The past few days saw the publication of not one, but two near-identical clickbait lists of the “best” Halloween costumes for cats.
Yay for cheap sponsored posts, aka undisclosed advertising!
So in the spirit of Pain In The Bud, we’ll take cat costumes from each of those lists and run them by Buddy to learn what His Grace thinks of them, along with the retributive measures he’d take if I forced him to wear the costume.
Pizza Slice Pet Suit – 0/10
Buddy’s verdict: “It doesn’t even look like a pizza, and the toppings are all wrong. Who puts mushrooms and black olives on a pepperoni pie? I would poop in your shoe if you made me wear this.”
Princess Leia Buns Cat Costume – 0/10
Buddy’s verdict: “I’d straight up murder you in a way so creative I haven’t even thought of it yet. Don’t even think about it.”
Peacock Cat Costume – 0/10
Buddy’s verdict: “Why are humans obsessed with making us look like other animals? Would you want to be a peacock? I’d bite you and refuse to let go until you’re cured of any urge to peacock me.”
Wizard Hat for Cats – 6/10
Buddy’s verdict: “I put on my robe and wizard hat. This one’s actually not bad. It would make me look mysterious! I’ve always wanted to be a wizard with the power to open fridges and tin cans. Does it come in red?”
Red Riding Hood Cat Costume – 0/10
Buddy’s verdict: “Over the river and through the woods, to smother you in your sleep we go! Did you know humans can be ‘fixed’ too? I just read about it. Fascinating!”
Donald Trump Cat Costume – 3/10
Buddy’s verdict: “Suddenly I feel the urge to tweet. This is the number one cat costume in the world, okay folks? It really is terrific. Tremendous. The best costume you’ll ever see, okay? Just don’t make me wear it. If you’ve got a ginger tabby, though…”
Turkey Drumsticks Cat Costume – 7/10
Buddy’s verdict: “Okay, credit for the idea. Whoever made this costume knows the way to a Buddy’s heart. But it’s like bringing me up to the Thanksgiving table, allowing me to take a deep sniff of the magnificent bird, and then snatching me away from that turkey goodness before I can take a bite. A tease. Unless it comes with actual turkey, it’s a no-go.”
King Cat Costume – 7/10
Buddy’s verdict: “I feel like the intent was pure, but the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Not quite regal enough for me, is it? Your punishment would be to find something appropriately majestic for me, although I’m sure that would feel more like a privilege.”
Legendary Kitty Hero Akitties Cat Costume – 10/10
Buddy’s verdict: “I look badass, don’t I?”