White House – Pain In The Bud

Report: Trump Officials Added Buddy The Cat To Houthi War Plans Text Group

The mercurial tabby cat tried to convince Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to bomb the Isle of Dogs, White House officials grudglingly acknowledged.

The controversy over leaked war plans expanded Monday after new reports revealed a journalist was not the only outsider added to a text group between senior members of the administration.

Buddy the Cat, a domestic tabby from New York, was also invited to the group and subsequently made privy to classified information, the White House acknowledged.

While Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg observed the text conversation between senior members of the Trump administration without participating in the exchange, sources say Buddy the Cat tried to convince Pete Hegseth, the defense secretary, to bomb London’s Isle of Dogs.

In addition, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt grudgingly acknowledged Buddy was able to convince Hegseth and Kristi Noem, the homeland security secretary, to send federal agents to the home of a cat named Smudge, describing him as “a gastronomic terrorist who hates America and will stop at nothing to claim all the snacks for himself.”

When administration officials denied knowing Buddy the Cat, social media users began unearthing dozens of photos of the feline associating with national leaders. No one knows how deep the conspiracy goes.

Initially White House officials denied the feline was given access to the text group, with Leavitt calling it “an egregious example of the fake news media inventing absurd stories,” but they were forced to acknowledge the veracity of the incident when confronted with copies of the exchange.

“Folks, we are cleared for go, CENTCOM has given us the green light for the fifth strike package,” Hegseth wrote. “F-18 launch imminent.”

“Are we just going to ignore the Isle of Dogs?” Buddy the Cat texted in response.

The text caused confusion, with several senior officials speculating on the sender’s identity.

“The contact says ‘BTC.’ Who the heck is this?” Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard asked.

“It’s [US Marine Corps] Gen. [Barrington T.] Caldwell,” replied Mike Waltz, the National Security Advisor. “Got to be.”

Noem also initially tried to distance herself from the scandal by claiming she didn’t know Buddy, but photographs soon emerged of the tabby cat lounging on the podium while she spoke at CPAC in 2003.

It’s not clear how senior White House officials were convinced by a cat that a London neighborhood was related to an Iran-backed Shia militia in Yemen, but an anonymous official credited Buddy the Cat for “being very convincing. We all thought he was the general.”

While the feline’s suggestion to bomb the London neighborhood was co-signed by Hegseth, it was ultimately rejected by CENTCOM, which noted the UK is an allied country and there was no indication “terrorist dogs” populated the London neighborhood.

More successful was Buddy the Cat’s suggestion to send a federal strike team to the home of Smudge, his archrival.

The chonky cat screeched his innocence after heavily armed and armored federal agents smashed the door down and found him mid-bowel movement in his litter box.

“1337et: Agents have located the CHONKY little jerk in his domicile, where they found fresh explosive materials in his litter box and a suspiciously well-stocked cupboard,” Buddy wrote to the Houthi PC Small Group.

“Congrats, general!” Waltz wrote, while Noem called the arrest “a major win for American freedom and security.”

Reporters, former military officers and intelligence officials criticized the leak, pointing out that if a cat could get access to highly sensitive war plans — and influence them in real time — America’s enemies could do the same. But White House officials pushed back on the criticism, saying it was overblown.

“So someone put a cat on a text chain,” Leavitt said, snapping at a reporter during a press briefing. “So what? You guys are, like, being so dramatic!”

Increasingly Frustrated Buddy Insists He’s Not Wearing Eyeliner

Despite repeated denials, Buddy the Cat has been dogged by allegations that he wears eyeliner as he campaigns to once again enter the White House as president of the Americats.

NEW YORK — As he crosses the country in his bid to win a second term as president of the Americats, Buddy the Cat has outlined his policy vision, including banning dogs from parks and making bacon one of the major food groups.

But to his frustration, there’s one topic he can’t seem to shake.

“Mr. President,” one reporter asked during a campaign stop in Skokie, Ill., “why do you wear eyeliner?”

Buddy hammered a paw onto the podium before taking a breath and composing himself.

“I don’t wear eyeliner, okay? Next question.”

A Washington bureau chief from CNN (Cat News Network) was called on by the Buddy campaign’s spokescat.

“Mr. President, what would you say to those voters who are convinced you wear eyeliner, and how does your use of eyeliner align with the American Heartland values you claim to champion?”

Buddy’s paws held the podium in a death grip.

“I. Do not. Wear. Eyeliner!” he said, emphasizing each syllable. “My coat pattern has natural dark lines around my eyes. I don’t wear makeup, okay? Can we let this go already?”

Someone coughed in the back of the room, and the CNN staffer took the microphone back.

“So guyliner then,” she said declaratively.

“Not guyliner either! Does anyone have a question about my campaign or the great ideas we have for the country?”

Buddy Americat President — Americat Purrsident Buddy announces sanctions on canines during a press conference on Oct. 30, 2019.

A journalist from Spyglass Magazine in New York spoke up.

“Yes, Mr. President, you said you’d make it a priority on day one to ban all canines from public parks.”

“Yes, that’s right,” Buddy said, nodding. “They’ve had the parks for decades. It’s our turn.”

The reporter looked down at her notes, then back up at Buddy.

“Do you think a politician who wears eyeliner is the right cat to confront the canine species on this topic?” she asked as steam began jetting out of Buddy’s ears. “Shouldn’t the message come from a feline who doesn’t wear cosmetics?”

The room fell silent until a journalist in the back called out: “Perhaps you can share your makeup tips with the country?”

The camera feed cut off just as former President Buddy leapt off the podium toward the press corps. For a few seconds yowling could be heard over the feed before it cut out entirely, replaced by a static message saying the network was experiencing technical difficulties.

While a press release from the Buddy campaign claimed the candidate was “merely hugging his favorite member of the media,” the hashtag #BuddyWearsEyeliner went viral on Meower, with more than 32,000 meows about the former president’s alleged use of the cosmetic.

Pawtriotic Americats: Vote For Buddy!

Former President Buddy wants your vote as he makes another bid for president of the Americats.

Now that Buddy’s officially announced his candidacy to regain his rightful post as President of the Americats, his campaign is in full swing and it’s all-in on classic Americata and Americat imagery.

Buddy, who was narrowly defeated by Purrsident Joe Bitin’ in 2020, then banned from the social media platform Meower after claiming Los Gatos criminal gang was at the forefront of a conspiracy to deny him a second term, criticized his opponent’s age, record and culinary preferences as he took questions from reporters.

Asked by a reporter for Cat Broadcasting Corporation (CBS) how he would approach a rematch with Bitin’, Buddy said he’d take a paws-off approach.

“I don’t need to defeat Joe Bitin’,” Buddy said. “Time is doing it for me. He eats senior kibble. He needs little stairs just to get into the litter box. He thinks it’s 1992. I mean, come on.”

That prompted a reaction from CNN’s (Cat News Network) Panderson Pooper, who pointed out there are health concerns about the former president himself. Photos printed by the New York Lunchtimes showed Buddy on a golf course, his stomach jiggling as he teed off on a par three at New York’s Westchester Country Club.

Asked about his weight, the former president became incensed.

“For the millionth time, I am NOT fat! That’s pure meowscle!” he insisted. “I just look a little floofy because I’ve got a longer coat on my underside, a-and, and a prominent primordial pouch, which I like to call a warrior’s pouch because it exists to protect the vitals of true warrior felines. Like me, of course.”

Buddy visited the Iowa State Fair over the weekend, where he mingled with Americats, helped judge a dance competition, and chowed down on cheesesteaks, fried Oreos, fried turkey legs, fried chicken, hot dogs, hamburgers, chili, hot wings and ice cream. His campaign staff had to repeatedly redirect him away from food stalls and toward potential voters.

Buddy’s primary rival, Florida Gov. John DeSpamis, also worked the crowds at the Fair, but the two cats never came face to face.

Instead, Buddy turned to his own social media network to fire off messages critical of his rival, whom he calls Meatball John.

“Meatball is dead in the water, folks! Polling 40% behind me. Sad!” Buddy wrote. “If only he had stayed in his lane, I might have considered him for Secretary of Yums or put him in charge of toys. But that ship has sailed, so now Meatball will pad back down to Florida with his tail between his legs. Sad!”

Buddy’s nex scheduled campaign stop will take him to the New Hampshire State Fair, where his campaign staff faces a significant challenge in keeping him away from corn dogs, bacon sandwiches, roast turkey and his favorite, turkey fried in a crust of Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Sunday Cats: Chonky Kitty Gets A Home, Footballer Gets Second Chance After Cat Abuse

Plus: The 1878 origin story of Siamese cats in America!

Sterling the cat is a cute and playful little guy, and no doubt would have his fans among those who love chonksters, but he has to lose weight.

That was the gist of the message posted by staff at the Humane Society of Huron Valley in Michigan, who wanted to find a home for Sterling but also wanted to make sure his new human(s) would be dedicated to his health.

The silver tabby with a Buddesian coat pattern tips the scales at 30 pounds. Not only is the weight unhealthy, but it makes life as a cat difficult.

“We know, those plump cheeks are adorable. But obesity is terribly unhealthy for cats,” Humane Society staff wrote on Instagram. “Sterling is fastidious about hygiene, but can’t groom himself properly (we had to shave matted fur off his back). He’s so lively and playful, but can’t chase after toys. He’s curious about the world, but can’t jump up to look out the window. He’s so affectionate, but can’t comfortably snuggle with his people.”

An adopter has stepped up to the plate and given Sterling a new family, a deal that includes committing to working with a veterinarian to get the kitty to slim down. The Humane Society haven’t said who the adopter is, but Sterling’s adoption profiles disappeared shortly after the shelter’s impassioned plea on Feb. 9.

sterling2 — Sterling weighs about 30 pounds. Credit: Humane Society of Huron Valley.

Zouma gets another shot

Kurt Zouma, the Premiere League footballer who earned himself worldwide condemnation over the last week for uploading a video showing him abusing his own cat, won’t lose his job due to the scandal.

West Ham United Coach David Moyes said Zouma’s actions were “completely out of character from Kurt” and compared the abuse incidents to drunken driving.

“He’s a really good lad and we’re going to get him some help,” Moyes told reporters. “Just like people with drink-drive offences have to go to classes to learn the reasons and the damage that can be done, the RSPCA are going to provide some courses for Kurt to understand about animals and how to treat them.”

Moyes says Zouma has repeatedly apologized, and he thinks the French national is sincerely contrite.

“But what do you do?” the coach asked. “Do you keep punishing people or do you give them a chance to make things right? All of us in life need second chances sometimes, and we’re going to give Kurt a second chance.”

The controversy flared up immediately after the UK Sun published a story about three short clips showing Zouma drop-kicking, slapping and throwing a shoe at his cat. The clips were filmed by Zouma’s brother, who can be heard laughing in the background, and involved Zouma’s son.

In his apology, Zouma said the abuse was “an isolated incident,” but said there was “no excuse” for his actions.

“I also want to say how deeply sorry I am to anyone who was upset by the video,” the soccer pro said.

Zouma was fined £ 250,000 — equal to about $330,000 — which is the maximum amount the club could fine him under league rules. He also lost his primary sponsorship with Adidas, which issued a terse statement and immediately dropped the center-back from its roster, and insurance company Vitality pulled its sponsorship from the entire team. Two other sponsors said they would meet with the club to discuss the issue.

FLG9knkWUAILbt7 — Scotsman Jason Kerr of Wigan gently scoops up Topsey, a house cat who interrupted play on Tuesday night by running onto the pitch in a match between Wigan and West Ham United.

Zouma also surrendered both of his cats — the one who was abused in the video and a second feline — to the RSPCA, which is conducting an investigation. Like the SPCA in the US, which has its own law enforcement division, the RSPCA has the ability to file criminal charges in cases involving animal abuse and neglect.

The felines of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Did you know the first Siamese cat to reach America’s shores was probably Siam, who belonged to First Lady Lucy Webb Hayes?

Back when Thailand was called Siam, U.S. ambassador David B. Sickels read that Mrs. Hayes — wife of Rutherford B. Hayes — was a cat lover and sent one of the now-famous Asian cats to the White House.

“I have taken the liberty of forwarding to you one of the finest specimens of Siamese cats that I have been able to procure in this country,” Sickels wrote to the First Lady in 1878. “I am informed that this is the first attempt ever made to send a Siamese cat to America.”

While we’ve written quite a bit about the famous cats who have occupied the White House over the years, the Hayes story and others are also detailed in a new article from Smithsonian Magazine, which marked the occasion of Willow the cat’s arrival by revisiting presidential pet history. It’s well worth a read if you like the idea of kitties roaming the halls of power and even sitting on one president’s lap during state dinners, eating at the table like humans.

Sunday Cats: White House Welcomes Willow

Willow is the first presidential cat since the Bush family’s black shorthair, India.

Willow’s in the White House!

First Lady Jill Biden promised a cat would reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue as a presidential pet during her husband’s administration, and a year after President Joe Biden was sworn in, Willow the cat has joined the First Family in Washington.

Willow is a gray tabby who got Jill Biden’s attention in a very cat-like way: She invited herself onstage while the First Lady was giving a campaign speech for her husband on a Pennsylvania farm in 2020.

A campaign official later called the farm’s owner, Rick Telesz, and asked if the Bidens could adopt the friendly moggie. Willow is two years old and is the first presidential cat since India, a black American Shorthair who belonged to former President George W. Bush’s daughters, Barbara and Jenna. India lived to the ripe old age of 18, outliving Bush’s two terms as president.

India was named after a Major League Baseball player, not the country. Credit: The White House

India, the Bush family’s cat, didn’t look too thrilled to be part of a Halloween event hosted by then-First Lady Laura Bush. Credit: The White House

The Bidens had another cat lined up, but delayed the cat’s arrival because their dog, Major, wasn’t adjusting well to the White House and was known for biting staff and Secret Service agents. Major’s been sent back to the family home in Delaware, but in the meantime the cat the Bidens were going to adopt got attached to its foster family and became a foster fail.

Willow seems to be doing just fine. Michael Larosa, the First Lady’s press secretary, told reporters Willow has been “settling into the White House with her favorite toys, treats, and plenty of room to smell and explore.”

She’ll be doing a lot of exploring — there are 132 rooms in the White House, and most former presidential cats were given the run of the executive residence as well as the West Wing. Socks, President Bill Clinton’s cat, had access to the Oval Office and was sometimes spotted in the James S. Brady Press Briefing Room, even choosing the famous podium for a lounging spot once.

Willow’s already found sunny lounging spots in her new home. Credit: The White House

Willow’s been making herself at home since she arrived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Credit: The White House

Cats have a long and distinguished history in the White House, from the incredible fame of Socks to Abraham Lincoln’s Dixie and Tabby. Lincoln once called the former “smarter than my whole Cabinet,” while he often embarrassed his wife by feeding the latter from the White House dinner table. Click here to read our post from last year detailing the lives and adventures of presidential cats.