human servants – Page 11 – Pain In The Bud

Point/Counterpoint: ‘There Are So Many Wonderful Places To Lounge!’ vs ‘Dude, You’re In My Spot!’

Buddy the Cat praises the many comfortable lounging spots at Casa de Buddy, while Buddy the Cat blasts his human for sitting in his favorite spot! Who’s right?

There Are So Many Wonderful Places to Lounge!

You know what I like about ~~our~~ my home, human? It affords me seemingly endless comfortable places to lounge and nap.

There’s the rug underneath the dinner table, which is soft and makes me feel well-protected with a roof over my head and chairs blocking access to anyone larger than me.

There’s your padded fake leather office chair, which not only retains your butt heat, but is also a fabulous item to scratch.

There’s my bed, which used to be your bed, which I graciously still allow you to use 22.3 percent of. Oh, and the wonderful raised platform above my scratcher, where I can watch birds safely and make weird noises when they fly. In the winter, the radiator provides a toasty alternative to draftier spots.

When I was but a kitten, I never dreamed of having such a vast realm to call my own, with so many comfortable places to be lazy.

Indeed, there’s no place like home, and no places like my spots.

Dude, You’re In My Spot!

Come on! Get up!

This is not funny. You know that’s my favorite spot! The left side of the couch is comfortable, warm, gives me a good view of everything, and smells like you.

Get up! Get up! If you don’t vacate the premises immediately I will be forced to disappear, wait until you’re distracted, then nearly give you a heart attack with a well-timed ambush.

Or perhaps I will take my spot anyway by sitting on your head. How foolish would you look then, eh human?

Yes, there are plenty of other places for me to rest but I like this one because you’re sitting in it.

Grrrr, fine! But I’m sleeping on top of you, so if you need to heed nature’s call, do it now, human. I don’t like to be disturbed by your bathroom trips. Also, could you try to breathe a little less? It’s just that when I’m laying on your chest, I can feel your exhales on my fur and it’s really annoying. If you could keep breathing to a minimum, that’d be great.

How Is It Possible That People Can’t Recognize Their Own Cats?

PLUS: Today’s the deadline for UK residents to get their cats microchipped under a new law that levies a hefty fine for people who don’t comply.

Another day, another story about a person who can’t tell if the cat they’ve brought inside is their own or a random lookalike.

In this case, a woman named Amber Porter says her indoor-only cat bolted outside, and after a few hours she was able to bring him back in — only to have doubts about whether he’s actually her cat. Meanwhile, an identical-looking black cat is hovering around Porter’s home, and she’s trying to lure it inside.

“I’m still a little worried about it,” Porter said. “I have fully convinced myself I have the wrong cat but I also think I do have the right one.”

This absolutely blows my mind. If someone asked me how long it would take to determine if a gray tabby is Buddy, I’d say approximately half a second. It’s not because of his “bib,” that unique white tuft of hair on his chest, or his pronounced muzzle, although both would offer confirmation.

It’s his behavior, his mannerisms and movement, the fact that if we were separated, he’d meow loudly the second we’re reunited and I’d hear that familiar half-trill, half-meow he does that seems to be Buddesian for “Hello, servant!”

In any case, I hope Amber Porter figures out which cat is hers, and the story looks like it’ll have a happy ending because she says she intends to keep both cats.

Today’s the deadline to get your cats microchipped in the UK

A reminder to our British readers: today, June 10, is the deadline to have your cat microchipped under a new law that makes chips mandatory.

If you’re caught with an unchipped cat, the fine is a hefty £500, or about $635 in ‘Merican greenbacks. That’s some serious chop, so get your little buddy chipped!

Tabby cat — “Chip me, human!” Credit: FOX/Pexels

Alice Potter, a cat welfare specialist with the RSPCA, told Sky News that microchips with up-to-date information are the biggest factor in reuniting cats with their humans when the former go missing.

“On average, 11% of all cats coming into the RSPCA’s care are still not microchipped. We’ve also rescued cats who have been microchipped but the details haven’t been kept up to date, which is arguably even more frustrating as it means cats spend a long time in our care whilst we fruitlessly try to contact the owner with out-of-date information,” Potter said.

“However, we’ve also seen countless stories of cats that have been reunited with their owners thanks to a tiny microchip – showing what this change of legislation will achieve for animal welfare.”

APOCALYPSE: Buddy’s Servant Runs Out Of Cat Food!

The cat food cupboard is bare, and Buddy the Cat is not amused.

NEW YORK — The unthinkable happened on late Thursday night when Buddy the Cat’s human servant opened the very last package of chicken pate only to realize the meat inside had gone bad, probably from a hole in the damaged container.

It was a catastrophe. For the first time in 10 years, poor Buddy was bereft of wet food!

Making matters worse, and signaling a deep betrayal, Big Buddy elected not to potentially lose his parking space to make a late night run to a 24-7 store to buy emergency cat food for his feline overlord.

He is required to do so under the terms of the Cat Servant Agreement of 2014, which stipulates that running out of food is “unacceptable” and supplies “must be replenished when the Strategic Yums Reserve is reduced to five (5) cans or three (3) packages of Perfect Portions remaining in the Cupboard of Yums.”

Poor Buddy was left with nothing except Blue Buffalo dry food, Friskies dry treats, Rachael Ray Nutrish soft treats, chicken puree from a squeeze tube, diced gouda cheese, and a bowl of fresh water.

“Oh why Big Buddy have ye forsaken me?” Buddy asked, collapsing from the lack of meaty caloric energy his meowscular frame relies on to fuel his finely-tuned physique. “Et tu, Big Buddy? Et tu?”

Sources say Little Buddy vowed to exact bitter revenge on his irresponsible, traitorous, callous, selfish, non-empathetic, backstabbing, inconsiderate, terrible human…if he makes it through the night.

Angry Buddy — A visibly angry Buddy, pictured above, was in danger of starving on Thursday night due to lack of wet food.

Americans Are Lousy At Taking Care Of Their Cats, Poll Claims

The respondents also admitted they “forget” to feed their furry friends an average of three times a week. Say what?!?

Americans don’t know basic facts about their cats, fail to properly care for them and overestimate how well they do as pet parents, according to a new poll.

The survey of cat owners commissioned by PetSafe found most people in the US who have cats in their home don’t know their feline friends typically have 18 toes, for example, and don’t realize cats purr when they’re content as well as when they’re trying to soothe themselves.

Respondents said they frequently forget to refill their furry little buddies’ water bowls, but the thing that really blew my mind is that people supposedly forget to feed their cats an average of three times a week.

How is that possible?!?

The number of times Bud has missed a meal in 10 years is precisely zero. Even when I had COVID, even when half my face was frozen with Bell’s Palsy and I was throbbing with the worst headache I’d ever endured, I fed the little guy according to his schedule.

It’s not just that he reminds me. There’s a whole ritual around it, an elaborate series of increasingly affirmative and urgent meows that quickly give way to panic if Buddy doesn’t see activity associated with a bowl of fresh wet food and water delivered to his nook.

The pre-reminder reminders begin about 45 minutes to an hour before feeding time, with Bud’s infallible internal clock signaling upcoming meal time.

At the 30 minute mark Bud will put himself directly in my line of sight and stare at me. Then he’ll start to meow at regular intervals, and if I’m not up and heading to the kitchen by T-minus 15 minutes to yums, the meowing begins in earnest.

Even the act of retrieving a pack of wet food from the Buddy Cabinet is highly formalized and ritualistic: the little dude grunts and trills excitedly as I open the seal, dump the food in his bowl, mash it up and pile it in the middle the way he likes it.

Then he leads me back to his nook, looking over his head every few paces to make sure I’m right behind him, even though we’ve done this song and dance literally 7,318 times as of today. (It’s probably more than that since I fed him more than twice a day when he was a kitten, and doesn’t include his bowl of dry food for his late night snack/overnight emergency supply so he doesn’t have to wake me up if he’s hungry.)

I realize Bud’s a bit of a tyrant and there’s no peace until he gets what he wants, but still. Cats are cats. So really, how does anyone “forget” to feed their cat?

The Cat With The Mat

For the first time, the Budster has a patch of matted fur. Luckily, because this is a frequent problem for cats, there’s a lot of detailed advice out there about what to do.

Ruh roh!

In a first for him, Bud’s got a patch of matted fur. While it’s clear he understands I’m trying to help him, he’s not particularly keen on my efforts to comb it out.

He’ll tolerate limited brushing, but after a few attempts he pulls away. I don’t think it’s a sore spot in general. He hasn’t minded when I examined the area and he doesn’t pull away if I scratch his lower back, but his limited tolerance for the brush and his body language all say he’s uncomfortable with repeated attempts to clear the fur.

The mat is hard, like the bristles of a paint brush that hasn’t been cleaned properly. Bud’s white underfur is much more visible in the matted area as it sticks up.

After reading about matting in cats and the causes, I don’t think we’re dealing with fleas or an infection. I realize indoor cats can get fleas, but I very rarely see the little guy scratching himself and there’s no indication he’s in any general discomfort.

My best guess is that he’s, ahem, maybe still a little too much on the chubby side and can’t groom the area as he did when he was a younger, slimmer feline, before he moved down to Florida, joined the Del Boca Vista retirement community for cats and immersed himself in the exciting world of bocce.

As you can see, he doesn’t look chubby and his coat is otherwise very healthy.

Of course any talk of weight issues is very hush-hush around here. Officially, Buddy has the physique of an athletic tiger. Anyone who vocalizes doubts about that does so at their peril.

Right now my plan of attack is to get a fine metal comb specifically for jobs like this. I’ll try to remedy it with short brushing sessions and encouragement in the form of treats and praise for Bud being such a brave little guy.

If that doesn’t work, the next step would be a groomer or veterinarian. These things don’t resolve themselves, unfortunately, and the longer they’re allowed to persist, the worse the problem becomes.

To be continued…