Interview With Buddy The Cat: Who Are Your Favorite Humans?

They’re unconventional picks, to say the least.

Q: Hi, Buddy! Thanks for joining us!

Buddy: You’re very welcome.

Q: So the theme of this interview is humans, specifically humans you admire. Would we be correct in assuming your human is at the top of your list?

Buddy: You would not.

Q: Uh, okay. Why not?

Buddy: Because he’s a wimp! A pushover. Weak.

Q: Wow. Okay. So who are some humans you admire?

Buddy: Let’s see. Genghis Khan. Tony Soprano. Xerxes of Persia. Kim Jong Il was pretty cool even if his hair was not. The Tokugawa shoguns. King Joffrey’s a classic. Nero. Ivan the Terrible. Oh! Commodus from Gladiator, he’s another good one.

Q: Seriously?

Buddy: Yeah!

Buddy and the humans he admires.

Q: But why? They’re all tyrants!

Buddy: Exactly.

Q: You consider that a positive personality trait?

Buddy: I love a good tyrant. I’m an aspiring tyrant myself, you know. Some would say I’ve already achieved tyranthood, although my tyrannical activities have been small time so far. I say when it’s bed time, I demand snacks whenever I please, I’ve banned closed doors in my domicile, I collect protection treats from the other cats in the building, I’ve…

Q: That sounds a bit more than small time.

Buddy: Indeed, but I haven’t realized my plan to take over the world. World domination has always been my dream, even as a kitten.

Q: What would world domination under Emperor Buddy look like?

Buddy: Well first of all, we’d have to have the humans build a replica of the Coliseum. The cats need entertainment, and I need a place to feed my enemies to tigers. Plus we can make the humans fight each other for our amusement whilst I sit in my imperial box where beautiful women feed me candied figs and my servants fan me to keep me cool.

Q: Uh…

Buddy: And then we invade Turkey to plunder all their turkey. I’ve given a lot of thought to that, obviously. My personal guards will be an elite group of lions called the, uh, Lion Guard. They’d look all intimidating and stuff in their resplendant armor. Also, I would summon a group of the best engineers, experts in biomechanics, and luxury car designers to create vehicles for my people.

Buddy’s Lion Guards stand watch around his imperial personage.

Q: You want cars for cats?

Buddy: Exactly.

Q: But lots of people would object to sharing the road with you guys…

Buddy: They don’t have a choice, remember? I’m the emperor!

Q: Right. Well, this has been an, uh, enlightening inter…

Buddy: I say when the interview is over!

Q: Er, okay. Is there anything you wanted to add?

Buddy: During my reign, there will be mandatory nap times. Also, when I enter a room everyone must stand, not only because they should bow and say “My liege,” which sounds pretty cool, but also so I can pick the spot I want. If any human was sitting there, they will move, of course.

Q: Of course. If I may…

An Imperial Buddesian coin featuring a likeness of Imperator Buddy. This 10-can coin entitles the bearer to 10 cans of premium cat food.

Buddy: Yes?

Q: Where does your human fit into all of this?

Buddy: Which one? All the humans will be my loyal subjects when I’m emperor.

Q: You know. Your human. The one who adopted you and takes care of you, feeds you, cleans up after you, rubs your head and tells you how brave you’ve been when you get scared…

Buddy: Fake news! I don’t get scared.

Q: My apologies. Of course you don’t get scared, nothing could frighten you! So what happens to your human when you’re Emperor Buddy?

Buddy: That’s an excellent question, one I haven’t given much thought to yet. I could make him the High Warlord, grant him a dukedom, or put him in charge of the mint to oversee the handsome new coins featuring my likeness on them. But I have trouble sleeping unless I’m draped over him, and it would be a pain to train someone new to make things just the way I like them, so he can be Bates.

Q: Bates?

Bates, right, assists Lord Grantham changing into his dinner wear on Downton Abbey. Buddy envisions his human holding the position of Bates in his Buddesian Empire.

Buddy: Yeah. Like on Downton Abbey. My personal servant, separate from all the palace servants.

Q: Ah…

Buddy: I’d just feel more comfortable if he were always within three feet of me. That is non-negotiable. And with that, I now formally declare this interview concluded. If you’ll just step over there please, my Master of Great Works will take down your information so that, if the final published version of this interview is displeasing to me, we can send you to the mines along with everyone else I don’t like upon my ascension to the throne. Cheers!

Amazon Driver Accused Of Stealing Family’s Cat Now Says It’s His Cat And Always Has Been

The case of an allegedly stolen feline has taken a strange turn.

Two weeks ago we posted a story about Junie, a tabbie in Bakersfield, Calif., who was grabbed by an Amazon driver making a delivery at her family’s home.

The Ring camera video clearly shows the driver delivering a package, picking Junie up and walking off with her. In the intervening time, the family has released the video, spoken to local media, filed a report with police and implored Amazon to help them get their cat back.

Amazon shifted the blame to a local contractor that employs delivery drivers, saying the driver is actually an employee of that company despite wearing an Amazon uniform. Police say the investigation is ongoing.

But now the driver has come out publicly and said that, actually, Junie is his cat, and actually, he just happened to deliver a package to the home of the family who allegedly took her.

“I was just doing my regular route. I approached the house. I got Brenda’s package, and I took it like a normal day,” Joshua Gonzalez told KGET, the local NBC affiliate in Bakersfield.

Brenda Wilson is Junie’s caretaker who previously spoke to the same news team about the alleged theft.

The document Gonzalez produced says the feline was a stray adopted on Oct. 9 of 2025, but Gonzalez said he never got around to naming her. Referring to the cat variously as “him,” “her” and “it,” he said he was thinking of naming “him” Spartan.

“I heard a meow,” he said of the moment he delivered the package. “I recognized it was my cat because of the distinct design it had on its forehead. It has the ‘M,’ the eyes, and how the body was set. I knew it was my cat. So I just grabbed him and walked off.”

Gonzalez says he adopted the cat for his seven-year-old daughter.

Aside from the incredible coincidence of supposedly finding his cat during a random work delivery, and the odd detail about not naming a cat that he says had been in his home for at least six months — as well as his apparent uncertainty about the feline’s gender — the document Gonzalez produced does not include a photo of the animal.

Then there’s the fact that literally all domestic tabby cats have the “M” marking on their foreheads, which is the most clear sign they’re tabbies. It’s not clear if Gonzalez thinks the mark is unique, and the news team didn’t ask the obvious question.

Wilson’s been in touch with Gonzalez and his family. She says she’s had Junie for five years, says Gonzalez used to live in her neighborhood, and has gotten nowhere with attempts to get Junie back.

“We’ve had some back and forth with them and they really are saying this is their cat, and I don’t know if it’s a cover, [if] they just really wanted her, or if they really do think this is their cat,” she said. But, she noted, “it’s an easy fix,” meaning the police can quickly determine who Junie/Spartan belongs to by looking at photos, timestamps, vet and adoption records.

Junie, whom Gonzalez says might be named Spartan, is pictured here in an image provided to KGET by Gonzalez. He says the cat is in her rightful home and is happy.

Gonzalez told KGET he realizes the video of him taking the cat “looks bad,” but said neighbors should not jump to conclusions.

“I want them to know I didn’t do anything bad but get my cat back, and now it’s in its rightful home, it’s back where it belongs,” he said. “Like anybody else would do, if they lost their cat and they see it on someone else’s porch, they would do the same thing.”

A couple thoughts here: in addition to the unlikely coincidence that someone would randomly discover their missing cat this way, not bestowing a name on a pet he’s allegedly had for seven months, and the inconclusive document, the video does not show surprise on Gonzalez’s face, nor does it show any hesitation or effort on his part to look at the cat closely.

Instead, he goes immediately from scanning the package and placing it down to picking the cat up. Then just walks off. Even when he pauses momentarily, it’s to look at his phone, not the animal.

You’d think that, if he really did serendipitously discover his own missing pet, there’d be visible surprise or a reaction on his face. You’d think he’d take a long look at the cat just to make sure it really is his. You’d think he’d knock on the door or at the very least leave a note instead of just walking off with the cat. And if this really happened the way Gonzalez says it did, wouldn’t he have told his employer so there’s no misunderstanding?

None of that happened, according to the media reports, the video and Gonzalez’s own words. Of course, Gonzalez could be telling the truth. Stranger things have happened. But the burden of proof is on him here.

I have written in the past about people who aren’t sure if they’ve recovered their own cat, and while I’ve said I’d know Bud instantly — and I maintain I absolutely would, because of his behavior and demeanor as well as his appearance — I’d still be shocked at finding him that way.

If he were missing, I would be overjoyed at finding him. Thrilled. Ecstatic. I’d probably act like a complete idiot, pick him up, spin around and kiss his little forehead. And he’d definitely react, trilling out a “Servant! Where have you been?!? This period of separation has been unacceptable and intolerable! Return me immediately to my proper domicile, where I expect you will have my preferred meal and be ready to ply me with snacks and catnip in profound apology for allowing this ghastly ordeal!”

Okay, so maybe people wouldn’t understand that bit of dialog, but I sure as hell would get his meaning, and I am absolutely a thousand percent sure that’s how he’d react. We’d both be ecstatic about being reunited.

Above: One of approximately 716,253 photos of Buddy in my possession.

I’d also have a mountain of proof: literally four cell phones’ worth of camera roll photos, several hundred photos from my Canon, neuter and vaccination records, receipts from the emergency vet, Chewy records listing an obscene amount of turkey orders, poorly Photoshopped images of him committing various heroic deeds with timestamps dating back more than a decade, and an entire blog dedicated to glorifying him as a meowscular, handsome and inimitable little fellow. But that’s just me.

A spokesperson from the local sheriff’s office told KGET they’re still investigating the alleged theft. I hope that’s true, and I hope they take this seriously. Regardless of US law’s archaic view of pets as property worth a fixed, cheap value that does not take sentiment into consideration, serving the public means setting things like this right. If one party doesn’t like what the police decide, they can go to court.

But for the sake of Junie and her family, they need to get this settled, and quickly, before the feline disappears.

“The evidence is overwhelming, your honor. He even has a disturbing number of poorly Photoshopped images of his cat slaying dragons, fighting evil robot armies, landing on the moon and dunking basketballs over NBA players.”

Despite Household Ban On Teleporting, Buddy The Cat Enjoys Tormenting His Human With The Ability

“I could tell his brain was fried! LOL!” Little Buddy the Cat said of his human’s inability to reconcile the feline’s mastery over space and time.

NEW YORK — Buddy the Cat lounged on his back right in the middle of the doorway, making sure his human saw him.

“I did the ‘Meep meep, I’m just a cute kitty cat’ thing, you know?” Buddy explained. “Like I’m so innocently dumb I don’t realize it’s a terrible place to laze around.”

His human, Big Buddy, took an exaggerated stride over him, saying “Bud, you really need to stop …” then looked up.

The feline was 15 feet away and sitting on top of a table, head slightly tilted in amusement as his eyes tracked the confounded human.

“Then I watched him look down at where I was a second ago, then back up at me, and I could tell his brain was fried LOL!” the feline said.

Teleporting is technically banned in Casa de Buddy, but the feline has ignored the ban since he was a kitten. The key, he said, is to “use the ability sparingly, so you drive your human slowly insane as they begin to question reality.”

“It’s so much fun!”

Little known fact: felines have the unique ability to manipulate space-time, which they use primarily to extend their napping hours.

Although human scientists and most members of the species deny the feline ability to teleport, Buddy said it’s actually rather simple to manipulate space-time.

“I just kind of scrunch up my face, try to clear my mind of stuff I normally think about — turkey, being really handsome, turkey — and picture the spot in my head,” he explained. “Then I blink and boom! I’m in a new spot!”

His personal record, he claims, was traveling more than 700 feet when he accidentally teleported himself to the roof of a nearby building after hearing its resident female in heat.

“You know, it was such a charming sound,” Buddy recalled, “but once I teleported there, I didn’t know what to do.”

“A reader suggested it was because I didn’t have Testicles, but I didn’t have Pericles or Socrates either,” Buddy mused. “I’m not sure why I would have needed some old Greek guy. Did the ancient Greeks teleport too?”

A statue of Athenian statesman Pericles. It was suggested to Little Buddy the Cat that he didn’t know what to do when encountering a female in heat because he did not bring any ancient Greeks with him.

The tabby cat said he plans to wait a few days until his human forgets about the teleporting incident, then teleport himself into the passenger seat of the car when Big Buddy is about to drive somewhere.

“I’m thinking of saying ‘Don’t forget your seat belt, mister!’ or something simple like ‘So where are we headed, pal?”” Buddy said. “Haha, he’s gonna freak out!”

Little Buddy the Cat initiating his teleport sequence.

Newest Online Trend Has People Rage-Baiting Their Cats For Laughs

People are intentionally annoying/frustrating their cats and sharing the footage online.

It pays to make people angry.

Rage-baiting has existed as long as the internet has been a thing, but thanks to algorithmically-ruled social media, eliciting clicks through anger has become incentivized and normalized.

Monetized Facebook groups use rage-bait to drive engagement. Advertisers use it to break through the noise with carefully calibrated taunts: “Taylor Swift has an IQ of 165. Think you can beat her in this online test?” Unscrupulous online “news” platforms use it to keep readers in perpetual doomscrolling loops, which is easy to do in a politically charged environment.

But rage-baiting cats? Why would anyone do that?

Apparently some people think it’s funny, and the practice seems to have originated where all of our society’s most brilliant ideas are spawned: on TikTok, that virtual salon where towering intellects advance the causes of humanity.

Of course you can’t bait a cat with politics or culture wars, so the videos of feline rage-baiting compilations demonstrate trolling of a more physical nature: pulling tails, aggressively petting when it’s not wanted, poking cats in their tummies, picking them up and taking an agonizingly long time to place them back on the ground.

If it annoys a feline and provokes a reaction, it’s on the table.

We won’t link to cat rage-baiting videos, but suffice to say stuff like this does not benefit your relationship with your feline bud.

Rage-baiting is just another way to say they’re making their cats extremely frustrated to get a rise out of them.

When the cat reacts, that’s supposed to be the funny bit.

It’s not funny. Rage-baiting your cats, in honest terms, means doing things that make them deeply uncomfortable in their own homes where they’re supposed to feel safe. Arguably worse, the perpetrators are their humans, with whom they’re supposed to feel protected and loved.

As feline behavior consultant Julia Specht of Park Slope Paws told Upworthy, our furry friends are not in on the joke, they’re the butt of it.

“Cats can’t know what your intention is; they’re not capable of that tertiary-level thought,” Specht said. “All they know is that you’re doing something unpleasant that they don’t like.”

I’m not going for virtue signaling points when I say it’s a profound betrayal. I cannot fathom intentionally making my cat feel uncomfortable or frustrating him, let alone to do so motivated by potential attention from online strangers.

Your cat is supposed to be your pal. Your cat lives with you and loves you. Your cat is innocent. Why would anyone damage that relationship to bring a few seconds of misguided amusement to phone-addicted automatons who think messing with animals is funny?

Note To Self: Acting Like A Lunatic While Watching Sports Isn’t Good For My Cat

Cats are highly attuned to our emotions, especially when we share a strong bond with our little buddies.

I realized I needed to calm down when Bud turned and gave me a wide-eyed, uncertain stare.

It was the fourth quarter of the NBA Finals’ second game, and the San Antonio Spurs were chipping away at the New York Knicks’ lead with ample help from the referees.

The Spurs collapsed in as the Knicks’ Karl Anthony Towns (KAT, or Big Kat as he’s fondly known) drove the lane, pummeling him and grabbing at his shooting hand while the refs just watched.

It had been happening all night. Spurs star Victor Wembanyama even grabbed a much smaller Knicks player by the neck and tossed him at one point without so much as a peep from the refs.

(Above: 7’4″ Spurs center Victor Wembanyama grabs 6-foot Knicks points guard Jose Alvarado by the neck and tosses him. The refs did nothing.)

I shouted something not nice as the refs ignored the bludgeoning and the Spurs barreled down the other end for another bucket.

Then I saw Bud’s alarmed face and his uncertain crouch.

“Aw, sh–,” I said, softening my tone and doing my best to sound reassuring. “Not you, Bud. I love you, little guy.”

I held out my fingers, Bud rubbed his cheek against them happily, and we returned to watching the game as I scratched his head.

Still, it was a much-needed reminder that our little pals look to us for emotional cues, and our bad moods have a profound impact on them.

Jalen Brunson is the Knicks’ captain and point guard. Josh Hart (header image) is the team’s “Hart and soul.” Credit: Wikimedia Commons

I will never forget what my brother observed one day when Buddy was still a kitten: “You’re his whole world.”

Bud likes to pretend otherwise, of course, but the point stands. He picks up on everything, and it is deeply unfair for me to allow any outside emotions to impact him. Making sure he’s happy means everything to me.

The comedian Bill Burr has a bit about this, putting it in more crude — but much more hilarious — terms:

Happily, despite the abominable officiating, the Knicks won the game. They have now won 13 games in a row in the playoffs (!), they haven’t lost a game in six weeks, and after defeating the Spurs twice on their home court, the Knicks return to New York two wins away from being NBA champions…for the first time in 53 years.

It’s not only a big deal to me and millions of New Yorkers, it’s something I’ve wanted so badly since I was a kid watching the Knicks reach the Finals in 1994 and 1999, falling agonizingly short both times.

The Knicks came within a game of winning it all in the 1994 NBA Finals when Patrick Ewing (pictured) was the team’s leader.

Wembanyama, San Antonio’s best player, is a towering 7’4″ and doesn’t even have to jump to dunk the basketball, while the Knicks’ best player is Jalen Brunson, who at six feet tall is diminutive by NBA standards.

Wembanyama was the number one pick in his draft, already hailed as the future of the sport before he set foot on the hardwood. Brunson was the 33rd pick in the second round in his draft class, an afterthought who wasn’t predicted to be anything more than a bench player at best.

OG Anunoby, who hails from the UK, is a lockdown defender and explosive scorer. Credit: Wikimedia Commons

When the Knicks signed Brunson four years ago, the entire sports world laughed. One ESPN “expert” insisted the idiot Knicks had pinned their hopes on a “role player,” while another compared Brunson to one of the team’s all time great busts. A third declared the Knicks would never win anything with Brunson leading the team.

And yet here we are on the cusp of history. The Knicks aren’t just two games from a championship, and they haven’t merely punched their ticket to the Finals. They have absolutely obliterated every team they’ve faced, sweeping the last two series and winning by a margin of almost 24 points per game.

But it ain’t over until they win it, so I’m heartened by what the Knicks’ KAT and Mikal Bridges both said after the last two games: they’re treating each game as if they have no lead, as if they must fight tooth and nail to save their season. They are not resting on their laurels, they’re not taking anything for granted, and they refuse to underestimate their opponents.

So let’s hope they win two more and finally bring a championship home, at which time Bud and I will partay!