Cats Are 342% More Awesome If Given Regular Snacks, Study Says

NEW YORK — Domestic cats benefit from an incredible increase in awesomeness if they’re regularly served delicious snacks, a new study found.

Researchers from the Buddy Institute of Science and Stuff designed an experiment involving two groups of cats. The control group was not given any snacks, while the second group was given treats upon request at all times.

“The results were astonishing and should be of interest to any human ser– … ah, human person who cares for cats,” said Buddy the Cat, the study’s lead author. “Cats who were given complete access to snacks rated higher in delightfulness, amusingness, charm and even fluffiness.”

As a “hands-on scientist,” Buddy put himself in the second group and personally confirmed that constant access to yummy treats does indeed lead to a wide range of positive effects.

Felines who were given catnip along with snacks rated highest on the awesomeness scale.

“The data is conclusive,” Buddy said. “For optimal results, cats should be given a combination of deliciously crunchy dry treats and soft, satisfyingly flavorful moist treats. In fact, we recommend humans provide access to treats at all times, even while they are sleeping. It’s okay, we can get them ourselves!”

The study follows Dr. Buddy’s earlier paper, “Feline Quality of Sleep Linked to Percentage of Occupied Bed Space,” which found that cats should get at least 60 percent of the bed when they sleep with their humans.

Hogging the bed
Cats need at least 60 percent of bed space, according to a totally scientific study.

8 thoughts on “Cats Are 342% More Awesome If Given Regular Snacks, Study Says”

  1. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting their cat to be 342% more awesome, but the snacks have to be chosen very carefully. I’ve seen too many desperate hollow-eyed cats in the throes of Temptations addiction.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Buddy was addicted to The Temps…twice. He was so hooked on them, he didn’t want his wet food. He would just shriek and shriek for Temps. Then stupidly months later I bought more because there were no other treats in the store that day. I should’ve tided him over with cheese until I could get something else for him. Evil stuff!

      Blue Buffalo makes a good replacement that looks like Temptations and apparently meets the approval of cats, but does not prompt the same crack addict-like behavior and doesn’t have crap in it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Frank has expressed interest in participating in Buddy’s next scientific study, especially if it requires volunteers to test the effects of massive quantities of treats.

    Liked by 3 people

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