.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity
“I believe we are here on this planet Earth to lounge, nap, and enjoy delicious food.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections at Mealtime, Vol. XIII
“Observe the human, and its wretched species, always in thrall to an invented concept called time. The time is what you say it is. I say it’s time for a snack.” – Buddy the Cat, HumanFailings
“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by the well-rested.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity
“What is an alarm clock, but a device that interrupts dreams?” – Buddy the Cat, On Ridiculous Human Inventions
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has a song, but because you haven’t eaten it yet.” – Buddy the Cat, Reflections At Mealtime, Vol. IV
The Beloved Leader planting the Feline Flag on the moon.
“Wisdom is knowing there isn’t a day that cannot be improved with a restful nap, preferably several.” – Buddy the Cat, Guiding Principles of Feline Greatness
“Never exert yourself when you can manipulate a human into doing a thing for you.” – Buddy the Cat, Humans: Our Loyal Servants
“One can say many positive things about the human race. Perhaps the most flattering is that we felines consider humans fit to serve us.” – Buddy the Cat, On Feline Superiority
“If an alien says ‘Take me to your leader’ and the humans bring the creature to you, make it wait while you nap. That will immediately establish the power dynamic without the expenditure of energy.” – Buddy the Cat, The Virtues of Inactivity
“Those who claim cats are small and weak should be introduced to tigers. They won’t live to spread their heresy.” – Buddy the Cat, Wisdom From A Magnificent Mind
Some observers believe the drone sightings are merely the first stage in an all-out feline takeover of the US. So far, cats have remained mum on their motivations, preferring instead to sow panic among Americans.
WASHINGTON –The caller was breathing heavily and speaking in rapid-fire sentences as if he had only moments to get the words out over the air.
“I’m telling you, Art, it’s the cats — the cats are piloting these drones!” the caller told Coast to Coast AM radio host Art Bell shortly after 1 am ET on Friday.
“Hold on, hold on,” Bell said theatrically. “You’re saying this has nothing to do with aliens or the government?”
The caller sighed.
“The cats may very well be in league with aliens, but I’m telling you, felines are behind…oh God! They’re here!”
The radio broadcast crackled with distorted hissing and yowling, punctuated by the caller’s pleas for mercy.
“Caller? West of the Rockies, are you there?”
The caller screamed a final time and the line went dead.
“Wow,” Bell told his audience of several million overnight listeners. “There you have it, folks. You be the judge, but that sounded like the real deal to me. Cats are piloting the mysterious drones!”
For weeks, Americans have been asking for answers about swarms of suspicious drones operating above homes, businesses, military bases and government buildings at night.
After rampant speculation that the drones could belong to rogue states, or could be part of some secret government flight test, the FBI confirmed Friday that felines are behind the frequent sightings.
A drone flies above a farm and ranch as the sun fades. Drones have been spotted circling chicken and turkey coops, as well as fish markets.
Biden administration officials confirmed to several media outlets that intelligence supported the theory that cats — not Iranians, Russians or some secret Pentagon operation — are operating the drone swarms that have been lighting up the night sky in states like New Jersey and Maryland for several weeks, befuddling local and state officials.
“At first we thought the idea was absurd,” said a high-ranking official, who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Then we received reports of drone swarms circling several meat-packing plants, a Chewy distribution center in Trenton, and two PetSmarts in northern New Jersey.”
So far, the felines’ motivation remains shrouded in mystery, but experts on the small, furry animals ventured guesses on what may have motivated their sudden interest in aviation and airspace.
“No one’s claimed responsibility, so we’re left to speculate,” said Norah Grayer, a feline behaviorist with NYU’s Gummitch School of Veterinary Science. “But it may be that felines, as a whole, have decided the meow is insufficient for getting their demands across. Humans have become adept at tuning out those vocalizations, so this may be the next step in an attention arms race, so to speak.”
Noted cat expert Jefferson Nebula offered a different explanation.
“Cats are notoriously subject to FOMO, which is one reason why they can’t abide closed doors,” he said. “If someone managed to convince them that we humans were holding out on them, and there are entire worlds of yums we keep for ourselves, well, that would spark the wrath of these otherwise friendly little guys.”
Felines have mastered control over aerial drones despite their lack of thumbs.
For his part, Bell consulted with Michio Kaku, the physicist and science communicator who has been a regular presence on Coast to Coast.
“We physicists have been saying for decades that cats are much more intelligent than we give them credit for,” Kaku said. “This could be retribution for the Schroedinger’s cat thought experiment, or felids may be looking to surpass humanity’s understanding of 11-dimensional hyperspace.”
“Professor, we’ve spoken quite a bit about the Kardashev scale [of civilization progress] in the past,” Bell said. “If we separated human and feline societies, where would we each fall on the scale? Humans are about a zero point seven, are we not?”
“That’s right,” Kaku said. “We physicists believe humanity is on the cusp of a Type I civilization, with things like the internet as a Type I telecommunications system and fusion power on the horizon. However, if you break it down and cats were separated into their own civilization, cats could plausibly already be a Type I civilization.”
“They’re ahead of us?”
“That’s right,” Kaku said. “We physicists believe cats can tap directly into primordial energies and have mastered quantum teleportation. In Star Trek, the Federation is a Type II civilization, and the Caitians — a species of alien cats — are part of the Federation. Yet it’s widely understood that the only reason the Caitians haven’t conquered entire swaths of the galaxy, like the Borg and the Klingons, is because of their strict adherence to their napping schedule and their inherent laziness. These drone swarms may be a signal that real-life cats are fed up enough to disturb their napping schedules, in which case we should all be terrified.”
Header image of drone light show credit Wikimedia Commons
Pain In The Bud 