Feline Overlords – Page 43

Sunday Cats: ‘Cat Daddies’ Documentary, Misconceptions About Cloning

A screening of ‘Cat Daddies’ will benefit the Little Lion Foundation, which specializes in caring for neonatal and abandoned kittens.

A trailer for ‘Cat Daddies‘ comes right out with it: Men who love cats are often stereotyped as oddballs.

“People see a cat dad and they think ‘Oh he must be weird and creepy,” says one guy, who is shown hilariously working out his biceps by lifting his cats in place of weights. “I feel like we’re getting to a point where it’s okay [to say] ‘Yeah, I have cats.'”

Another man recalled a conversation with his college buddies in which one of them floated the idea of adopting a few cats.

“The reaction was ‘No man, you can’t do that,'” he says with an amused look on his face.

Of course, PITB readers know it’s perfectly natural for men to love cats, especially cats as muscular, intimidating and tiger-like as Buddy.

But if you’ve ever wondered what the experience is like for guys who want to adopt kitties, ‘Cat Daddies’ takes a look at several men from different backgrounds and their beloved felines, from a homeless man in New York who won’t part with his tabby even it means he won’t get housing, to an Instagram star whose rise to fame has been propelled by his feline masters.

Californians can catch the documentary in person, and help fund a good cause, at an April 16 screening in Long Beach, CA, on behalf of the Little Lion Foundation. The California-based nonprofit specializes in caring for neonatal and young, abandoned kittens, as most shelters aren’t equipped to care for them and such kittens are often euthanized if they land in an animal control or kill shelter.

For the rest of us, check out the Cat Daddies site for a list of virtual screenings and festival events.

Man with kitten — Credit: Tim Douglas/Pexels

A grieving woman explains why she’s cloning her late cat

Kris Stewart adopted Bear, a five-year-old ragdoll “with a big, bold, sassy look,” in March of 2021.

Stewart, the CEO of a senior care company in Canada, described Bear as “the smartest animal I’ve ever owned,” and said the resourceful cat could work out how to open locked doors and windows.

“What I didn’t realize was his need for adventure and exploring,” she wrote in a column for Newsweek.

After “cat-proofing” her backyard and taking Bear on walks via a harness, Stewart decided the ragdoll needed to be outside to be happy. Bear “was off-leash by May 2021,” she wrote.

“Then, one day in January 2022, I let him out about 4.30pm and within about 20 minutes I heard something, saw cars backing up down the street and ran outside. Bear had been hit. Obviously it was my fault. I’m his guardian and I made the wrong decision, and I have to live with that.”

Stewart acknowledges that cloning is a process that involves mistakes, although it’s not clear if she’s aware just how gruesome the process can be. Likening it to “human parents who want to go through IVF rather than adopt,” she said she’s hoping the clone will have the same temperament as her beloved Bear.

“I would much rather replicate Bear’s genetic material into another cat than adopt again because I would love to see the personality of Bear live on,” she wrote. “He was the most brilliant animal I’ve ever owned. Research tells us that a significant portion of personality is carried in genes so I’m willing to take the chance. I’ve said before that Mother Earth is not finished with Bear and Bear is not finished with Mother Earth. So, if I can bring back his genetic material in the form of another cat, I would like to do that. If their personalities are a little different, that’s OK, I’ll be happy regardless.”

It’s clear Stewart is devastated by losing Bear, and we don’t want to sound callous by criticizing her decision. Grief leads people to do all sorts of things, and there’s no “correct” way to cope. We all handle it differently.

At the same time, it’s wishful thinking to believe a clone is somehow a continuation of the original, or that cloning can bridge the considerable gap between nature and nurture. That’s just not how it works. Sadly, Mother Earth is done with Bear — there’s no continuity of consciousness.

Even in science fiction stories where cloning technology is flawless and human cloning somehow exists despite considerable moral and religious objections, it’s clear that cloning is, well, cloning: Even if the clone is perfect in every way, even if the process manages to faithfully reproduce personality and memories can somehow be transferred, there is no “bridge” between the original and the copy. For the person who is cloned, life ends when their consciousness blinks out, and nothing can resurrect it.

We hope Stewart finds peace and loves her new cat, but we don’t believe cloning is right answer when grieving the loss of a pet.

The Extraordinary Poetry of Buddy the Cat

Did you know Buddy is an accomplished poet and cat of letters?

Haiku:

The food of the gods
Turkey, it’s so delicious
More turkey, servant!

Time for seventh nap
Beauty rest is required
Sleep on you, human!

Mystical flower
Transforms boring to blissful
Give me catnip now!

Buddymandias:

I met a traveler from an antique cat cafe
Who said: “Two vast and polished turds
Stand in the litter…near them, in the disarray
Half sunk a shattered clump lies, resembling Los Gatos
With wrinkled lip and cold sneer of jealousy
Tell that its sculptor well read those passions and pathos
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless turds of heresy
The paw that mocked them, and the heart that fed
And taped to the box, these words appear:
‘Our name is Los Gatos, Gang of Gangs we led
Look upon my catnip empire, ye mighty, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains round the decay
Of that colossal poop, boundless and bare
The lone and level litter stretches far away.”

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary I woke with something in my head
I couldn’t escape the memory of the poultry in my head
Like a game show contestant with a parting gift, I could not believe my eyes
When I heard through the voice of a trusted Big Buddy
Who used to humor me and feed me fries, yeah humor me and feed me fries
Quothe the raven: “Nevermore!”
“Shut up, raven!” I said. “Or I’ll make you into a late night snack
You may not be turkey, but every kind of bird I shall attack
So shut those loose lips, or I’ll use your bones as toothpicks
And then enjoy Temptations as a digestif.”

Buddy is available for readings at all distinguished parlors of poetry and bookstores. His chapbook, “Turkey In My Bowl,” is available in June from Handsome Boy Press.

Cats Are 342% More Awesome If Given Regular Snacks, Study Says

The study was conducted by the Buddy Institute of Science and Stuff.

NEW YORK — Domestic cats benefit from an incredible increase in awesomeness if they’re regularly served delicious snacks, a new study found.

Researchers from the Buddy Institute of Science and Stuff designed an experiment involving two groups of cats. The control group was not given any snacks, while the second group was given treats upon request at all times.

“The results were astonishing and should be of interest to any human ser– … ah, human person who cares for cats,” said Buddy the Cat, the study’s lead author. “Cats who were given complete access to snacks rated higher in delightfulness, amusingness, charm and even fluffiness.”

As a “hands-on scientist,” Buddy put himself in the second group and personally confirmed that constant access to yummy treats does indeed lead to a wide range of positive effects.

Felines who were given catnip along with snacks rated highest on the awesomeness scale.

“The data is conclusive,” Buddy said. “For optimal results, cats should be given a combination of deliciously crunchy dry treats and soft, satisfyingly flavorful moist treats. In fact, we recommend humans provide access to treats at all times, even while they are sleeping. It’s okay, we can get them ourselves!”

The study follows Dr. Buddy’s earlier paper, “Feline Quality of Sleep Linked to Percentage of Occupied Bed Space,” which found that cats should get at least 60 percent of the bed when they sleep with their humans.

Hogging the bed — Cats need at least 60 percent of bed space, according to a totally scientific study.

Point/Counterpoint: ‘Schedules Are For Squares’ vs ‘My Meals Must Be Served Precisely On Schedule!’

Buddy the Cat argues in favor of ignoring clocks, while Buddy the Cat argues that it’s very important to remain on schedule.

Schedules Are For Squares

Schedule? What are you talking about, human?

I’m a cat. Time means nothing to me. If I want to pass the days curled up in a ball snoozing contentedly, or run around like a possessed kitten while yowling at 4 am, I will. I do what I want.

Try not to get so hung up on things like schedules. The question of whether time flows like a river or exists as discreet quanta is one for the physicists and philosophers. Hakuna Katana, my friend. It means “No worries” in Japanese.

Let yourself get crazy. Bring out the laser laser and let the catnip and snacks flow freely. I’ll just hide your phone and your watch so we can enjoy ourselves.

My Meals Must Be Served Precisely On Schedule!

I knew it! I knew when the clock struck 3:57 pm and you still weren’t moving that my dinner would be late. I tried to warn you by shrieking at you at 20-second intervals, but to no avail.

I have to be honest, I just don’t see the urgency or effort on your part, and that concerns me. We have an agreement that two bowls — one with fresh water and the other with yummy wet food — will be set down in my eating nook no later than 4 pm. Not 4:33 or 4:17 or even 4:02.

FOUR O’CLOCK.

You may not think observing a strict yums schedule is important, but it is.

My body is a fine-tuned machine, human. I didn’t get this tigeresque physique by playing fast and loose with the rules, or by delaying the ingestion of crucial proteins and nutrients.

Do better.

Point-Counterpoint presents two essays taking opposing positions on a topic. Join us next week, when Buddy the Cat will debate Buddy the Cat on another important topic.

Queen Elizabeth Creates Buddy 1st Earl of Budderset

“It’s clear the Queen loves Lord Buddy and values his counsel dearly. As a generous monarch, she’s able to reward his loyalty in ways commoners are simply unable.”

Feeling the loss of her husband, Prince Phillip, and celebrating her first Christmas without him in more than 70 years, Queen Elizabeth II turned to her friend, Sir Buddy, for friendship over the holidays.

Now she’s elevated the friendly tabby cat, creating him the 1st Earl of Budderset, a new peerage conceived specifically in his honor. Sir Buddy will henceforth be known as Lord Buddy, enjoying all the privileges and prestige that come with being a member of the British aristocracy. He’ll also enjoy the alternate style Count Buddy of Budderset.

“This is an unprecedented honor not only for a feline, but for anyone,” said Gavin Northbridge, a royal observer and author of Your Highness: The Royal Family’s Favorite Marijuana Strains. “It’s clear the Queen loves Lord Buddy and values his counsel dearly. As a generous monarch, she’s able to reward his loyalty in ways commoners are simply unable.”

The elevation in ranks entitles Buddy to London apartments as well as a country estate in Budderset. Buddington House, the new ancestral home of the Buddinese clan, boasts 68 rooms and no doors, as well as amenities including prime window perches, sisal-wrapped couches and a staff of 11 to see to Lord Buddy’s needs.

“His Lordship is a kind employer,” said Snarls Carson, Buddington House’s butler. “All of the servants, including the maids, footman, valet and chef, love working for His Lordship and maintaining Buddington House as the grand estate it’s meant to be.”

Mrs. Catmore, the resident chef at Buddington House, said the Earl is a “demanding lord,” but she’s honored to serve such an important role in his household.

“Orders for snacks are constantly coming from upstairs,” Mrs. Catmore said. “Me and Daisy can barely keep up. If this continues, we’re going to have to hire another girl. His Lordship needs his snacks!”

A statue of Earl Buddy, First Earl of Budderset, on the grounds of Budderset House. Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Lord Buddy is also bringing new twists to the old traditions of British aristocracy. While small game hunting has been one of the preferred leisure time sporting activities of the nobility, the Earl of Budderset has introduced a new game: Instead of hunting foxes, the participants hunt the hounds who would normally help them flush out foxes, pheasants and quail.

The Earl’s version of the hunt also eschews firearms in favor of Super Soakers, and instead of doing physical harm to the dogs, the participants capture and then insult their quarry, with prizes awarded to those who deploy the cleverest insults.

By throwing lavish feasts known for magnificent wine and tables laden with turkey of all flavors and variety, His Lordship has become popular in London society circles, according to royal expert Thomas J. Mace Archer-Mills, Esq.

“The Earl is on the tip of every tongue from Kensington Gardens to Piccadilly Cirus,” said Mace Archer-Mills, author of Royal Bakeology: The Queen’s Favorite Biscuits.

With Lord Buddy’s rapid ascent to knighthood and earldom, some royal observers speculate the queen’s favorite cat could yet climb to even more lofty heights. In the fallout from Prince Andrew’s association with the late disgraced billionaire Jeffrey Epstein — and a civil settlement with one of his accusers — the former royal’s royal patronage and military titles have been vacated, and he’s no longer entitled to styles of address like “His Royal Highness.”

That could open more doors for Lord Buddy.

“Is a future Duke Buddy in the cards? One mustn’t be too hasty with assumptions,” said Devon Camden Dankworth, author of Grand Tyromancy: The Royal Family’s Secret History of Cheese Divination. “But given his lordship’s meteoric rise and the favor he enjoys with the queen and future king, one would be a fool if one were to dismiss the possibility.”