Little Elmer likely wouldn’t have survived more than a few hours if a Good Samaritan hadn’t found him and brought him to the Humane Society.
Leah Owens and Elmer the kitten have had a rough time of it lately, but now that circumstances have brought them together, both their lives have improved.
Owens, 72, lost her husband to blood cancer late last year and has been feeling lonely. She has three cats, but they’re independent little rascals.
Then Elmer came along.
The gray tabby kitten, who has a very Buddesian look about him, was rushed to the North Texas Humane Society about two weeks ago by a Good Samaritan who found the little guy submerged in a bucket of industrial glue.
Elmer when he was covered in glue, left, and looking healthy and happy now, right. Credit: Humane Society of North Texas
After dish soap and several other substances failed to get the glue out of Elmer’s fur, Owens stepped in and gave the kitten a bath in canola oil.
Removing the super sticky substance required round-the-clock care, with Owens returning Elmer to his oil bath and massaging the glue out of his fur by hand.
Elmer was so relieved, he now considers massages a several times daily requirement and nudges Owens to give him the spa treatment.
Staff at the Humane Society say they’re not sure if Elmer fell into the glue bucket or if someone tossed him into it. He’s about two months old.
Elmer resembles a certain gray tabby and even has a similar tuft of white fur on his chest. Credit: North Texas Humane Society
As stories like this always do, Elmer’s plight pulled on the heartstrings of potential adopters, but Elmer and Owens have grown quite fond of each other.
Now it’s official: Owens’ home is Elmer’s forever home, and she’s his caretaker/masseuse for life.
Great job, Leah Owens! And watch out, gray tabbies can be quite demanding, but they also have big hearts.
Maggie Beer was reportedly intrigued by the idea of eating a “pussycat sandwich.”
Meet Maggie Beer, a “culinary icon” from Australia who was convinced to teach cooks at some sort of community kitchen on the promise that another chef would kill a feral cat to make her a “pussycat sandwich.”
Beer was invited to help instruct cooks who volunteer for a program feeding Australian seniors. In return, one of the cooks would show her how to prepare domestic cat meat.
That goes a long way to explaining the state of mind in a country that recently killed millions of cats by poisoning them and has pledged to exterminate all free-roaming cats because self-styled conservationists believe felines — not habitat destruction, mass industrialization, the widespread use of carcinogenic pesticides, windmills, glass buildings and all the other changes wrought by human presence — are the primary drivers of local bird and small mammal extinction.
Beer and Brown, cat eaters.
“We were talking a lot about cooking kangaroo tails and then I also told her about how one of our directors… had recently cooked us a feral cat from Kiwirrkurra,” said Sarah Brown, the CEO of Purple House, which prepares meals for Australian seniors.
“She got very excited about this and I said, ‘Well if you come to Alice Springs and do some cooking classes with us, then Bobby West will teach you how to cook a pussycat and you can have a pussycat sandwich for lunch.'”
Feeding seniors intelligent companion animals is about giving them “joy as well as sustenance,” Brown claims.
Thankfully not everyone in Australia thinks this is amusing, nor do they buy the claims that slaughtering cats will magically solve all the problems facing indigenous wildlife.
Buddy becomes increasingly agitated as kittens and cats write in to praise him for voicing the beloved Sesame Street character, Elmo.
Dear Little Buddy,
You’re a humble dude, you know that? All this time we’ve gotten to know you through your blog, with your human sharing stories about your many exploits and adventures, and not once did anyone bother to mention you’re the voice of Elmo.
Of course it makes perfect sense. Who better to play a fluffy, adorable character than a fluffy, adorable kitty?
So now the cat’s out of the bag, tell us: what’s it like voicing Elmo? Are you a method actor, and if so, do you take on the personality of Elmo even when the camera isn’t rolling? Is it hot in that costume? Are you friends with Big Bird? Is Oscar really a grouch off camera?
Your fan,
Cornelius the Kitten
Dear Cornelius,
I am NOT Elmo! I don’t play Elmo, I definitely don’t sound like Elmo, and I don’t even like Elmo!
I don’t know where this slander originated, but clearly someone is jealous of me for being an apex predator with huge meowscles, so they spread these hurtful Elmorian rumors.
Buddy the Tiger
Dear Buddy,
I get it! You’re not Elmo just like Bruce Wayne isn’t Batman. Your identity is safe with me! (But good job playing the character, wink wink!)
Your friend,
Cornelius the Kitten
Dear Buddy,
The kitten is right, you sound exactly like Elmo. When you try to roar it sounds like an extremely constipated Elmo a day after eating PF Chang’s. Your trills sound like Elmo using DuoLingo to learn Spanish.
Go to Youtube, search “tiger roaring” and try to keep a straight face while insisting you sound like a tiger instead of Elmo.
Okay, Elmo?
Grover Fan in Gainesville
Grover Fan,
FAKE NEWS!
Buddy
Dear Elmo,
Can I have your autograph? It’s okay, I know you’re really a cat, you can sign it with your paw.
The new science fiction franchise consists of novels, a short film, a game due out next year, and an encyclopedic art book. It’s got a compelling narrative, deep lore and all the trappings of great SF, and best of all it has awesome big cats.
Exodus is a hugely anticipated upcoming game from the team behind the beloved Mass Effect series, but it’s so much more than that.
It’s also a 900-plus page science fiction novel, Exodus: The Archimedes Engine by the outstanding novelist Peter F. Hamilton. A second book, Exodus: The Helium Sea, also authored by Hamilton, is due for release on June 16. A short film in the Amazon Prime Video series Secret Level, titled Exodus: Odyssey, further expands the fictional universe and its lore, as does an “encyclopedia” hardcover about the Exodus universe, its major factions, planets and technology.
The screenshots in this post are from Exodus: Odyssey, and depict an Awakened Jaguar.
In Exodus, certain animals are “Awakened,” meaning they’ve been genetically modified to give them cognitive and physical gifts.
In the case of big cats, it means they’re smart enough to understand human language, follow complex instructions, interact with technology, and make decisions. Big cats are companions, guards and serve as intimidating special units in the military.
The Awakened Jaguar in this scene is the companion and guardian of a planetary governor. He’s very protective of his human and immediately leaps up to growl in warning when a visitor takes an aggressive step forward.
The Awakened Jaguar leaps up as a conversation becomes intense.Awakened animals can wear tech peripherals, weapons, armor and tools. Big cats are mostly muscle, guards, soldiers and are used to intimidate enemies, while planetary police forces use Awakened dogs and one prominent character is an Awakened octopus who occupies a tank in his own personal mech, allowing him freedom of movement outside of water.
In Exodus: The Archimedes Engine, there’s a scene depicting Awakened Lions deployed with the military. They’re considerably larger than terrestrial elephants, weighing several tons, standing three times the height of adult men. They’re terrifying to behold, which is precisely why the Celestial military has them accompany their generals as honor guards.
There are also Awakened Tigers who are bigger and much more intelligent than their Earthly counterparts, with fur that can function as active camouflage. The Awakened Tigers are described and illustrated in a companion book, which notes that while the genetically modified big cats are powerful, intimidating and extremely effective, they also have voracious appetites, scarfing down more than a hundred pounds of meat per day.
The Exodus encyclopedia shows an Awakened Tiger standing protectively over a recon soldier:
A two-page illustration of an Awakened Tiger from the Exodus Encyclopedia.
As for the story behind Exodus, I cannot say enough good things about Exodus: The Archimedes Engine.
Hamilton is known for sprawling far-future narratives that combine memorable characters with fabulous technology, vividly imagined societies and awe-inspiring discoveries in the cosmos.
Many of his novels deal with humanity’s encounters with alien civilizations, which range from the serenely benevolent (the Raiel) to the terrifyingly genocidal (MorningLightMountain) and everything in between.
Exodus departs from that template to tell a story about a conflict between regular humans and the Celestials, post-humans who have spent tens of thousands of years on a self-guided evolutionary path that has transformed them into creatures that no longer bear any resemblance to the rest of humanity.
A Celestial queen from the Crown Dominion. The Crown Dominion’s Celestials appear bizarre to us but are actually among the more “normal” looking of the Celestial factions. The most inhuman are said to be the dread Mara Yama and the Talloch-Te.
To say the Celestials consider themselves better than “baseline” humanity is a drastic understatement — Celestial societies have no qualms about breeding humans for specialized labor and roles, emphasizing traits like subservience and loyalty.
In other words, regular humans are treated the same way many in our current society treat animals, as commodities and resources to exploit.
Naturally that does not sit well with people, and the central narrative follows a rebellious group who seek to free every faction from Celestial shackles.
I’m looking forward eagerly to Exodus: The Helium Sea, the second epic novel set for release in six short weeks. I was a bit anxious that a series of novels as a tie-in to a game would be somehow not as great as Hamilton’s usual books, but I should have known the author doesn’t do anything half-assed. The first book introduced compelling mysteries and answered a lot of burning questions, but left plenty to look forward to and resolve.
And as much as I’m hyped for the story, I’m also crossing my fingers for more big cats. Maybe I can convince the creative team that their universe needs an Awakened Buddy…
“No, dude, I get the captain’s quarters! I will generously allow you to use my bed and you will continue to have the honor of being my pillow and stuff.”
Pain In The Bud 