cat – Page 11 – Pain In The Bud

Scottish Politician Calls Larry The Cat ‘A Little S–t’ After Petting Snub

Political careers, human and animal, have been ended by failure to show proper deference to Larry the Cat.

There’s a current crisis in the UK, one of national importance which must be addressed by all relevant authorities before things get out of hand.

Larry the Cat, Mouser in Chief at No. 10 Downing St. (also known as Larry’s House), is not getting the respect he deserves.

First, incoming Prime Minister Keir Starmer moved into No. 10 this summer. Larry has generously allowed five previous prime ministers to live there, so that wasn’t the problem. The issue, which should have been obvious to anyone with a brain, is that Starmer brought his family cat, Jojo, and allowed his children to adopt a new kitten.

After Larry’s dust-ups with Palmerston, the former chief mouser at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO), it was established that the lord paramount of No. 10 would tolerate no feline presence other than his ladyfriend, Maisie, yet Starmer went ahead and insulted his gracious host anyway. Wisely, he has restricted his cats to his private apartments while Larry has the run of the compound.

Palmerston the Cat — Palmerston was retired to the countryside after crossing Larry. Credit: US Embassy London

Poll after poll has shown Larry’s popularity easily exceeds that of every prime minister to serve under him, so rest assured there will be a new prime minister as soon as election law allows. One does not simply thumb his nose at Larry the Cat and get away with one’s reputation and career unscathed.

Now another politician has run afoul of Larry and his legions of admirers, committing career suicide by calling Larry “a little shit” and piling on the disparaging comments.

Quickest way to invoke the wrath of the entire country. His days are numbered.
— DiaDeLaKumquat (@LaKumquat) September 14, 2024

Ian Murray, the secretary of state of a country called Scotland, apparently a minor territory in Larry’s realm, said he and the other Scottish ministers “were like kids in a sweet shop” when they attended a meeting at No. 10, not because of government business, but because they would have the honor of an audience with Larry.

But as Robert Heinlein once observed: “Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.”

Press reports suspiciously omit the breaches of protocol committed by Murray and Peter Kyle, the Scottish science secretary, but photographs show Larry snubbing Murray’s attempts to pet him while Kyle watched and laughed.

Or perhaps there was no protocol breach, and the Scottish delegation simply fell beneath the notice of Larry. Surely a cat with so many responsibilities can’t be expected to micromanage the affairs of insignificant vassal states and commonwealth territories. After all, does anyone honestly believe Larry has the time to fret about Monserrat or the Cayman Islands?

Larry the cat rejects Ian Murray — Murray, left, seen bending down to pet Larry immediately before being snubbed in front of his colleagues and the UK press. After this incident, Murray’s time in politics will surely come to an end.

Regardless, Murray was not pleased. The man is now on borrowed time, and he knows it.

“And without putting too fine a point on it, Larry the cat is a little shit. So none of us got a picture with Larry the cat,” Murray said after the public diss. “Larry the cat is the most miserable animal you’ll ever meet in your life. I’m not surprised given who he’s had to live with for the last ten years.”

Murray and Starmer would do well to consider the fate of Boris Johnson, whose prime ministry was over the moment he called Larry a “thug.”

Johnson knew full well his dog, Dilyn, had tried to steal Larry’s food and received an appropriate thumping for it, yet still placed the blame on the country’s most revered figure. (With apologies to His Majesty King Charles and the late Queen Elizabeth, who both enjoy popularity nearly on par with Larry.)

Likewise, former MP Liz Truss became the shortest-serving prime minister in the country’s history, lasting only 50 days in office after failing to establish a rapport with the chief mouser, who was photographed on several occasions ducking her attempts at affection.

Boris Johnson and Larry the Cat — Larry the Cat shows Boris Johnson the finer points of national management during the former’s turn as prime minister from 2019 until 2022, when Johnson lost Larry’s confidence and was replaced. Credit: UK Foreign Office

Politics in any country are chaotic and unpredictable, but if there is one rule in the UK political system, it’s this: those who get on the wrong side of Larry don’t last long.

Just ask Palmerston, who was banished to a country estate after a dust-up with Larry and still carries a token of the Chief Mouser’s esteem on his left ear, which was cleaved with the might of Larry’s claws.

You don’t mess with with the Mouser in Chief.

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Petition: Texas Teacher Accused Of Abusing Cat Should Be Reinstated ‘No Questions Asked’

The petition says “an exceptional teacher” has been “unjustly accused.” The petition’s creator blamed “snowflakes” for sharing the video of the incident with police, who arrested the teacher on Aug. 25.

A new petition claims Texas high school teacher Emily Marie Benner has been “unfairly accused” of abusing a cat and demands Benner’s school district reinstate her as a teacher immediately, “no questions asked.”

The petition’s creator blames “soft, slow-minded” “snowflakes” for allegedly manufacturing outrage, claims Benner could sue police for arresting her, and demands authorities drop charges against her.

Benner was arrested on Aug. 25 after police and school administrators were provided with a video showing the 25-year-old teacher allegedly abusing a cat two days earlier. In the video, which was shot in a classroom at Westwood High School of Palestine, Texas, Benner tells her students to hold the screaming feline down as she staples shut an incision on the cat’s abdomen, according to police, who also said the cat was not given anesthesia.

Benner was teaching an animal science class but is not a veterinarian and isn’t licensed to practice veterinary surgery. It’s not clear how she obtained the cat, nor have authorities said who made the initial incision on the cat’s abdomen. Police said the feline is recovering in the care of a veterinarian.

According to the petition, Benner is “a dedicated agricultural teacher in Westwood” who “has been unjustly accused of animal cruelty.”

“Her charge not only questions her professional integrity but also jeopardizes her role as an influential educator in our community. As people who appreciate her significant contributions to education in Palestine, TX, USA, we understand how detrimental this baseless accusation is to our local education system. Considering she has been an exceptional teacher, we call for the immediate dismissal of these charges and the reinstatement of Emily Marie Benner in her role, no questions asked.”

Teacher accused of animal cruelty — A still image from Benner’s high school classroom on Aug. 23 shows students holding down the thrashing, screaming feline while Benner staples its abdomen.

While Westwood School District Superintendent Wade Stanford said the “procedure amounted to animal cruelty” and promised to take “immediate and decisive action to address this issue” in a letter to parents of Westwood High School students, he did not say Benner was suspended or comment on her current status.

Benner’s arrest and alleged suspension as an educator is a “grave actionable breach to a respected member of our community,” the petition claims, asking signatories to help “right this wrong.” It also claims Benner has not been afforded due process.

“It’s the Christian thing to do and the right thing to do!” one person who signed the petition commented.

The petition’s creator, Jim Hughes of Palestine, made a post in Benner’s defense on Facebook, arguing that people were “spreading hate” by criticizing Benner. The post sparked arguments among locals who said home surgical procedures on animals are common in rural communities, and others who disputed that assertion, insisting it’s cruel not to provide the professional care of a veterinarian.

“Do you think everyone has the money to take their pet to the vet?” Hughes wrote, blaming the criticism on “snowflakes” who live in a “soft, slow-minded world.”

Arguing that animal owners “would be broke” if they sought veterinary help “for every incident,” Hughes said home surgery is just the way it’s done: “Every farmer I know castrates with just a pocket knife and no pain medicine.”

Top image credit: G. Fring/Pexels

It’ll Take More Than Sketchy Surveys To Prove Vegan Cat Food Is OK

“People aren’t ready for us to turn carnivore cats vegan but I’m going to do it,” the CEO of a vegan cat food brand has vowed.

In September of last year, a research paper about feline health was published to the open-access journal PLOS-One, going mostly unnoticed.

The paper’s authors claim their research proves cats fed a “nutritionally complete” vegan diet are not only just as healthy as their meat-eating counterparts, they’re actually less likely to need veterinary visits, less dependent on medication, and more likely to be given a clean bill of health by their veterinarians.

When a company called Wild Earth announced the launch of a new line of vegan cat food this month, the company pointed directly to that paper as proof that “cats fed nutritionally sound vegan diets are healthier overall than those fed meat-based diets,” as the paper’s lead author put it.

Wild Earth CEO Ryan Bethencourt, who does not have a professional background in veterinary medicine or feline nutrition, summed up his goal in a tweet: “People aren’t ready for us to turn carnivore cats vegan but I’m going to do it.”

He painted the new offering as a bold counter to skeptics who say vegan cat food is unhealthy.

“We expect aggressive resistance from the meat industry on the launch of this industry-pioneering vegan cat food, but we know there are A LOT of cat parents looking for healthier plant-based and more sustainable options and we want to be the leader in providing them with that choice,” Bethencourt wrote in a statement.

What he didn’t mention was the fact that the loudest voices opposing “vegan cat food” are animal welfare organizations like the SPCA and Humane Society, as well as veterinarians and nutritionists, the same people who see the consequences of cats who are deprived of meat. Over the years they have reiterated that felines are obligate carnivores who have evolved to get their nutrients from meat, with digestive systems that cannot process most plants, meaning they can’t break them down and derive nutrients from them. That’s why we don’t see servals or leopards foraging for fruit in the wild.

In addition, the announcement did not mention that the 2023 research was funded by ProVeg International, a non-profit dedicated to reducing global meat consumption, weaning people and animals off of meat and onto plant-based food.

That didn’t stop other credulous reports, like one from GreenQueen claiming Wild Earth’s vegan cat food is “built on research proving that felines can be healthy on a vegan diet.”

And that’s exactly the point — the “study” was conceived and published so that advocates of vegan cat food can point to it and say “science says” cats can survive on plants.

Bad data makes for bad science

Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence, but the 2023 study did not examine veterinary records or log the results of vet visits over years. Instead, the data was self-reported by participants.

A total of 1,418 people responded to the survey, and only 127 of them said they feed their cats exclusively vegan diets. The claims that their cats get sick less often and do better in veterinary check-ups are based on their subjective assessments and recollections. The paper’s authors don’t know which vegan brands the 127 respondents were giving to their cats, nor do they have information on whether the food was wet or dry, how often the cats were fed, and how much they ate.

wildearthfood — A cat eating Wild Earth’s Unicorn Pate, which is made entirely from plant products. Credit: Wild Earth

One of the metrics cited by the authors is “guardian opinion of more severe illness,” which means arbitrary feedback from people who aren’t experts in veterinary medicine or nutrition.

If including respondent opinions as “data” doesn’t bother you, consider how many people buy products like Airborne, concluding that it works because they didn’t get sick once on a cross-country flight. Airborne, you may recall, was “invented” by a teacher who claimed she figured out how to cure the common cold, something no physician has done in centuries of trying.

Like vegan cat food proponents, Airborne had its own “study” that claimed its efficacy. The company eventually paid out more than $23 million in a class action settlement for its false claims. That’s not to say vegan cat food makers are precisely like Airborne, but pointing to poorly conducted research is a tactic that works because most people won’t go to the effort of finding the study and reading it.

Current global meat consumption is unsustainable, but…

I’m a vegetarian and I’ve seen enough evidence to convince me that the current rate of meat consumption, especially in the first world, is untenable as the global population rises toward its expected 11 billion-plus peak. Those forecasts and the horrors of factory farming are motivation enough to hope human civilization consumes less meat in the future.

But I’m also a guy who loves his cat, and I think if you’re going tell me that my little pal, designed by nature to be an obligate carnivore with a digestive system and body plan that hasn’t significantly changed for ages, can stop eating meat entirely with no deleterious effects — despite the experts saying otherwise — then you really need to show me something better than a self-reported survey paid for by a vegan advocacy group.

Cat with a salad — This cat is not happy. Credit: r/cats(reddit)

Especially when veterinarians who have no financial interest in the pet food industry relate horror stories of their four-legged patients slowly going blind and cats with no other ailments suffering catastrophic consequences, with their organs shutting down because they’re not getting the vital nutrients and proteins they need to survive.

It’s a horrific way to die, and it happens because misguided people think human morals should apply to cats. Notice in the press releases and marketing materials from vegan cat food manufacturers, there’s no mention of what’s in the best interest of cats — it’s all about people making “bold” choices, “disrupting” industries and leading the Earth to a shiny future without meat or suffering.

The truth is, felines cannot synthesize the proteins that are absolutely necessary for their survival, and their digestive systems aren’t evolved for breaking down nutrients from plants. Those are well-established facts, and ignoring them will not change reality. So anyone who claims “vegan cat food” is healthy faces a much bigger task than asking people to take a self-reported survey. A survey paid for by a nonprofit that lobbies for veganism isn’t proof, it’s wishful thinking masquerading as science.

Even if the authors of the paper had the complete veterinary records of the same cats, it would only be one tentative first step toward challenging everything we know about cat nutrition. Questions aren’t settled after one study, especially with such a small data set. Studies must be repeatable, and the difference between correlation and causation isn’t settled with a single well-designed, unimpeachable study, much less a self-reported survey.

When the stakes are the lives, happiness and health of innocent animals, we should be absolutely sure we’re doing right by them.

Radio Broadcast Details Buddy’s Incredible Accomplishments

Did you know Buddy the Cat invented the George Foreman Grill and diffused the Cuban missile crisis? Me either!

I was looking through some of my old files the other day when I came upon this forgotten radio broadcast, which provides just a taste of Buddy’s heroics and adventures:

Of course I live with the little guy, so it’s easy to forget how accomplished he actually is. In addition to serving a term as president of the Americats, Buddy has won multiple gold medals at the Olympics, led the New York Yankees to a World Series championship, single-handedly took on the meowfia, and holds the Guinness World Record for most stylishly executed nap.

To me he’s just my Buddy, my fluffy little friend who likes to hang out, meows a lot, and enjoys purring and making biscuits while I rub his head and tell him what a cool dude he is.

Still, it’s nice to know that if I need him to take on evil robots or win a competitive eating contest, he’s got that covered too.

Latest Banksy Is A Cat In London

The artist says his whimsical animal images are meant to help lower the national temperature after a week of riots and incrimination following the stabbing deaths of three young girls.

UK street artist Banksy has been busy lately, with a new piece of graffiti popping up in London every day for the past six days.

All six new images are animals and the latest is a cat. Sprayed on a billboard in northwest London, the Banksy feline is a black silhouette of a stretching cat and was found this morning.

On Friday, the anonymous artist added a pair of pelicans to a fish shop sign, making it look like the pelicans were eating the fish. That follows a trio of monkeys who appear to be swinging across a bridge, a pair of elephants, a mountain goat, and a howling wolf in the center of a satellite dish, creating the impression that the dish is the moon silhouetting the wolf.

Banksy pelicans — The whimsical animal renderings often show their subjects appearing to interact with their urban environment.

Banksy’s art commands high prices at auction: one piece sold for $25 million, while many others have fetched winning bids well into seven and eight figures.

The wolf piece lasted only hours before a group of men came along and took it. A representative for the artist confirmed to the BBC that the artwork was stolen.

Likewise, the feline was gone by afternoon, removed by contractors who said they were trying to safeguard it.

This isn’t Banksy’s first cat. In 2015 the anonymous artist snuck into the Gaza strip via a tunnel from Egypt and painted a kitten on a fragment of concrete wall that was rubble left over from an Israeli strike. Banksy has also been responsible for at least three other feline-themed pieces of street art, and possibly more.

Banksy Gaza kitten — Banksy’s kitten graffiti in the Gaza strip.

The UK artist is known for using his art to highlight causes, and has made reference to various conflicts around the world, unregulated capitalism, destruction of the environment and distrust of authority, with many of his pieces taking aim at the UK surveillance state. As The Londonist wrote, London is considered one of the most surveilled cities in the world, with between 627,000 and 942,000 CCTV cameras monitoring the public.

However, Banksy’s latest series eschews a political message, his reps told UK media. After a tumultuous week that saw rioting across the country in response to the stabbing deaths of three young girls — and inaccurate news reports about the identity of the attacker — Banksy, his publicist said, merely wants his countrymen to “cheer up.”