stray cat – Pain In The Bud

The Cat Distribution System Giveth Kitties, Plus: President Buddy’s Face Graces New Cat Dollars!

Twix and Gollum are in the process of converting my brother’s family into their dedicated servants.

My nieces have wanted a cat for a long time, but my brother and his wife had a few good reasons to hold off.

First and foremost, they were moving to a new country, and adding pets to a complex move that includes furniture, belongings and a long flight — plus adjusting to an entirely new country, new jobs and new schools — was a hassle they didn’t want.

In addition, I know they all deeply miss their dog, Cosmo, who passed away in the summer of 2023. Heck, I miss the little dude dearly. If he hadn’t burrowed his way into my heart, I wouldn’t have even thought of adopting a little buddy of my own.

But the Cat Distribution System cares little for the plans of mere mortals, and when my brother and his family arrived at their new home in coastal Italy, they soon discovered it came with a cat: Twix, a fixed calico who lives on the property.

It wasn’t long before the friendly Twix established that these new humans could be trusted, which is when she introduced an orange tabby who is either her brother or companion. No one’s quite sure.

Now my nieces have two cats to play with, and they’re making Bud look bad. As cats who have lived outdoors on the property, they’re much more accustomed to noise and change, and they adjust more quickly. Buddy, by contrast, is used to a quiet apartment with me, and while he is friendly to guests, he’s also a bit wary of kids.

Here are Twix and Gollum:

In the meantime, Buddy’s second term as President of the Americats is chugging along. After recognizing the need for a new denomination, President Buddy has introduced the new $11 cat dollar bill featuring his presidential likeness:

We’re not sure a powdered wig is a particularly good look for the little fellow, but I know better than to raise that concern.

Why would anyone need an $11 bill, you ask? Because cats don’t have pockets, so they don’t do change!

Cat dollars are legal feline tender and entitle the bearer to the equivalent value in cat food cans or snacks, when presented at any accredited feline bank.

Buddy, pleased with his new currency, has ordered his treasury to get started on a new $7 cat bill, which will also feature his likeness.

Muahahaha! The Cat Distribution System Has Bestowed A Kitty On My Brother’s Family

Twix the cat is a beautiful Calico living in sunny coastal Italy.

Wary as he may be of them sometimes, Bud is the “family cat” to my nieces.

Now 12 and 8, they’ve wanted a cat for a long time but were vetoed by their parents, since the family was moving to Italy and it appeared my younger niece had allergies.

Well, now they’re finally settled in Italy, tests have confirmed my niece is not allergic to cats, and it turns out their new home comes with a feline.

A beautiful, super-friendly and affectionate Calico named Twix, who was fed, spayed and given veterinary care by the home’s previous family.

“She is super affectionate and lets us pet her a lot,” my brother texted me along with photos of Twix on a window sill and on the grass outside, enjoying scritches from the kids. “Even rolls on her back and has her stomach scratched.”

“Shiiit,” I responded. “Touching the stomach would get you killed with Bud … Well, you got a cat, whether you like it or not.”

It also looks like Bud will have a potential lady friend. I plan to visit for an extended amount of time and use my brother’s house as a base from which to explore Europe, and there’s just no way I’m going to leave Bud for months, especially when he’ll be 12.

He can handle a long weekend and even a couple of weeks, but months? I don’t think that would be good for either of us, and I worry that he may think I’m not coming back. We have never been separated for that long. He’s coming to Italy with me.

As for Twix, it looks like she’s been living on the property for quite a while. The kids have set up a little shelter for her with blankets. I advised my brother to make sure she has a water bowl that’s refilled regularly with fresh water, they’re feeding her wet food, and I’ll work on getting little Twix inside permanently if she isn’t already a house cat by the time I get there. I can be persistent! It looks like she can come and go as she pleases, so it may not be long before she decides it’s better to be inside and safe.

A friend once taught me that you can “speak Italian” by adding -are (“RA”) onto anything. “Grazie! La felinare!”

This Cat Looks Like An Orangutan

The former stray has become hugely popular online thanks to his permanently surprised-looking expression.

Much as I love my cat, I’ve never been a fan of being startled awake by the little stinker jumping on my chest or slapping my cheek, only to find him right up in my face, staring as creepy as you please.

I now realize I’m fortunate. Imagine waking up to this dude yowling in your face:

Sheesh.

That’s Fedya, a four-year-old cat who presumably has some Persian lineage or a similar breed. His human, 42-year-old Natalya Zhdanova, found the little guy in her backyard when he was just a kitten. He was in a bad way at the time and she nursed him back to health with help from her neighbor’s kind cat.

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His perpetually perplexed countenance wasn’t as obvious in his kitten days and Zhdanova has said she never imagined he’d become an online sensation with more than 300,000 people following the Russian feline on Instagram.

People have said Fedya looks like a real life cartoon character, but I think he looks like an orangutan, specifically an adult male with pronounced cheek flanges. In orangutans, cheek flanges are useful for attracting mates, as they signal a male is strong, healthy and his body is coursing with testosterone.

In cats? Who knows. Maybe they’re a result of Fedya’s swagger. (Fedya, by the way, is a diminutive of the Russian name Fyodor, also spelled Fedor, from the original Greek name Theodore, or Theodorus.)

We wish the big guy well, whether he’s curled up by a fire in Russia or stalking the humid jungles of Borneo!

Would You Ever Confuse Another Cat For Your Own?

A man and woman on TikTok claim they took in a stray, believing it was their own identical-looking cat.

Back in 2021 we were fascinated by the story of a Redditor who thought he found his missing cat after three weeks, only for his actual cat to come walking through the door a week later.

The cats did look remarkably similar, and it’s conceivable that the Redditor was so happy to have his cat back that he didn’t realize there were very small differences.

Now a couple on TikTok claims something similar has happened to them, although it should be taken with a grain of salt. They claim they brought a cat inside, believing it was their feline overlord, only to begin cuddling him the exact moment they realized their actual cat was outside looking in, appearing none too happy about the situation.

Of course to take the story at face value you’d also have to believe that the entire incident happened to be captured on video by an unnamed third person who happened to be filming them at that moment, and happened to have their camera in portrait mode for maximum TikTok compatibility.

TikTok cat doppelganger claim — The TikTokers

I’m not linking to the account or the Upworthy story that takes it at face value because I’m not a fan of clickbait or content scrapers, but it did remind me of the interesting 2021 story and my reaction to it.

At the time I noted three of Bud’s unique physical characteristics: his bright green eyes framed by dark “guyliner,” the unique tuft of white fur on his chest and perhaps his most obvious distinguishing feature, his pronounced muzzle. You can see it in this photo thanks to the angle:

Buddy from above — A Buddy like no other.

But most of all, Buddy’s personality is utterly unique. I could probably search to the ends of the Earth and hell would freeze over before finding a gray tabby cat with the same physical features, the same tyrannical Elmo voice and the same imperious personality.

I cannot fathom mistaking another cat for Bud because I can’t imagine another cat with all of the above qualities who also narrates his own activities in real time like a play-by-play announcer who sounds like a disco-funk vocalist singing in falsetto.

“Jumping off the couch now…funky! I can see the bottom of my bowl, dude, and that is decidedly un-funktacular! I’m gonna do a few laps around the living room at 27mph while filling you in on my latest theories about the multiverse, okay? Prepare to get funky! So I think there are — ooh, I found a crunchy treat I must have missed earlier! Nomnomnom! — anyway, I was doing some calculations and I believe if we extend out to 11 dimensions, we solve some of the incompatibilities I was telling you about earlier. In simple terms, all particles in our universe are like vibrations on a tiny rubber band, physics is the harmonies on the string, chemistry is the melodies we play on vibrating strings, the universe is a symphony of strings, and the mind of God is cosmic music resonating in 11-dimensional hyperspace! Bring me catnip! I need catnip! Can’t you see I’m on the verge of another breakthrough here?”

Buddy: Catnip aficionado, play-by-play announcer and theoretical physicist. Also, beefcake.

I’ve described Bud as a lunatic, and that’s one reason I love him. He’s crazy in the best way, unpredictable, amusing and never boring.

Could you ever mistake another cat for your own? What makes YOUR cat unique?

Poland’s Most Famous Cat Is Off The Streets And Off The Snacks

Gacek the cat went viral earlier this year, commanding international headlines as thousands of tourists rated him the top attraction in his home city in Poland.

But as the feline’s renown grew so did his waistline, with tourists flocking to his little wooden home on the street to snap photos of the rotund tuxedo and — despite signs pleading with them not to feed him — gift him with snacks.

That wasn’t the only problem. Gacek couldn’t walk around most of the time without an entourage following him, and in March a woman tried to snatch “The King of Szczecin” in broad daylight. Her catnapping caper was quickly canned when Gacek slipped out of her arms and took refuge under a car while his admirers turned their phone cameras on his would-be abductor, who sheepishly retreated to a cab and took off.

The last straw was a recent veterinary exam which found the tubby tux was as many as 11 pounds overweight.

Something had to change.

Szczecin’s municipal animal shelter took the little big guy in their care and put him on a diet while looking for an appropriate home for him. Now Gacek has been adopted, the shelter wrote in a series of social media posts, and he’s starting to slim down after six years of livin’ la vida treats with a steady stream of visitors to his court, seeking his favor with offerings of yums crunchy and soft.

That’s okay. He’ll be a different kind of king now, with dedicated servants to see to his needs 24/7.

And although his old wooden cat house was cozy, well-maintained and lined with blankets, it wasn’t enough to keep him warm on cold winter nights. Now he’ll snooze indoors with the option to use a human pillow should he desire additional body heat.

It’s good to be Gacek.