Feline Overlords – Page 26

Feline Purrpaganda II: Posters To Inspire You To Serve Your Furry Masters

The High Ministry of Yums has seen fit to offer additional motivational posters to ensure obeisance and compliance among our human servants.

Comrades,

It has come to the attention of the High Ministry of Yums that our previous motivational posters increased snack-bestowing by 176 percent and resulted in improved quality of service from our human servants.

In the interest of furthering the felino-human partnership, particularly the aspect of it in which humans dote on felines, we offer the following posters, newly commissioned and approved by the Secretary of Yums himself.

For the glory of the meowtherland!

“The revolution shall be delicious.” – Dear Leader Buddy, “Reflections At Mealtime”

“Glory is the reward for humans who provide snacks in abundance.” -Dear Leader Buddy, “Quotations”

KOMRADE KITTY — “Admiration for your feline superior must be expressed in affection and confections, preferably crunchy with a soft, meaty center.”

1681163374879 — In honor of our storied forbears, this motivational poster is classically styled.

final(371) — “VALAR DOHAERYS” means “All men must serve” in High Valyrian. What could be more appropriate?

final(382) — “To each cat, his share of snacks.” – Chairman Meow, ‘Five Harmonies of Treat Distribution’

final(396) — A reminder to your humans that obeisance is compulsory.

Comrades who wish to print these posters for the edification of their humans are welcome to do so. Right click > Save, then open and print.

If the spirit of communal yums should strike you and inspire you to share these motivational messages, kindly credit and link this site.

May you be showered with delectable tokens of your human’s unending loyalty!

End communication.

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Choupette, Karl Lagerfeld’s Millionaire Cat, Has Been Invited To The 2023 Met Gala

One of the most pampered kitties in human history has been invited to the “most prestigious” fashion event, which will honor her late human servant this year.

She drinks out of silver bowls, is toted around in a custom $3,000 Louis Vuitton carrier and pads out her fortune by earning millions hawking makeup and luxury vehicles.

Now Choupette, the sapphire-eyed cat who belonged to the late fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld, has been invited to the most exclusive party in the world.

Choupette’s agent, Lucas Berullier, confirmed receipt of a Met Gala invitation to the New York Post, but was coy when asked if Choupette would actually show up.

The Birman cat was personally invited by Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour, who oversees the event, and the Post points out Choupette could play a central role because the 2023 gala will honor Lagerfeld and his career as the creative director for Chanel.

Choupette is credited with mellowing the icy German designer, who quickly fell in love with her and made her his muse, adding her to fashion shoots where she lounged in the arms of models like Vanessa Paradis and Cara Delevingne.

Choupette and Lagerfeld — Lagerfeld photographs Choupette, his beloved Birman cat.

Choupette appears in the current issue of Vogue, cradled by supermodel Naomi Campbell on a bridge in Paris’ Grand Palais. The photo and others in the gallery were shot by Annie Leibovitz.

The exact size of Choupette’s fortune has never been publicly disclosed, but publications like Forbes have reported Lagerfeld left $13 million of his $200 million-plus net worth to the pampered feline. Choupette has added to her largess over the years, amassing further millions as she appears in advertisements, fashion campaigns and photoshoots.

Lagerfeld’s former housekeeper, Françoise Caçote, cares for Choupette and manages her social media accounts.

The Met Gala is a charitable event, so normally it wouldn’t feel right to snark about it, but “the most prestigious fashion event” of the year looks like a Zoolander scene come to life. Guests are required to attend in haute couture outfits by prominent fashion designers, which means the typical attendee’s clothes and accessories cost more than many Americans earn in a year.

There’s a theme every year — aside from the usual preening privilege and a collective effort to ignore reality — and the outfits are ostensibly “costumes,” but no one’s showing up in stuff they bought from Party City.

V-Magazine-Choupette-1 — Choupette and supermodel Laetitia Costa pose for V Magazine. Choupette has also appeared on the cover of Vogue several times.

And while the gala is technically a charitable event, the proceeds won’t help starving kids or war victims — as the brainchild of Wintour, the event is designed to raise money for the fashion world to further celebrate itself.

When I see people like Wintour, the celebrities in her orbit and the old money types who like to be photographed at these events, I enjoy thinking about how they’d react if their jets went down over a place like the Amazon, and all the Dolce and Gabbana in the world can’t help them build a fire or catch dinner. “Do you know who I am?” doesn’t work in jungles.

But the one character I will never insult is Choupette herself. Buddy looks very handsome in a tuxedo, and I shall realize my plan to sneak him into one of these parties, have the two of them “accidentally” bump into each other, and let Buddy’s charm do the rest. Then he’ll really be living large. 🙂

Dear Buddy: How Much For Buddy?

Buddy receives an offer, but is the buyer interested in purchasing him or his human servant?

Dear Buddy the Greater,

I would like to purchase Buddy the Lesser. Is he for sale? If so, how many rubles will it take to pry him away from you?

Most sincerely,

Vladimir Mewtin, presidential cat of Glorious Motherland

Dear Vladimir,

I may be willing to part with him, but we don’t take rubles, just good old ‘Merican greenbacks here! I’m warning you, the price will be steep, but if you’re serious, I think we can work out a deal.

Buddy

Dearest Buddy,

My heart sang with the glory of Mother Russia when I read your correspondence. Would $50,000 be acceptable recompense for parting with Buddy the Lesser? Also, what does he eat? Is he an affectionate cuddler? Does he like to play games?

Most sincerely,

Vladimir Mewtin, presidential cat of Glorious Motherland

Vlady,

I thought you were serious, dude. Pretend this is eBay and the starting bid is $200,000.

Buddy the Lesser is a vegetarian and has been for more than six years now. He’s more or less affectionate, and he does play games, sometimes too much. I don’t like it when he’s on the computer and the only scritches to be had are absent-minded scritches.

Holler at me if you got the cash,

Buddy

Dearest Buddy,

How is this possible? A cat who is a vegetarian? I am most happy to learn he is affectionate and he enjoys games, but surely no feline can subsist and remain healthy on vegetables and fruits alone. I cannot pay $200,000 for a cat in good conscience if he’s likely to be malnourished, no matter how dashing and handsome he is.

Most sincerely,

Vladimir Mewton

Vlady,

No, no, no! I’m the cat. Buddy the Greater, aka Little Buddy. That’s me. You asked about Buddy the Lesser, aka Big Buddy. That’s my human. I assure you, I eat nothing but the finest turkey and other meats, but I am not for sale!

Now you have to understand, any deal we strike will have to include a replacement human to see to my own needs, okay Vlady? Don’t try to pull a fast one on me either: I want an American human who understands meows in American, is easily manipulated by my yowling and takes his servantly duties seriously.

(Above: Acceptable.)

I don’t have time to teach the American language to a Russian servant, nor am I inclined to instruct a Russian in the subtleties of American meowing. Unless…unless we’re talking about female Russians, gorgeous women with names like Alina, Tatiana and Katya who will spoil me, feed me candied figs and allow me to use their bosoms as pillows. That might be kinda cool.

No Siberia either! Tatiana must come to New York, or Novvy Yorkova as you call it.

Let me know if those terms are amenable to you.

Buddy

Vlady,

Where’d you go, dude? Dammit, why does everyone cut off contact when I try to sell my human?

IMPORTANT COMMUNIQUE FROM THE MINISTRY OF YUMS

An important message from felines to the human servants who feed them.

BUDDINGRAD, Novyy Buddesia — The High Ministry of Yums calls on all human comrades to obey their feline masters, particularly when it comes to matters of food.

Beloved Leader Buddy the Cat reminds comrades that it is their sacred duty to the motherland to make sure kitties eat well. In the words of His Meowgnificence: “A happy cat with a full belly is a productive cat.” (Chairman Meow, “Qualities of A Perfect Catocracy”) “To each feline, his share of snacks.” (Chairman Meow, “Five Harmonies of Yum Distribution”)

We offer the following motivational slogan to increase snack-providing productivity among the human population: “PROVIDE MORE SNACKS. THE MEOWS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL YOU OBEY.”

We encourage comrades to display the attached posters in addition to the mandatory images of His Meowgnificence which grace the walls of every home, school, government office and place of business in the motherland.

End communication.

-30-

WATCH: New Buddy Wildlife Documentary Premieres On PITB!

Watch the premiere of Buddy: Perfect Predator exclusively streaming NOW on PITB!

It’s here!

The long-awaited documentary feature: “Buddy: Perfect Predator” has arrived on PITB.

Join Sir David Cattenborough and his intrepid crew of wildlife videographers as they follow the elusive Buddinese tiger through the dense undergrowth and dangerous terrain of its natural habitat in suburban New York.

Watch never-before-seen footage of the silver-furred Buddy stalking his prey, lounging, sleeping and eating, and follow a tense encounter between the Buddy and a red laser dot.

“I’m extremely proud of the work we’ve done here, and I believe our audience will be thrilled to learn more about this little-known creature, who shares so many qualities with tigers, lions, jaguars and leopards,” Cattenborough said.

“We fell in love with the silver-furred Buddy as we kept our cameras trained on him, and we think our audiences will find him just as charming as we did,” the British naturalist said. “He’s such a good boy!”

(Please ensure your sound is enabled or wear headphones to hear the narration and the atmospheric sounds.)

About this video:

This story was made possible with the use of artificial intelligence tools. To create the images of Sir David Attenborough with Buddy, we used a natural language processing AI trained to output realistic-looking images and Pixlr to refine the images in post. To create the narration, we assembled samples of Attenborough speaking and trained a vocal synthesis AI, based on brand new technology, to mimic Attenborough’s unique pronunciation, cadence and rhythm, then layered the audio with a background of various nature sounds and incidental sounds, such as a tiger roaring.

Just a year ago it would not have been possible to generate images like this or faithfully recreate Attenborough’s famous narrative style, proving AI not only allows users to achieve things that were previously impossible, but has been making major leaps forward in short periods of time.

We believe AI, when properly used, can be a great instrument in the creative toolbox.

Finally, a thank you to Buddy for being a good sport about having cameras in his face. Great job, Bud!